We’re home schooling again this year, but once upon a time, we sat in the carpool line. One day, we will probably sit in the carpool line, again. Because we’re parents and it’s what we do. This was circa 2013, but we’re sharing for those of you who find themselves in interesting carpool situations this year. Because I think we can all relate. ‘Tis the carpool lane season, and this one’s for you.
You’re not alone.
__________
Back to school 2013!
Toe touch/triple back handspring
So far for this year (a whopping 8-day total at the time of writing this post) we can add, yet again, to our repertoire:
A. The experience that is a screaming hysterical kindergartener. Because that’s how we roll. She hasn’t quite adjusted, and ended up in the principal’s office with us on speakerphone proclaiming she’d stayed up all night roasting marshmallows – and the cherry on top? We could hear Aiden in the background telling her to run away. Mrs. J wanted to know why she wasn’t invited. Winning. {At least our principal has a great sense of humor.}
B. A stomach virus for my second grader involving the both-ends variety, in which I am now slathering all of us in Lysol and Clorox, praying we keep it contained. The boys were wrestling only hours before, in which case I’m pretty positive they spit into each others’ mouths, and sloshed it around like a petrie dish. Also, when Jamin gets the voms, he sounds like he’s strangling a small pony, so there’s that. Fingers crossed and it’s only August! So much to look forward to.
C. Yet another near death experience in the car pick up line.
D. All of the above.
Option D it is!
This is what the carpool line after school should feel like:
Because if I had my way, I wouldn’t even drive. And we could basically change this pic of me with coffee in the car, to me with coffee getting a pedi.
This is what it is, instead:
Y’all.
I’m becoming the carpool rage mom.
I’m a born rule follower. I can’t help it. It’s in my blood. Also, the proper procedure for car pickup at my children’s school isn’t rocket science.
This is how it works.
This is how it has always worked.
I tried to get my child to come to the car early once, before I knew. Before I learned the correct carpool lane procedure. A {very scary} teacher promptly corrected me and I cowered like a fourth grader who was just caught hiding her math grades, and will now be forced to skip space camp as punishment. I was afraid.
Uh, I mean, that didn’t happen to me… I would never hide my grades. And I always did well in math. I’ll always be a little bitter about missing out on Space Camp. I could have been an astronaut.
It was so bad, that when the other moms found out what happened, and who did the scolding, I got a little bit of a pity party. We were all afraid of that teacher.
Did anyone see World War Z? Or those movies where a big catastrophe is on the way, and you can feel the insane pressure building because of the ominous background music? The main characters sit cluelessly, totally unaware that their lives are about to change in a chain of unfortunate events. A giant Sharknado chainsawmasscarefest is about to appear. The tension builds. We’re all, sitting in the car happily singing and then suddenly someone knocks off the side mirror but keeps going. Confused, we look out and there’s some crazed outbreak over who can get to the front of the line first. Someone flipped their minivan five times, there’s an airplane that just ripped through the parking lot in an emergency landing, and a shark falls from the sky. Cue the helicopters. People have rabies. They. Are. Flipping. Out.
There’s something special about the car rider line that causes people’s I.Q.’s to drop by oh, about fifty points.
They’re all, a line? NOT A LINE!? As if they’ve been brainwashed into general aversion by some psychopath mastermind, and it’s a free-for-all, hurricane/zombie apocalypse/black plague outbreak meets the Indy 500. People are screaming and running through the parking lot. Faces are melting off.
It’s pretty much like when the weatherman in Alabama predicts snow.
No one is safe. There is no milk to be found within a fifty mile radius of the grocery stores. You will starve to death if you don’t grab the last loaf of bread. Bonus points if you snatch the final Spaghettios from the hands of a screaming four year old while knocking that 90 year old woman out of the way on your way to the checkout counter. People are losing their ever loving minds, despite the fact that we will get a few flurries and then sit in our homes afraid to drive for the next three days. Someone just threw a brick into the local electronics store window. We’re lootin’ everybody up in here.
It’s coming: the ominous 3:00 PM hour in which the herd is released and we all just. May. Die.
Y’all. We do this every day. It’s really not hard.
Get in line, and wait.
Oh, and there’s always the repeat offenders.
Let’s zoom in, shall we?
