We always win the lottery of insert-whatever-sickness-you-can-think-of-here in the middle of what I like to call the doldrums of winter. I’m yearning for vitamin D and a fresh dose of sanity. Basically, when the zombie apocalypse hits, I’ll be the first to go. But not from whatever virus that causes it. Probably the cold bug that comes before the zombie superbug. It will put me in a bad mood, and my skillz are basically useless anyway. I’ll be totally irrelevant. People making a hideyokidshideyowives freak out runs over the canned goods section at Walmart {Because Walmart isn’t frightening enough sans run} and I would be all, We can’t board those windows. Natural light, please. Why is the internet down? I don’t eat canned beans! And then I would kill off from something embarrassing like tripping over a lego. The end.
We just recovered from a bout with the flu, and fast forward to this week: everyone in the family fell ill but me. Apparently it’s 1832 and Scarlet Fever still exists. I know it’s just a fancy way of saying we have Strep. With a rash. But I’m going with Scarlett Fever because it sounds more important and completely validates everything on my giant victim list. I diagnosed it on Google and am now going to med school if you’re wondering because I’m sure it’s that easy. (Totally justified by my newly-acquired knowledge of essential oils. I would have the coolest doctor’s office ever. Sarcasm.)
Nothing worth having comes easy
As I was scrubbing the residual effects of sickness from the walls (in a four-nights-in-a-row-sleep-deprived stupor) my eight year old decided to go for a last ditch effort to make it to the bathroom. {He didn’t realize he had a nausea bowl right beside him}. Remember, we currently have one bathroom. Which made the trip from our room, all the way across the house. Think sprinkler system affect. In slow motion. In a spiraling trail.
I was right beside that final target, and it was even in my hair in the end. I would like to say I kept my cool and was super mom who went straight to comforting my poor sick baby, and then cleaning. But by then I was delirious, so I screamed like a sixteen year old being doused in a bath of pigs blood at prom. Three days later, and I’m still finding it. Everywhere. Like icing on a pity cake, this was the final straw in a long list of seemingly small things that have now piled up. Our house is a construction zone right now because of beercanmoldpocalypse 2014. Our fridge stopped working. Our garage door is broken. The sofa is still wonky. And of all things {because every year it’s something different} there’s a finch infestation in our back yard.
Side note: Why am I taking the time to mention a finch infestation? Do finches really infest? Last year, it was wasps. Caterpillars of plague-like proportions the year before that. Then: possums. There’s always therapeutic threats of cutting down the Poltergeist tree in our back yard. I hold it solely responsible for the Swiss Family Robinson string of events. I also keep waiting for it to eat us. But I’m a hugger, so I see no chainsaws in its future.
I caught myself, in the middle of a spiraling self defeatist thought process. Suddenly, I was completely overwhelmed. Wondering why everything has to be so complicated, I was bathing in my mire of self-pity. Ready-to-throw-in-the-towel-and-sit-on-my-wonky-sofa-duff-for-a-good-week-in-my-pajamas-with-a-marathon-of-Felicity-and-cupcakes, self pity.
The whole thing… my life and my home right now… the never ending to-do lists feels like an absolute disaster. One big metaphorical pile of bird poop. Selling everything and moving to Hawaii doesn’t seem like such a bad option… and for the first time since we took our home off the market two years ago, I was seriously regretting that choice.
But then again, I’m sure they have seagull poop in paradise, too.
My point? Yes, there are bigger problems out there. (People are rolling their eyes, and I promise I have perspective.) Over the last six months, we’ve had a lot of things pile up. Many of them too personal to share here. Lots of it is just life. But sometimes it can make the little things so much more pronounced.
Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure
And when everything is piling up, it can feel like everyone else is living in a glossy magazine and we’re well… this blog. Surrounded by Prada shoes and spotless kitchens, I over share and tell stories of voms and dirty laundry. Yay.
I’m certainly not seeking a pity party. (I already threw one for myself.) I imagine I’m not really alone in this. If I feel a little defeated right now, I know other people have things that pile up. Especially in the doldrums of winter. Isn’t that some rule? And they must struggle with the same feelings in their own lives. Cue me: practically doing an awkward dance on stage in a clown costume to get your attention. I’m not the only one, right?
It can suddenly feel like you’re stumbling through a dessert. One moment you were lounging in your lush, green grass. You thought you had your direction. Now you’re tapping on a dusty compass like some nomad. Where’s my oasis? Where’s my Canaan? When is the next chapter, already?!
