A sweet reader, Lauren, wrote us recently with a question:
…It has taken me nearly five years to get to the point where I’m ready to make the change. I am ready to make the transition from super dark and leather and 90’s (expensive) to light and easy. When we were first married, it was Bombay Company and matching furniture sets. We thought that was what we wanted, and spent good money on the stuff. Looking back, it wasn’t even real wood (!!!?) We still have red walls. It has limited me to the point of seriously holding back my taste-the kids are even complaining lol.
The problem is, I don’t know what to keep, what to toss, or where to even begin without feeling just awful about it. Please help me?
First of all, Lauren… you’re not alone. When we moved into our first home, everything was a fantastical builder’s beige, we thought we needed that matching dining room suite, and everyone loved all the glossy, oh so fake, dark wood furniture. Cue the expansive scrollwork. With leather accents.
It was all the rage. Just a fancy step up from the 80’s, as a matter of fact. We even invested in a couple of bachelors pad sofas so we could join the partay, and thought we had it all figured out {see below}. As it turns out, we had a lot of buyers’ regret, because we started out just doing what we thought we were supposed to do. We were affected by trends and what everyone else was doing, without taking the time to figure out what was truly us.
And when we went through a little bit of the process, figuring out what was really us, and changing our style to express who we are, we grew. We’ve found that over the years, we’ve slowly let it evolve, and we have yet to trash it all to start all over again. We’ve simply let it grow from there, just as we grew. And that tells us one thing: we’ve found what is truly us. While there is always an element of trend-effect in our homes, its good to think about what we really love, and start making choices from there.
Taking that leap, and changing your style in your home is definitely something that is a slow and steady, but a very rewarding process if you’re ready and willing to make a few changes. You’ll find that slowly but surely, your home is more you. So today, we’re breaking it down. While everyone’s situation is different, we have a few of our top five tips we’d love to tell ourselves if we were starting all over again {and knew what we know now}.
Example A: the kitchen that held us back forever because we would be breaking the rules if we painted those {fake wood} cabinets. Rules shmules. What if we never got that farmhouse kitchen we kept saying we’d have in our next house? We stopped pining away and went for it. And we have loved this kitchen. Because there may never be a next house.
1. Let go of your fear
And follow your instincts.
See all things kitchen here
It takes us all a while to get over fears, right? Following your instincts is about 10% knowing what you want, and 90% gut-filled bravery.
And that includes being willing to make your mistakes and learn from them. An education is never wasted, after all.
Time and Money. Money and time. Oh the intimidation. It’s scary y’all.
And for what it’s worth, we’ve definitely made our mistakes. It’s a part of the process.
If you’re going to take the first step, be unafraid to stick with your choices, and let go of your fears in the process. I think one of the greatest injustices we do to ourselves (in life and not just in decorating) is holding on to mistakes and rubbing them in our own faces.
If we live our life focused on what all we’ve done wrong, it’s like being permanently inhibited. We’ll never take a fresh step, or make a real change, to go anywhere. That makes us stagnant.
And stagnant, is kind of boring.
We spent a lot of time angry with ourselves in buyer’s regret, in that what-were-we-thinking, mode. It can be so frustrating. And I think that’s part of the process: You and your family are always changing and growing, and your home should be able to change and grow with you.
So, let go and take the time to figure it out. If you’ve made the decision to move forward, decide that you’ll do so without focusing on how much such and such cost, or how much time was put into this…or how frustrating it all is. In talking to people far and wide about this process, we’ve learned it’s the number one thing people are so hung up on. You learned something from it, and you did your best in that moment. End of story. It’s time to make a change without dwelling on the oh-nos and the what-ifs.
And that’s the most exciting step.
Don’t let guilt, regret or fear hold you back in your decisions. Honestly, life is too short. The best first thing you can do is stick with your instincts and let go of regrets. Time to move forward. You’re doing yourself a great disservice, otherwise.
Back to that kitchen: It took me a few months to convince Jamin that painting those cabinets would be a game changer. And once we got past our fears and just went for it, there was no turning back. Once you tackle something hard, and you get past that moment, you learn and grow… and it only gets easier.
Example B: {Letting go of regrets} The bedroom that held everything as a gargantuan catch-all because I had no idea what to do with it. Kind of embarrassing, right? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s all a part of the process.
see all things bedroom, here.
2. Have a vision for your space
Spaces are more than just about pretty things. Your home should serve you. It should function nicely. We learned this very quickly when we started to change things to work better for our children in our own home.
Spaces should work hard for their purpose. If you’ve been reading for a while, you probably know that we believe in having a vision for your home. Everything after that, should fall into place under that vision. It helps you stay focused, and realize why you prefer certain things over others.
