Sometimes, the very best of gifts…
Are the completely unexpected ones.
Circa 2008. It was only a few days before Thanksgiving. Jamin was unloading groceries in the kitchen, and the kids were going beserk. Like, make-me-pull-my-hair-out-we-couldn’t-possibly-manage-more-and-are-happy-with-two-so-for-the-love-of-all-things-breastpumps-stop-acting-like-complete-psychopaths-before-I-climb-to-the-roof-and-go-into-the-fetal-position, beserk. Aiden was clawing at Jamin’s leg. I’m pretty sure he actually started to gnaw. I’d recently caught him all kinds of nom-noming the dog food, so I guess he was hungry. Emerson was dragging/crawling around on the floor as well, with her usual MO, screaming. I walked into the room, a distraught woman on a mission, and slammed down the test I’d just taken.
“If you are, I don’t want to know until after Thanksgiving,” Jamin muttered, as he nosily emptied cans from the plastic bags, never looking up at me. He was afraid to look at me.
We were just emerging from the mass chaos that is survival mode with an extremely colicky/refluxy/sleeplessly miserable 10 month old Emerson. And a 3 year old Aiden who had also recently decided to completely forego sleep, in the grand spirit of all things comradery. We were taking shifts. In waves. And had been doing so since January.
So naturally, after experiencing flu-like symptoms for a few days, I decided that aforementioned symptoms felt a bit too familliar. On a hunch, I took a test. {No. It wasn’t a Math test, though I would have failed that, too.} Much to my shocked dismay, two lines appeared on that test. So I guess you’ll all understand when I tell you that his words sent me into a little bit of a borderline psychopath scary moment. The ugly cry, where my face squishes up and turns red, and tears stream down. Paired oh so delicately with the creepy laugh. I think it lasted for about ten minutes or so, stopping Jamin dead in his tracks.
His only response: “You’re kidding me.”
As we all know, these are the things that memories are made of. While I may sound like a total brat on the surface, it’s not that I wasn’t completely thankful. I was just overwhelmed, blown away, and thrown for a loop. Because we thought we had it all figured out. We were to live happily ever after in our little house with our not-so-little dog. A boy and a girl and maybe even a picket fence. Hurray! Long live the dreams of (convenient) Americana. The end.
And Malone kind of rocked my world a little bit.
In the best way possible.
My unexpected blessing. Maybe one day he’ll read this and feel a little weird. I should hope that he reads this and knows he’s more than loved. He serves as a living reminder to me, every day, that maybe I don’t have it all figured out. But God certainly does. He knew exactly what he was doing when he sent this amazing little boy our way. We can’t fathom life without him.
You’ve blended quite gracefully into our crazy family. It’s like you were always here. When you were born, your older brother thought you were a boy the entire time, even though we kept you a surprise and Mommy thought you were a girl. He was so excited to be right, he exclaimed that he was going to “Teach him new tricks!” And your sister snuggled up next to you, glad to “Hold the baby Mone.”
It was just yesterday, after all, that Jamin was giving birth. I’m so glad he’s recovered from his ordeal.
{He’s all mine, ladies.}
And you’re this smart, hilarious, gorgeous little boy of mine. Who I couldn’t love more. We have three amazing gifts that we could never be grateful enough for. Grateful for them and this crazy ride called life.
Happy 3rd birthday, Benjamin Malone Mills.
Let the birthday pancake extravaganza begin.
Happy Friday, everyone!
April says
How sweet! I literally did laugh out loud at the picture of your hubby! LOL! He is a very handsome boy. And also thanks for keeping it real on your emotions.
