This is a little post we shared a few years ago… revamped for the season. Enjoy!
I’m always confused this time of year.
Like, who invented commercialized Christmas? What moron did we leave in charge, who decided to perpetuate all of our first world problems? And more importantly, how on earth did we let this completely spiral out of control that we’re all stupidly moving elves on shelves every night?
Jk, we don’t remember to move them. We fall asleep and then remember at 5 a.m. only to scramble in sheer panic. And by ‘we move them’, I mean Jamin. Because I fell asleep, and he remembered.
The older two finally caught on by around 5th and 6th grade… because we pretty much hinted until they caught on. It was time. Birds and the bees hopped on the tweenhood timeline before Santa. Winning. We still have one believer in our household and we’re all playing along because well, it kind of makes us happy.
To each their own, but because childhood. It only comes around once and stuff.
I guess conflicted would be a better word. I fluctuate between Buddy the Elf and Ralphie in the pink bunny suit from Aunt Clara. Raphie donning the pink bunny suit is really the embodiment of my Christmas spirit animal.
Last I checked, we’re doing this to ourselves. With a nice side of guilt to spur it all on.
And the worst part is, I totally love/hate it.
Turkey day is over, and my horrible eating habits began with the downward spiral and those freaking Reese’s cups this Halloween. I’ve digressed from veggies and fruit {not really – let’s pretend} to inserting an entire pizza past my windpipe into the true infinity that is all my feelings.
This happens every year. WHY does it happen every year? Because I’m a perpetual people pleasing enabler, that’s why.
I don’t know about you, but I’m still confused as to why it’s not August. And then all of a sudden the Thanksgiving Day parade is on TV with vague references to musicals I’ll never see. And then I’m fat.
So, I’m torn. Because we’re all exhausted and no one wants to leave the house if they’re being totally honest. But there are now all these socially appropriate things I’m supposed to do. Like all the traveling. All the shopping. All the participating. All the parties.
Which we love. And also, they exhaust us because one introvert married an ambivert so it’s complicated.
To make matters worse, everyone wants to remind me exactly how many days we have left. No, I’m not finished shopping. You can stop asking now, Debra.
Love. Hate.
Please tell me you feel the same way.
I ventured out today, oh so bravely, to go to the local craft store. They were having a half off sale on their hardware, and I thought I could pull it off. It was Thursday, after all. I thought it would be safe.
It was terrifying. Apparently no one works in Franklin, because after a good dose of getoutofmyway, I found a parking spot and waded past the slow movers like Atreyu in the Swamp of Sadness just trying to get into the store.
That movie was the worst. And the best. I still remember the music.
More like who put that guy in charge.
Of the entire movie.
Kind of like Christmas.
But digression, because everyone who was anyone who apparently exists was there, and everyone was panicking. It wasn’t a full on panic… more like a vague, overwhelmed questioning their existence, glassy eyes, I’ve-been-standing-here-for-too-long, what-is-the-meaning-of-life, confusion. Set to not-so-calming-elevator-Christmas-music, that I’m now quite convinced is a subliminal message for buy-this-giant-creepy-santa.
He was half off, after all.
There was a fire in the building, but instead of a fire, it was a confusion over wreaths, because we all had to have one. We went into zombie mode and everyone was really confused, tripping over each other in slow motion. I’m pretty sure I contracted rabies or something when this tiny elderly lady came out of nowhere and bit me.
Because nothing says Merry Christmas like sacrificing yourself for the last wreath.
So here I am, with Christmas shenanigans at the school, paired with my children’s parties I’ll probably forget about {until the day before- no judging, I checked out mentally with the Reese’s at Halloween} along with after school activities, compounded with a remodel {Merry Christmas kids, you get a basement} quantified with making a living at this thing called a job. And volunteering and all the other things that have to do with familial love and gatherings.
But back to shopping, because at some point, we’re supposed to do that – which thank the heavenly Jeshosephats for the internet because why. This isn’t 1925 anymore. We pretty much order what we need all year long so we’re really good… and let’s do things for someone in need, instead.
I’ve decided being an adult consists of bumping into people and proclaiming you must get together until one of you dies, because Target imploded.
I won’t even cover the topic of laundry because its about to be 2020 and why is there STILL no available folding mechanism option on the dryer? Dryer inventor people should dream bigger. Also, more importantly, why is there no Alice in my life to do said laundry?
Because I’m not Oprah. That’s why. I feel so shortchanged right now.
Side note: I have no idea why I am not a trophy wife. I would have been just adorable at it.
So, I could A. Participate in the socially acceptable expectations like buying all the things and making all the people happy or…B. Do nice things for people in need, then put on my pajamas and watch all the Christmas movies whilst simultaneously stuffing my face and never bathe again.