Decide what you don’t like, what no longer fits your vision, and why. Take an inventory of your current belongings, and decide what you’re willing to work with, what could use a facelift, and what should go. Is it the style you don’t like? Is it no longer functional? Could it just use a fresh coat of paint for a new look? {Or even a good strip?} From there, you can donate or sell it with funds to go toward your new look. Sometimes, things just need to go to a better home, and that’s okay. If you’re working toward your goal {and every space is different} take some time to figure it out. It can be overwhelming, but if you stick to your vision, it can help keep you focused. And it’s worth all that energy and time. Promise.
Which brings me to…
see all things living room here
Example C: Finding your vision – You may see these before and afters, and think they look like drastic changes. And they are. But they weren’t overnight. They’re planning with small changes, mixed with happy accidents mixed with a leak that resulted in new flooring, mixed with bereaved planking mixed with 5 years.
Here’s our in between. When I was trying to figure out what the heck I wanted to do with this space.
Yay green! Yay leather! {see: pre white kitchen} There’s nothing wrong with these choices. They just weren’t us, and there was a process in getting there.
And then there was that time I shrank a brand new slipcover. Tada! Sometimes, ya gotta roll with the punches.
Oh, and that coffee table is on it’s third finish.
These photos aren’t embarrassing to me, because they’re a part of our journey. They’re a part of learning. Of being fearless. Sometimes failing… always learning.
And everyone goes through it.
3. Start small
Start with what inspires you. You’re more likely to make some progress, if you’re feeling less impeded by everything around you. When we first started to make changes, we began with our children’s spaces. It began with their bedding, which moved to the bed, which moved to the dresser, which moved to some fun hardware… and before we knew it we were in love with the space. When we were planning out their nurseries, we realized how freeing it felt with each child, to make a space, just for them.
Then we really had fun creating their big kid rooms.
The rules that we’d let hold us back for so long, no longer applied to us, because we were having fun. And then we stopped and took a step back. We we realized how fun and different their spaces were, from the rest of our home.
Why couldn’t we do this in all of our spaces? And what was holding us back?
Start with a piece of furniture you’d like to give a new look. Purge a corner and see how much better you feel when it has a new purpose. Turn that never-touched-dining space, into a space for your family the kids will love. {Who says you have to have a dining room, if it doesn’t work for you, anyway?} Work with where you would like to start, let go of the rules, and begin in an area that is manageable for you.
Keep it simple, and start small.
Example D: It’s amazing what a little paint can do.
4. Fabrics and paint {and a little elbow grease} are your best ally
You’ll be amazed at what a new pillow can do for that old rug. Or how those old cheap chairs can look so fresh if you invest a little at the local reupholsterer to give them a timeless feel. Think beyond the box store, and start with a fresh coat of paint on something and a new fabric in a tired space. Fabrics and paint are so endless with the possibilities, and that’s always a great place to start.
Some of the biggest, freshest changes come with paint and fabric. You’ll find one thing may hold you over nicely, until you’re ready to take the plunge with bigger investment pieces.
That being said, decide what you’re willing to DIY and what is worth your monetary investment. This is an entire post in itself, but decide what you want to tackle, and where your talents lie, and work from there. Maybe it’s not worth your time or sanity to learn how to sew. But maybe you have really good taste in flea market finds, and you’re a pro with paint. One of your greatest strengths with changing your styles in your home, is knowing where to hire out, and where to diy.
Play to your natural talents. There’s a great value to diving in, and being self-taught when it comes to things that are worth learning. Your home will have more of a one of a kind touch to it, if you’ve done a little of the work. We know that it all costs something. But if you have the time and desire, a little diy goes a long way. Bonus: You’ll find you’re able to afford big investment pieces a little more quickly if you put time in, with the other areas. Get over your fear and try it. You’ll never know, until you do.
Example E: The space that took nine months.
5. Take your time
This is listed as tip number five, but probably the most important tip rule of them all.
A home is never finished.
The only thing worse than buyer’s remorse, is knowing you didn’t really need to spend moolah on it in the moment. We’ve said this before and we’ll say it again: take your time to decide what you truly love, what’s worth replacing in your home, and where to make that monetary investment.
But only if you have the funds.
As much as we all love those design shows in a microwave generation, it’s just not reality. Said shows take an army of unseen people, time, and funds. And while all that is fabulously inspiring eye candy to see a flip in thirty minutes, great spaces are cultivated slowly and thoughtfully over time. Our bathroom alone took a whole nine months, with a whole lot of planning. We were living life with three kiddos, and making careful choices.
I think that’s a part of the {sometimes frustrating} beauty of it all.
