We just wrapped up our fifth week of homeschool here for the year of 2014-2015. We’re ready to dive into number six, and I realized when I was organizing their work last Friday, that I was marking off the days we accomplished much like a prisoner would etch into the walls of his cell with his own fingernails. And blood. Because right now, we’re just glad no one died.
If you’ve been following along, you probably know we never saw ourselves doing this, and a year later, after going over that cliff, here we are. Doing this. It’s the most rewarding thing we’ve ever done and we kind of fell in love with it. Cue the part where I tell you how amazingly easy it is. I knew it wouldn’t be, but in my mind, in that special section (the one that causes stress and worry) reserved for ridiculous expectations, it’s filed away. Right next to what my body is supposed to look like after three kids, and how clean everything should be on a daily basis in our home… it’s still supposed to go a little something like this:
Once upon a time, they made a school room with handmade art lovingly contributed by the children. The children regularly uttered things like, Thank you for inspiring me mommy! I love homeschool and you are amazing! I’m ready to solve the world’s hunger problem with this custom mathematical equation mixed in with surges of superhuman empathy. And when I’m finished, I will now recite the Bible in Latin! Backwards! The laundry was folded daily in the after-hours whilst the oldest vacuumed before we attended fencing lessons, football, and classic violin. Followed by a surprise thank-you-for-being-so-amazing party with three hundred of our closest friends.
Because we’re just that awesome like that. The end.
The truth is, we’ve gone through some major transformations in our family in the past year. If you were to tell me, two years ago, that our family life would look like this, I would have laughed in your face. They’ve been good changes, changes that needed to happen as we found our views and our vision for our family changing, but they haven’t been easy ones. Change is never an easy process.
I’ll get personal for a second: Between making the switch to homeschool, Jamin resigning from his job of nearly 12 years {along with the loss of our church home… if you’ve ever been in ministry we know you understand} It’s been kinda crazy. It’s just where we are in this season right now, and it’s not the end of our story. But it’s been a different season, and we’re learning.
So bring in the rough beginnings with school this year, and you can find me in the fetal position rocking in the corner patting my hair with Hershey’s chocolate smeared on my face. You can’t really understand what I’m muttering in lyrical tones likened to that of the latest horror flick, but you’re fairly certain it’s about being pretty.
So the adjustment in back to school just got hard. This is a lifestyle choice, and we feel like salmon, swimming upstream. The water gets rough, and every time we jump out of the water to make a little progress, I’m wondering if my head will be bitten off by a hungry grizzly bear.
Why the extended metaphors and TMI? Because I know we all have our own changes taking place. Our own challenges. See aforementioned prisoner with the bloody fingernails. Last Monday, for us, started with tears. {This time, from mom.} I realized I found myself doubting everything. One child complains about their work, the other pitches a straight up fit, and still another, is in complete denial that this is even what we’re doing, and I’m questioning my very existence. It’s hard work. All it takes is a negative comment from a well meaning someone, complicated by the feeling that we’re the only ones doing this right now, and it can shake your resolve.
Homeschooling… It’s not all rainbows unicorns pooping butterflies with cracker jack prize boxes. Sometimes, it’s a little bit of changing up your routine. Here’s a few things I’ve learned over the past year: Many of these lessons recently refreshed, because I figured some of you are there, too. And every little bit helps. Here’s what I remember when it gets hard.
1. It’s just a bad day. Or maybe it’s a series of weeks with days in between like we’ve had. “Mainstreamer” {I would call them normal, but that would make us weird? Are we hipsters?} schools and students have their adjustments, too. We’re just in the throes of it, and it’s amplified because they’re our own children. If there’s anything I’ve learned about parenting, from stressing over breastfeeding and the guilt of giving them a bottle, to who’s bragging about their kiddo being potty trained before everyone else on Facebook over the developmental stress-out game, this too shall pass.
There are no medals handed out for superior parenting just like there are no second rate births. And most every child, at their own level, in their own time and in their own way, will grow out of it eventually. Everyone is different, and we have to embrace that. And usually, when I’m offended or feeling insecure, that’s on me. It’s up to me to roll with it, and stop being so sensitive.
We know our children, and we truly know when we need to call in someone else for another perspective, so I’m not undermining that. I’m saying that the roughest phases are just that… a phase. With time and patience as the best possible remedy. Other solutions come with their own pros and cons, and no solution is an easy fix. That’s the fine art of parenting. That’s what it’s all about.
