He chose her that day, at the shelter, because she vaguely reminded him of his childhood dog.
Her little stub of a tail that wagged furiously, and her vague mix of a breed with sweet little caramel spots. Her deep brown eyes sparkled. She had an irresistible quality.
We’d discussed the idea of adopting a shelter puppy 12 years ago, because we were young and a few months into marriage, and loved the idea of adding to our family. I was at work, and couldn’t leave. “Just go pick one out,” I’d said. The truth of the matter is, that if I had set foot into the shelter, I would have brought all of them home. Every single last one.
So bring her home, he did. She was this white fluffy ball of lovely puppy breath. I was immediately smitten. We both were. We were so proud of our new home and fence, we took her into the back yard and let her run around. We beamed with pride because we were doing a good thing. We’d given her a gift.
She rolled in the grass, performing little somersaults with half twists for an hour, and a little of her personality began to peek through. It was almost as if she’d never seen grass before. And who knows… maybe she hadn’t?
After a lot of reading {I read all the baby name books, determined to choose the best one based on my research… I’m a textbook over thinker (I know you’re shocked) and everything must have meaning} she had a name that suited her: Chloe. The name is from the Greek goddess, Dementer, and refers to young plants.
We felt she had taken such a liking to our yard, she was now, literally, the goddess of the grass.
This was our family. We were in love.
The sun cast a golden glow as it set on our storybook lives. And we all lived happily ever after. The end.
Cue record screech and fast forward two weeks later: It became glaringly apparent, over time, that the dog was absolutely crazy.
And so were we.
For starters, the dog hair was everywhere. Every. Where. White fluffs of fur, on the floor. On the sofa. In our bed. On our clothes. In my hair. In our food. It was as if it had snowed in our home.
“Are you kidding me?” I remember asking Jamin, about two weeks in, smack dab in the middle of a cleaning outburst. “No, seriously. Why. Why is the dog white!?” To say it would take an adjustment, was an understatement. I was young and naive and thought my home should always be clean. She was not fitting into my ideal standards and it drove me nuts.
But that wasn’t all. In the first year, she wreaked absolute havoc in terms of adjusting and all things puppy shenanigans.
It was a night like any other night, when we were in the kitchen eating dinner, and realized she wasn’t begging us for morsels. It was the calm before the storm, and we knew something was wrong. After searching for a bit, we found her under our bed, chewing on something we couldn’t see. She refused to come out. Jamin fished a bit under the bed, and then pulled her by her hind legs after a brief wrestling session. She came out reluctantly, hind feet first, with something strange in her mouth. When we removed it from her locked jaws, we realized she’d been soothing her puppy gums on the metallic remains of Jamin’s glasses. 400 smackers down the drain is no small feat for a couple of newlyweds just making it.
Nor were all her vet bills.
Then one afternoon, I heard a weird noise coming from the next room and realized our CD player was on. I found her in the room, going to town on a CD with those slobbery puppy jowls, surrounded by pieces of debris. Cue the panic. There were so many pieces, it was like an impossibly morbid jigsaw puzzle that I wasn’t going to waste time figuring out if she’d swallowed anything while something perforated her insides. We rushed her to the vet. She was okay, and we breathed a sigh of relief. It was when we came back home that I realized she also destroyed the CD and TV remotes, cracking them in half and successfully dismantling all of the buttons. There was a reason the CD player had been playing by itself. And every time we wanted to play something, it was old-school, get-up-and-change-it-yourself style, after that.
There were the typical casualties: shoes, gloves, the window ledge.
In retrospect, it was a feat alone that she was still alive, not because of the bizzare things she chose to ingest, but because we hadn’t killed her.
I took her jogging in our neighborhood on a wet, dewy morning to get a little energy out of her. Running is what she needs, I’d resolved. This will solve everything. We would both become champions and she could nap afterwards… a lot. I had visions of our awesomely fit selves dancing in my head. We would be amazing and compete in doggy marathons. Or something.
That resolve was obliterated when she spotted two squirrels and shot off in their direction. There I was, losing my footing, and then suddenly transported on my belly like something out of a cheesy made-for-TV movie, a good twenty feet behind her. The wet grass provided the ultimate slippery surface while she had a hay day chasing the fuzzy fiends, growling furiously. I refused to let go because of all the traffic, for fear she’d be hit. The worst part, was that this event was witnessed by no less than about fifty early morning commuters in the busy section of our neighborhood. Winning.