This, combined with the delicate combination of being a passive aggressive people pleaser… and I’m pretty much screwed. I may as well don a blue flashing light on my car and start screaming “Citizen’s Arrest!” in my best ultra-redneck/deep south voice when people cut me off.
I get really southern when I get mad. It’s in my blood.
I guess I deserve it for not wanting to maul someone with my tank of a van in a school parking lot with fifty children watching.
My bad. I forgot we’re supposed to act like adults.
I’m pretty sure if I laid down in the wrong lane and used my body as a barricade, people would use it as a speed bump.
I’ve lost my final grain of hope for humanity.
The final straw came last Tuesday. I was waiting in line, in the predisposed orderly fashion we are to model. I’d held my spot for a solid thirty. And I was so proud of myself for getting there early. I felt like I needed a t-shirt or something to celebrate. I was contemplating starting a legit club for it all. Stay strong. Be patient. You an do this without killing someone.
It was T-minus ten. Ten whole minutes left before the children exited the building and it all began. So I cringed when Malone {three at the time} unbuckled his carseat. I couldn’t reach him from the front, so after contemplating for a few, I abandoned my remaining hopes for self-preservation, and quickly threw it into park and exited the car. I took a deep breath, and opened the back door to buckle him in.
It was a slow-motion noooooooooo fest when the line slowly crept up during my five second process. And said line crept about five whole feet. I only needed a moment to jump back in the front and throw it into drive. School wasn’t even out yet. But that was when the vehicle behind me promptly threw it into drive, revved their engine (as they nearly ran over me) and swooshed into the very narrow opening which had now formed in front. They were parked sideways. Just to butt me out.
Side. Ways. With ten minutes left. TEN.
There are some moments in my life where I wish I had laser beams that shot out of my eyes like those alien villains from the vintage 80’s Super Man movies. Or missile launchers on the front of my car. Or a giant, medieval catapult to lift and swoosh into oblivion. Or maybe even a giant container of cow poo, to dump on top of said offender.
I’ll take all of the above. This was definitely one of those moments.
Last week, Jamin witnessed someone pull past everyone in the (correct) lane (see: at least twenty cars) then back up in front of the first car waiting, just so they could go first.
Are we five?
Have we lost all sense of self-preservation, maturity, and common courtesy/sense?
Yes. Yes we have. Because I’m pretty sure some people never had it to begin with.
People are really excited. God bless ‘Murica.
Also, on the way to school: See creepsters. Is this for real?
So here’s to you, carpool rage moms. May you take a deep breath, remember that it really is just the total principle of things on which hinges your last thread of sanity a temporary line… and here’s to surviving the year. Without turning into the incredible hulk and hurling said offending car with entitled driver into a nearby lake. Because that would be fun. At least it is in my coping mechanism of a daydream. Shhhh. No judging.
Here’s to maintaining your patience, dignity, and all the fun things that come with picking up our children whilst modeling what normal, sane, healthy people do… minus the apocalypse infused catastrophes.
Happy school year!
Suzanne says
I feel your pain, just yesterday I was nearly hit by a dad on his cell phone who just pulled out in front of me without looking. I am sure I scared the kids walking into school since I did not remember that my window was down. I am a total rule followers and it makes me so made when parents don’t follow the rules. What are you teaching your kids? Why don’t the rules apply to them?
Laura says
You make me laugh a lot and also very glad that I homeschool, all at the same time! I think I might go crazy if I had to live with the daily pick-up line drama. Blessings to you this year. And we will pray that Entitled Mom gets a flat tire before she starts her zoom-to-the-front! (Not really. But a little.)
Denise says
I am also a rule follower. And I hate the pick-up lines at school. HATE!! It’s a line, every one of us is waiting in line, so relax and wait in line. It’s not rocket science people.
Laura Ingalls Gunn says
Wait, wait while I get up off the floor because I am clutching my sides so hard. I can’t quite see the keyboard because happy tears are streaming down my face.
At my sons school here in the Phoenix area there is one line you are “SUPPOSED” to follow. Unfortunately if you are jerky/sneaky enough you can cram TWO more lines of cars in. Which is done. If you have ever been in Rome during rush hours with 6 lanes converging into 1. Yep. You get the picture. Honking, screaming. Swearing. The works. Then these same (yes I will say it because I never see Dad’s) horrible mothers wonder why their children are little terrors. Children learn what they live. Period.