2. Pick up the phone and call a friend. And not just any friend. A friend who is in a similar situation and understands. I guess I thought that my own support group would happen over time, naturally. Some of it has, but this is something I’ve learned the hard way. Because of our location, it feels like there isn’t a lot of what we’re doing going around. On the bad days… the really bad days, since this school thing can be such an isolating choice, a support group is essential. And forming your own group, sometimes is too. Sometimes you have to get out of your own zone, out of your overwhelming exhausting days, and look for it. It’s the same concept of doing your own thing with school, you have to do your own thing with the support system as well. There is a time commitment to get the kids together. It’s worth the effort.
But knowing that someone who is doing the same thing has your back, is one of the most priceless commodities you can ever have. This friend talked me off the window ledge on Monday in just a few quick minutes. That simple conversation, is sometimes all you need. Reach out. Your’e not alone. Remember that.
I don’t usually vent and refrain from doing so, but when I shared a few of our struggles on instagram a week ago, we were floored by your outreach and support. You guys sent us messages, and left sweet comments on that photo. Bottom line: It’s refreshing to know we’re not alone in our struggles. It’s nice to be real and honest with each other. There’s a wealth of knowledge out there that we can pull from by supporting each other, and it’s just encouraging to know it’s there. We’re a network of islands and we should use that to our advantage. So thank you for your awesome support.
3. Remember why. This will be a year to year thing with us. We will continue to prayerfully consider what is best for our family. We in no way believe that we have made an elitist choice over others just as we would hope that those on different paths would have the same respect for us, because it’s different for everyone. But with that huge disclaimer out of the way, sometimes, listing out the pros and cons of your current choice, and the simple reminders that we need, are enough. Especially if you’re a list maker. There will always be the low points and the high points with everything you do, but remind yourself of the simple gifts you receive. Every day.
Remember your vision for your family, and remind yourselves how you intend to get there. If homeschooling serves that purpose right now, then stick with it. If not, then by all means, reevaluate. Your family is top priority, and having an intentional vision that you adhere to, together, is the best thing you can do for them.
Our kids are best friends with each other. They play together wonderfully. They’re growing and learning in leaps and bounds. We’re here as a family. These are just a few of ours, and I have to remind myself that, when one child is throwing his or herself a dramatic fit over their reader for the day. It will happen with time, and it’s just a part of it. In the meantime, I’ll note the positives, all that I can.
4. Squelch your inner worries. Someone asked us recently how we handle worry. Like missing out on dances, or important milestones in their lives. We always say that we will cross that bridge when we come to it… and if we see it as a top priority we will work it out. We’ve never been ones to let little obstacles hold us back. It’s just how we choose to live life.
Little problems always tend to resolve themselves when it’s time for them to, and we spend a lot of extra energy worrying about all those little things. If I’m not careful since I’m completely geared to do it anyway, {see type A chihuahua} it will consume my life. Sure, we have our hopes and dreams and goals and vision, and those are important. But the flip side of that is that we really don’t know what our future holds for us in a few weeks or even a year ahead. For what it’s worth, I can’t even watch the news, because I’ll be stocking up on MREs and building an underground shelter if I’m not careful. Sure, we have our plans, but the truth is, it’s not in our control. And while most of the time it stresses me out, I also have to take comfort in that. Plain and simple we’re not in control. So we’re focused on the present. Year to year, as we go. The rest will happen, when it happens.
And I’m so not kidding about the MREs and the shelter.
5. You’ll never have this time with them again. Even the ‘bad seasons’. It’s my mantra, and I’m cherishing this time in which we swim upstream, dodging the grizzly bears, together. Because I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A sweet reader, Joy, sent me these little jewels recently, and if you find yourself in the same boat right now you’ll also find these encouraging:
• Why I Still Homeschool • 8 Reasons I’m Glad We Homeschooled {an interesting perspective from a mom who went back to public} • A letter To My Homeschooling Self
You guys alone have been so amazing though all of this. We’d love to hear your wise perspective on it all! What are some of your best tips + tricks for getting through the sometimes icky seasons? Because it takes a village.
Hang in there + have an inspired day!
Janice Willis says
Wow! I so feel like this right now – it’s our first year to homeschool and we are in week 4 with my 4th grader and 1st grader (boys) plus 3 yo lil sis
Fun times!!!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Ha! so glad we’re not alone! ;} Hang in there!
