‘Tis the season for all things spring cleaning, and we’re back with the lazy gal’s survival guide, and covering a little on the topic of the process of purging.
We started out with the thirteen weeks of purging, which was a great jumpstart, if you were following along. But we think that it goes beyond that. Jamin and I were honored to speak on this topic at a conference recently, and thought we’d bring a little bit of the talk here. Because in revisiting the topic, we realized how important it is to keep reviving it. {That, and we’re in total defcon level orange in preparations to move in the near future-so it definitely applies to us. Is orange the bad one? 1? Yay metaphors!}
It may start with the desire or process of whittling it all down, but it involves a real lifestyle change. So we decided to introduce a little quiz, {see the clutter lovin’ quiz} where we covered our relationship with clutter, and how it influences us from a lot of different variances in our lives. And once you understand your relationship with it, how purging your home is a lot like marriage. {Just a little perspective to get us all started}
That’s a good story. I’m drowning in all of the things. So now what?
Next up: the process of simplifying. Because the ugly truth is, you’ll have to purge again… and again… and it doesn’t mean that you haven’t learned your lesson or that you’re not doing a good job with great intentions. It means that sometimes, life can get a little hectic, and there’s nothing wrong with living it. And sometimes, we get the idea of simplifying confused with perfection, so it helps to break down the process one by one so that we can set ourselves up for success in the process.
Here are a few of our very favorite {tried and true} tips on the process of simplifying… and the act of purging:
1. Start Small.
As you begin, look at your home in a way that seems doable for you. Because at the end of the day, it only manners that you feel the process is manageable. Divide your home into zones so you can tackle it one space a time, in a realistic manner. {See dorkfest pie chart below as an example}.
We tackled stage by stage, day by day until it was all finished, and it helped us to mentally break it down. Stay focused, one section at a time. It can make a world of difference.
2. Start where you can win
Don’t tackle the entire kitchen {or any large space that has a lot of physical area or things} in your first run. For most people, it’s a sure fire recipe for discouragement, and failure.
Maybe it’s a small closet, or tiny cabinet or the pantry.
Start where you can win. The goal here is to get your motivation rolling. Once the momentum has begun, there is no stopping you. Just do it, and keep going. It’ll help you with the entire process.
3. Have a plan.
It’s a tempting thing to start strong, and fizzle out. For instance, collecting all the boxes from the closet, and moving them to the garage, only to forget about them so that they gather more dust in their second resting place, never to be seen again.
You now have a lot of unwanted things in your home, in a separate pile. That alone can also be overwhelming. It’s fine to find a temporary home, but have an active plan to eliminate the excess, and do it as soon as feasibly possible so it doesn’t stay there.
For instance, Jamin and I worked until we had a substantial pile to donate, and then we removed it from our home. And then comes the question of selling your old items.
It’s so easy, with all these little decisions to get oh so caught up in where and what and how. There’s actually a lot of options for what you can do with all of your things.
We even made up {another dorky} chart to help with the thought process.
But truly think through this: Is it worth your time to find a method of sale? Or is it better just to donate and move on? {Hello, taxes} There are certain items that may be worth major monetary compensation, but try to find that sweet spot so that you’re not stuck with all. of. the. things. And feeling overwhelmed all over again.
Speaking from experience on the other side of the purge: sometimes, it’s just easier to donate the majority, and bless others with your belongings. Then whittle it down to the {few, major} things that are worth compensation. {See more of our thoughts on when to sell, and when to donate, here}.
At the end of the day, maybe the most important thing is just getting rid of it. Don’t let the question of where it will go, impede your progress.
Regarding all things trash: {because this is a lot of what you’ll encounter} It’s so important to recycle and be environmentally minded. But sometimes trash is just trash, and that’s okay, too.
Let it go, and move forward.
4. Enlist Help
You can expect to be overwhelmed.
There’s a ton of different, untapped avenues to get you started- and sometimes you just need a little hand holding at first. You just have to start looking at things a little differently.
