I don’t know what it is about the husband’s out-of-towness that triggers traumatic events in my life, but it’s there. This invisible forcefield of ridiculosity, waiting to pounce. I’m a magnet. Sometimes it feels like one giant test by the out-of-town-juju gods to see what kind of a mother I am. Aspire to be. Or if I’ll survive in general.
When he’s out of the picture, aside from the chaotic factor little ones contribute (cue total moment of embarrassing admittance) I suffer occasionally from… wait for it… paranoia. Every now and then, I’m the human version of a chihuahua hyped on roids mixed with a double shot of that toxic stuff they put in a Red Bull. I’m practically waiting for my attacker who absolutely must be lurking around the corner. Paranoid.
I probably shouldn’t be writing this in a public domain for every Norman Bates wannabe in his mother’s dress standing on our lawn waiting to hack me with a spork to see, (because I probably wrote something derogatory about builder’s beige) but it is what it is. I’m paranoid about weird people following me home from Walmart, Freddy Krueger under my bed, and The Elf on the Shelf strangling me when I turn my back to wash the dishes during Christmas. You know. Normal adult stuff.
Why do I do this? Because things really do happen to me. Ridiculous, hard-to-explain moments that send me half reeling, half laughing half wondering if I’m really living in a movie … and what I did wrong in the universe. See case in point: Yep, I totally took this whilst driving and decided I needed proof of my murder later on Instagram. After I changed my direction five times in my own neighborhood to make sure he wasn’t following me.
There are benefits to living in a ‘smaller’ home, because I can check all the nooks and crannies in 2.5 seconds (with the plastic Little Tikes golf club I’m white-knuckling for protection). I have a plan if I do actually find someone. I’ll have time to run away after I give them a sampling of my triple spin-move throat punch. At least it’s great in my head because I totally made it up and it sounds like something Chuck Norris would do. I’ve even trained the kids.
I won’t turn my back and close my eyes in the shower, because I’m fairly certain that when I open them, the clown from It will be in my face, waiting happily with a murder balloon. After he laughs at me naked.
Forget about me answering the door in the middle of the day. I hide like a ninja, and can’t decide if it’s because that door-to-door evangelistic lady is secretly a knife-wielding psychopath or because I’m still in my pajamas. We’ll go with C. All of the above.
And when I was younger, I wouldn’t wash my face when I was home alone. I refused to close my eyes and be all confused only to have someone standing behind me when I finally open them. Because it’s always that girl who gets it first in the movies and I’m pretty much her.
I’d like to think I’m the main character, but let’s face it. I’m probably better victim material.
I’m sure all my friends secretly hate me, because I always take potential paranoia to a whole new level or ridiculous. One night in my junior year, up late and hyped on my fifth dose of caffeine from building a church out of balsa wood for a sculpture class (We could choose whatever we wanted so I was the dummy overachiever with a gothic cathedral – Yes, let’s carve a million tiny pieces for the fifty identical balustrades and then forget to purchase wood glue. Winning.) I became convinced that there was a man in our attic. Watching us. Because that’s what happens to college girls in all the movies and I heard a noise, and that’s what common sense melded with too many horror movies did to my brain. So I did what any rational person would do: slept with my glasses on (so I could see him in case he decided to attack me – duh) and placed furniture in front of the door. My roomies were not impressed. Humored, but not impressed.
You think I’d outgrow such childish behavior. (Does anyone?) Because I think it just reappears in different situations. Recently at the beach with a friend, I’m pretty sure I freaked her out when the wind harmlessly blew the gate open on the back porch, and I decided Jason must be standing at the bottom with a chainsaw and we should plan our escape route. Because we were all alone, I shamelessly begged her to leave the lights on. We all know that lights are a total murder deterrent.
There’s prescribed drugs available for this, I’m fully aware. It’s just that somewhere in my formative years I watched one too many scary movies and now I have this unhealthy love/hate relationship with them. I’ve slowly filtered them out because I’m pretty sure it’s like a lethal creative cocktail for my brain… it only fuels the paranoia.
It’s like roller coasters. Once upon a time they were fun and awesome, and now they just hurt my neck and make me want to vom because I’m old. I don’t have time for this and I kind of need to wash my face.
