My back.
What an opener, right?
::Cue an image of me, grasping at it and bending over like an old lady, here.:: Does that help? It’s something that has been bothering me for quite some time. But last week, when I felt something pop in my lower lumbar area during Barre class, and hobbled out of the building for the quadrillionth time, I knew it was time to give in and see a chiropractor. Before things get any worse.
Let’s establish this: I’ve always had terrible posture. TERRIBLE. My parents to this day want to place me, their grown daughter, in a back brace. I’ve been doing Yoga/Barre/Bootcamp/Buti/Tabata classes for almost two years now. And I’m not saying that in a look-at-me-aren’t-I-special-way, but more of a pat-me-on-the-head-because-I-actually-stuck-with-this-for-so-long, and haven’t died because it’s the best therapy, way. So the whole back pain thing, it has been more pronounced over the last two years.
You know things are bad when you move from space to space in your house, with a heating pad.
{See cleverly placed attempts at yoga poses, here, since they kind of go with the story. For what it’s worth, my ten year old is always one-upping me. Sometimes we do interpretive dance in the yard. JK. Maybe.}
You always hear horror stories about how things get worse, in the form of a slipped disk or something else that just sounds preposterously awful in the land of backs. And some people swear by their chiropractor. I’ve been in the grin-and-bear-it camp for some time, so after recommendation of recommendation a-la a chiropractor right across the street from our neighborhood, I decided to get off of my heating pad, and give him a call.
The nicest person ever, he set me up with a standard X-Ray of my lower back {lumbar area} and neck so that he could see what’s really going on, before my actual appointment.
It was a Thursday afternoon when I called in to the radiology place, to schedule an X-Ray. And while I’d like to blame the following occurrences on lack of coffee, I think we all know deep down, that this is just another day in the life of Ashley Mills.
Thanks for forcing me to keep it real, universe.
See me: Hesitant to make an appointment at all because aintnobodygottimeforthat.
Also see: Visions of radio nuclear thermo {other scientific words here} exposure while waiting FOREVER in the waiting room.
Result: I put the phone call off for like, two hours, using the fact that they were probably all out for lunch break as an excuse.
Then also also me: Visions of slipped disk circa 2019 if I don’t get this thing scheduled. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be a slipped disk but that’s one of the scariest back things I can think of… so, there’s that. {For what it’s worth, there’s a reason I’m nowhere near what one would call a “health professional”. I know nothing, and I like it that way.}
Me: Dialing number
Office person: Hello, {imaging center title and other things slightly mumbled into the phone, here}
Me: Hi! I’ve been referred by my chiropractor to you guys, and I would like to make an appointment for an X-Rray?
Office person: {We’ll call her “Matilda” to make this easier on my amazing typing skillzzzz} Okay, and who is your Dr?
Me: blah blah blah
Matilda: blah blah blah blah
And here’s where it gets tricky, because I have to read this intake/referral/whatever it’s called form, and scribbles and numbers are apparently difficult. Because I went into this weird form of anxiety girl when I was trying to answer all her questions. I don’t know if it’s the idea of something outside my comfort zone, or trying to read my doctor’s notes that threw me off, but this is what happened:
Matilda: So you’re coming in for a cervix scan – can you tell me what the form says about how may views?
Me: Cervix?
Pause. Again, not a doctor. I’m accustomed to seeing my general doc for my physical because I like to know what I’m not dying every year, and my GYN, {Totes dropped the OB because no more babies. You can stop reading now if you were waiting for us to pop out another. Three and done, suckas!} so naturally, my mind was kind of stuck on the word CERVIX.
I’m still a little confused about where it all went wrong. But for the record, when I’m at the GYN for my checkups, they also refer to it as a cervix in the reproductive area. AMIRITE? What are the rules?!
Clearly, I wasn’t so good at anatomy.
Help. Panic rises a little because anxiety and because confusion.
I wish I had a drawing to show you how I’m not crazy. But pause again, because here we go:
I have a rough drawing I did with my mad drawing skillz so you can now SEE where I was confused.
I’d show you a professional one but copyright laws, and so I’d much rather make a small scribble that kind of looks like a face because that’s much more fun.
Because I call a neck a neck, and a cervix a CERVIX. So in retrospect, I wasn’t all that far off.