I gave up and either park up the street and walk or I ride my bike. I totally get with your other littles that this might not be an option. Thankfully these changes have stopped my hair from falling out.
Kate S. says
Yes! Children learn what they live.
Jen Phillips says
Bless your heart!! Tears are running down my face from laughing! Thank you for this – I thought I was the only one who felt this way about the carpool……….here’s a little gem for you – I have a high schooler, middle schooler and elementary which equals 3 car pool lines…..toe touch;)
alaina says
Well, i don’t have to worry about the carpool line (we live pudunk IL, pop. 400), BUT my husband sounds like chewbaka when he ralphs. 🙂
Kate S. says
So, this is what I have to look forward to in a couple of years? Yikes! It’s so sad the way groups of adults behave just like children. Love the brilliant and funny diagrams. I suppose this will help me practice grace on the daily. 🙂
Kristi~The Slipcover Girl says
Oh my…so true! I’m laughing hysterically…because it is ALL so true. Your post made my day. We should win some sort of an award for not jumping out and putting our hands around another soccer mom’s throat. just sayin’.
stacey says
I’m asking because I’m honestly so curious about this…..what ever happened to kiddos riding on the school bus? a bajillion years ago we all road the bus, whats changed over the last 15 years that the masses all get picked up?
ashley @ the handmade home says
I rode the school bus all the time growing up. I am terrified of the bus for my own kids – with where we live. I just am. 🙁 not safe at all.
Kim says
Here the bus is free if you live over 1 mile from school – otherwise you pay for it. My kids can walk to school, but there are days I need to pick them up for things. Or super cold days or rainy days – oh, the rainy days. Yikes.
Melissa Boyce says
Move to Pittsburgh PA, everyone, where they still bus the kids! I don’t have to drive or to or from anywhere. Thank gawd!
Sarah O. says
Depends on where you live- the bus drivers here are hit or miss. Some of them are kind older people who enjoy kids. Some of them are crazy power wielding road ragers who may or may not have had a drug problem in the past and this was one of the only gigs they could get and they are truly scary drivers. It’s hard to get enough bus drivers for our gigantic school system here, so its hard to weed out the crazies. I will be doing some serious reconnaissance before I decide whether my kids are riding the bus.
Avivi says
Long story short…my van got TOTALED as the result of two people in road rage from a school car line incident. One mom in very expensive car on cell phone in front of me refused to allow dad in big truck to merge as was the “rule” – aggressively cutting him off in the car line – so I let him merge. Then they play road rage games with their tons-of -metal vehicles upon leaving the school . Crazy mom starts driving THROUGH people’s yards with children walking everywhere trying to get in front of truck because truck dad was driving 5 mph to punish her for not letting him merge. I am trying to call police. And then they get REALLY mad driving and we all end up piled up – and my van got totaled. Craziest thing I ever saw in my life.
ashley @ the handmade home says
That’s terrible, Avivi! People are crazy. When we had our huge wreck two years ago and totaled our van, it was because some guy couldn’t wait and just pulled out. It was near the school, and I’m always on edge because I feel like everyone is on drugs. It was so frustrating, so I can’t imagine how you felt with a road rage incident … it’s so pointless!
Beja Foster says
“We’re lootin everybody up in here.” <—– This was the moment when I lost it. You wicked awesome mom! I love your creativity.
The car pool is a scary place. I still remember being hit by a lady in my middle school parking lot, and the lady looked up at me and stared me down totally ticked at me. As if my bright orange athletics uniform didn't clue her in, I was there, and I'm a rule follower, and I look both ways twice before crossing. She looked at ME like I was the stupid one. CRAZY FREAKING ENTITLED WEIRDOS.
I'm also scared of the people who get in line an hour and 15 minutes before school lets out. There are several of them. I think they're zombies because the only way you have time to do that is if you don't have a house to clean.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I just laughed so hard. Both ways twice. HAHAHA I always DO THAT! and you had me at freaking entitled weirdos. Amen. ;}
Susan says
What you didn’t realize is that mom was a brain surgeon on her way to a save a life. Because there was a patient and an entire room of medical staff all waiting on her to save that life, she really was entitled to cut in front of anyone (and everyone). Or at least that’s what I try to tell my angry self every time these things happen to me. Rule followers unite!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Yes. yes she is. I will remind myself that, later. After I slash her tires. ;} What???