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA thank YOU for ‘getting’ what I was getting at. ;}
Rasonda says
Malone is absolutely PRECIOUS! I love his name {I think I have told you this before but we have an Emerson too}. Anyways, I can so relate to this. My husband and were trying to get pregnant the second time arounf and succeeded on the first try. Most people aren’t that lucky so I should have been thankful but I thought CRAP! I cant believe it actually worked. So after adjusting to a fast pregnancy, I went in at 5 months to find out we were unexpectedly having TWINS! After a healthy pregnancy and smooth delivery {again most people aren’t that lucky- I am very blessed}. We went home to several months of hell, no sleep, crabby colicky twins, and a whiny 3 year old. We were exhausted and miserable and now they are turning 6. They are thee most precious and amazing children and I could not imagine life without them. My husband I were just saying last night how fast time has gone and we wished would have enjoyed it more. Anyways, I so know what you went through and I so know how you feel now. My heart is so full and we are so lucky and complete now. Thanks for sharing!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHAHA that’s insane! I am right there with you. And I can’t imagine twins!!! I was honestly a little scared to share this today, because we pretty much had the opposite problem that some people have, and we are eternally grateful. I was just overwhelmed and kind of wanted to be selfish at the time. ;} Now I can’t imagine life without any of my babies! ;} LOVE your story!
Leslie says
I laughed so hard at the photo of your hubby “giving birth” that my 1 year old started laughing with me. Thanks for sharing!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Oh, there’s more of him nursing. By the time we did this the third time around it was old hat. He had a little too much fun in the hospital! That, and we have the sense of humor of twelve year olds!
Courtney says
That pic of your husband is hilarious!
Happy 3rd Birthday to Malone. My daughter Maren turns 3 today as well! Birthday twins. š
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, Happy Birthday, Maren! What a pretty name!
Mila says
What a sweet little boy! Aren’t those little boys just the best? Oh, and the little girls too. š happy birthday, Malone!
JP says
I adore all those photos. You can tell he certainly is adored. š
Gigi says
Reading this made me laugh and cry! I remember Aiden running into the waiting room, so excited, shouting “it’s a boy, it’s a baby brother”! I too was surprised, because I felt sure we were adding another little girl to the family. I can’t believe 3 years have passed since I held that sweet little boy in my arms for the first time! He has truly been a blessing to me! I love you, Mone! Have a happy, happy birthday!
Amanda Eck says
oh girl I can sooo relate to this story-except it was january, New Years Eve to be exact and my husband was at his cousins funeral and I was home alone with all my nasty, ugly thoughts, bitterly crying. We were the perfect family (or so I thought)- 1 girl, 1-boy, even-steven, happy as clam, them bam! God had other plans and our dear sweet precious Grayson came along- and I can not even imagine our lives without him. He’s my snuggler, my hugger, my alwayswakesupinagoodmood kid. Doesnt it feel good to know that God has our best interest at heart and His blessings are, well, Perfect!
Happy Birthday to your precious lil one!
Jenny wells says
Such a sweet post….been there myself! On another note (in my day after vacation mush brain), when I read his full name I thought it said Benjamin Moore Mills for a second….I thought ” I know this girl likes to decorate but that is hard core, ning your kid after paint”.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Bwahahahahahaha!!!! š
Mme PiNat says
Waowww, what a sweet and nice story….I appreciated all of it, feeling all the love beneath all your words and your son is so lucky to have such a mum who loves him so much….and who deserves a great family like yours ! And happy birthday to this “just too cute”‘ little boy ! The last picture is awsome !!!! Enjoy the pancakes and take care š
chrissi says
laughing. crying. laughing. great post.
happy birthday malone. your family is amazing.
Anna@agoodhome says
Aww, made me cry a little. Your response to your surprise was more gracious than mine to our daughter (our 1st). There was definitely inappropriate language uttered in the shock. And now, just like you, I can’t imagine life without my sweet Lily.
Dorothy says
And Jamin kept his girlish figure to boot!!
Really, this is so sweet. Our first was a surprise too and so was our third, who snuck in underneath her (planned )twin brother. So I definitely hear ya… but then you see the little darling baby and well, you told the rest of the story perfectly. Happy birthday, Malone!
Amy @Five Kinds of Happy says
Love it! He’s such a little man! The picture of Jamin had me shoulder-shaking for like 5 minutes
Papa says
To me..the first name says it all…he will be strong…determined…committed to his principles….laugh a lot…most certainly a CPA….and maybe a little ‘dorky’ from time to time….but most importanly…. he will be true to his values….