Jamin will occasionally humor me by watching one with me, and then ruin it by laughing at that person who “had it coming”, or saying things like “the blood wouldn’t spurt like that” because, duh, he’s a CSI expert on the side. So I do what any other good addict would do, and I have my very own special group of friends that I go to see scary movies with. We’ll be all, want to go see it as soon as we spy the freaky preview. Because it’s been a while since we’ve had our fix. And it’s all fun and games until our husbands are out of town and then we’re crying and stuff because a box of cereal fell in the pantry and so there must be a demon.
In the past when Jamin was gone for a while, I let the offspring sleep in our bed. It starts with Emerson trying oh-so-not-secretly to mumble something about it, thinking she’ll be the only ‘chosen one’. But we don’t play favorites, so Aiden catches on with a “No fair!” until I acquiesce and then Malone is sauntering into the room with fifty of his favorite lovies so the bed looks like this:
Before I know it, we’re in some super awkward sleeping configuration, because even though I love our sofa, I kind of prefer sleeping on our bed. And sofas are scary.
sleeping on the couch – via
There’s something about being surrounded by loudly snoring, teeth gritting, booger smearing sleep that’s kind of nice when Jamin is gone. Except the mornings when I wake up soaked in my three year old’s pee with a toe in my nose.
I could write my own horror story scripts.
But this time was different. Because Jamin was out of town and Emerson is finally (for the love of all things sanity saving unicorns and butterflies) sleeping in her very own bed. I think the secret is colorful striped bedding and gold stars, but digression again. My plan has worked. I’ve now performed quite a few exclusive invite-only solo I-told-you-so victory dances. It’s a cross between Roger Rabbit twerks and the 80’s snake, in the kitchen for Jamin. I’m his favorite high school dance team reject.
So I was solo in the bed, because I didn’t want to break our lucky streak. Which is a victory on it’s own. Doors closed. The kids’ sound machines on – I dare not sleep with one so I can hear the ghosts – We were all drifting into blissful sleep. Once my head hits the pillow, and I get past the what-was-that-noise-I’d-hardly-notice-if-Jamin-was-here, exhaustion takes over and I’m in a certifiable coma.
You know when something happens to you that is so bizarre, you’re not sure you can form the words later to explain it? Stay with me, and fast forward a few hours.
I’d been asleep for some time when a thunderstorm loomed in the distance, the bass sounds rumbling against the windows. Something stirred in the room. I opened my eyes, and then closed them again, only to have them lurch open as my mind was able to register a blurry, sleep induced sight.
There was a figure, looming just inches from my face. And suddenly the television snapped on behind the silhouette that wavered in front of me. As if on cue, a commercial in full blast with loud jovial voices and bright lights filled the previously dark, quiet bedroom. There, in the middle of this muggy Alabama night, I couldn’t decide if that chick from The Ring had just jumped out of the television, or the zombie apocalypse had begun.
I had bigger problems. I was about to suffer actual fear induced heart failure.
Emerson was in one of her sleep walk/night terrors again, whimpering slightly at the side of the bed while I tried my best to compose myself. I have no idea how long she’d been standing there. I fumbled around for the remote, as apparently there’s a short in our dinosaur of a television that now causes it to jolt on at inopportune times a-la poltergeist.
Very inopportune times.
And this night time episode was a first.
I unplugged the TV, for fear I might die of fright, and pulled my little zombie into the bed. She rolled over, in a deep sleep of her own.
Sometimes the movies are just movies… but racking my now-retired scary movie trivia nerd brain, children can be the most frightening subject matter of all.
Adorably terrifying.
Vindicated paranoia.
Anna says
This is absolutely hysterical. Oh my word I’ve done all those things and more. Buahahhhahhaha! I can’t even pick a favorite line from this. Love it.
Baileywife says
OMG GIRL!!! I totally had to re-read this aloud to my children…..”See, your mama isn’t the ONLY one!!” Thanks for that! ~Kim
Heather D says
Oh my gosh. I laughed outloud reading this. I so feel your pain! My husband works Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, so I’m home alone every weekend and see all sorts of things. Last weekend, I thought my neighbor kids were stealing my patio furniture. I also thought there might be a tarantula in my shower. And of course, when I turn off the lights and head to bed, I pretty much sprint there and shut the door behind me. You’re not alone… =) (Wait, I didn’t mean that to sound creepy, like “you’re not alone in the house..” but rather, “there are other people out there who get creeped out easily.”) haha
Kitty says
Too funny! I think you’re so brave for actually going to scary movies. I can’t do it. Ever. Can’t even watch scary movie commercials. I have to plug my ears, close my eyes, and sing “la, la, la” out loud so I won’t hear the scary stuff. To say I have an over active imagination is putting it mildly. True confession…when I was a young-un I was totally sure there was a family of Pygmies living in our attic. Really. Perhaps I should have also cut out National Geographic magazine in addition to scary movies. It’s a wonder I can function in daily life. :p
Thanks for making me smile!