Carla says
I’m so glad, I thought I was the only one. The only thing that was good about my son being able to drive to school (I miss the morning talks!!) is that I didn’t have to get in a omygoshidriveabigSUVigettocutinfrontcosimspecial school pickup line.
On my son’s first day of kindergarten, not really knowing the “rules” but wanting to abide by them, I got in the drive through line to park and walk in to pick him up. It was raining and I let my husband out at the door so I could go park. Oh my stinkin heck! The self-appointed ruler of all things elementary mom griped my husband out up one side and down the other in front of the whole pickup line for getting out of the car right there. It’s against the rules to stop and pick up a kid in the drive through line, I get that, I applaud that, I would cross-stitch that rule and hang it on my wall if I could. But we weren’t picking up, and it was our first time in the pickup line. A little compassion please? And then of course our son was in the same class as one of the evil spawns of the boss through these years, she was a room mother, and her ex was a baseball coach for a couple of seasons.
Deep breaths and valium…
Rachel says
Oh my goodness. I just had ‘Nam-like flash backs to when I nannied for a couple of kids when I was in high school, thus had carpool duty every day. 17 years old in my 1989 Honda Accord. Scared to death.
Now, our house is right down the street from the elementary school. I have for real found people using MY DRIVEWAY as their own personal parking lot so they can walk to pick up their kids or attend whatever random classroom party is happening this week.
People are INSANE.
P.S. Thanks for the laugh-til-my-belly-aches moment. 🙂
Sharon P says
Maybe you could post a sign–PARKING $5.00- !
Rachel says
Girl. I like how you think. Working the side biz!
Sharon P says
So, so funny, but absolutely true and exasperating! Glad I’m not dealing with that anymore. But, boy, would I “enjoy” (really!) being the carpool monitor!! Let me
at ’em!
Tanya says
lmao, this is fabulous! And so stinkin’ true, thank you for the BEST public service announcement ever 🙂
xo, Tanya
Molly says
amen sister. you speak the truth. at every elementary school all across our country crazy happens every day.
Sarah O. says
Word.
Angela says
I get it. It used to happen to me almost all last year, and then in an effort to simplify my life I had an epiphany about after school pick up; I parked a block away. I walked over to the school, umbrella in hand. Schmoozed with other moms and then my children and I merrily walked to the car and took off. It took no more or less time, but my sanity was saved.
This year we are homeschooling. The commute is even better.
denise says
OH that brought me back! We homeschool now and the car lines are at the top of my list of good reasons to homeschool! I saw many, many crazy things in my years in the carpool line.
My solution then was to just wait. I found that I could sit in line with everyone else, burning gasoline (aka money), and polluting the environment while silently going insane over the crazies. OR I could come a few minutes later when only a few cars were left in line and peacefully pick up my kids with almost no stress at all. And how much longer did the kids stand on the sidewalk (playing happily with their friends) while they waited on me? About 5 minutes extra. So.worth.it. 🙂
Laura says
This is how we roll. We park on the next street over and the kids leave with the walkers, who get out a few minutes earlier than the carpool kids, probably to keep from being killed in the carpool line. Either that or I go run an errand and get there as one of the last cars and don’t wait at all. Our district doesn’t provide transportation. In Alabama, city systems aren’t required to and so choose not to pay to provide it.
Sue says
So funny and I am in AWE of your computer skills, creating the maps and all. I just wrote a little rant to my daughter about some of the things I am adjusting to as a teacher who travels between schools and shares rooms and supplies, etc. I know exactly what you are saying about the lines, following the rules and WISHING to use super powers to punish people who don’t. Unbelievable that someone squeezed in front of you while in line. Unbelievable but not surprising. As I have aged, I find the best way for my own health is to try, try, try to not take it personal, keep my temper for MY OWN benefit and think calm thoughts. A nice coffee drink is a big help too.
Oh, and the snow thing? I live in Maine and the local news whip everyone up the same way and so many of the sane people are saying, “It’s Maine, we get snow, it is NOT the Apocalypse, but, that is the way things are nowadays. Too fast and too crazy-calm would be a welcome change. I believe television is a very negative influence on our culture. There’s my soapbox for another time.