Jami Nato says
it’s true. you’re funny.
birthing picture…amazing. cover of TIME worthy.
and praise God for surprises.
Gina says
I just found your blog this weekend and I’m totally enjoying catching up on your posts š I loved reading this post because we are expecting our surprise, baby #3, beginning of December. We have 2 little boys (almost 4 and 20 months) and JUST had decided we’d like to have another one, maybe in a year or two when we found out I was pregnant! #3 is a little girl, and after the initial (like 4 months!) shock and surprise wore off, we are getting excited for her to be here! ~gina
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe…Gina thanks for dropping a line! And congratulations to you! ;}
Erin @ Two Story Cottage says
Okay, first of all you need to thank your lucky stars that he was a boy. Because he is so close in age to E & girls that close would have been pulling each other’s hair out. Among other things. Let’s just not go there.
Loved the post! Lacey’s birthday is 7/12. She just turned five.
You do realize now that your youngest is 3, you are officially on your way out of survival mode. Woohoo!
And I’m always distracted by your frames in the playroom. I LOVE LOVE LOVE them.
Chad & I had a little too much fun in the hospital room. So much fun being silly that on our last visit we were told we needed to go to a special room & watch the Purple Crying Video. With a social worker. It is a psa for people that might, umm, have the urge to shake their babies. So, yeah they thought we were unfit parents. Not embarrassing or anything. That is why we can’t have a 3rd.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Erin, are you serious right now? Because I can’t tell. You have me rolling. It’s like for us, everything was so sacred and serious with the first, and then we decided to have fun the next times around. ;} And hurray for no more survival modes! I have some friends having babies now, and I’m all, yeah…I’ll hold it…and satisfy my cravings. Then I will give it back, and let it cry. And keep you up at night. ;}
Laura says
You have me in tears! We just celebrated 3 years with our little girl on July 12. We are going through a very similar thing as well. We decided we were done and content with our two children. Not two weeks later, I had a positive test as well! I am 15 weeks and just starting to get over the shock that baby #3 sent me. You are right – God’s plans are so much bigger than our’s!!
Jennifer Murray says
Ashley, life had just gotten..easy for me. Or easier. My boys were at that great age where I could have a bit of time to myself and my creativity had kicked into FULL gear. I could finally accomplish a few things! And then the completely unexpected pregnancy happened; right around Thanksgiving for us, too! I nervous-laughed and CRIED BUCKETS. Luke is just shy of a year right now…and it has been an admittedly tough year. But what a blessing, right? God has taught me some things I wouldn’t of ever learned and given us such a gift. 3 kids!! Wouldn’t have it any other way!
ashley @ the handmade home says
amen! ;}
penelope says
ashley – what a timely read for me…we have 2 great kiddos & were deciding if we wanted to go for round 3 or just keep the peace with 2 – just as i was leaning towards being done – BAM! found out #3 was indeed on the way even though we weren’t “trying”. we are so lucky to not have to “try” – I tell my hubs not to even throw his boxers on my side of the bed we’re so darn fertile. Same day we found out we were pregnant I had an ultrasound that was not good, a week later and repeat ultrasound and told I would miscarry….3 weeks later and no sign of anything happening had ANOTHER ultrasound and BAM! again, there is the most perfect baby on the monitor with a beautiful green blinking heart! Emotional roller coaster is an understatement…we’re due in October and feel so incredibly blessed and cannot wait to meet our true miracle daughter. Thanks for the great post and positive thoughts on surprises!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe-Penelope-what a blessing! So excited for you!
Ann at Mundane Magic says
We call our #3 child….The bonus baby…in hopes of less therapy later. She is otherwise known as Grace and she makes life pretty crazy and delightful at 8 years old.
Love the birthday letter to your sweet boy. Happy Birthday Malone.
leslie says
I absolutley LOVE this post. I’m imagining myself there now because life for us is CRAZY with the 3 we have- and while I can’t imagine not having just one more…. it would be met with so much hesitation that Id have to know it was totally a gift from God-… š