Oh my gosh is it FRIDAY yet?!
That’s what I murmured to myself as I pulled the yarn through another piece for my daughter’s project that night. I wasn’t doing it for her, but I was assisting, and 4-H speeches are brutal / not for the faint of heart. Sorry not sorry. Sometimes, it’s just not your thing. This is not our thing.
Our week was like anyone else’s: Work, meetings, clients, and photo shoots, my daughter’s outfit for the school play, {sometimes, it’s hard to make sure that the white shirt is indeed clean and in tact for the following day – shhhh} their costumes for reading week {we couldn’t find the second Harry Potter robe stashed in a container for an easy out, so in a creative bout (and to save our sanity since the kids were fighting over it) we did whitey tighties over pants and a red cape = Captain Underpants. Still waiting on my medal for this one, if anyone wants to throw a ceremony}. Then it was teacher appreciation {see me scrambling to put it all together that morning}. We topped it off with all the homework, activities, and appointments. First world probs. I know.
All these aforementioned events were this past week and we were kinda tired.
I was on the verge of throwing the {now tangled} yarn on the floor for a full blown adult-temper-tantrum-yarn-angel-free-for-all, ordering pizza and calling it a night. Holla, suckas.
The phrase living for Friday, is the one that struck me when my head hit the pillow a few hours later. I’m becoming that person everyone makes fun of in the vaguely motivational/entrepreneur videos that pop up on Facebook and remind you that you can, indeed, move to an island with bitcoin money. “Is this it?” I asked Jamin just as he started to fall asleep beside me, later that night.
Side note: I like to wait until he’s drifting off and his breathing has become even and smooth, before I dive into deep, life-altering questions. It’s his favorite thing about me. Before we were married, he was all “please wake me up at night when I’m on the verge of sleep with deep questions.” So we put them in our marriage vows.
He’s one happy guy.
But back to my question: Is this it?
Sometimes, it feels like we’re just trudging along until Friday.
Until spring.
Until our vacation.
Until a baby.
Until our renovation.
Until the move.
Until the time changes…
Fill in the blank here.
Sometimes, life just feels like that. It’s not because we hate our lives. It’s just because sometimes, that’s what happens. And then sometimes, it feels like you’ll never want the day to end. Usually, it’s when we’re having a sweet family moment or sitting on the beach in Tahiti…
Mostly the latter. I’m in desperate need of the latter.
I think that we’ve set our older selves up with ridiculous life expectations in our younger years.
We wait to start living, when really, this is it. And that is more than okay.
Sometimes, despite the world-conquering dreams you had as your younger self, the most meaningful moments are the seemingly meaningless ones.
When they asked the Dalai Lama what surprises him most, he responded with this:
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
That struck me when I read it last week. Almost like a slap in the face. The good kind that wakes you up with a refreshing sting when you’re stressing out over yarn for your daughter’s 4H project.
What a vicious cycle. I mean, I want to sell all my belongings and move to Hawaii and live free just like the next person, but let’s find a rational, happy medium here.
I think that happy medium is in the mundane moments. Sometimes, I’m just so afraid that I’m not soaking it all in, or looking at it the right way.
What hurts the most is how quickly it all goes by.
I can’t shake this yearning for more. Weren’t we designed that way? I’m grasping at straws in my only 80 {hopefully} years on earth. I am Man.
How is it that we can’t really remember more than snippets of things over time? I want to remember how it felt when my daughter hopped off the bus after school that day, and told us she was kind to a bully at school. How Jamin’s arms feel around me when I’m being grumpy. How it is so comfortable gathered around the table reconnected with old high school friends, like we never went anywhere in the first place, when really we’ve all grown. And great eye-opening conversations in the middle of the Target aisle where three shopping carts have converged, because running into new friends is so refreshing. It’s so heartwarming to see another stage of life where it’s a reminder of my own future, or my past and how quickly it all slips by.
We’re all just trying to make a connection.
I think most of us just want our lives to matter for something good.
It’s when we get lost in the mundane that we forget, sometimes the “mundane” moments are the ones that matter the most.
I shared it here before, but my word if the year is ‘fearless’.
I’ve never really succumbed into the ‘word thing’ before, mostly because I’m a wordy person, and have a hard time nailing down just one. {Shocker.} I was doing one of those silly New Years things on Facebook, where words were scrolling quickly, and it prompts you to take a screen shot. So I humored myself and did just that. When ‘fearless’ presented itself on my screen, I thought… wow, how appropriate.
I’m done living in fear.
I’m done living for Fridays.
I’m done living for when-this-happens-I’ll-be-living.
And it’s all about how we look at things.
I’m living for the moments of wrapping up yarn for my kiddo’s school projects, because I can. And to sweet conversations with dear friends because they’re happening in authentic ways. I’m living for passing hugs and prepped lunches with love letters and pizza nights in our pajamas. I’m living for reading books with our kids and shuttling them to all the places because it’s just more opportunity for great meaningful conversations. I’m living for work because it’s the opportunity to learn, and in the unpleasant moments, because that’s where we grow.
I’m living for the every day, the present, and absolutely embracing it: Monday – Thursday.
Even if I love Fridays, just a little more.
And maybe next time, I’ll do a yarn angel, anyway.
Karen says
Amen sister, to all this blog today.
Terri Sullivan says
Such a good post today…much needed. Thank you.
Bryanna says
Totally agree with you! Looks like I am working just for vacations! I wonder sometimes if my parents had the same thoughts!
Linda F. says
Thank you for this terrific post. Very well said, and very much needed for most of us.
Bonnie says
So much of this post made me laugh out loud! Thank you for sharing the adorable pictures and for being so honest!