Good luck, we all need it.
Karmen says
Oh. My. Word. You are so funny! And so. dead. on. Elementary school pick up is the worst! So happy I am done with that this year. When you said, “and then a shark fell from the sky” I laughed out loud. Great post!
Brittany aka Pretty Handy Girl says
ROTFL. I swear our kids must go to the same school. I was “.” That close to hitting the send button and Instagramming, tweeting, and facebooking the loser who literally pulled in front of me moments before the release bell rang even though I got there 20 minutes earlier to be out of there in time to get the kids to Tae Kwon Do. But, I realized, it might come back to haunt me, too. Thanks for the laugh!
Karah @ thespacebetweenblog says
Holy funny!! I don’t have kids but have definitely been in a carpool pick up line or two. Here’s hoping you get your taser and Xanax soon.
Lesley says
Oh my gosh I have lived the carpool lane mess for toooo many years … This was hilarious and a true rendition of every carpool across the south! Just you wait til it rains .. Then all he@& will really break loose 😉
For your sanity I hope they get a nazitype carpool patrol officer out there to replace the cone 🙂
Katie says
I love you. This is perfect, although our car line isn’t quite this bad.
Jennifer says
This made me laugh so hard. Welcome to my world! Half the time I swear you’re in Tulsa!! Our homes are pretty close to the same build too!
Happy Labor Day and may the force (of knocking out a heifer) be with you!
Charlotte says
LMBO!! This cracked me up!!! I understand completely!! It’s sad that the car pool line confuses so many people!!! Thank you for the laugh!!
Suzie says
I noticed someone mentioned a derogatory remark about people who drive big SUVs thinking they don’t have to follow the rules and also thinking they can cut the lines. And then another comment about how the nasty person was the room mom too, etc. Just to clarify, not ALL people who drive big SUVs think they are exempt from the rules, or think they are better than everyone else. And sometimes the people who volunteer to be the room mom just do it to be kind and helpful. For the record, I CAN’T STAND women who drive and talk on the phone and pretend they don’t see me and cut me off in traffic, no matter what size car they drive. Especially if I LET THEM IN! Rude is rude. The sense of self-entitlement in the world is truly rampant and will be the ruin of our nation, truly. And there will always be the bossy, controlling, kiss-ass room moms out there who think they own the school. Believe me, they make the rest of us look really bad. Maybe if everyone, in general, knew how to behave like adults and set a good example all around…in school, in public, at home, and online….the world would be a better place overall.
Kim says
And amazingly enough, these parents who act like this would rip you to pieces for doing the same then. And, hello – safety for the kids, please?! Do NOT get me started on pick-up lines. Luckily our school has 2 lines – one in front of the building with the parking lot and one behind the building, which is just a side street. It should be easier back there – but not usually. And if it rains or snows? Oh my good heavens it’s nasty.
ashley @ the handmade home says
My main concern, by far, is for the safety of the students. Children get hit in car pick up lines pretty often, I believe. It’s dangerous. If people could just be a bit more courteous, it would make a world of difference.
Kim says
Oh I definitely didn’t mean you – it’s those crazies out there! And as soon as I hit send on this reply, I’m off to pick up my daughter in the dreaded pickup line (early out for excessive heat and no air conditioning!). Pray for me. 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Haha no – I was totally agreeing with you! 😉
Lyd says
Lol,I Cant Not deal with school car lines! I have to park a bit aways and pick up my kids by foot-people be crazy.
Jayne says
I’m so sorry about the school car line fiasco! I remember those days… And sadly this is no different than how people are driving on the road 🙁 My sons are all in college now and driving themselves and I always tell them to drive the speed limit, for the love of God stay off their cell phones and stay really far away from other drivers!
Kim @ Sand & Sisal says
I am laughing so hard I’m crying! I have so, so, so been there. I haTE the dreaded carpool lane and finally after 10 years of battling it, gave up. I am now ALWAYS LAST or 2nd to LAST in line. Yes my kiddos have to sit and socalize with there friends for a bit longer than I like, but at least I didn’t feel the overwhelming temptation to cuss out the clueless moms in front of me. What really gets me is when the teachers decide to have a slow talkin’ teacher/parent conference in the carpool lane! Ugh no! Shut up and drive people! …. ok I’m getting anxious just talking about this. Relax at home and be last in line. 😉 (self preservation)
Nicole S says
Thank you! This is so real, and I am in hysterics.