Much to her own surprise, she did not catch the squirrels. I hissed through gasps of cold morning air that I hoped she was proud of herself while I tried half heartedly to clean the hundreds of blades of wet grass now stuck to every inch of my skin, along with what was left of my pride. Only minimal injuries were sustained. She just panted heavily, her eyes sparkled and her tongue covered in grass bits as it hung to one side. It was paired with the giant doggy smile on her face. Of course she was.
We realized this now not-so-little dog needed an intervention. So we became the obnoxious newlywed couple who enrolled their dog in puppy kindergarten.
We were so proud of ourselves when we taught her to sit and stay. We were her masters and she would learn.
Kind of.
Let’s just say it was progress, and we thought we were ready.
We were hosting Thanksgiving that year at our new house. We even purchased a matching dining room suit on our non-existent budget just for the occasion, because real {pseudo, early twenty-something} grown ups have dogs and dining room suits, and host Thanksgiving. Duh.
We fluffed, dusted, prepped and baked. The entire family was staying with us in our 1500 square foot home. We were ready to prove how adult we were.
I even broke out the big guns and made homemade bread.
When they arrived, we greeted them at the door. Chloe was confined to her crate until she could calm down, her little nub tail nearly wagging itself clear off in anticipation. I was averting all crisis that weekend. We would make it a success.
My sister sat on the sofa and asked to see the new addition, so I obliged, envisioning a picturesque moment resembling a Lady and the Tramp {Cue the awwwweeeeessssssss} of this wonderful dog we’d told them all about. I gave Chloe a brief pep talk through the door of the crate to behave herself and then did a slow motion release, calming her. I just knew we could do this after all that we’d learned.
It was as if I’d released the Tasmanian Devil mixed with a mutant deer gazelle on rhoids into our home. Wriggling free and escaping from me, skidding across the floor and revving up those paws leaving huge gashes in the hardwood, she hurled herself. Clearing the coffee table, she dove on my sister and promptly clawed her way, half flying, half careening onto her head.
She landed, this twenty-something pound dog, on. my sister’s. head.
There were screams.
We just stared in disbelief, trying to scold her, trying to stop the insanity that was our rabid pup. Our efforts were useless. Using my sister’s head as a launching pad, Chloe crash landed into the windows behind the sofa. Then doing a half wobble, half twist while she tried to right herself in the confined space, she nearly tore the curtains down before leaping back again, dashing into the next room.
It was pretty clear that we’d bitten off more than we could chew and we discussed a few options.
Our family was concerned.
When we tried to leave town and get a house sitter, we had to apologize in advance for her behavior, giving them a crash course on what to expect. She needed an owner’s manual.
On the days when she was unbearable, we even mentioned returning her, but we knew giving up just wasn’t an option. We’d made a promise to this dog the day we’d adopted her. She was a Mills, even if keeping her felt like more work at times, than it was worth.
So we stayed with her. We were there.
We waited. We adjusted to the cleaning, we compensated with the behavior, we played with her, and we gave her the best thing we could give her… time. We invested in our investment. Because she was worth it. Even if it didn’t feel like it yet.
Over time, something happened. It was more than just puppy love… she had truly become a part of our family.
When I quit my job and was absolutely lost with what I was supposed to do with my life, she was there.
When we found out we were expecting our first child, {surprise!} and had no idea what we were doing, I was hormonal, afraid and thinking I could never be a good mom… I was crying on the sofa. She put her head in my lap and I buried my face into her fur while she just sat. She was there.
When we were sick, or sad, she never left our side. She waited patiently. She was there.
When we brought Aiden home from the hospital, she was immediately his guardian and best friend. She was there.
When I struggled with post partum depression and anxiety, and the thoughts that I had scared me to the point of telling someone, she was there.
And then a move.
And then more children.
And just growing as a family and figuring out who the heck we were.
Through job changes, family issues, and growing pains…
sleepless nights, sadness, joy, laughter and colicky baby hysterics.
She was there.
She was always there.
She taught our children more about life and love and giving and friendship and true camaraderie than we ever could, alone.
She had become a steady, calming constant in our lives. Our little rock.
Our best friend.
So one day, when the vet confirmed our worst fears, and told us it was lymphoma, it was with heavy but hopeful hearts that we decided to try chemo. We felt it was the best option, for us, for now. No regrets.
We made a decision. And we were there. The best way we knew how.
When she lost control of her bowels and got sick all over our home because of the lymphoma, and we realized we were caring for a terminally ill patient, we were there.
