We’re doing quite well.
Really.
As you can see, Jamin has recovered quite quickly from his traumatic birthing experience, and besides a few blisters, is doing extremely well in the nursing department. He was awesome-I’m really so glad I didn’t have to experience any of that this time around.
The birthing experience is over, and the final volume to the Mills family has been installed. It’s always crazy when you finally get to meet the little person you’ve been growing inside of you after all this time. To watch their facial expressions and think: were they really doing this in my womb? Did this little guy actually come from me? A face to put with all those movements, an actual personification of love. I guess this is the part where I get to share my birthing story. I kind of feel like I earned it, so humor me and read if you wish…
I feel like all births should be just like something out of a movie. With the rise and fall of a crescendo, and one final push, the baby is delivered, tears fall, and a golf clap can be heard mysteriously echoing in the background.
Malone’s birth was nothing like that.
At 5 a.m. on Monday morning, with the beginning of an induction, we were there. Ready to go. The I.V. was started around 6, and those contractions were soon coming. It was around 7:45 when my epidural was in place. I go quickly, and the {wonderful} nurse {she delivered Aiden and Emerson as well} recommended I go ahead and get the epidural. (They freak me out, but they’re always better than the alternative.)
This pregnancy, I’d heard quite a few horror stories from my friends regarding epis, so for some reason I felt a bit skiddish about them. I guess you can chalk it all up to one over all bad feeling. I wasn’t sure why. I’d already done this twice. But its the unknown of it all that always freaks me out. As soon as mine was in place, I felt as though a load had been lifted, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Epidurals really get a bad wrap,” I thought to myself. “Unpleasant, but not a big deal. You totally did this. Scariest part over” Giant needles to the spinal cord complete with electrical shocks when put in place=not my forte.
Our nurse, a few moments later, put in the catheter in place. I felt it. And then the uneasiness set in. When I mentioned it, everyone told me it was only because the epidural was not working all the way yet. To give it time. At around 9, the doctor came in to break my water. That was when the contractions really began.
It was one of those moments in my life where I was faced with the fight or flight option: since I couldn’t very well take the IV out of my arm at this point, say JUST KIDDING and ask for a do over, I decided to make my body work with it. I was breathing through each contraction, as best I could, letting all the tension go to one hand and forcing the rest of my body to relax while we waited for the anesthesiologist to make a return visit. I literally went to Tahiti in my mind. I was on the beach. In my safe place.
Looking back now, I was kind of impressed (not to mention totally surprised) with myself, and my ability to handle the pain. Jamin said he had no clue I was suffering that much, because I handled it so well. (read: I was levitating off the bed with Aiden Exorcist style the pain was so bad, but this time I knew what I had to do) The faulty epi was taking the very edge off each contraction, but I was feeling nearly all of it, and with each one the pain increased. In the end, the anesthesiologist pushed four doses of a new drug directly into my line, with which he said he should be able to perform a c-section. I remember telling him if he cut into me I would definitely be able to feel it. I could even jog around the room if he’d needed me to. He then told me our only option was to redo the epidural. He wasn’t sure, but apparently the needle had slipped.
Wait. What? Seriously? I’m now supposed to sit through these awful contractions AND let you perform the scariest procedure ever AGAIN that didn’t even work the FIRST time? And what’s my pain management option after that? Natural childbirth? WHY isn’t this working??? I was asking all these questions. No one could really answer them in a brief panic session. I then went back to my game face.
I gave the go ahead and the epidural took nearly twenty minutes the second time. The anesthesiologist wanted to make sure he didn’t miss it. My mom was my lean-into person, and she was completely stellar. Jamin tends to wiggle, so I’d asked her before hand to be the person I used for my support. I knew she would be statuesque and dependable, if anyone would. And she was. She never budged. I was breathing into her and leaning and sweating the entire time, trying to get through each contraction despite the fact I was supposed to stay completely still. And she never moved. She was my angel. Props to my mom.