Jonna says
You are TOO funny. I know exactly how you feel. I have been in this situation way too many times for me to count (three kids ages 22-15-thats a lot of school pickups). What is it about school carpool lanes and parking lots and people? The best is when someone flies out of line or bypasses it completely to pull in ahead when there are CHILDREN walking to the cars! Really? I am a rule follower, always have been, and I am a carpool rage mom too. Im ok with it.
Hillary @ the friendly home says
I am so clueless; I had no idea this goes on. You see, I walk my kids to and from school every day so thankfully I am thankfully oblivious to this whole
situation. Usually, around pickup time, I’m running to the school garden thinking there’s no way I’ll have time to water as much as the garden needs water before my kids come out. And then I see all these parents sitting in their cars and I wonder why they don’t get their butts out of their cars and go down to the garden to water while they are waiting for their kids. But now I can see why. They might lose their precious places in line! It’s also clear now. Yes, I guess we all have our issues. 🙂
Laura Jones says
I’m pretty sure one day when Taylor Swift becomes a mom she will write songs about these car pool crazies
tj says
I have three students to pick up in car line. Our elementary school has over 1200 students. They release at 3:00, all the students are out by 3:20.
Security signs we put on our dash let them know who we are picking up.
There are six cones. Someone walks down the line of cars and walkie-talkies the kids’ names and which cone to go to. As we inch forward, the kids come out, the teachers double-check the sign and off we go. The system eliminates the ability to cut in line because you can’t get your kid unless you are in line with the sign at the curb. Inside the school, the kids are waiting quietly to hear their name called and are divided between single car riders and family car riders…that way you get all your kids at the same time.
I’d say your school needs to improve their system. It can be done.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Our school is working very hard at their system, and I can assure you they’re doing a great job. This post was about the entitled parents out there, especially the ones where we live.
Amy says
My sistah. You have spoken the truth. My fave is the mom who parks sideways in front of me after I re-restrained my child and then threw it in PARK and RAN INTO THE OFFICE real quick, cuz I don’t mind, right?
kat says
I love this. I have to say, it must be the same everywhere. There are the moms who get there 30 mins early to be first. Let me tell you, I’m not wasting those 30 mins. That, and I have a two year old who would let loose if I made him sit for 30 mins to wait for his brother and sisters.
I have learned a great trick. School lets out at 2:55. I leave my house at 3:05. I roll into the pick up line at 3:10, and there is no wait. My kids say things like, “why are you always last?” “We waited forever!”
And I say, “did you see that line! It was so long!” or “I’m just not as good of a mother as they are.”
It works for us. No road rage when you roll in at the end! Just me and all the other slackers…
🙂
great post.
Melanie says
This is sooo what I do!
Carla Billings says
I’m in charge of the morning & afternoon carpool lines at my elementary school & I absolutely LOVE this. It is so very REAL. I see on a daily basis the “entitled” drivers & those who just let it ride. I laughed til I cried & after I dried my eyes so I could see again, I cried again. My co- worker (who shares carpool duty with me) shared this with me. I think we’d like to send it home to every parent at the beginning of each new year. 🙂
GumTreeGirl says
There was a mom two cars in front of me who decided (for no aparent reason) to back her car up. The mom in front of me franticly honked her horn but to no avail. The first mom was to busy chatting it up on her cell phone to notice. The first mom smashed into the second so the second mom got out of her car and let the first mom have it, telling her to get off her phone and some other things the first mom needed to hear. What if there had been a kid running between them to get in the car!
Fellowcarpooler says
So you know what really, REALLY sucks? Having a child with special needs. Because the school has different rules for families like mine. Only they don’t bother telling the rest of you what those rules are. In my school situation, I am required to bypass the regular line sort of like your diagram to get to a side door that is sort of beyond the front of the regular drop off/pick up point. This goes over REALLY WELL with all of the other parents, who are complete jerks. I am required to go over a cone to do this.