Then the first treatments didn’t work, and we tried another.
And when the rescue protocol didn’t take… when we discovered that the cancer had gone too far, and couldn’t be treated… when the sickness ravaged her body and spread to her skin, when we realized we had to watch the slow steady decline of our beloved friend…
we were there.
With chicken noodle soup. And snuggles with warm blankets. With sun bathing on the porch and watching the sunrise.
That tail never stopped wagging.
When it got worse, when we knew we had to take ourselves out of the equation and make a choice for her, we were there.
One final snuggle with the family.
One finale of a glorious golden sunrise to bathe in.
One more sweet rally. For her.
It’s only fitting that as I write this, the very next day at some feeble grasp in coping… it’s raining. She needed that last sunrise. She was given a few hours of basking in the studio and warm sunlight, one last time.
It was freezing when we drove to the vet on that Saturday when we knew the time had come. We drove slowly, and she sat in the front seat, perking up to raise her head to reach out the window. She had one final ride with the windows down.
As much as you think you’re ready, you’re never really ready. The truth is, you never will be. We were given a bitter sweet gift in knowing. And the pain is a searing one… more than we thought it would be.
It’s a double-edged sword when helping your little ones process their loss, as well.
The empty dog bowls, the quiet rooms, and the lonely corners she always occupied have left a gap. A void. We keep expecting her to be there, and she’s not.
Right now, I don’t think there’s anything more disappointing.
I long for her snowy fur in our home again, and I’ll miss having to vacuum. I can’t bring myself to clean up what’s left of her fur, because I know that will be the last of it.
My, how things have changed.
Our comfort is found in knowing that she’s not suffering anymore. And that we gave her the absolute best life that we possibly could.
She took a piece of our hearts, that we willingly gave her. But she left some priceless memories, in return. A little form of heaven here on earth… a reminder of unconditional love, and what it should look like.
Something we should all strive to be.
That first day twelve years ago when we brought her home, we only thought we were doing a good thing.
The truth is, she was more of a priceless gift to our family than we could ever be to her.
“After the last shovel of dirt was patted in place, I sat down and let my mind drift back through the years. I thought of the old K. C. Baking Powder can, and the first time I saw my pups in the box at the depot. I thought of the fifty dollars, the nickels and dimes, and the fishermen and blackberry patches.
I looked at his grave and, with tears in my eyes, I voiced these words: “You were worth it, old friend, and a thousand times over.”
– Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows
So thank you, sweet friend, a thousand times over, for everything that you were… and always will be.
We had a good run, Chloe.
Lindsey says
What a beautiful tribute to your best friend. I’m sorry for your loss, but happy for all of the memories you have to cherish. It really is amazing how an animal can change and have a huge impact on your life.
My husband and I rescued a Boxer (mix) from the Humane Society before we were married. She was a terror as a puppy, too. She even went as far as destroying a feather bed (feathers… everywhere!), and the next day chewing a giant hole in the queen size mattress (among many other items!). But she was there through our breakup, makeup, wedding, new home, babies, everything. Sadly we had to put her down last summer. I cried myself to sleep that night, and in the week to follow. And now I’m crying reading this, because it’s such a similar story.
I hope you find peace with this soon. But you know you did what you could and made the right choice.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, Lindsey. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. It took me a while to respond to these awesome comments, because well… as you know it’s just painful. We miss her so very much.
Beverly Bielewicz says
Heartbreaking and perfectly written. A loving tribute to a sweet family member. Anyone who has a pet will not be able to read this without crying. Our dogs and cats will get some exta kisses today. Thank you for sharing.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Beverly. I’m a little slow responding, because it’s just hard, but these comments mean so much, I couldn’t NOT let everyone know how very much we appreciate the sweet sentiments and support. So thank you.
Susan says
My heart is with you. I miss my first “baby” dog and it’s been 14 years. Chloe was so blessed to be part of your family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
So sorry, Susan. Thank you. It took me a while to reply to these, but thank you. ;}
Amy says
So very sorry for your loss
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Amy. š
Beth M. says
You’ve got my crying before I’m even out of bed. Such a wonderful tribute to your precious Chloe. They always stay in our hearts, thank goodness. I hope you heal quickly but carry memories forever.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Beth. It’s just hard. So hard, it even took me a while to reply to these. But they mean so much. Thank you.
Sara Halverson says
There are tears streaming down my face right now…and all I can say is that my thoughts are with you and your family š
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Sara. It took me a while to read through all these, and reply. But thank you.
abigail says
crying so hard.