It can feel like an eternity, especially if you’re a weekend warrior, but so worth the wait in the end. You may find yourself making better choices, and more thoughtful ones because of it. If we could go back, we would ask ourselves, “Where’s the fire?” Because there is no rush. And it would have saved us a lot of that {scrolly leathery piece} purchase angst, in the meantime.
Example F: Because puppies.
We hope this helps with taking a look at where to start, Lauren!
We know that each home, situation, and person is very different, so it’s quite a journey to make that transition. These are a few of our favorite, pratical rules of thumb to remember, that may help in the meantime. We hope this helps you as you begin it all!
We can’t wait to see what you do, and know it will be so worth it in the end.
So we’d love to hear from you guys – these are only a few of our favorite places to start, and know you guys have great ones: What are some of your best tips for changing your style?
Vicki says
I can’t say enough how amazing I think you guys are! Seriously you are so inspiring and make us all believe we can do what it takes to make our home really ours! I look forward to seeing your posts everyday. For the record, I am 60 yrs. old ( this year) and still changing things up as new phases of life approach. I love it and even with a limited budget, small changes make a huge impact. Thanks so much for all of your inspiration!
By the way, Those have GOT to be the cutest two puppies ever! They appear to actually like posing for pictures. They make me smile everyday.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Sweet Ms. Vicki! You always leave the kindest comments – such sweet encouragement from YOU reminds us why we do this! I love what you have to say about changing style! I think it will always evolve and grow, and I couldn’t agree more with you. So true. Those puppies DO enjoy posing ;} Jamin warned them on the car ride home on the first day about their new ‘mom’ and her camera! ;} They have been the perfect little additions for our family – we couldn’t have hoped for a better transition after a loss like Chloe. š
Brooke says
One thing I really struggle with is our kitchen and trim in the house. Our kitchen is very similar to your old kitchen but our cabinets are real wood and have some interest in them, like exposed knots. There is ZERO money available to change out the tan tile backsplash (with silver accents). I’m not afraid to paint the cabinets though. One of my issues is that white trim is all the rage. I don’t mind the wood trim in our home. It’s not too dark or outdated oak. It’s a nice medium stain. It runs throughout our 5 bedroom 3 bath home and would cost a fortune to paint and I I’m unwilling to change that. But I don’t really care for white/cream kitchen cabinets with the wood trim. It’s just not my style. My style is dead on with what you have going on. I have a velvet teal sofa and lots of flashy curated collections throughout my home (for example). So any suggestions for what to do with my kitchen cabinets? Learn to love ’em or pain them? Backsplash is same as your old, with the silver accents and counter is a lighter tan/gray flecked laminate.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I just wrote a novel in response to you and it was glitched off the screen. BOOOOO. Anyway, itās a hard call from here, since every situation is different. But I say slow and steady wins the race! If you want to paint your cabinets, and you know its the look you love, you should definitely do it. Youāll wonder what took you so long. Also, I totally get the budget thing. Maybe itās a little at a time, as you can. So maybe paint the cabinets and then wait on the backsplash. Or just do wainscoting if you need to save up some more funds for that. We simply placed it over our existing tile with trim, and it looks awesome, if we do say so ourselves. I feel like sometimes, we spend too much time worrying about the ārulesā and we need to stop and ask, who made these, where is it written and why do I care? This was supposed to be our ātemporaryā solution, and weāve loved it so much, weāve left it as is. As far as dark trim goes, have you seen our inspiration post on dark trim? { https://www.thehandmadehome.net/2011/06/theres-no-reason-to-let-dark-trim-impede-on-your-mad-decorating-prowess-skillz/ } Because I think you can rock it with the sofa, and make it work. If you decide to paint it later, then thatās all you have to do. I guess itās just a little at a time, as you can. And itās always worth it!
Brooke says
Thank you for the insight! It seems I always know exactly what I want to do when it comes to decor but the kitchen has totally thrown me for a loop! I’d love to just install a new Ikea one but it’s not going to happen since our master bathroom remodel is a high priority. I’m thinking about just painting the lower or upper cabinets and doing some brushed nickel hardware to tie in the tile accents & appliances (our cabinets have no hardware on them – which has worked out okay, our kids are older).
Here’s my sofa/wall/trim situation as it currently sits (and you can scroll down to see the kitchen uppers):
http://www.putterhome.com/2014/05/one-room-challenge-week-6.html
And to also add to the reader who wrote in, DO NOT hesitate to paint furniture. If you like the bones then paint it if you want. I did this with my husbands matching 5 pc bedroom set. I recently painted the night stands (teal!), moved the armoire to another room, changed the hardware on the dresser, and left the bed as is. It totally changed things up. So change what you like, sell the rest and use the $ to add new things.