Did I make nice suggestions for them to change this? Yes. Did they listen to me? No. Because they’ve been treating families like mine like crap for ten years and have “always done it this way”. Gee, it’s not enough that many random people are total jerks about my child freaking out sometimes (when we even go out in public), that we don’t get invited/tolerated much at social occasions like class parties or birthday parties, that my child misses out on everything that my other kids got to do, and that I am required to go to many ARD meetings every year (which are a total pain). But I have to piss off fellow parents.
Back to school shopping means that I’m trying to figure out how to pay for pullups for a 6 year old that our insurance doesn’t cover (taller sizes that stores don’t carry), clothes that are easy on easy off for potty training, worrying because the playground has no damn fence and my kid could very well take off if the teacher isn’t keeping a close eye…
Oh, and if the special ed bus does drop off and pick up at my house, I get to hear all of the questions, comments, and complaints from neighbors.
Count your blessings, girls. For the love of Pete I wish that someone would cut me some slack. I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours a night in the last 4 years and I’ve got no patience left for parents who won’t give some grace because I’m trying to get to my kid.
Point is, sometimes you don’t know the whole story.
Laura says
hahahaha! Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way and that this happens at other schools, too. I used to get really angry, but I’m trying to just laugh about it this year.
No name so I don't get in trouble... says
I am a teacher and I feel your pain…we see it all.the.time. One morning, I was driving to school and a CRAZY mom wanted to get around me so she drove on the curb, through the crosswalk (narrowly missing 2 children), and sped around the back to drop her kid off. When I walked into the school, I snapped a pikkie of her license plate to report her and she saw me. She then sped around to the parking lot, got out and chased me into the building! Thankfully, I went in the side doors and was able to lock her out before she reached me. Oh, and then I had to teach the rest of the day with my heart racing and hands shaking like a chihuahua in winter. The sad realization is, as a teacher, we still have to see these people again and again. When we called the cops on her, they could do nothing because a school is a ‘private parking lot’. What the eff? And later in the year, she got to go with us on our field trip because ‘we can’t discriminate’ against lunatics. Yay for psycho parents that get to keep being psychos!!!
Trust me, we teachers would do more if we could. I pinky promise.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Bwahahahahahahaha! I know you would. I have nothing but respect for all teachers. You’re all amazing! Thank you for all that you do.!
Sarah O. says
Omy lord, yes. I don’t get it. I used to be a teacher with the dreaded pick up line afternoon duty. I had to be harder on the parents than the kids! It was crazy. Everyone thinks they are the exception. The only thing I’m happy about is that I was afraid all the idiots lived here in Albuqueruque. Nope! They’re all over. Thanks for the reassurance 🙂 and good luck with the pick up line. Maybe you could park a couple of blocks away and the kids could walk to the car? Probably less complicated for them to walk out with the walking kids than you to get the car close to the school. Just a thought!
Sarah
JennyBC says
yeah to rule followers!!! I am so with you. While I died laughing reading your post, I also cringed more and more as I could guess what the non-rule followers were about to do. Makes. me. crazy. I feel your pain. Anytime I have to go to school to pick up my boy I think I might cry as the entitled charge ahead. Goodness, just play by the rules, get off the phone and stop the madness. Rant ended.
Sheila Earhart says
My kids are grown (heck, you’re probably their age)… but I REMEMBER! My kids still remind me of the time I accidentally (seriously, I’m definitely not the entitled type) jumped line by about 45 minutes during high school registration in the gym). I bet people couldda killed me. My sons were mortified. They didnt even tell me until we were leaving the school property. OMigosh! What proof do I have that I’m really not that type? I offer exhibit #1: pulled up to a yard sale & made said sons vome with me, because it looked like the had a load of good stuff, & I figured I’d need their help hefting the booty. I led the way, opened the gate & held it open for the boys. They both stopped dead in their tracks. One took off for the car & the other said “Um, Mom, I think we’re at someone’s BBQ.” Yep! Family Reunion in progress. 🙁 My case closed? Thank-you, my Dear.
THANK YOU FOR the hysterical post! Your graphics were perfect & made me laugh out loud. 🙂
THANK YOU for the hysterical post! Your graphics made me laughiut loud!”
Courtney Walsh says
Oh. My. Hairy. Heck.
Ok. 1. I am flat on my back nursing a slipped/bulging (whatever you call it) disc so laughter is seriously NOT good for me right now.