Matilda: {no help whatsoever because she has no idea why I’m confused} – Yes, Cervix.
Me: Um, I don’t need a cervix scan. Just my neck.
Matilda: Yes, your cervix.
Me: No, my neck.
Did they get confused? Did they misunderstand why I’m coming in? I just need my neck checked out. Thanks.
Matilda: Yes, your Cervix.
Me: {starting to feel like one of those creepy repetitive baby dolls with pull strings behind their back} No, my neck.
Matilda: {takes a deep breath, because I’m sure she deals with morons like this all the time} Yes. Your cervix is your neck.
Me: Immediately laughing like an awkward teenager, and slightly relieved. Oh! Sorry. You said cervix and my mind just went to babies.
Matilda: No. That would be your cervix.
{Not laughing. Because at this point, she’s totally over me. And at this point, I’m still horribly confused. Also, good thing Matilda’s not a doctor because she’s now missing her bedside manners, and I’m sure, thinking she’s not paid enough to deal with morons like me, so touché, Matilda.}
Me: Wanting to scream internally: BUT ALSO a CERVIX is a CERVIX and you should have SPECIFIED. Then also resisting the urge to explain that I just make things pretty for a living and the word cervix is actually kinda gross. {The fact that I just showed you two scribbly face-like child drawings of them above is totally beside the point. It’s been a while since I opened up my 11th grade science book, people.}
As soon as we finished the last necessary details, the call was ended, and she promptly turned to her colleagues and told the story. All whilst flagging my file as a crazy person. I know they totally do that in Dr’s offices to warn people.
I would.
After the fact, I felt comfy enough to tell the kind X-Ray doctor technician person lady the story. She laughed and said that phrase would NOT, in fact, be correct. It’s a cervical spine. And a cervix is a cervix.
Maybe Matilda was confused. Take that, Matilda.
I’m still confused.
And that, my friends, is a day in the life of me.
You can find me here in the meantime, hobbling around with my heating pad and googling spinal cord parts until I get my Chiro fix.
Wish me luck!
kari says
I hate giving advice about these types of things because what do I know about your personal situation/pain? But, here I go anyway 🙂 Consider reading Dr. Sarno’s book Healing Back Pain, the Mind Body Connection. It is a quick read and it has been life changing for me and many others. Amazingly, most back pain is not caused by structural problems but by our sub-conscious causing pain in your body to deflect the mind thinking about things the sub-conscious wants to keep hidden.
I had horrible, hobbling hip pain for years and spent $1000s on doctors, cortisone shots, chiropractors, PRP shots. Reading this book made me realize my lack of control over my dad’s terminal illness caused it and the pain lessened. It disappeared as soon as he passed away and hasn’t hurt once in the 5 years since. The mind does crazy things!
Worth a shot (not-literally), right?
ashley @ the handmade home says
Interesting, thank you for recommending that, Kari. I went to the chiro yesterday and I have to say it was kind of amazing. But the older I get, the more open I am to things that I just don’t think are discussed that much, because we don’t know much about it. I’m sorry about your dad. I definitely think that we carry stress in our bodies. The last three years were incredibly stressful for us, and it was a huge jump for our family. That’s when my back really started acting up, and I think I took a lot of that on myself. I’ll definitely check this out. ;}
Anna says
This is so funny! I would have been completely confused too. I think Matilda was wrong. There’s something about phone calls like that, they really are kind of confusing 😂 thanks for always keeping it real. I nearly fell over when I saw your drawing. Hilarious! Hope your back feels better.
MC says
Hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
Meredith says
This is something that would happen to me. 😂 Thanks for the laugh this morning.
Regi says
OMG….too funny! I would have been confused as well. Actually, I think Matilda is the confused one, because even though I’m not a doctor I think the neck is the CERVICAL spine, not cervix. But again, not a doctor. Ha ha!
ashley @ the handmade home says
RIGHT?! I for real googled all the things to make sure I’m not a complete moron. ;D
Kim Domingue says
Well, you almost owed me a new tablet but the coffee that went down the wrong pipe (because laughing and swallowing at the same time is a bad idea)that I ended up coughing out all over the dog (who was not amused btw) juuuust missed the tablet by this {} much!