A. Your partner – we hear it often that they’ll {the other half} have no part of it. For what it’s worth, we think they’re wrong, and it’s important for them to participate. And we’re all for open communication, but it probably won’t help to say it that way. ;} We say give them a little time, and lead by example. If you can’t get them on board, if they absolutely won’t budge, look for other options in the meantime. We have more thoughts on if your partner is a clutter lover, here. {Because admittedly, that was me, once upon a time}.
Be patient. Sometimes, the proof is in the pudding… and the awesome results of your labor.
B. Your Kids –
There are two categories to this one, depending on where you are in your life stages:
I. Children – we think it’s imperative that you involve them. It can be tricky at first, but we also believe it’s just as good for them as it is for you. It may start out a little like smuggling all the things out when they’re not looking.
But at the end of the day, it helps to go back to that initial vision we discussed. The process of purging has the potential to infuse a lot of gratefulness in our families when they invest in the process, too.
It helps to, again, have a lot of patience to walk them through… and it will be different for every child and every age. Our kids went from fighting us on it, to helping us. They saw what a difference it made when we did go through some of their old toys, and they enjoyed being a part of the process when we made them aware of where those things were going. It’s kind of enlightening to realize that the old toy they haven’t touched in months can go to someone in need. And they love their space when it’s cleaned out.
Everyone’s situation is definitely oh so different, but we’ve shared our thoughts on it here.
II. Adult Children – The common question we hear often is that parents with grown children want to clean out their spaces and simplify… but their own adult children will not let them. We know that can be a sticky situation, and can’t even imagine being there, since we still struggle with our own purging process.
But we do know that this worked for {or should we say on?} us: Both of our parents brought our things to us, in a box, and basically left it at our front doorstep to do with it as we pleased. It was up to us, and it was no longer their problem. It became our job to sort through it. Granted, some of that was like an absolute time capsule, but I found very few things I just couldn’t part with. This way it was out of their hands: we got our stuff [and had to sort through it] and the clutter was ultimately out of their house.
Everyone wins. Even the vintage strawberry shortcake.
C. A neighbor/friend/close relative – anyone you can count on to help you.
Maybe someone comes over and holds your hand to help you get started… or you hold each other accountable – you and your friend who are on the same journey. It helps to have contact with someone else who is doing the same thing, so that you stay on track. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, and the first inclination can be to cry.
We’ve been there.
It helps to have someone to talk to, hold your hand… whatever it takes. Find what works for you and roll with it. You won’t regret having that little push to help keep you going. Even if it’s a long distance pep-talkin’ accountability partner.
5. Slow and steady wins the race
This isn’t a 100 meter dash. Like all things in life, it’s a marathon.
A lifestyle choice.
That you’ll be doing over and over again. It shouldn’t be such a big deal the next few rounds if you’re able to stay on top of it and work hard to achieve your goal, but you will have to do it over again. That’s the nature of the beast.
Take your time, and process it all. Take breaks often and stay the course. It’s oh so worth it.
We liken it a lot to the process of losing weight, because it can feel like you’ve lost fifty pounds after clearing out one space. The emotional and physical weight is absolutely astounding, and it’s amazing how freeing it can feel. Once you get started, it’s important to slowly keep going. And do whatever it takes to get you there.
The results are oh so worth it in the end.
Are you guys in the middle of some spring cleaning? What about simplifying your homes? We’d love to hear some tips that have helped you with that purging stage.
Have an inspired day!
Megan says
I definitely needed this. I’m in the middle of purging. I had a large, but unsuccessful garage sale last year of 5 years worth of kids clothing and toys. So now I’m all about donating. It’s great! I need a big kick in my butt to keep it going. My closet and our basement are next on my list.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Love it, Megan! Stay with it – I know you know you’ll feel so much better! ;}
Bonnie C says
I can TOTALLY testify to having the kids help purge their stuff, *especially* the stuffies (for the love ALL.THE.STUFFIES.). I usually do a first pass to make sure that the keepsakes and/or expensive toys get kept (American Girl, I’m looking at YOU) and then bring in the kids to go through my “get gone” pile. The only rule is they get to pick one thing to keep, then one to get gone. Lather, rinse, repeat until we have a true “get gone” pile. The first few times were rocky, but once they figured out this was not a drill they got pretty good at it. It doesn’t get rid of a ton of stuff, but it does clear out the trash. 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Very True, Bonnie!
april says
Love this! I used your guide sooo much during our recent move. Saying that we simplified, is well, an understatement:) We moved to our travel trailer ( me, the hubs, 2 kids AND our two not so little german shepherd & golden retriever). We are renting our current house out to help save for building our sweet farm house on top of the magical 2 acres of dirt we bought last year. I thought the shedding process would be soooo hard but it was quite the opposite! Thank you for your guidelines and for your amazing writing!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe that’s just awesome, April! So excited for y’all! Thank you for the kind words!
