I’m a klutz at heart. Truly. I really am.
I mean, I’ve tried all my life not to be. I’ve just always been a bit awkward at the core. And I’ve always known it, really. It’s been a running joke in my family for years, but I tried to deny it.
Like the time in high school where I did the whole track thing. Some people are meant to be athletic by running, and that’s it. That’s as far as my abilities go. But I decided to complicate things by taking up the whole hurdles thing. In retrospect, I had some overconfidence in those abilities. I was an awkward ostrich who just kept getting tangled up, and falling flat on my face. Legs askew. Baffled expression. It was painful to watch. So much secondhand embarrassment for my past self.
See yoga photo with daughter here for visual reference because this is a yoga story. Kind of. {Also see: I have no photos of the actual story I’m about to tell. Praise Jehosephat}
Or the time I decided to walk to class in college, and fell flat on my face out of nowhere. I threw my books into the air and twisted my ankle all in the name of great fashion and some excellent JCrew Clogs that I just had to wear. It was like a bad stunt double out of a cheesy summer romance movie. Except in this version, everyone side eyed me and kept walking, and there was no hot guy to pick up the books and sweep me off my feet.
It went a little like this: {refresh if it’s not loading}
No worries, awkward college-aged Ashley. That comes later.
Or the time this last winter where as a full grown freaking woman, I took a tumble down the stairs, and thought that my spine was spurting out of my back like something from alien while my children screamed in sheer terror and readied themselves to call 911. So much fun.
I’ve been in denial for a while, thinking that I was just prone to accidents in an unfortunate line up of life. After this incident I’ve decided it’s time I accept my fate. Embrace it whole heartedly and just get through the rest of my life trying not to die by stepping on a lego or choking on peanut butter whilst tripping over our dogs or all of the above at once.
It will be a freak accident that takes me out. And by freak accident I mean my limited physical abilities. Because I am a total klutz.
I was at Buti yoga, my favorite class on a Wednesday night. I know. I promise I’m not totally turning into one of those people… my friends and family may tell you otherwise. But I started taking up Barre Classes last January when Jamin unexpectedly gifted it to me at Christmas. At first I was all, dude, thank you so much but a. what are you trying to tell me and b. what makes you think I’ll be good at this? I was picturing a room full of graceful ballerinas, all dressed in black, scowling at me while I tried to hike my leg over the barre, and then awkwardly falling to the ground.
::shuffles sideways out of the room, stage left::
If you aren’t familiar with Barre, it’s the whole concept of a ballerina’s workout. As it turns out, there are no stereotypical/scornful ballerinas a-la Black Swan. They offer a wide array of classes, and I’ve actually fallen in love with something that’s healthy. I have old lady goals of being an instructor with awesome bauble earrings and a taught bootay when I retire one day.
Stay with me, as it will be glorious.
So when I first started, I was like this big awkward poser {do people still use that word?} in my yoga pants and little bun, not sure what to think. But as it turns out, I’ve kind of found my thing. Like, hey I can touch my toes and I’ve never been able to do that.
Go me. Life is hard.
So there I was, in Buti Yoga. Doing my thing. Following all the poses, dancing to the music and getting my malasena sweat on… {I totally had to google that word}
When it happened.
I think that when we start to fall, we’d like to believe that we can catch ourselves. That we can prevent the actual act of falling, from happening. That we have a warning and some sense of control over the situation and we will at least stumble a little and then regain our composure. Shake it off. Move on. No one saw that. The end.
Nope.
Because somewhere, in between full on warrior 3 pose and half moon, it came out of nowhere. The sensation of falling, that is.
Ashley took another tumble.
This time, there was no stopping the momentum, and I literally flew across the floor. Straight to the mirror. Almost as if someone had pushed me from behind. Flipped my rear end into the air, so that I went sprawling.
With so much momentum, I might add, that I slid.
I’ve decided my guardian angel must be mad at me. And in retrospect, I can be grateful for two things…
That I did not, in fact, crash into the actual mirror.
And that there was not another yogi bud right beside me.
Because I probably would have been all SWEEP THE LEG and taken someone else out with me. Which would have only complicated my humiliation and subsequent guilt in a sheer pile-on of dumpster fire awkward. Yes, Dumpster Fire is my new phrase, and I keep saying it like I’m young enough to use it.
Also, let it be known that directly in my falling path, all the exercise balls had been stacked.
And I literally dove, head first, into them.
I actually bounced back a little, before they all started to fall.
This means that while I caught myself on the actual ballerina barre, stopping myself from crashing like an idiot, head-first into the full length mirror, the exercise balls were knocked off the wall, scattering into the class and across the room.