ashley @ the handmade home says
This might be one of the best things I’ve ever heard. We actually had a family of squirrels at one point… but that’s another story and quite terrifying on it’s own. ;} Amazing. Love it.
Corrina says
Phew! I thought I was the only one that acted liked this. I blame watching “children of the corn” many moons ago! And I always check the shower. You made my morning!!
Jenny a.k.a. The Homemade Diva says
My husband is a firefighter, so when he’s a work, he’s there for 24 hours. Which means plenty of nights home alone. I stopped watching scary movies a long time ago, but I still have an overactive imagination, so I do get a little jumpy when I have to sleep alone.
One time, my husband had left for work and I was still home sleeping. I was starting to wake up but still dozing. I’d had my back to the bedroom door, but then rolled over to the other side, now facing the door. While rolling over, I had opened my eyes a crack and then closed them again. Until I realized I’d seen something. My eyes shot open and I saw that my bedroom door was cracked open and there was a face peering at me from the crack.
My husband and I don’t have any children. We live alone. No one should have been in the house.
I was in the process of opening my mouth to start screaming when I heard a voice I recognized say “Jenny!” It was my brother-in-law! Apparently, my husband had left some baseball tickets for him to come get. Hubby never mentioned any of this to me, so I had no idea to expect anything. I guess my bro-in-law tried to call me and tell me he was coming, but I didn’t hear the phone because I was asleep, so he let himself in (he had a garage door opener from when he used to live with us). But he couldn’t find where my hubby had put the tickets, so he peeked into the bedroom to see if I knew where they were.
I don’t think Ive ever been so scared in my life! I’m sure he’s taken at least 10 years off of my life! I told hubby that the garage door opener needed to come back and no one needed access to the house without us letting them in. Talk about a heart attack!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Um wow. I think I would have killed my husband for forgetting to mention that one. HAHAHAHA! Glad you survived!
Haley says
And I thought I was the only neurotic now 30 year old that is afraid of the dark…
Just yesterday my 2 year old woke up from a nap talking about some man and pointing outside…. freaked me out for the rest of the night!
Haley says
I just have to add that one night when I my husband was out of town… I actually called the police on what I was sure was a rage-ing, murderous, lunatic yelling help outside late one night. (note: we live in the country).
While my parents and the cops and me are assessing the where-abouts of this criminal, a man drives up in a truck and says have you seen my dog, his name is hemi…
Yep, I called the police and woke my parents out of bed for a man yelling for his lost dog. Now why on God’s green earth, would this happen on one of the very few nights my husband was not there?
ashley @ the handmade home says
That was legit. I would have called someone too! ;} You never know when the ‘man’ looking for his ‘dog’ is really a psychopath. I mean, seriously. That is how people die. Better safe than sorry. ;}
Nancy says
HAHAHAHA “The man looking for his dog” (ya right) is really a psychopath”. Now that’s my kind of paranoid fear. Not “my kind” as in I like it…but as in I think this about almost everyone. :/
Mindy says
Oh Ashley, I love you! I share your same “penchant for paranoia” and honestly thought I was the only one! I don’t even have to watch a scary movie to become paranoid! When I was in college, I watched “JFK” (full of conspiracy theories) and when the movie was over, I was convinced the government was “watching” me. I was frozen with fear to the point I couldn’t get off the couch to go to bed (it was late and I was alone). Because I’m SURE the US gov’t was interested in “watching” boring old me! LOL!
Same thing would happen after watching “Unsolved Mysteries” alone…I was so freaked out I couldn’t move off the couch!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Unsolved Mysteries terrified me. Sometimes I write about topics and then wonder if I’m craycray and anyone can relate… an even scarier thought is that I’m the only paranoid one out there! ;]
Nikki says
Can I just tell you how excited I got while reading this? I am thrilled to know that I am not the only paranoid weirdo out there who’s still afraid of the dark and the things that lurk. I mean seriously, why do houses have to “rest” at night? Can’t they do that during the day….like umm..when the sun is shining and the kids are making so much noise they make the blender sound quiet?!