The loss of a pet and family member is so hard.
thinking of you guys!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Abigail. It took me a while to reply just because it is hard, but every single comment is so appreciated. Thank you .
cassie says
oh ashley, i am so so sorry for your loss. i think i remember i told you last year we lost our dog the day after thanksgiving. i can’t believe it’s been one year. we still talk about him and his presence still fills our home with love. i know your house will also be filled with that loving presence for years to come.
ashley @ the handmade home says
So sorry for your loss Cassie. It just sucks. Our house indeed feels so very empty. It took me a while to reply to these because it’s just hard, but thank you. ;}
krys72599 says
Our Belle gave us so much: unconditional love, companionship, comfort… I used to joke she was a better sister to me than my two human sisters: after all, she didn’t fight with me… And when my Belle passed, I remember the loss, how much it hurt, how much I missed her. It’s been 31 years. Reading this beautiful tribute to your Chloe brought it all back – how much our dogs bring to our lives. Thanks for making me feel that love again! I’m so sorry for your loss.
ashley @ the handmade home says
AMEN to that, Krys. They are family members. It took me a while to reply because some of this is just hard, but it means so much. So sorry for your loss. It just sucks.
Frannie says
What a wonderful friend and a beautiful tribute. And just so you know, you’ll probably find those hairs for many years to come. At first it will break your heart, and then it will be a gentle reminder- I find myself saying “hey buddy” when one of those brown hairs pokes me inside a sweater I haven’t pulled out in a few years š We still miss our big brown dog- now we’ve got two sweet pups to keep us company.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe Frannie. So sorry for your loss. It took me a while to reply to all these just because it’s hard, and I know you know. I’ve been finding hair as well… and it keeps appearing from almost nowhere. I saved a few little clumps… is that weird? ;} Thank you for your sweet words.
Joelle says
You gave her a good home and she gave you the gift of devotion and companionship. This is never never easy because they weave themselves into the fabric of our lives ( certainly their fur does). Every time we have had to do this I say”never again”. And we are on dogs # 9 10 and 11. Evidently I can’t take my own advice. Love conquers all.
ashley @ the handmade home says
LOVE this, Joelle. So true! Thank you for your sweet words. It took me a while. But thank you.
Kirsten says
I’m bawling like a baby right now. Your precious little girl, sweet, sweet Chloe… I’m so sorry for your loss. Our furbabies are like our children and the love they give is so much more than we can ever repay.
You quoted my favorite book at the end, too. This is a beautiful testament to the life she lived. Prayers for you and your family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much Kirsten. They are. Your kind words mean so much. It took me a while, but thank you.
kelly says
So sorry for your loss. We lost our 12 year old German shepherd in April. She was a crazy girl in her youth and our first “child” like your Chloe. It hurts so terribly to lose our furry family members. Love and healing to you and your family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Kelly, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard. Thank you for your sweet words! They mean so much.
Cristin says
This was perfect, Ashley. Chloe was a special dog and I am so glad Jamin chose her that day so many years ago. Continuing to send hugs your way.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Us too, Cristin, us too. Thank you… your words mean so much.
Christy File says
I cannot stop crying after reading this. What a wonderful tribute to your friend. I help at our local shelter finding homes for the dogs there and it is one of the best parts of my life. Prayers and love are being sent your way. What a wonderful love story for sweet Chloe. You had a good run. Hugs.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much for your sweet words, Christy. It took me a while to respond to these, but your kind comment means so much. Thank you.
the cape on the corner says
ok, well, so i’m crying. what a moving and thoughtful tribute to your sweet pup. sending strength your way.
b
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you! Your sweet comment means so much!
Kate says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I ALMOST kept it together and then I read the Red Fern quote and started bawling. Wishing you peaceful thoughts and the happiest memories.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Kate. It’s just been crazy hard! Hugs to you!
Elizabeth says
I am balling with tears. oh how those crazy animals offer us so much love. and yet, we know our time with them is limited. your family was her whole life and she was so lucky to have you all for it all. your written tribute is all the love poured to her and she knows it. beautiful. blessings~
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. It’s taken us a while to respond to all these because it’s just been hard. But it means so much. Thank you.
Abbey says
So sorry to hear guys. š Sounds like she has the BEST life with an amazing family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Abbey! Your sweet words mean so much!