I’m in love with the bokeh and the happiness of it all. So much so that I don’t want to leave my house.
via – from my questionable life
So here I am, spiraling out of control because I’m not following the rules. Why am I on my third round of chocolate chip cookies and carrot cake? Where did this food even come from?
I can’t feel my face.
I promise there’s a happy medium in there, somewhere. In the form of healthy boundaries that I will be trying to establish for the rest of my life. But I’m here to proclaim a war against commercialized Christmas.
No more Lexus with a giant red bow commercials {who even makes those stupid bows?! Or a serious financial decision without their other half’s input!?}. I don’t want a trip to Tahiti {I’m totally lying don’t listen to me please take me there}. But since I won’t get the trip, what I really want this year is to sit in my pink bunny pajamas and do absolutely nothing while I watch It’s a Wonderful Life.
On replay.
via lollyjane + 26 and not counting – though I’m not sure I’m crossing out the cookies 😀
I’m taking it back. It’s time to actually rest a little.
Three cheers for being totally honest. And doing some good, meaningful things this year, instead.
** Necessary disclaimer: We know the real reason for the season. This is relatable satire with a dose of real life applications for those of us who are perpetually exhausted people pleasers in the middle of the prime of their children’s childhood. We love you all, figured you’d find some of it relatable, and hope you enjoyed. **
Amy says
Oh, a million yeses to all of this! You nailed it! I’m dying laughing. And also kind of crying. Ha ha
April says
“those of us who are perpetually exhausted people pleasers in the middle of the prime of their children’s childhood.” ….uh this is me…
Suzanne says
Ashley, I love this so much. Three cheers for total honesty, indeed. This made me laugh and think, and laugh some more. I have been eating at least one inappropriate junk food item every day since Halloween. Now it is stuff from the Advent calendar stash. One Hershey’s kiss for me, one for the Advent calendar. Or more like multiple Hershey’s kisses for me, because I bought them, and I can buy more. The next morning, I get on the scale and get mad at myself. But that day, I proceed to eat three huge chocolate chip cookies from the catered lunch from Taziki’s at work. As always, I’m so grateful for your writing, which helps me feel like I have a long-lost sister. 🙂
Sue says
This is so true,but you make humorous. You need to write a book.
Joy Kaye says
1000x YES!! Nailed it, sista!
And I love you {even though I don’t know you}.
ROSE LEFEBVRE says
Things are simpler now that I am older and go to other home for celebration. The big day with them is Christmas eve. I remember years ago how it was always a rush–go to each in-laws home (divorced), and to my families gathering, and try to do at home celebration!! Phew! Glad all that is over.
Debra says
I love your honesty. We feel the same way as do so many other people apparently. So my question is “if so many feel this way, why are thing still the same?”. If we are living according to the holiday “to do” list you posted, wouldn’t life look different this time of year and all year long? Also, I submitted info on the Reno page and haven’t heard from anyone. Should I get confirmation that my submission was received? Thanks so much.
Amy says
Thank you for this. It is hilarious and thought provoking. I hope you all have a very merry Christmas
Pam says
I think you nailed it! I think Mom’s really feel this way since most of the pressure is put on us to accomplish the Christmas spirit. This weekend we went shopping as a family and I was in the worst mood. It’s so busy, my legs hurt from all the walking, I’m hot because I have my coat on because outside its really cold, inside not so much. I want my kids to be thankful and thinking of others, but instead are wanting me to buy many things for them and pouting when I don’t. Mom is the bad guy. I do wish Christmas came a little bit easier. I think the eating comes from the stress and also from the tradition of we eat like this every year. Again, it comes back to us to set the tone in the home and I am going to try and do what I feel I can handle with a good attitude. Help me Lord to do this and among all the commercialism we all do make sure to keep Christ in Christmas!
Nicole says
Yes!! This! You NAILED it
Donna Coletta says
You live in Franklin? We live in Seymour. I heard the antique shops in Franklin are worth the trip but we haven’t been there yet. My husband and I are transplants from New Jersey and have lived on one of the mountains of the Smoky Mountains for the past 3 years. We have 1 acre of land. There are many places we have not been. However we checked Memphis and Nashville off of our list a few years ago. What is your opinion of the antique shops in Franklin?
Julie says
I promise it will get easier! We have 4 kids, previously married so lots & lots of gifts & grands & aunts & uncles & cousins.
Now they are grown & our nest is empty & Christmas sucks. I remember how unbelievably stressful it used to be & while I wouldn’t want THAT ever again, a little in-between would be nice. Christmas is just more fun with kids around.
One year, fed up with the commercialization, we told the kids they were going to get ONE gift each. The rest of the $$ we were spending on gifts for a family we were “adopting “ & they were made to help shop, wrap, cook & deliver. It was such a success, we did it every other year, haha.
Y’all’s kids will be gone before you know it. Enjoy the chaos. A silent house is a sad house. (Our gang IS coming but not till New Year’s Eve).