Sometimes things just happen. And it can seriously stink. On the flip side, I believe we can also go through series after series of overwhelming events, as a bit of a refinement in our lives by our maker. All the crazy things that happen – the ones that make us wonder if we’re losing our sanity or not, I call them life quirks. Sometimes I need a little readjusting. A nice little shift in perspective if you will. Sometimes, that’s what these are for.
It comes down to two options when dealing with all those little things: A. Eat cupcakes on the sofa. Or B. Rise to the occasion. Because it makes us stronger and refined in our walk. {For the record, I’ll take option C: rise to the occasion whilst eating cupcakes. I usually visit A, then go for B. Totally acceptable, yes?}
I think that maybe it’s time to stop waiting for it, and create my own Canaan. To read the same chapter that we seem to be “stuck” in, in a different way. Here’s a few lessons I keep learning. Over. And over. And over again.
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. – steve furtick
Love the Quirks. And thyself.
When it comes down to it, we know everyone has their own problems… even if they do go to great degrees to project a glossy magazine image. {That must be absolutely exhausting, by the way.} But even if everyone else were Stepford wives on perfectly coifed soap operas, I would much rather be… me. (Because where else would people go for a good vom story with a side of sarcasm when you’re tired of leafing through Vogue? I’m sure you can think of at least fifty more places, but stay with me.)
A friend told me the other day when I shared my frustrations with her: “Remember that God made you fearfully and wonderfully. I learned this morning that in Hebrew, fearfully is reverently and wonderfully is differently… Keep fighting the fight. Keep telling your story.”
God puts people in your life so that they can say exactly what needs to be said right in that throw-the-towel-in moment. Love the quirks in your life… The good and the bad. Love this chapter, even if you hate it. {Because trust me. Right now, I’m struggling with the hate.} It’s part of what molds you. Refines you. Makes you, you. As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t control the situation. There is absolutely nothing more I can do. But I can control how I choose to deal with it.
Embrace who you are. You have a story. A purpose. This “quirk” is a part of that. And there’s no one else like you.
The future is bright – via
Detox your Thinking.
Don’t minimalize what you’re facing. Sometimes the mire can be a good place. So if you need to, allow yourself time, and indulge in the cupcakes. All too often we try too hard to be strong, to ignore it. Sometimes, this can make us weaker if we don’t give ourselves time to be frustrated. Your feelings are always valid.
When you’re finished {because I think everyone deserves a good cupcake session every now and then} start a thinking detox to avoid the next spiral with this little reminder. It just may help you get through the season.
I watched a movie recently when a man was given a gift to travel through time. He used his gift to observe the days. He lived each one, twice.
Option one: Focus on the negative and feel overwhelmed while you go through the motions.
Option two: Revel in the good. Cherish each moment. Because there’s good there, even if you can’t see it at first.
Eventually he stopped doing both, because he learned about what truly mattered. He went for the second option, all of the time. Living each day only once.
Change your thinking to notice all the little things… because they are only there once.
Life is fleeting. A gift. Absolutely precious.
Focus on the Lemonade
I’ve already listed the negatives above. But I can flip those problems, and realize that in each one there’s a blessing. And in the ones I didn’t explain: A lesson. A refinement. Things that are happening that I don’t even understand yet. And maybe I never will.
Cultivating an attitude of gratefulness is an art we can all strive to master. A different way of looking at it all. We may stay in the desert for some time, but we can make our way of life there a lot more tolerable in the process.
My son threw up the other night, because he has a healthy immune system and it was fighting the bacteria off. We went to the doctor, because we live in a country where there are doctors, and we are blessed enough to afford it. My children are well, and the greatest stressor in my life as it pertains to their health, is currently strep. It truly breaks my heart for parents with sick children and I feel like health is something we take for granted. This was a sobering reminder.
We have bathroom drama, because we have indoor plumbing. At least it wasn’t raw sewage and duh, it’s going to be awesome fun to redo it. (Once we get past the elbow grease, of course.) These things just take time.
Our fridge is broken, but we are fortunate enough to have a backup in the garage. Full of fresh groceries. We can afford to feed our family. And even the finches: have invaded our back yard which are a great chance to educate my children since we’re learning about birds right now and I’m sure it’s good luck in some other country. Pressure washing is fun. (Roll with it.)
All these little issues that at first seemed a little inconvenient, really can floor me with their opportunity that they provide: to look at each one as a true gift. Ultimately, they mean we’re fortunate enough to experience them.