KatieP says
Thank you for sharing your loss. Our deepest sympathies to you and the whole family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you for your sweet words, Katie. It’s taken us a while to go through these, but it means so much.
Julia @ Hooked on Houses says
Every family should be lucky enough to have a dog like Chloe in their lives. And every dog should be lucky enough to have a family like yours that loves them back. I’m so sorry you had to say goodbye! xo
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much, Julia. You are too sweet. It truly means a ton!
Jennifer says
So very sorry for your loss. I was nodding along as I was reading, able to relate with much of what you wrote. Thank you for reminding us to be worthy of their devotion.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much, Jennifer!
Brooke @ Putter Home says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Cricket to cancer about 13 yrs ago. I never fail to tear up whenever I hear of another family suffering from cancer, be it human or pet. It really does touch everyone. In fact, my first encounter with cancer was my sweet Maltese. Then I got cancer, Hubs got melanoma and his dad died from cancer, and a friend’s son is on Day 2 of a bone marrow transplant for his cancer. Cancer can just go to hell.
There will be another dog and you’ll love it; but just like a loved grandparent, you will never forget Chloe. Good dogs have a fantastic way of becoming our own superheros. There really is nothing like the love of a dog, they just never fail at unconditional love.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Brooke, it truly took us a while to go through all these awesome comments because they mean so much and it’s been so painful. But thank you for yours. I am so so sorry for your losses. It really sucks. Cancer can indeed, go straight to hell, where it came from. Someone wrote on here once that it’s pure evil. I couldn’t agree more.
So true about super heroes. I LOVE that statement. HUGS to you!
Christy says
Beautiful and heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your family’s loss. What a joy your family was able to expeirence with Chloe’s unconditional and uncomplicated love.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Christy.
Pat says
My heart goes out to you ~ There’s no pain like losing a fur baby and it doesn’t matter how long you’ve had them, it’s never long enough. Sending you peace and comfort and hugs.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Pat. We knew it would be hard, but weren’t prepared for how hard. So thank you for your sweet comment. It means so much.
Susan says
Oh Ashely,
I am so sorry for your loss. Our family went through Lymphoma with our dog a year and a half ago. It is the worst pain in the worst way. If I could have written all my feelings down myself they would of been exactly what you wrote. I wish your family lots of comfort in the memories of Chloe during this time. I know it’s so hard.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Who knew Lymphoma is like, the worst thing ever??? NOT me. SO so sorry for your loss as well. It just sucks. Thank you for your sweet message. it’s so comforting to know we’re not alone!
Lauren and CJ says
Oh, the tears. So beautiful! That is my Tucker…except I was a college kid trying to deal with the loneliness of a break up. That dog has been there for everything. I’m already trying to prepare myself (he’s 8), but I know yor words to be true: there is no way to prepare yourself for this. Such a beautifully well-written tribute to the most loyal best friend. Back in the Pure + Lovely days, I followed because I loved your refinished furniture, but really I loved your dog, too. She was your mascot — and I was like “They’re dog people…they must be good people…subscribe.” It has been so beautiful to watch your growth over those years. Sweet, sweet Chloe. My heart breaks for your family. May our Healer give you inexplicable peace for you and your children as you cope with this loss. I am just so sorry.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much for your sweet words, Lauren! They mean so much. It took me a while to go through these just because it’s been so hard. But these words are so comforting. Thank you.
BARBARA says
DEAR JAMIN AND ASHLEY, SO SORRY TO OF YOUR LOSS , YOUR BABY CHLOE. YOU CAN GOOGLE THIS POEM, JOYS ANGELS BY LISA DINGLE, IT IS BEAUTIFUL. RAINBOW BRIDGE IS ALSO A GREAT COMFORT. ENJOY YOUR BLESSINGS!!111 BARB LUTZ
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much, Barbara. You are too sweet! Hugs to you.
Jessica says
Tears streaming. Very well written and a wonderful tribute to your departed family member. What a blessing in disguise she was and I’m thankful that you shared this moment with all.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Jessica! It’s taken me a while to go through all of these. But thank you for your sweet words and thoughts. They mean so much!
Melissa says
What a beautiful tribute. Last week, we had to make this awfully difficult decision for our pup, Gracie, who was always there with us for 12 1/2 years. You’re right. You are never ready – especially at the end when your pup’s tail is still wagging and she’s still completely in love with her family…yet so, so tired. And in so, so much pain. Love to your family during this difficult time. <3
ashley @ the handmade home says
Melissa – I am so very sorry for your loss. It just sucks, doesn’t it? It took us a while to go through these, but it means so very much to know we’re not alone. HUGS to you during this time. We barely even had the energy to get up those christmas decorations just because! It seems so silly but then, it’s not. Anyway, thinking of you!