Shaunna says
Sweet friend…this post is wonderful and it’s exactly how we all feel sometimes. You’re a rock star and an amazing mama. Just keep on keepin’ on. And you call anytime…i’m sure i’ll be calling you next week. 😉
xo
ashley @ the handmade home says
So thankful for you, Shaunna! Thank you for being my friend-on-the-other-line-I-can-freak-out-to ;} HUGS + any time with the phone!
Tania // Run To Radiance says
I’m in a similar position- with Scott changing careers and with potential loss of church home, etc, so I can totally relate to what you are saying there. But to top that off with ya’ll having 3 kids and a dog, plus homeschooling plus having an amazing home/blog, plus all the other things life has to offer (laundry, dishes, etc)…well I just think you guys are amazing. 🙂 Someone wise once told me that when I’m in a stressful spot to think of things in a ten year perspective…like would I still be stressed out about x,y,z in 10 years, or will it just fade away into memory by then? That helps me a lot. 🙂 Besides you have the cutest homeschool resources that make me want to go to school at your house. 😀
ashley @ the handmade home says
So true, Tania – that is one of my favorite perspectives so thank you for the reminder! You are too sweet! ;} HUGS to you!
Mindy says
It’s so good to hear that other people struggle with this too! I am the most improbable homeschooler ever. I taught in a public school for 10 years and I am a HUGE fan of group education, so I’m still shocked that we chose to do a homeschool co-op (similar to a university model) with our Kindergartener. Overall, I’m loving it, but sometimes I start second-guessing myself. I keep reminding myself just because it’s hard, it doesn’t mean it’s not right. You are so right about #2. We are so lucky to have a tight co-op where they even assign new moms a mentor. Without the other moms, I’d be lost!
Stephanie says
Wow, I completely can relate to this! Lately, I have been feeling really down by the amount of people who question our decision for homeschooling. I know they mean well, but it can shake me to my very core. And yet, I don’t have one regret. Our oldest is graduating this year and has been home schooled all of her middle school and high school years. While it has not always been easy (almost never easy)…I can now see the fruits of our labor in her. She is a confident young woman who is not easily jared by others opinions. She is brave, and smart, and ready to take on the world. Thanks for writing this. It really, truly inspired me to continue to take it a day at a time!
Mrs. Pear Tree says
Wow. This is our life, except in a way cooler classroom than we have right now. This is our third year homeschooling and it does get better every year but there are still days (even weeks) where I want to tear my hair out and I go on line looking for a school – ANY school that would possibly take these seemingly unruly brats! Somehow doing that appeases my fed-up side for a bit until I realize it’s just one of those days and they’re not really brats – we’re just over due for a field trip 😉
Kerry says
So, yeah. This pretty much sums up our lives in a nutshell. I kid you not! And I seriously laughed outloud over (A) Every time we question why we’re homeschooling ANOTHER YEAR, (B) the ministry reference because yes, we get it! that’s us right this very moment living in my in-law’s cabin jobless and homeless after seeing the writing on the wall that it was necessary to resign from the church he was pastoring, and (C) the ‘unicorns pooping butterflies’ because my 7 yr old daughter quotes that line from Horton Hears A Who every other day at least!
Amen sister. Hallelujahs and high-fives. WE CAN SO RELATE!!!
(an online friend just emailed me this post link today and now I know why! So glad I clicked over. You made my day.)
ashley @ the handmade home says
We are with you! ;} Hang in there – so glad to know it’s not just us! HA!
Kerry says
That map puzzle – crazy cute, delicious colors! – bought or diy? I forgot to ask. Have been wanting to {possibly} make a new one for my kids. Our USA puzzle is missing pieces since our move – so sad, it was my husband’s since childhood. I loved it. Want to replicate it in some way, shape or form.
Kerry says
Nevermind! Just found your post on the maps! awesome
Courtney J says
Hey there,
I love reading your blog. I find it inspiring and a breath of fresh, familiar air. We are in our first year homeschooling and I too, feel like a salmon swimming upstream. I vascillate between feeling the utmost peace and feeling like I am going to rip something into little tiny pieces, depending on the day.
My husband also started a new company this past summer and I all but walked away from my career to do this homeschool journey. Lots of changes and we LOVE it, but just because we love something doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. And, when a friend throws in a snide comment or two, sometimes that’s all it takes to derail my mojo for the day/week/month.
Anyway, keep on keepin’ on!