Christie says
Your wood cabinets are gorgeous and classic, as is the wood trim! I wouldn’t paint them and would, instead, save the money to redo the tile with simple and inexpensive white subway tile with a light gray grout. Paint the walls a lighter color (so much easier than painting cabinets). Look for subway tile and wood cabinets on pinterest and you’ll see some pretty examples.
Poppy says
Oh. My. Goodness. Do you know how much I needed to hear this, Ashley. Like, for realz. I SO have those thoughts about my next home–which will be A, B, and C. I dwell on the problems that our current home has. Also, I SO torture myself with money that I’ve wasted in bad design decisions. That prevents me from doing anything. Seven years later, only two rooms (other than the kids) have I been brave enough to tackle. What a sad realization! You’re right–get on with it! Thank you for the motivation. My new blog will be a fun place to document my progress. (Picture me nervously biting my nails but smiling behind it…) Again, thank you!
ashley @ the handmade home says
YAY Poppy! Yes, it can be hard to let go of, and stop focusing on the “mistakes” but we all learn and grow from them, so it’s kind of fun to rise from the proverbial {leather scroll} ashes. ;} Can’t wait to see!
Carin says
As someone who is right in that transition period, I really needed to hear this today! Great post!
ashley @ the handmade home says
GET it, Carin! I can’t wait to see! You’ve got this! ;}
Judy says
I highly encourage painting some furniture and other items to change the feel. Yes, it is a bit of work (and I recommend chalk paint, make your own or purchased, if you don’t like the priming part or spray paint for smaller things) but can make a huge difference in a room without having to start over with new pieces. I’ve painted dressers, tables, wood trunks etc, not to mention painting picture frames, mirror frames, chairs and so on. Also consider new pillows and curtains (can use sheets, shower curtains and iron fusing, is that what it’s called?, no sewing required) to change the feel without much investment.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I couldn’t agree more, Judy! ;}
Lisa says
Spot on Ashley! Thanks for the encouragement to overcome fear & go for it! Your post was exactly what I’ve been wrestling with as well because let’s face it, changing things is: 1.) costly & 2.) it takes time. I think I’m going to to really re-think what we want to accomplish with our house & space:-). Great tips, now to apply! Thanks for the great post!
Ps. I love how you’ve made your home your own!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Lisa! Listen, I STILL sometimes struggle with these hurdles. It’s all about doing what you love, but also finding that balance. When you dive in, it gets easier. I can’t wait to see what you do! I am with you! It’s a journey, but SO worth it to have your spaces reflect you and your family! ;}
Lisa says
Wouwie! Your house is beautifull!!!
Katie says
Your home is absolutely beautiful and I love your style! Where did you get/how did you make the picture collage above your couch? Such a neat idea!
jamin says
Thank you so much Katie, you are so sweet. You can see the tutorial for that frame here. It’s super simple too!
Andrea @ MouseInMyPocket.com says
One of the most frustrating things I deal with about design in my home is that we rent and so I really can’t do many of the things I would want to make our home more “us.” Of course, my husband is perfectly happy with renter’s off white walls and not redecorating. I, on the other hand, am really looking forward to a home I can play around with. And I’m also very thankful for pinterest giving me a place to visually collect ideas I love. I go thru every once in a while and delete the things that don’t speak to me anymore, and am always amazed to discover a cohesive style I didn’t know I had.
Chelsea says
Your home is so fun and warm and welcoming. I love it. My husband and I just got married in October and we are in that stage of trying to make our house a home with our own style, but a lot of our furniture is hand me downs, and we are on a budget. But there are so many things I want to change. Our place is tiny (about 700 sq. feet) but we live across the street from the beach so we both would trade a lack of space for a fab location any day (pre-kids of course!) But I feel like it is harder to transform a small space. Because we have our bedroom/bathroom area, then a living room/dining room/kitchen area. So it is not like I have tons of rooms to be creative with, I have basically 3-4 main rooms-within-rooms. I have various projects I would like to tackle, but it is overwhelming to know where to start! Also, we totally have black leather couches that were hand me downs, they are in great shape, and super comfy, but I hate the black. Hate them!! Do you suggest trying to find new couches that we can fit in the budget, or looking for slip covers?
That was a lot of rambling…but I love your posts!
Oh and P.S. we also have a cute but naughty kitty who likes to scratch furniture, and so we are scared to buy nice stuff š
Thanks!!
Poppy says
Took your advice and used this post as motivation, Ashley! We started by replacing three light fixtures–and that got the ball rolling. I needed to read this again to be reminded that hanging onto our mistakes and wasted money is a disservice to ourselves. I posted a tidbit about it at http://www.ohsopoppy.com today. Thank you! You got this going for me and I adore you for it!