Ellen says
I am not just crying, I am bawling. Just a minute ago I got the call from our Vet that our 13 1/2 year old dog (a rescue also) has kidney failure. I am heartbroken. Thought I was prepared but am not. She has 5 days to two weeks. So sorry for you and I can truly say I know how you feel. I have been through this several times. It never gets easier. Our Rosie has been a challenge too. Took two years to potty train her. Long story. Take care.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Ellen – I am so sorry for this. It took me a while to get around to the comments just because it’s been kinda hard, and I guess for selfish reasons I took my time. I just wanted to let you know my prayers and thoughts are definitely with you… It literally feels like losing a family member and I am so very sorry. Thinking of you + HUGS!
Debbie from Illinois says
So sorry for your loss of your sweet dog.
ashley @ the handmade home says
thank you so very much, Debbie!
Cindy Lucarotti says
Such a beautiful tribute to Chloe! She was so blessed to be part of such a WONDERFUL family! I am sorry for your sadness.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Cindy!
Maggie says
Reading this was almost like chapters out of my own life. We just put our sweet Derby down in September and the pain of her absence is still very much with us. Thank you for writing such a beautiful tribute and putting words to our families feelings.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Maggie – I am so sorry for your loss – it sucks and if time eases it a little, I’m still waiting. Thinking of you and hugs during the holidays. It seems so silly, but Christmas is a little harder this year – missing our little furry family member as I’m sure you are, too. Thinking of you.
Aubrey says
All choked up and teary eyed over here. So sorry for your loss – they really are a part of the family and occupy such a huge part of our hearts!
Love and hugs to you and the rest of the Mills family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much for your sweet words, Aubrey!
Bets says
So, so sad. I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a pet, and their unconditional love, is devastating. You will heal, but it will take time…. Make sure you give yourself all the time you need. xoxo
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Bets. SO true. I’m still waiting, but I’m glad that it does. ;}
ErinY says
Well I couldn’t even finish reading this. So sorry about your sweet puppy. Sending lots of love!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Erin. I couldn’t even go back and read all the sweet comments until now. SO thank you.
Carrie says
Truly sorry for your loss. Our furry best friends live forever in the memories we keep.
ashley @ the handmade home says
So true, Carrie. Thank you very much for your sweet words.
Rose L. says
Now that I am able to stop crying, I can comment–How many times I have been through the same thing. I always stay with my “babies” at the end so they die with me hugging them knowing love. Never gets easier no matter how many times you go through it.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Rose – I am so sorry we all have to go through this if we love a pet. It sucks. I am just now able to go back through the comments and just wanted to thank you for yours. You’re so sweet… and it’s so comforting to know we’re not alone. Thank you.
Heather says
I can only imagine how many boxes of kleenex you went through writing that beautiful tribute, I went through a box just reading it! I could feel the love you have for Chloe. She was a very lucky girl. Wishing you and your family lots of healing and hopefully the tears turn to smiles when the memories come. It will take awhile, but it will happen.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hey Heather – just now able to go through all the super sweet comments but wanted to thank you for yours. It means so much. Thank you! HUGS to you.
Debbie says
Thank you for sharing this lovely story about your family and Chloe. Very moving and sweet. I feel your pain as we’ve experienced this pain ourselves several times. It never gets easier, but as you said, it is well worth it. My sincere condolences.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Debbie. Thank you for letting us know we’re not alone. Thank you ;}
Angie says
Thank you for sharing your story. The notes are slightly different but the song is the same here. We lost a beloved dog and felt the same tender mix of sadness and deep love. Thanks for the sweet tail of your puppy love. BTW we lasted almost a month in the quiet grief of being dogless when we brought a new pound puppy home. Now a year later she is already such an ingrained part of our family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, Angie. So sorry for your loss. It took me a while to even go through these comments, but we couldn’t let them slide without letting people know how much they’re truly appreciated. So very true, though. Our home feels so empty and the kids are already begging. I’m definitely not ready, but then I am. It’s so weird. Thank you for letting us know we’re not alone! HUGS to you!
Angie says
Ashley,
First, I love who you are and you make me cry about as often as you make me laugh. Happy 35th!
