We’ve started the Lazy Gal’s guide 2016, and today I thought I’d pop in with one of my favorite posts. Because now that we’ve all started with the whole clear out all the things… it’s time to understand our relationship with clutter. So without further ado, one of my favorite posts on the topics of clutter in the home.
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There’s something about the possibility of moving in the near future, that can quite easily send one into a burn-all-the-things-because-I’m-questioning-my-existence tizzy.
Not only are we keeping our home sparkling clean constantly {yeah, right…points for an attempt with three kiddos and two pups, right? Hello stress.} But we’re also seriously questioning all of the things in our home. As if we hadn’t already, it’s become a mind game around here. Jamin walks around and picks random items up with his hands, and states how much it will cost per pound to relocate. He’s basically the equivalent of a human scale. I’ve always been a hoarder of books and craft supplies, but cue a regression of all things complete rationale, as I’m ready to take it from normalcy to why am I really here, deafcon level 5, I will live in the tiny mod house in Switzerland get rid of it all-ness.
Anyone up for a {second} yard sale? Kind of not even kidding.
On a total side note: It will be a miracle if the puppies don’t end up in a donate pile, as they ate my kitchen curtains this morning. They were to help polish off my flowers in the back yard which they’d very much enjoyed earlier.
Don’t worry people reading this who don’t know us. It would never happen. But we’re definitely in that teenager phase. Jamin just gets to quietly remind me ‘he told me so’… And I get to respond with lame comebacks and dirty looks. Sweet puppy snuggles make up for it all, though… right?
Last week, we were honored to speak at a conference together in Birmingham, Alabama on the subject of simplifying. And it really made us reflective of the past 2 years, {y’all I wrote two years, and then realized it’s been almost three} and how far we’ve come in our journey together. It also not so gently made me feel like a total hypocrite as we definitely now realize there are two levels of purging: normal, new years resolution/spring cleaning purging… and you will pay a small fortune with a moving company if you relocate this, purging.
I feel like we’ve both completely changed our perspectives in all things clutter, and how we view it over the years. Does that mean I don’t struggle with it anymore? That I’ve transformed into a cleaning warrior with magical powers and that everything is constantly organized?
Uh, no. Definitely no.
It means we’ve let go of perfection. That we’ve also learned to embrace life, and what comes with it. We can live in blissful harmony with the Legos while managing what we bring in to our house. It’s all a part of making a home work.
We just spent twelve weeks on the subject of clutter clearing in our home, {I mean, let’s be honest: we were tired of our series this go round by the time we were done.} But we wanted to go beyond the purging side of things, because we believe it goes beyond well-intended new years resolutions and all things burn out.
Purging can be a vicious cycle when it comes to changing your life and making some realistic adjustments. It kind of has to happen again… and again. But if you read nothing else I say in this post, know this as your most valuable weapon:
What kind of clutter lover are you?
So we decided to kick it off with a fun quiz of sorts. I mean, there’s no point without a quiz, right? Don’t all good magazine articles/classes/well meaning self important blogs start with a quiz? So without further ado, humor us and keep up with your answers as you go down the list.
Or not.
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Okay. You may have stopped reading past question number three. But it was well worth a go because here are the results {and you probably see a little of yourself on the spectrum in all of these…
• If you got mostly A’s: The Stuffer.
You’re also a surface cleaner: In an attempt to get your home under control, you may do a bit of a clean-and-dash kind of approach. Before you know it, the home looks great, but you’ll never find your car keys/kids school project/old banana peel again. So basically you’re an expert at cleaning and making it look good, but you’ll struggle with finding things later. You have cluttered areas mostly behind closed doors and it causes issues with organization in your home. And your sanity.
{This is me, in case you didn’t know yet ::raises hand awkwardly on back row::}
• If you got mostly B’s: The Saver.