Still laughing…..
denise says
Hilarious. I always enjoy your writing but this was a new level of side-splitting excellence! I have a teenage son who sleep walks. There has been more than one heart-stopping night I’ve awoken to him leaning over me in bed about 5 inches from my face. Why on earth do they DO that??
Lisa says
Oh my gosh, I think we might be paranoia twins!! I always have the feeling that there’s someone behind me. I let my kids sleep in my bed because I’m the one who’s scared and are scared for them to be alone in their room. I’m a nut…a crazy, good for nothin’ nut. In the 3rd grade, we had to watch safety videos and Rescue 911 and I had to sit out sit outside the classroom and wasn’t allowed to watch b/c I broke out in hives. Same thing happens when I hear the Unsolved Mysteries theme song. At least I know I’m not alone – thanks for showing me it’s ‘normal’ 😉
Tama says
I am 36 years old and still leap to the bed for fear that an arm is going to reach for my feet. This is totally irrational since nothing could fit under our bed for all of the boxes and bins underneath! (Crazy and irrational that I actually have to justify that. Lol!) The 80’s did bad things to us. Where were our parents? Hilarious post!
Kelly Weston says
Oh my goodness! I can totally relate. I’m that girl that when her husband is away, I triple check all doors and windows to make sure they’re locked, close all the curtains, keep the microwave nightlight on for intruder spotting (I can see it from my bed), and place things in front of doors so that if anyone opens them, I’ll hear it! And I may or may not sleep with a gun under my husbands pillow, just in case. Of course, I’d probably just end up chucking it an an intruder 🙂
There was one time where I was super savvy and left my house keys in the door all night. Come on in, Mr. Intruder!
Linda A. says
I love your writing & sense of humor. Until now, I felt the amazing women who wrote blogs were somehow “super-women” & always in total control of everything. Thanks for making yourself so real…….I especially relate to the sleeping facing the door or the room or away from the door – you never know who or what might sneak up behind you. I’m in my 60’s and still sometimes feel “something” behind me if I sleep facing away from the door (it’s usually the cat)!
Jessica says
OMG, I am 100% the same way except I wield a hammer when checking all the places someone could hide!
Danielle says
Hilarious post! And does the guy in the instagram pic have a mask on…creepy! Glad you’re safe:) My daughter when she was younger slept walk with her eyes wide open and would walk around the house at night. I have been awoken many a night by a creepy child or two lol!
Teale says
Ok, so you have to go on YouTube and search:
Boyfriend scares sleeping girlfriend with ‘the ring’ style wake up prank.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. Oh. My. Word. This is why I absolutely have a zero tolerance policy for pranks. hahahaha!
Denise says
I so needed a good laugh!! Ha!! I really thought I was the only crazy one…and then I read the other comments!! There seems to be a lot of us. My hubby doesn’t go out of town often, but when he does I am so exhausted when he gets back because I have so much trouble sleeping. I used to set up a million booby traps between the doors and my bedroom so I would surely hear someone if they tried to break-in!! Thanks for sharing!!
Carol Johnson says
You are TOTALLY not alone! I check behind any and all shower curtains (even my own house if they are closed. And one is sheer!) before using the restroom. I don’t care if the person has 40 bottles of body wash, a tub filled to the brim with toys or 3 layers of soap scum. I am only looking to see that Pennywise is not awaiting my arrival into the room!
And seeing that pic of the truck following behind you made me remember one night when my hubby and I were coming home from a date night. I saw someone running put of a backyard a block away from out house wearing all black and a scream mask. I thought I was going crazy (hubby did not see it)! But still did not sleep a wink that night. The next day a detective was walking around our neighborhood asking questions. So maybe I was not so insane. 😉
Susan Krauss says
oh em gee! This HAS to be my most favorite post of yours to date! lmao! wow! I too, suffer from husband-traveling-paranoia. We’ve been married now for 23 years and although it’s lessened quite a bit, it does still happen on a fairly regular basis. Just this year, I began to wear earplugs (which I wear every night when he’s here) on the nights he’s gone because then I don’t hear every creak , groan and tree branch scraping the house! It has definitely helped me get more sleep when he’s away.