I am a (just) few years ahead and have always held the philosophy that “I will accept the number if I am happy with where I am.” So here I stand looking slightly back on 35 with two kiddos I cherish and my best friend to raise them with. In a small but comfy house we all share with a cat, (newish) dog, and a few tanks of fish. I have my extended family to share my big events and a few beloved friends. And on top of that I am so Blessed by my loving Creator to have health too. I think I could even handle 40…luckily we don’t have to test the theory YET!!!!
Anna says
Such a beautiful tribute to your sweet friend. I just endured having my 16 year old poodle put to sleep and I have cried many tears. I am always reminded of that sweet hymn with words “I am tired, I am weak, I am worn”. I am a better person for having a love that knew no bounds. God bless you and your family and rest assured that she is resting in the arms of a loving Jesus.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Anna. Your comment makes me tear up. It’s just hard. It took me a while to reply to all these but they mean so much. Thank you.
Debby C says
A beautiful tribute to a devoted friend. My white shepherd, Lily, heard me whimpering while reading your story and now my thigh is damp where her head rested until I finished. Thank you for sharing your story.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Debby. I read all of these incredible comments when they came through, but I am only just now able to come back to them and thank each of your for your sweet words. They mean so much. It’s just hard. I’m crying all over again! HA! Thank you.
Linda @ Itsy Bits And Pieces says
I am so very sorry for your loss…pets are so much a part of our lives. I know she will be very missed. You were blessed to have found each other…xoxo
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much, Linda. It took me a while, but thank you.
Jaime says
Wow! You made me cry! Such a beautiful tribute to your sweet Chloe. I have a 10 year old lab that has been battling bladder cancer. Even though he managed to get into a whole lot of mischief over the years, I will do anything to help him in his battle. I know the end is near, but I can’t imagine life without him. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I’m so sorry, Jaime. I read all of these when they came though, but I am only just now able to sit down and reply, and I’m still crying. It’s just hard. Thinking of you as you go through this time. We had plenty of photos, and that really helped. It sucks either way, but it still helped on that end. Hugs to you.
Karyn says
What a beautiful tribute to your sweet Chloe. Pets certainly leave an imprint on our hearts. I was crying through your hole post…so touching. I’m so sorry for your loss.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much, Karyn.
Sheri says
My heart breaks for you and I remember the day we had to take our sweet Rudy for her final ride to the vet. You are right….you are never really prepared for that day. We had her for 16 years and she taught my girls so much. She was a crazy little gift for us all. I know this is a hard time, but enjoy the wonderful memories of all the crazy times with her. Pets are the best!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much, Sheri. I am so sorry for your loss – it is so hard. Thinking of you!
Amanda says
I just lost my childhood dog last Wednesday. She had been with me through Middle School, High School and College. We knew this was coming, but it’s still hard. I started crying after buying Christmas Decorations because I only need 1 dog stocking now. My younger dog is like Chloe – chewed up everything. Maddy was always just there and a comfort. And putting her nose in people’s crotches and stealing food from small children. Funny what you remember. Just wish I had gotten more pictures with her when I had the chance. So sorry for your loss.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Amanda – it took me a while to sift through these and respond to everyone because the comments mean so very much but it’s just been hard. I lasted about halfway through them all and started bawling again. Just please know how very sorry I am for your loss – it’s so hard, and I get it. Christmas, for some reason this year, seems hard as well so please know we’re thinking of you. HUGS to you and please know you’re not alone. ;}
Jaci says
I remember when my dog died while I was away at college. I came home to an empty house and cried on the kitchen floor… coming home to an empty house might be the loneliest feeling in the world.
I’m so so sorry for your loss! She was a beautiful dog and I can tell she had a beautiful heart by your writings, My heart goes out to ya’ll.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Jaci – there are so many things about this that are hard… I can barely even go through photos of my phone without one of her popping up and making me cry, but coming home to an empty house is SO SO hard. I am so sorry for your loss – it just sucks – I am thinking of you! It took me a while to go through all of these, and it’s still so very painful – I keep thinking I hear her! Anyway, just thinking of you. Thank you.
Barcy says
What a lovely tribute! I am so sorry for your family’s loss. There is no love quite like the love of a good dog.
ashley @ the handmade home says
SO very true, Barcy. Thank you.