The second epidural in place, it actually worked. And not a moment too soon. Upon checking me afterwards, I was nine centimeters and ready to push. It was working this time, much to my relief, but not enough to take away any of the pressure. I felt it. ALL of it. If you look back at my video tape, (yes, we taped it, and will edit it one day to give to our children) I can actually be heard yelling “its a bowling ball” and that “they need to freaking get it OUT.”
Pause: With Emerson I pushed ever so slightly and she was out. With Malone, I knew it was a boy, in those last moments. It was when I couldn’t get him out. I pushed for a good twenty minutes, non stop, and skipping the truly gory parts, he was finally here. I just wanted him out. I hate I wasn’t able to enjoy it more. I wanted to savor it, and simply wasn’t able to. They handed him to me and shortly after and I just laid there on the bed.
Oh well. At least I’ll be fully conscious for his childhood. Unless I can get my hands on some more of those awesome pain pills…
When the doctor delivered, he didn’t say anything. We had been bantering about what he was for weeks now, and McDreamy himself had predicted a boy, along with Jamin. So he simply lifted him into the air and I could see. I, on the other hand, had sworn up and down on my Great grandmother’s sister’s mother’s cousins grave and my womanly instincts on knowing my body, that he was actually a she. I was so wrong. And couldn’t be happier about it. Just glad he was here and safe and healthy.
And that is the story of the grand arrival of Benjamin Malone Mills.
Aiden and Emerson have been the best part of it all. They have been absolutely thrilled to be around him. Emerson simply lifts her arms out to hold him, and has already taken on little mommy personalities of her own. It’s precious. Aiden is priceless. When he first saw Malone, we asked what he thought it was and he simply stated “it’s a boy”. When we told him he was right, the look on his face was simply timeless. He then proclaimed he wants to “teach the new baby tricks” and says he is “beautiful.”
In the meantime, I keep catching Jamin lifting Malone into the air saying the name Benjamin triumphantly, in a good storybook kind of voice, like a scene from the Lion King. I walk into the room, and there he is, arms in the air with baby. He’s a little thrilled with himself since Benjamin happens to mean “Son of Jamin.” Not to mention oh so hilarious. I keep reminding him that Benjamin was my grandfather’s name, so he can tone it down a little in the drama department. He just loves being right, and will be relishing in the victory of it for a very long time.
Malone is a wonderful baby. He truly is a blessing, a HEALTHY blessing, and is simply a delight. He makes a great addition to our little family and (MOST IMPORTANTLY) so far, so good in the sleeping department. Hallelujah. I think we earned it.
Dallas says
So sweet. He is perfect. So, are you calling him Malone? If so, Love, love, love it. But, also love Benjamin (one of our fave names). Good for you on creating a super long post when you have a newborn. I’m glad you are sleeping. You do deserve it! Oh, and does he LOVE his room. I bet he smiled when you showed it to him.
Kristy says
YAY!!! I’ve been waiting on pins and needles to hear your story. He looks great, and the pictures of Jamin at the beginning were so so priceless. I’ll try to call you this week. Love you–all 5 of you.
Hannah says
Okay, when I clicked on your blog, all that showed up on my screen was your blog header and feet sticking up in the air with legs spread wide apart. I had to scroll down to see it was Jamin… I actually screamed out loud for the mini-second that I thought that you actually posted a picture of Malone’s actual delivery! Sorry the 1st epi didn’t work. That sounds awful. I don’t know why they have to cath. They didn’t cath me with Wesley and I don’t plan on having a cath EVER. Soooo… are you glad you waited to find out, or did the pain of delivery ruin your moment?? You’re making me crave a boy, by the way… we have been the opposite of you and Jamin. Michael wants a girl, I want a boy. One girl is enough drama. ha! Been checking your blog faithfully hoping to catch another glimpse of that beautiful baby!! He doesn’t disappoint!
Hannah says
By the way… how do you score these delivery videos?? I thought they were forbidden in all hospitals… we’re not allowed to record until it’s all over. bummer.