Katie says
Wow, this was so wonderful and hit so close to home! It drives me nuts that I’m like this. I mean, I lived alone for years before my husband and I got married, and I never had this problem then. Now, he’ll leave for one night, and I’m petrified!
In a story similar to yours — one of those it-could-only-happen-when-husband’s-away tales — one night last fall, my husband went on a camping trip with a buddy and left my dog and me home alone. At first, I was so excited. I could order whatever takeout I wanted and could watch all the HGTV my little heart desired. But I was nervous too, this being the first time I would be alone at night in our married house. I think our dog, Brownie, could tell I was nervous because she was being extra affectionate all evening, cuddling on the couch (maybe she likes HGTV too?), etc. When we finally went to bed, I let her sleep with me to give us both a little comfort. And it took us both ages to fall asleep. Finally we must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know the smoke detector starts going off, beeping as loud as can be. We both sprang straight out of bed, our hearts racing 90 to nothing! It turns out, the battery was dying. It took forever to shut it off though. We have 9-foot ceilings, and I couldn’t reach it without a ladder, which naturally was all the way in the deepest, darkest corner of the basement. Needless to say we didn’t get much sleep that night. 🙂
My husband has another trip planned for September of this year — this time for a week — and I’m already dreading it. What creepy crawlies and ridiculous things will happen this time?
I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my anxiety! 🙂
Kelli says
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! I LOVE this post!!! I thought I was the only one! I am SUCH a little baby it is ridiculous! I realte to so much you said, love love love! Hilarious, just hilarious!!
Elizabeth @ The Little Black Door says
I’m glad I’m not the only one – I am totally the same way!! Having a dog helps as I know she wouldn’t let anyone into the house without barking her head off. 🙂
Cindy R says
“And when I was younger, I wouldn’t wash my face when I was home alone”……..I totally forgot about doing this myself! The second I read it, I remembered! We could be siblings in fear!
Eliz says
I should have waited to read this until Monday. My husband is out of town this weekend, yuck!
Shelley says
Nailed it!!! This is me to a T! I get acne when my husband is out of town (because I don’t wash my face for fear of opening my eyes and seeing a demon or killer in the mirror behind me), I often pull a muscle or 5 (from jumping into the bed several feet away so the demon under the bed can’t grab my ankles and drag me under), and get zero sleep (from staying up until 1:00 or 2:00 so that when I do leap into bed I can fall immediately to sleep). And yet I’ve got the nerve to tell my child not to be scared at night. Pot, kettle? And, what is the deal with the guy following you wearing a mask?! Freak!!!
Shara says
You are not alone in your overactive imagination!!! Mine always kicks on when my husband is deployed, usually when I’m taking a shower and I think of how I will get my four kids out of the window, down the second story to the ground, while wrapped in a towel and trying not to flash anyone, if some creeper broke in and we had to escape. No doubt, our husbands are secretly pleased that they give us so much security when they’re around, that we have these “freak out” moments when they’re gone!
Pam says
This is by far the best laugh I have had in a long time and I totally get you! I think you hit the sleep hard because you have worked up such an exhaustion from paranoia. Too funny and I am crying!
Kathy says
This is AWESOME! So glad I’m not the only one with these irrational fears! And yes, I have a small house too and I HAVE done the whole-house-sweep-to-check-for-intruders before! hahaha
PS. new follower and loving your home décor!!
Amanda @ Serenity Now says
I get it. I totally get it. When T is out of town, I set a booby trap by the back door that consists of a metal umbrella stand and a large wooden walking stick propped up in front of the door. I totally just gave myself away, but I guess it also doesn’t hurt that a large, growing German Shepherd now also sleeps by said back door. As a fan of The Walking Dead, I also now live in perpetual fear that I will wake up and find zombies in the house somewhere. It is my own fault for getting sucked into AMC’s programming, but darnit that cowboy sheriff is good lookin’!