You’re known as the sentimental artist – the creative with good intentions. You just may need that later, and you tend to struggle with knowing when enough is enough, or when to let it go. Stockpiling is your game, to the point of not knowing where most things are anymore. You have great ideas but sometimes lack a plan for follow through or what to do with it in the process. Management of all the things is almost always an issue.
• If you got mostly C’s: The Trasher.
You go through cycles where you really want to simplify, but lack a sustainable plan for doing so. You get caught up in the moment, and sometimes have regret for what you’ve purged without a process in mind. You may waver somewhere on the spectrum and have days where you’re mostly this… and it’s hard. You want an organized home, but aren’t sure where to start.
Can you relate?
Jamin was once the Trasher, and I, the Stuffer. {With a dash of Saver.} There’s some statistics somewhere that says most couples argue about money. Ours is over where I put the fill-in-the-blank, or why he trashed it… Both of us had no plan behind what we were doing, in survival mode with three young kids. In retrospect, I think we almost broke up over a lost gift card once.
Just a few things to remember:
1. Understanding the cycle is the first step to breaking it.
Are these all encompassing profiles for people who struggle with clutter? No, of course not. It’s really just a silly little quiz to get us all thinking about how we may behave in the every day in our habits, without even realizing it. No lie, y’all… I will subconsciously pick something up, and shove it in a drawer in an effort to maintain a clean countertop, before I even realize I did it. It helps to know what I’ve done, and how to stop myself from doing what I’m doing.
We all struggle with clutter on some level. The first step to changing a behavior is recognizing the problem and making a conscious decision to change it.
2. A lot of it has to do with our family of origin.
I feel that our relationship with things in the home is heavily influenced by how we were raised to deal with it. We simply do what was modeled. It’s what we know, and it can be hard to change it. That doesn’t mean we should use this as a crutch, but it’s important to have a realistic approach, and part of that is just who we are. It’s a great place to start in recognizing that a lot of our views on things come from our family of origin.
That being said, our family of origin was also heavily impacted by the culture at the time. The generations before my parent’s generation viewed things differently because they most likely came from the depression era. Homes were smaller, and times were different. They were taught not to waste perfectly good items, and they saved. Fast forward to the succeeding generations thriving in the 80’s and 90’s, and they were from a few booming decades, where the general square footage of a home began to grow to huge proportions in comparison to years before, and affluence was widespread. It changed their relationship with things in the home, as well.
And now we see in modern day, a swinging of the pendulum. With changes in the economy and the less is more trend at hand, children do not wish for too many items or their parents belongings. They feel things are a burden. In the height of the technological revolution, views are changing. While they do appreciate the notion of things handed down, it’s changing.
We’re all affected by the times at hand, and our families of origin. The culture of the day and the widespread way of doing things, as well as how we were impacted by belongings in our younger years has a serious impact, later.
But that doesn’t mean we have to repeat the same in our own homes, now. It’s important to recognize those relationships, and how they influence our behaviors.
3. Your life stage reflects a lot of your relationship with things.
We’re all in different life stages. We’re all on different paths. And feeling overwhelmed with the things in our lives all gets us sooner or later, if we don’t allow ourselves to recognize the pattern.
Personally, our way of running a household became challenging when we found ourselves in “survival mode” with three kids 4 and under. Now we’re freaking out with school aged kids, ready to relocate and purge all. of. the. things. We can’t imagine what it’s like to be an empty nester, trying to hand things down to your own adult children, or after going through a divorce and downsizing. Or dealing with the loss of a spouse or loved one and handling their belongings. Doing something with one’s own parents’ belongings after they’ve passed, must be a challenge all on it’s own… we can only imagine.
It’s a real challenge, and everyone is in a different place.
It’s important to recognize the stage of life you’re in, and give yourself a little grace with it all. It’s different for everyone, and will change and evolve with you and your home, as you grow as a person and a family. There’s a process and it’s okay to make time for that.
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It’s easy to get bogged down by it all, and struggle with breaking the cycle. It’s kind of mind blowing to think of all the reasons we have the relationships that we do with stuff. Knowing what kind of clutter lover you are is the biggest weapon you have in making a true lifestyle change in your home.