Marian@CMShawStudios says
I have spent the last three summers purging. It’s been interesting to watch myself and my kids let go of things in layers. And nice to take a break from all that decision making during the school year. This year is all about finishing up every open design project in my home. I need to be done and my family needs a clean, finished space. I was pretty close, so it is actually possible. I have focused all my non family time on this, made lists of big and little projects, and it’s astonishing how far you can get when it’s your top priority. But I’m so grateful for all the little things I did here and there along the way, because they helped me get here. Whatever you can do helps! And it is so worth it, both now and then.
Thanks for the great advice,
The Other Marian
ashley @ the handmade home says
LOVE it Marian – so true and so proud for you!
Jenny B. says
I love these posts. So helpful and motivating. We are getting ready for baby boy #3 (due any day), and have had to make room for him in our 3-bedroom house. I am a messy perfectionist with a few hoarding tendencies. So, I hate the clutter, but I have a hard time letting it go. My husband just wants to get rid of everything, and it gives me the twitchy eye. I am thankful we are different. I don’t like to imagine what our house would be like if he also had a hard time letting go of stuff.
I like your tip about starting small, and starting where you can win. Our decluttering is not finished (not even close!), but I started by just cleaning out one drawer in our coffee table. It stayed completely empty for a few weeks. It was like my secret little pristine space. Whenever I opened it, I felt a little giddy. I’ve since decided it’s the perfect spot for my DSLR cameras and lenses. They’re easy to grab, yet out of sight. Perfect. I NEVER would have thought to use a coffee table drawer for that purpose if I hadn’t emptied it and let it sit empty for a while. Even if I had left just one VCR instruction manual in there, it wouldn’t have happened. A whole bunch of other manuals and warranty cards would have been drawn to that drawer like a moth to a flame, and it would be full of useless junk again. So, I guess my tip is to empty it (whatever “it” is) and leave it empty until the best purpose becomes clear to you. I think this is true for walls too. Don’t leave a shelf or a picture up that you don’t love. Make the wall blank until you can see what you really want there. 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Very good points, Jenny!
Diane Ingram says
Good article, but I wanted to comment on the chart. As the director of several non-profit organizations over the years, please believe me when I say that we DO NOT want items that are not of good quality. When items of poor quality are donated to us, it burdens us with either having to throw it out or figuring out how we can use it because we feel bad about throwing it out. If items are not good enough to sell or for you to keep, why would you pass them along to someone else?
ashley @ the handmade home says
Diane, thank you for your perspective.
But I hope the chart that was meant to loosely interpret the process, wasn’t a bit lost in translation. It was merely illustrated to help those who truly struggle with the process. We have been writing about this for over two years, and if you have checked out the rest of the posts or if you were a regular reader, I would hope that we have made it very clear here that we do not in fact, do that. I have even emphasized that sometimes trash is just trash. I believe very strongly in blessing others with our excess, and by that I mean our GOOD excess. That doesn’t mean mardi gras beads or happy meals toys for us. That means perfectly good strollers that I could sell at the nearest consignment sale for a nice sum of money. That means a super expensive carseat that we no longer have use for, because we know it will help someone else. It means really challenging yourself with that. I would encourage others to really adhere to what the organization needs or requests, and I would hope that other people use their best discrepancy with this system. Thank you for the perspective, but please know that we in no way meant that to be inconsiderate of others’ needs. It’s just a basic break down for people who are struggling with what to do with the stuff in their homes.
Diane Ingram says
Thanks for clarifying! I’m sure that your response to my comment will be helpful to other occasional readers as well.