Just a little compass to help me navigate my desert. Because sometimes that’s all we can do. One adventure at a time.
Because I don’t want to miss out on the early morning excitement of rising cinnamon rolls.
Or sweet daddy/daughter moments.
The rally cries of Saturday morning pajama-clad children.
The mommy sandwiches that won’t last forever.
And just being. Because these are the things that really matter.
We’re all on our own journey. Each one comes with its own unique set of green valleys, plateaus, mountain tops and deserts.
Love the quirks. Value the opportunities they present with the unexpected gifts they can hold.
And love your life.
One adventure, one desert at a time.
Amy C says
Absolutely lovely post!
Anna @ A Good Home says
An excellent, and very well-timed, post. I’ve been feeling majorly piled on because of large wholesale order I’ve been slogging through. That, compounded exponentially by a major depression flare up, and my week has been terrible. Cue extreme misery and overwhelming feelings of I-suck-at-everything-especially-mommying. You’re so not alone. I’m feeling better today, but it really is a day to day battle sometimes.
Oh, and your finch infestation reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Parks and Recreation: “‘Aren’t raccoons supposed to be nocturnal?’ ‘Not in this town, sweetheart. In this town they’re 24/7.'” So, I suppose, at least it’s not raccoons 😉
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hang in there, Anna! Thinking of you, friend!
JT says
Thank you.
Catherine says
Thank you so much for sharing this. That quote about insecurity just shot straight to my heart. Oh, and you are absolutely right about it being scarlet fever. My son had it a few years ago and I was feeling all ‘Pride and Prejudice’ there for awhile. Ha ha.
ashley @ the handmade home says
That is so true, Catherine! I DO feel like everyone else is just all, “My perfect house” and “My perfect children.” It’s just funny how we focus on that sometimes instead of realizing it’s really just not so! ;}
Diane@InMyOwnStyle says
Hi Ashley –
Nothing beats those mommy sandwiches and daddy daughter moments. They are the best!
Thanks for featuring the light I painted over the weekend. I painted the room and Ed hooked it up. I could not be happier with how it looks.
Happy Wednesday and to more time to watch the cinnamon buns rise 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
That light is fabulous, Diane! Of course, that’s because you are. Hugs to you!!! ;}
Ashley T. says
I really needed to hear this today. We are experiencing a crazy roller coaster in our lives right now (moving, baby on the way, leaving a job to stay home, etc) and then the breaks go out in the car. And the cost of moving, and stress of trying to live on one income… but each one of those are indeed gifts that we have taken for granted. I can afford a functional vehicle and have the ability to fix it. We are buying our first house (even if it needs some updating… it’s ours!) I have a healthy pregnancy and an incredible toddler with an unmatched zeal for life. My husband is supportive and encouraging of our job/life changes. Sorry to spill so much (don’t think I have ever even commented before). However, today? Today I needed this. Thank you. I hope for a speedy recovery for all the wee ones!
Happy Wednesday.
ashley @ the handmade home says
GIRL. We were a one income family for 8+ years of marriage. BEEN there. Thank you so much for dropping by today – and it will get better! ;} Thinking of you and hugs from afar!
Brie says
Awesome Ashley!!! Yet again, just what I needed during this loooooooong winter. Thanks for making me laugh today:))
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe thank you Brie. ;} You’re not alone!
Sarah P. says
Thank you so much for this today! I’m having a rough, rough time at work, have sick kiddos myself that I’m trying to do the juggle thing to try and be with them, and am struggling with jealousy over someone else’s new home that’s making my 1920’s little house look like a shack. Especially after a long (super snowy where I am!) winter that just will not end! But, I have a job, my kiddos are otherwise healthy and well taken care of, and my house? Even if I had an opportunity to trade up, I’m not sure that I could. I love the idea of the history – thinking that once people listened to radios about world events in my living room, long before it was home to pink shopping carts and netflix! Finding the joy in these things is a challenge, but thank you for answering the call to send out some encouragement to your readers today.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I am WITH YOU on the new home thing! It can be hard. Thank you so much for stopping by today and your kind words. Hang in there!
Elizabeth says
oh my goodnes, your post is so timely. I am also getting my family over the stomach flu and hub is gone for a few weeks on work and i’m in total pity party for myself. Thank you for your words. They are inspiring in a time like this.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you Elizabeth! Eat a cupcake for me! You’ve earned it! ;}
Jeanette says
Beautifully put. Thanks.