You know, just in case you didn’t see me actually tumble. This pretty much ensured that everyone was now looking, wondering where the bouncy balls were coming from, and then wondering why I was splayed on the floor, laughing and wincing like an idiot.
I’m fine. No worries. I just sopped the remains of my ego off the floor and went right back {ever so hesitantly} into a very submissive downward facing dog.
Yay.
After class I was sure to point it out and give everyone permission to laugh. Because everyone was too nice to bring it up, but I was faced with the awkward, pretend-it-didn’t-happen, or totally own it and laugh it off option. I went with the latter. Because owning it is the best you can do when you have no sense of self preservation left in you for the day.
SIGH.
I love being humbled on a regular basis. I’m sure there’s a clever metaphor we could put here.
I just can’t seem to think of one.
So, if you ever have a bad day, just remember that last week, I took a head first tumble into a ballerina mirror, at the front of an entire class, causing a chain reaction avalanche of exercise balls to fall everywhere. And people were looking but pretending not to see because they were way too nice.
Life. It has a way of flipping you on your rear and sending you sprawling… but sometimes you just have to get back on the yoga mat.
Mic drop. {I found my extensive, oddly placed metaphor, and placed it here.}
Have an inspired, accident-free kinda day!
Susan says
Oh Ashley, you tell a story so good. I always look forward to laughing with you!
Alexis says
This. This was a true gift today. Thank you for the amazing story, you’re hilarious!
Courtney says
I’m sitting at my daughter’s piano lesson laughing out loud at your story. Thanks for sharing. Way to be humble!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA so glad I could make someone smile. I actually fell AGAIN today. I’m going to the doctor to have my head checked 😀 🙁
Bobbie says
I’m glad you’re okay and have a funny story to tell from it. I do have one cautionary yoga tale though that I didn’t know until it happened to me, even though I am an ardent practitioner. Be careful with arm balances please. The wrist are not designed to hold our body weight – that’s why we have feet (quoting my wrist surgeon). I ended up with wrist surgery caused by arm balances – crane, crow, firefly, handstand. I had no idea that there were any risks at all with arm balances, but there certainly are. Just be cautious.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hey – Thank you so much for the heads up. I will keep an eye on that. I am working toward side crow but I’ll make sure I am careful – aint nobody got time for injuries!- I’m so sorry you were hurt!
Joy Shanor says
OMG I can so relate! I fall for no reason ALL. THE. TIME! I trip over nothing. I fall UP the stairs! How is that even possible?!? I run into walls and desks (always right on the corner). Last weekend I hit my knee with the door of my husband’s truck not once but TWICE in one day!! (I have the bruises to show for it) I’m just happy to know I’m not alone in my clumsiness!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HA! So glad I’m not alone. It just keeps happening 😀
ROSE LEFEBVRE says
Ah yes, know that klutzy moment too well! I have not tried yoga in years tho do continue to meditate. I am in water aerobics currently working on building strength in my legs, trying to get rid of saggy upper arms (a hopeful possibility!), and tighten more of the midriff. At 65 I can only do so much!!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Get it, girl! ;}
Lauren says
Great story, thank you for sharing. It made me laugh out loud and think of my own clumsiness. Just remember, you’re not defined by this.
I was a freshman in college waiting for my Science Lab instructor to take each one of our pictures for ID’s the first day of school. My turn came and I stepped up for my picture, backpack on, ready to leave straight after. But I was standing too close to the camera apparently and needed to back up… straight into the emergency eyewash station you find in most science labs. Somehow. And this is a mystery to me. My backpack got hooked on the lever to release water and that dang think started gushing GALLONS of water per second. It was horrifying. The other kids stared while the instructor ran for a janitor.
I still cringe when I think about it. But that is not who I am, it’s just something that makes up the fabric of my life. Just like yours. And I love that you take classes with your daughter. Athleta would be proud of you two.
Bonnie says
Ashleigh, that sounds embarrassing but ‘m glad you’re ok.
Tamara K Lang says
I got brave and attempted headstand in yoga class a few weeks ago. Before this, I always was against the wall/bed/something. I managed to get my legs up for a millisecond, and then rolled on over. Luckily, I’ve had lots of practice at falling and ended up with a pretty graceful tuck and roll type fall. But class is on the second floor of a very old house, and my tuck and roll was loud. I startled everyone, including the instructor that blinked at the precise moment I fell. I sat up with a ” I’m fine!” and she looked like a ghost had taken over her body. Luckily we all laughed.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Haha! This is amazing! Props to you for graceful falls and awesome on the handstands!