Sunny says
Congrats Ashley!!! I LOVE the pictures of Malone. He is absolutely gorgeous!!! I laughed SO HARD at those first two pics! Hilarious!!!
Abbie says
Ok, those first pictures caught me of guard. HILARIOUS! Im so glad you all doing good. I will pray that he keeps sleeping well and that he is the easiest baby yet!
Tori Lassiter says
haha!! Y’all just crack me up! I want you to know I have the craziest day and am packing for the beach so I can leave by 9am. When I saw that you had posted, I smiled, went and got a blanket and curled up to enjoy what I knew would be an exciting story. You are such an awesome writer! Why don’t you add author to your list of amazing talents!!
kate says
Sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I am so happy that while things didn’t go exactly the way you wanted, they did go well and you have the beautiful family to prove it. Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!!!
Is it too late for me to request that Andy give birth to this gymnast that I am currently growing?
Tiffany says
Those first two pictures are hilarious! (And the rest aren’t too bad either.) 😉 Seriously, they are all precious. Congratulations, and it sounds like you did a great job! I’m always in awe when I read these birth stories. Wow. Welcome Malone!
Lori says
thanks for sharing your story…i’m so glad it all went well (and that it’s all over…hehe!). Malone is so cute…and the pictures of the three of them together are precious! congrats to all of you!
supa says
Thanks to all of you for your sweet comments and well wishes. AND for humoring me and reading!
Hannah-I loved not knowing and would do it all over again with all three if I could. I’m a control freak, so this was hard for me, but God sent this little gift and its a fun little surprise in the end. I guess that was our overall theme with Malone, so it just seemed suitable. People keep asking me if I cared, but if I had, I would have found out months ago. So it was nice just receiving it in the end as it was meant to be. 😉 In fact, apart from meeting him, I think its what got me through the pushing part. Dying to know what he was. It made the moment even more special for me. A sweet little gift.
And we have always videoed…just signed a consent form or whatever. No one ever seems to mind!
Shannon R says
Congrats!!! I’ve been at camp this past week and had little access to internet. I was so excited when i heard. Boys are so much fun I hope you enjoy having two of them. It’ll be nice too for Emerson to have an older and younger brother to scare away all the guys, well she may not like it. Glad things are going well.
Kera says
He is beautiful!! My epi didn’t have time to totally work the with my last, so I know what you mean about the pressure. But they are totally worth it all in the end!
He will have a new play mate at your church in a few weeks. My bro and SIL will be having Zack soon. They should be good little troublemakers!
Can’t wait to see more pics!
Laura says
He is absolutely adorable!! {Malone, not Jamin. :-)} And the three kids together are just precious. Congrats again! Oh and all of your pictures are great!
Jamey says
Yeah!!! So glad to hear the story again. Wish your last delivery could have ended on a better note, but sounds like your attitude is happy about it all!
Holly says
Bless your heart on the epi… So glad he’s here. He is a beautiful baby. Funny thing about men and being so proud to produce more sons… They love their daughters, yes, but it’s like they think their sperm has super powers for being able to create more than one male. Gag me. Somethings I will never understand about men. But, it’s sooo true. Can’t wait to hear more about life with three! Love you guys.
Paige says
I’m so glad you were able to go to Tahiti and let Jamin do all the birthing non-sense. No, but seriously… I think Malone will be scarred for life after some of those pictures with Jamin…..
Congrats on the beautiful (handsome!) addition to your clan!
Karen says
pics are hilarious!!!! Congrats to your whole family! He is a handsome little boy!…no surprise there:)
Jesse says
Lady, I am SO proud of you. Great story, great pictures. You are so strong. I’m glad Emerson and Aiden have welcome Malone into the family. Your Party of Five is precious!
Dana says
So glad he’s here, healthy and safe!
Cristin says
I miss Malone already! I can’t wait to hold the little guy again. And Emerson and Aiden are more than precious with him. They are so going to become your little helpers : )