AnnMarie says
Definitely throwing myself a pity party right now. Well, it’s more of a holy-cow-there-are-so-many-important-decisions-to-make-I’ll-just-eat-cookie-dough-and-ice-cream party, actually. But this was very timely and wise, and I appreciate the kick in the pants it gave me. And thank you for sharing your vom stories and sarcasm — it really is so refreshing that you’re not a Prada-wearing, perfectly-styled glossy magazine person. Real people are infinitely more interesting and relatable.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Can I come over and have ice-cream with you? ;} Sounds like a party for two! ;} Thank you for the sweet words, AnnMarie. This too shall pass.
Jessica says
I find your posts so therapeutic. I’m so sorry that everyone has been sick and it seems so overwhelming and thank you for sharing your family and insights with us. I really appreciate it.
Linda says
Can I confess I giggled while reading this??!! We go through many seasons! As a mom of adult children, we handle divorce, try to calm our Princess’ broken heart and bank account, our other Princess is engaged (!) , the “baby” who is 20, is doing the college/work scene, husband is scheduled for oral surgery which will take stages/months and lots of $$ – But I told my oldest Princess “We don’t have cancer and we’re not buying a casket” This, we can handle!! Hang in!!!! Life is GREAT!!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
I was hoping to cause a few giggles. ;} If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what do we have? I love that part about the casket. Soooo true.
Laura says
What a great post! And I hate vomit!!
Tania says
My soul needed this so much today. Such a good reminder on the value of gratitude and long term vision. My daily mantra is “choose joy”. Some days this is harder than others…but in the end I really believe it’s a choice. I fail at it a lot, but it’s all part of The Journey, right? 🙂
Naomi W says
Thanks for your continually honest perspective on life and the “struggles” we face. Taking them in light of all that is around us is important. Thanks for your honesty. I am going to send this to a friend of mine that needs your works as much as I do right now. May you continue to see God’s perspective rather than man’s. I loved your quotes also. Gonna need to print a few of those.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Naomi!
Cecilia says
Yes, to see the good in the bad now that’s a gift! I’m with you…eat the cupcake too! Things always look bad when we are tired and unfortunately, tired is what we are when things aren’t going well. Hang in there! Hugs
Shannon M says
What a great story!!! I needed to hear it! I loved everyone’s comments too!!! It’s so nice to know that we aren’t alone in our troubles!!! It’s just been that kind of year (and a half).. But hey, who’s counting!!! The definition of insanity… Repeating the same things over and over and expecting a different result ~Albert Einstein
ashley @ the handmade home says
I am with you, Shannon! When this year ended, I thought… SHEW it’s OVER! I secretly threw a party in my head. And then this one began. Jamin actually said “This has been our roughest start… but also our best ever.” Is that possible? Trying to keep it that way at least… in my desert. Hoping the same is for you. Hang in there, sweet friend!
Jane says
Thank you so much for sharing! It is so much easier to cope when I know that there are other moms out there dealing with stress, sick kids, and the absolutely endless, unrelenting, never ending, (and at times mind numbingly dull) necessity of cleaning up the same messes over and over again. I actually cried when I read this, and it really helped. So again, thank you.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Jane. I cried writing it. It was just as much for me. ;} I need that reminder! You’re not alone.
Marie says
Beautiful… Thank you for reminding me to be grateful, And to look at the “bad” with a little perspective.
Megan says
I am a true believer that as mother’s we set the tone for our home. I work hard at seeing the good. I have so much to be thankful for and am beyond blessed. It is a work in progress, because it is so easy to get caught up in what we don’t have and what we are missing that we can fail to see all the beauty right in front of our faces!
Kyla F says
This is probably one of my favorite posts of yours of all time. It met me right where I’m at.
“I believe we can also go through series after series of overwhelming events, as a bit of a refinement in our lives by our maker.” Amen sister friend!!
You have a way with words and a gift for sharing important truths in a beautiful way.
Thanking God for you Ashley. 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Kyla! Praying for a swift recovery for you!
Beth says
Your vom stories are my favorites and always make me feel better on a grumpy day! And thank you for the lemonade perspective. I love the saying that if you think someone else’s life is without problems then you just don’t know them very well.
Angela R says
So I just read this post because I was also dealing with the stomach bug + upper respiratory demons that tore through my house last week. I’m finally catching up on my reading yay! I know how it feels to feel like you are up to your eyeballs in crap(literally and figuratively). Sending internet hugs and good health vibes your way because Lord knows we all need them.