I would have been totally perplexed and flummoxed too. My grasp of anatomy isn’t great but I’m positive my cervix is down in the nether regions with the baby making apparatus….not in my neck, lol!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHAHAHA! I’m so glad I don’t have to buy you a new tablet now. ;} I’m sure the sweet pup was a little appreciative of the coffee? Mine would have been licking it from everywhere – ha! And right on with the cervix thing – I didn’t know it was so complicated and that I was so dumb – HA!
Kim Domingue says
Lol! Hope your “cervix” is feeling better soon!
As for the dog? She despises coffee and makes the most god awful faces while I’m drinking it so you can imagine her disgust at having it spewed out all over her fur. Fortunately, the cat is a coffee fiend and helpfully cleaned the dog while I cleaned the floor. The dog prefers orange juice. I have weird animals. :/
(Note to self: do not eat or drink while reading Ashley’s posts. I shudder at the very thought that it could have been oatmeal!)
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHAHA! Yes. Probs avoid the oatmeal next time. ;}
Carol says
I can relate to a lot of your comments. I also put off making phone calls to set up appointments. My other reason for not wanting to do it(other than I don’t want to do it!), is once I make an appointment something comes up or my husband changes something in our schedule and then I have to reschedule and for some reason I dislike doing that even more!!! One other thought I wanted to share with you is that I see an accupuncturist . And she has helped with a lot of my back and neck pain. It doesn’t fix any problem with alignment but it sure does help with pain. And it’s not painful. I had seen a chiropractor for many years, but when he retired I didn’t have any confidence in any other chiro and haven’t seen another one. I guess I started listening to too many horror stories!! Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to share your discomfort with you!! Hope all goes well with your chiropractor!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, I totally understand! I totally put them off too. And last night, after my first chiropractor appointment, I stumbled upon my first horror story, in which I was THAT person and brought it up to him today 😀 hope that you feel better or find a good solution for your back! It took a lot of coaxing from a lot of friends for me to go. ;} You’re not alone.
Belinda Aguirre says
I”m DYING with laughter at this post. I had to put on my glasses cause I knew it was gonna be a good one!!!’ And thanks for your informative labels on the whole “cervix” area drawing. I LOVE this!!!!!!
Rose Lefebvre says
You are funny. But the pain is not. I hope things improve drastically!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
They already have. I’ve been to the chiropractor twice since yesterday. Kind of a game changer. ;} Thank you so much!
Lisa says
This was awesome! Totally my dying laugh of the day!!! And I hope things get better for you 🙂
Aubrey says
HAHAHAHA! But I totally get it, because my first chiropractor had an office called “Upper Cervical Health”…and it really made me wonder what he specialized in. My neck, or a very specific part of my cervix? Lol!
Bets says
“Upper Cervical Health.” Really?! That is just a bad name for a chiropractor’s office. Or any office. And the acronym is UCH. Which sounds like a combination of yuck and ugh, neither of which is a very positive association with a doctor’s office. He needs to find another marketing/pr/branding specialist, STAT!
In other news… This whole story made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants. Because laughing does that to me now (as well as sneezing, and also making loud exclamations such as “UCH!”), which I think has something to do with having birthed three large babies in the area down near my cervix. But I may be wrong about that. I’d need to see a drawing to be sure.
ashley @ the handmade home says
BAHAHAHA Your comment is so funny. I’m googling all the anatomy nowadays! I don’t know how old your kids are Bets, but my youngest is now nine and STILL. TO. THIS. DAY. STILLLLL. with the don’t-laugh-too-hard, issues. ;D You’re not alone!
ashley @ the handmade home says
RIGHT?! They should have a PSA for normal people like us HA!
Kary says
I urge you to also send an mri to Laser Spine Institute in Tampa Florida. Free consult. My sis had them look her mri over. She too had gone to her chiropractor and he said he could not fix her back. It was in bad shape. Just a little advice. I too have terrible cervical neck issues. Take care!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you! I may very well be checking that out ;}
Kary says
Yes do your homework. It’s your body. That’s what my sis did. I also forgot to mention she also found a great PT and he told her no one but a back surgeon or LSI in Tampa could repair her back. But he could help her after she has recovered by showing her how to be well with physical therapy she can do on her own. Take care!