Jen Spadaro says
we’ve decided to put our house on the market. so our pretty organized home has been majorly decluttered. our real problem is now our walk up attic is oh so full. its also super hot up there, so that becomes a strange problem to cleaning out the un needed. For me i keep saying “will i want to unpack this” at the next house. and that has been incredibly helpful. ultimately we dont want to pack, pay to move, unpack things we dont really love. so thats been really helpful.
Rosy says
This post has given me the motivation to finish tackling our home. I was on a roll for a while and just lost steam. I made the mistake of jumping in with both feet. I’m going to take your advice and start small. Thank you!
Alison says
I’m so glad to have come across this post, I can’t wait to begin the purge in our home! I have no problem getting rid of stuff, it’s my husband that likes to keep things, but he’s coming around. Thanks!
june says
Thank you for this post. I really love visiting your blog and being inspired by what y’all are doing. (Case in point: I’m copying your “5” sign and making a “6” for our stairwell!)
I’ve been on a purging journey for 3 years now. It started when we moved and downsized our home by half. And then our family grew from 4 to 6! I’ve been working on minimizing the stuff we do have in this little home and I find it refreshing.
The only problem I have is how to balance the two worlds of minimizing and creating…and the stuff that comes along with creating. I’m sorry if this comes across as overly critical, but it is a real question: how do you balance posts about simplifying while other posts are full of resources where to get these amazing things you’re putting into your clients’ newly redesigned spaces? And then there’s the ad spaces on the sides that remind me of what I’ve been looking at on those retail websites that I still struggle with resisting? I’m quite sure you’re not about purging just so you can go buy more stuff, so I was just wondering as a creative person like yourself (which I identify as too) how do you balance those two worlds?
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hi June! I think this is an interesting question, but honestly, and please don’t take this in the wrong way… I really think it’s just something you have to resolve for yourself, in your own heart.
Breaking it down, and I hope it helps: I am a creative person to the core and I love to create ideas and spaces and resources for other people. I think that is my talent, and so that in itself is not bad. I believe I am supposed to use it. It’s a calling for me. A lot of people would argue that it’s helpful, even inspiring. And that’s why {we hope} they come to our little corner of the internet for ideas, almost daily. We have been able to turn our talents into a full time job, which is this site. That is made available by ads, which help support our family. Most sites {of the professional genre} from CNN to ESPN to Facebook, and all the little guys like us in between… have them. They help us generate the free daily content.
A very wise person once told me there is no such thing as balance. {Look for it in the Bible, and you won’t find it there.} I agree with them. And I think that we tend to confuse the notion of balance with perfection. That is a world that just doesn’t exist. ‘Things’ and ‘belongings’ aren’t inherently bad. A beautiful home that inspires your children, where they feel safe and loved and inspired… is not inherently bad. Creating that for them has been my calling since before they were born. I just happen to write about it here for other people to see. We’re not a minimalist site – but we are a site that believes in a realistic home. One of those avenues for our family, personally, is cutting down on the clutter so that we can enjoy and love what we do have. You’ll never see us filling it to the brim with things for the sake of things. That’s not us, and never has been. And at the end of the day, it’s all about what my children are learning. All ‘things’ brought into our home will be purposeful and intentional. It’s not a materialism thing. It’s never been about that for us. But as much as I would love to be an extremist and live in a 200 sq ft home in The Alps, that’s just not us, either.
Jamin and I both believe that it’s all about finding your own place and how you intend to run your home in this world… and that comes down to what you believe is best for yourself and your family. On that imaginary PH scale it’s all about figuring out where you fall. That doesn’t make others wrong or us right or vice versa. It’s about finding your place. When it becomes an issue of excess, when it impairs you from doing other things, or being grateful for what you have, or it becomes a distraction… or you become a slave to it… that is when I believe it should be reevaluated.
So it truly is personal.
At the end of the day, I think that’s what you have to watch out for. You can’t take it with you, (you never see a Uhaul at the gravesite) and it’s all about what you intend to do for others… because that’s what truly matters. The rest is personal, and it really depends on your own preferences. So it just can’t be defined by someone else.
It’s a personal matter of the heart, and we can’t really explain ours beyond what I just shared. That’s my take on it anyway. I hope it helps. ;}
june says
thank you for your kind and thoughtful response!