So if you took the quiz, where do you fall in the spectrum? Do you find these elements influencing you in your own homes? There’s community {and therapy} in being real. And knowing you’re not alone. We all struggle with it on some level.
We’d love to hear from you!
Southern Gal says
A saver with stuffer tendencies would best describe me. Oh, how I wish I could cut the sentimental ties to things. Especially the things my kids did growing up. I’ve started taking photos of things so I can throw them away and now I have all these photos on my computer or camera that I’m petrified I’m going to lose because, you know, I hardly ever get those photos developed. Or when I do I have stacks of boxes of photos that I can’t even enjoy. Bah. Can you tell I need help? I think I’m going to hire my daughter-in-law to come in and toss things when I’m not here. Or maybe you???
ashley @ the handmade home says
HA! Awe Southern Gal, I am with you. I feel like it’s so hard already, and our children aren’t even grown. I’m a sucker for all the kids art. :/ Hang in there… it’s a process and I can’t imagine what it’s like with grown babies out of the house! Help is always a good idea, though… fresh perspective is sometimes just what the Dr ordered!
Southern Gal says
Bahaha! I am reading along without really reading the intro, then I get to the end, and I’m the first comment on this post from last year! I feel it’s only right to update you on my progress. I have less clutter, but still much more to get rid of. Thanks for sharing again. A refresher is always good, yes?
Amy says
My husband is a cross between saver and stuffer; I am a cross between a saver and a trasher, though the amount of things saved usually means I have to stuff sometimes, especially when I have no idea what to do with random things his sentimental heart and large family saver mentality has led him to keep…and that I discover in the oddest yet most obvious places right before company is coming…like the guest bathroom medicine cabinet. The teacher in me whispers, “Everything can be repurposed and redeemed to new glory;” the artist in me excitedly squeals, “New project!! Ideas!” Right now I am in give away/sell/trash all the things mode, though. Too busy for projects!
ashley @ the handmade home says
I can totally relate, Amy. Those inner voices had me laughing out loud. Love it! HA!
Bonnie C says
My husband is a “stuffer.” He rolls through the house and surface “cleans” (it’s not “clean” if I have to come through and mop up after him, is it??) and stuffs EVERYTHING into the WRONG place. Drives me bats. It only creates more work and now no one can find anything. Argh!
You missed a category: D The Reluctant Deep Cleaner (that’s me, btw). I put off cleaning as long as humanly possible because once I get started, it’s only a matter of time before I steal one of the kid’s toothbrushes to get into that *onetinysection*. Before long, I have 1 sparkling square foot in a sea on landfill. And Then I’m ready to kill it all, kill it all with fire. No one wins. :: sigh:: 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Deep cleaning? What’s that? ;} I am with you on that, Bonnie! I hate it so much, I refuse to label it. ;}
Andrea @ MouseInMyPocket.com says
I’m 3 for Saver and 2 for Stuffer in the quiz. I’d say that’s about how I fall with my clutter. I’m trying to do better about that, especially with getting rid of some things (like books) that I kept because they belonged to my grandparents, but which really have no sentimental value. Speaking of which, do you know anyone who might want the tub of antique books I’m planning to get rid of?
ashley @ the handmade home says
I have a soft spot for antique books! I’ll take them off your hands! Cue Jamin, with scales in the background and a foreboding look. Just kidding. You’re in good company with the antique books thing. Not to be an enabler but isn’t that one of those things you hang on to??? ;}
Sharon says
Your local library may be interested in the antique books, if you want to donate them. My library takes book donations and has a book sale twice each year to raise money for more library books, resources, children’s activities, etc. Most books are only 50 cents to a dollar at the sale. Some of the more valuable books are priced higher or part of a silent auction.