Becky says
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. I’m taken back to our own familys experiences. A little black pup who had no where to go. Me saying no, no,no and then my husband pulling in the driveway with our Buddy. My 7 year getting tangled in his leash and being pulled down to the ground while Buddy almost licked his face off! When buddy ate the trim off around our front door, when he ate the dryer vent off the back of the house…and many more. And finally watching my 17 year son saying goodbye and watching my husband wrap Buddy in a blanket because he was so weak and putting him the truck for the trip to the vet. Now two years later the good stuff so out ways the bad. We miss him but it was so worth it. Thanks for sharing your story.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe Becky. Your story makes me cry. I am so with you. It took me a while to respond to these – I read them all the day they came in but it just took me a while. I am so with you. HUGS to you and your sweet family. So very sorry for your loss! Thank you for your sweet words and reminding me we’re not alone.
Betsy @ Happily Ever After Etc. says
I read once that dogs love unconditionally, they are the only creature who truly loves others more than they love themselves. It is such a blessing to have one in you life the way that y’all had Chloe. Remember how much she loved you and she will never truly be gone. I know that doesn’t help, it didn’t help me either… but it’s better than nothing. I am sobbing now (like so many of the other guys and gals to read this post) so she has touched all of us now in only a small fraction of the way she touched y’all. We will remember her too.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, Betsy. I am so sorry for your own loss. I know you get it. Thank you so very much for your super thoughtful and kind words. It took me a while, but please know how grateful I am. Thank you. HUGS to you!
Jill says
what a wonderful tribute.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so very much, Jill. ;}
Lisa says
Ugh, the tears are flowing over here š Such a hard thing to lose a pet. I’m so sorry for your loss.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you for your sweet comment Lisa. It means so much! ;}
Cee says
I’m just so very sorry.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, Cee! It means so much to know we’re not alone.
Lee Vinson says
Ashley, we lost our special pup, Wesley, last year at 17 years of age. You have perfectly expressed everything I feel and want to say about him in your post. There’s still a hole in our hearts, but the love and memories of our precious dog are priceless.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, thank you so much, Lee. It took me a while to get around to replying to the sweet comments in this one, but thank you so very much. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s just so hard. Hugs to you!
elisabeth says
Oh I’m so sorry. This totally made me tear up. Losing pets is just the worst even when it’s their time to go. I still miss my kitty who left a few years ago (after 19 yrs!). You all were so lucky to have each other. Sending you guys so much love right now. And I am sure Chloe is out there in doggy heaven feeling better but missing you guys a ton.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Elisabeth – it took me a while to respond to these, but I am so sorry for your own loss. It just sucks. Thank you for your sweet, sweet words. They mean so much! Hugs to you!
Marsha Sefcik says
So sorry to hear of your loss. Tears are rolling down my face as I type this. You wrote a beautiful piece about her. They do give us so much and ask nothing in return. They teach our little ones so much about love. All the best to you.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hey Marsha – thank you so very much for your sweet words. It took me a while, but they mean so much. Thank you for reminding me that we’re not alone!
maran says
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face…. from laughing AND crying. My puppy acts very similarly to how yours did and yes I want to kill him half the time… but the other half? Priceless. So much love and loyalty in a havoc-wreaking bundle š
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I don’t normally post on blogs but your genuine spirit comes through loud and clear so I wanted to show support. Looking forward to following along with what comes next!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, Maran – thank you so much for your sweet words! Yes, you gotta love those crazy puppies! It took me a while to dig through the super thoughtful comments because it’s just been hard. But thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart. It means so much. HUGS to you!
Kelly says
I’m supposed to be getting ready for Christmas Eve at my in-laws and I’m b.a.w.l.i.n.g! My husband just looked over and asked me what was wrong. This was beautifully written! RIP beautiful goddess Chloe, job well done!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, thank you Kelly. Sorry if I made you cry so close to Christmas! It was a hard one here but we have sweet memories. ;} Thank you so much for your sweet words!
Michelle says
My Chloe was Tyson or better knows as Ty-Ty. He was my best friend. We followed him with two dogs after I took the summer to grieve. I would was around sobbing for no reason but I had a reason…my best friend of 13 plus years was gone. He accepted my date, who became my boyfriend and husband. He took care ofnusbandnfollowednwith the children. When my son died, he knew I was pregnant before I did. He mourned with me and carried me as I had him. He kept me in my feet for our family. Letting him go still hurts but it is the cycle of life that we are never prepared for. Ty will always be the dog live of my life. We drive across the country and back together. Thanks for sharing. Made me cry but that’s ok. Happy new year.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I’m so so sorry for your loss, Michelle. Thank you for sharing. HUGS and sweet blessings to you in the new year.