2. I cannot stop laughing.
3. Because I COULD’VE WRITTEN THIS MYSELF. I am dying over here, and yet thankful I’m not the only one who feels this way because I am also a total rule follower and NOTHING irritates me more than entitled moms who don’t follow proper carpool protocol!!! It’s not that hard, people! Thank you for the fun little diagrams to explain my frustration. I think I might anonymously pin them up around the school.
Because 4. I’m also feeling a bit passive aggressive about the whole thing. lol
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA! Feel better soon! That doesn’t sound fun at all! 🙁
Jen says
Oh my gosh, YES! I was laughing my head off at how universal this is. I just can’t figure out why some people think they and their agendas are so much more important than the rest of us. Now, how to sneak this post onto the school website…
Carrie says
You are so my long lost twin. Rule follower + passive aggressive personality = totally awesome post. 😉 School starts in 6 days, can’t wait for the carpool line! {ugh…}
Melanie says
This had me crackin’ up! I just started carpool this year with my son in Kindergarten. Thankfully everyone at his school knows how to behave. But I just hate waiting in line, so I have started going toward the end of the pick up time. It means a difference of waiting 35 minutes if I try to get there early and pick him up first vs a 2-3 minute wait and just picking him up at the end. Hope it gets better!
Anita Thebo says
I can so relate – only my road rage is the drive-thru at Chick-Fil-A, and I won’t say which one. I scream at people constantly when they pull into the drive-thru lane without giving the car that is at the window space to pull out. Just HOW do they think anyone will be able to move if their big fat vehicle is in the way????? Can’t you just see my road rage building in my writing????????? Yep, drives me N-U-T-S! Sorry, I am way past the age of pick-up lines for kids as mine are both in college – ahem, at Auburn –WAR EAGLE! And don’t get me started on game day madness on The Plains. Yeah, I rant and rave over there too.
danielle says
Thank you for making me feel SO MUCH BETTER. I thought I was the only Enraged Mom at Pick Up time. I try to make excuses why it’s such a giant CLUSTER at pick up time, and I try to tell myself that it’s getting better. I also decided for my sanity, I refuse to arrive at the school BEFORE actual dismissal (I live 6 minutes away and try to arrive accordingly) so that the line is at least moving and I don’t feel like I’m going to get into a head on collision EVERY SINGLE DAY. I’m a rule follower. I like being early. I don’t want to give my pre schooler a complex about being the last kid picked up every day, but I just cannot wait in that line. He’ll just have to deal with it.
Heather D says
People are idiots! Everyone is in such a hurry to get everywhere, thinking they deserve to go first. No one wants to just be patient and follow the rules. Duh, people.
Melissa D says
Hilarious and blood-boiling, the best sort of blog post!
We have the opposite problem at our Christian school, where I look down to clean my car floor for a minute and look up to find the line waaaay ahead of me but everyone is so nice that they are not honking or anything as they form a crocodile behind my stopped car.
So nice I’m actually a little freaked out by it.
Karin K says
Great post! I read back through the older comments, and it just reinforces my desire to write a book about horrifying human behavior, all based on interviews with teachers. I can’t even imagine all the crap they’ve seen and heard. I was in a carpool line when my son was in the “primary” school (K – 2), and when I was next in line for drop-off (teachers had to come open the door and escort your child out), I realized the car in front of me wasn’t moving along. I looked up and saw that the entitled mommie had exited the car to chase her precious offspring all the way INTO the school so she could take another sip of her juice box. Now my oldest is in high school, which happens to be next door to the “primary”. Every morning so far this year, I’ve had to slam on my brakes while driving by because the entitled mommies just turn right in front of me into the lot, as if they have the right of way. Amazing.
Kari says
AMEN! My husband laughs every time that I bring up the Carpool line drama, but it is so irritating! Are people truly this clueless? Are the nanny’s or sitters really not informed of how this procedure works? Ugh!
Kari
Sophie says
You’ll be relieved to learn we almost have the same issues in France! So I prefer walking the last 100 m rather than trying to park the car in the one way street next to the school…. Wouldn’t it be possible to park at a 5 or 7 mn walk from your school?
ashley @ the handmade home says
Ha! Such a relief! We actually don’t attend there anymore, but no… That was not allowed! I got into big trouble for trying it! :/