Amanda says
Oh, my goodness – my sides hurt from laughing! This was amazing! I skip all scary movies (including previews – I have to cover my eyes and ears), and even scary TV shows (SVU) are banned! No kids yet, but when hubby’s away, both dogs get to sleep in bed. Of course, the few times we’ve come into the house really late at night, the dogs aren’t on their game and just stand at the top of the stairs looking at us instead of barking…
Linda says
This post would have been very funny under normal circumstances… but with hubby out of state for the next 7 days, it brings visions of Jason, the Sandman, and that little girl with all her hair hanging in her eyes ( can’t think of the movie just now). Criminal Minds is DEFINITELY out when hubby is gone. I hide when someone drives up in a vehicle that I do not recognize. This is after I make a mad dash and lock all the doors. I have glass doors and so many uncovered windows in my living area that I have to hide away from the door (and then I can’t see what their doing, darn it!) I listen and if they try to open my door, that is when I’ll run for my gun (or atleast that is my plan). I mean, no one is suppose to try and get in a locked door that you don’t know. I figure the only problem with this is if friends or family get new vehicles and don’t let me know. I use to put a pretty wicked knife under my mattress. Hubby made sure it was moved when he got home. I don’t know why….hmmm I’m so bad that I can’t sleep with my back to the door, so have to sleep all night on the same side. My ear gets sore! lol Hurry home hubby!
Sarah @ 20 State says
Absolutely loved this! I actually finished reading 10 minutes ago but had to finish laughing and drying my eyes and checking behind the bathroom door! I’m paranoid too and happy to admit I once spent a night in a motel when I couldn’t rationalise the normality of a ceiling space cover above my new homes bed, I know it moved! Just out of curiosity, what is in that truck? Looks like a huge owl or smug alpaca!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHAHA smug alpaca. SO funny. That was an actual ski mask hanging from their rear view window. Like a legit killer. I guess to freak people out… like they thought it was funny. I saw that truck on another side of town this spring, months later, and freaked out pointing and yelling like an idiot to my friends. They were all, whaaaa? They couldn’t appreciate the creepiness. ;}
Sarah says
Do I have a good one for you!
OK, so imagine a snowy winters night, my husband and I hear a noise in the middle of the night but don’t see anyone when we look out the window. We go back to bed, go about our normal morning routine when we wake up…until I look out the kitchen window. Out in the snow I see deep foot prints, like someone walked around our garage, stopped and stared in our kitchen window, and then proceeded to walk around the other side of the house. So I go out to look more closely, and not only did they walk around the back by the garage, they circled the entire house. The steps only appeared to break their circle the one time they peaked in the kitchen window. Such an incredibly creepy thing to wake up to, let me tell you.
Creepy as it was, I don’t think I could get over the heart stopping creep out you had thanks to Emerson and the TV!
ashley @ the handmade home says
WHAT?! I mean, there are no words. Legit terror and reason enough to buy a gun or sleep with a machete. Or a hand grenade. Cray cray!
Sarah O. says
I used to walk to my parent’s room in the middle of the night periodically until I was about 8 and stare at my mom until she woke up. In my head, I was paralyzed between pissing her off for waking her up and whatever frightened me enough to get me out of bed. To her, I was a nightmarish Child of the Corn in a ghostly white nightgown. Scared the crap out of her, every time.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Amazing. ;}
Stephanie says
I’m the same way when I’m alone at night! I’ve taken to memorizing this verse and it definitely helps:
Psalm 4:8 – In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
And my two yappy “guard” dogs help me feel a little better too 😉
Lasso the Moon says
Oh my gosh, I’m dying!!! When mine’s not home I sleep with a piggy bank full of dimes under my pillow (it has pointy ears that I could jab into the bad guy’s temple, obviously), I check the closets with a candlestick, and I can’t sleep because I swear SWEAR I hear voices in the air conditioner. As soon as he’s home, I stumble to my bedroom and pass out, blissful to not be the protector any more.
Anna
Catherine says
I totally understand!! My husband travels a lot for work (and has for years). You think I would be used to it by now. But no. I still think that all the murderers are lurking around my house as soon as he leaves (maybe it would help to stop watching murder mysteries?! naaaahhhh). It doesn’t help that our dog that VERY rarely barks has stood at the top of the steps looking down and barking at midnight a couple of times ONLY WHEN HE IS AWAY. Plus my eldest daughter sleep walks and I wake up to her staring at me beside the bed or from our doorway. SO CREEPY! Seriously, why do they do that? It freaks me out! Some nights I barely get any sleep. I have taken to putting a spare mattress on the floor at the foot of our bed so we can all sleep in the same room and I can lock the bedroom door.