Rayma says
My parents were children of the depression. I lost daddy almost four years ago, mom six years ago and my sister died of cancer twenty five years ago. I’m a senior orphan, divorced and preparing to move. I learned well from my parents that it’s always good to have a “pair and a spare”, never get rid of anything that still works (or can be repaired) and be thankful for the treasures of loved ones. I quilt, sew and – if I believe in the adage “she who has the most fabric when she dies, wins!” – I could actually win! Now add in sentimentality and I’m in real trouble. I can’t seem to get rid of anything unless it’s broken beyond repair. Thanks to one of my rescue dogs, I will be getting rid of my couch – he actually ate the cushions shortly after I took him in. So I’m down to choices – 1) hire three moving vans 2) enlist someone to help make choices for me 3) spend my days in utter emotional chaos making decisions I know I’ll regret later. How does one learn to become a Trasher when it feels like you’re tossing your family out? I will be rereading this over and over and attempt to make better decisions and praying for guidance. Or… just hire those three vans.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Oh Rayma. So sorry for those losses. I can only imagine. But goodness give those sweet impossible rescue pups some love from us… you’re in good company with the crazy dogs thing! ;} Thinking of you. And we’ll be covering more on that subject matter coming up, so stay tuned! ;}
Juliana @ Te Amo Too says
Home Google Search would be awesome! Mind boggling! Someone start this right now! My husband really needs it 😉 I’m definitely a Trasher in this one!
Regina says
I’m a stuffer! My house will usually look pretty good, just please don’t open any closet doors!!!! Occasionally when I just can’t take all the behind closed doors clutter anymore, I grab a garbage bag and become a trasher! My mom was always a saver and it seems most of her daughters have gone to the other extreme – getting rid of things we wish for later!
Ali says
I’m definitely a stuffer / saver + wild card of procrastinator (see: spent days going thru stuff for a yard sale which was supposed to happen 2yrs ago). My husband is a saver / trasher and goes through spells where he just decides all our (mostly my) stuff needs to be thrown away… not super helpful dear.
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA! So sorry Ali. MAWWIAGE. The struggle is real.
danielle says
The ecard about forest creatures, awesome. I totally agree 🙂 Mice would be welcome in my home if they would only contribute 🙂
Stephanie C. says
I am a sucker for a good quiz! I am a Saver with a slight Stuffer tendency. I have been working really hard at the supplies and unfinished projects I have collected and have started to move a lot of that stuff to the garage sale pile. It does feel freeing to not have the unfinished projects hanging over me, and it’s giving me the time and space to really focus on the things I want to work on.
ashley @ the handmade home says
You just nailed my feelings toward it all, Stephanie. It’s so hard to do but when it’s done, the feeling is unreal. I’m serious when I say we’re about to go hardcore on this place. It just feels good to get rid of the things that weigh us down!
Poppy says
You are a hoot, Ashley! I know what you mean. I’ve been in de-clutter (trying) mode since I don’t have money to buy new stuff like I want for our home! Instead, I’m organizing closets and selling stuff on Craigslist. So far, I’ve sold about 5 things–and one on ebay, and it feels good to say goodbye. There’s also the pressure to save things because well-meaning family members made you take it. Urgh!!!!!! Anyway, love your blog and welcome you to mine any day! XOXOX
Rose L. says
I had 2 b’s and so fall in that category. I am in a home now with a workshop, a big one, and I can put lots in there!!! I try not to have too many projects at one time!
Jenny B. says
What a timely post! My living room is FULL of all the stuff right now because we’re in the middle of decluttering and reorganizing in preparation for baby boy #3 (due next month). I am definitely a saver with a dash of stuffer, and my husband is a trasher. He has almost nothing. All the STUFF is mine (and our kids’). SIgh… it’s a struggle for sure. Remember that show Clean Sweep? I learned a lot by watching that show, and put it into practice a couple of times. I only regret getting rid of a couple of things (like, literally one or two things), and I think that’s OK. Now, if I could just get going on it again!
Whitney Shortt says
Oh man, that’s exactly what my husband would be doing, and I’d probably take it out of his hand and hit him with it lol