I woke up at 4ish am this morning. On the one morning I can sleep in of course, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Do you ever have mornings like that? I wanted to burrow back into the sheets and stay in the fetal position. But I have this thing where my brain just turns on, and I think too much. I’m fatigued. I’m sad. I just want to feel normal again. So after an hour and a half of tossing and turning, I padded into the kitchen, poured some coffee and settled in with my laptop. Here is where the good intentions of my light-hearted weekend recap came to die. Sometimes quiet mornings with the chance to write, are therapy on their own.
Having children in this pandemic is not easy. Strike that. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Having boundaries to protect said children, my parents, family, people I don’t even know out of the basic courtesy of being human… is even harder.
To be perfectly honest, we have friends {no contact} who caught this, and they spent 26 days with a fever. So many unknowns. Everyone is taking their caution based on their own personal experiences and perspective. For us, I think it ups the ante a bit when you’re self-employed, and the risks just feel higher when you’re trying to protect your livelihood. Simply put, there is no Aflac for us. Therefore, in the middle of so many unknowns, we’ve poured an extra layer of caution on top of our regular caution.
It’s exhausting.
I’m so tired of thinking through every single tiny decision, and it’s absolutely wearing on me. I realize it wears on other people too, which is why they’ve seemed to stop thinking, entirely. Thus the double edged sword of a conundrum when it feels as though you’re definitely in the minority of caring.
We’re experiencing caution fatigue and it can feel so alone in the unknown.
Social media is a train wreck filled with political and personal agendas and bad news. Everyone seems so angry #walkawayfromthecommentssection. We need to keep our mental health in check, too.
So I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am not this moment. I am not my feelings. Sometimes it helps to stop, and zoom out on the whole picture. We are not 2020. Or even the beginnings of 2021. This too shall pass. Even if it passes like a really long, drawn out, incredibly painful kidney stone, in the event of which I put on at least ten pounds. Wheeeee. Working on it.
There are parts of this that are oddly beautiful, that I don’t want to rush. And there are parts that I want to eradicate from memory. There are really hard lessons I have learned, paired with frustrations and learning to walk away. There are ways I have grown that I never thought possible, and moments where I’ve really had to advocate for myself and my family. And there are moments when I have found joy in the simple things.
My point with all of this?
You’re not alone.
This isn’t normal.
And I’m tired of pretending that it is.
This is the really hard part.
So hit the yoga mat, even if it’s in your basement. Bake a treat and have a movie night with your family. Absorb the present. Have your hair done. Relish in some vitamin D and sticking your toes in the grass. Sing. Scream. Listen to your body. Talk to someone.
Self care is oh so essential right now, and we just wanted to serve you a little reminder today. We’re with you, and we’re sending all our love. You’re not alone.
Have an amazing weekend.
Anna says
I needed this so much today. Thank you a million times over.
Jenna says
You said this perfectly. It’s so hard to do the right thing when you’re surrounded by conspiracy theorists on Facebook and friends who don’t really seem to care anymore. My husband and I are both self employed so we’ve had to dial it back. People have called us “scared” which is really easy to do when your risk is so much lower. Not for us. Cautious all the way and it’s very hard.
Debra says
I am with you! Thank you for saying this. It is like people have stopped thinking or being cautious or even caring because it’s too hard.
ashley @ the handmade home says
YES! At this point we’re in the minority for sure. Also hoping this thing just disappears like the 1918 spanish flu.
Julie says
I’m completely “with” you on this… it’s hard and somewhat overwhelming, I am appreciative knowing I am not alone!
ashley @ the handmade home says
SO not alone! Thank you for your sweet support in comments when I put something like this out there. It’s therapy for me to connect to others when life can feel so isolating right now. Thank you. HUGS and all the well wishes.
Kate Jaco says
Thank you for sharing. It helps that we are all in this sucky thing together. Sometimes. Then sometimes nothing helps. I hope you sleep in late tomorrow!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much! I DID! It was amazing. ;}
Jackie says
You have said everything that I couldn’t seem to put into words. I feel the same way! Taking basic precautions even seems to give others a reason to criticize and that is sad. Thank you for your words of encouragement!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much Jackie. SO good to know we’re not alone.
Janece Hiegel says
Perfect words and perfect timing. All of it. Thank you so much for sharing. It is crazy how lonely and frustrating these days into weeks into months are! Your words have already made a profound change in my mindset just knowing I’m not alone 🙂
Janece says
Perfect words and perfect timing. All of it. Thank you so much for sharing. It is crazy how lonely and frustrating these days into weeks into months are! Your words have already made a profound change in my mindset just knowing I’m not alone 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe, thank you Janece. I hope it helps
Kyla S says
This was so comforting to read! I sometimes forget that we’re not the only ones experiencing this (which can be hard when we aren’t out and about socializing with others!). Reading your thoughts helped me to articulate some of my own 🙂
Terri says
I keep wondering where common sense has gone? It makes dealing with this so much harder! Thank you for sharing your frustration and exhaustion publicly. It really does help to know others question and react to this craziness in the same way I do. Yes we will get through it, we always do, but to know there is a “we” beyond our own little world is comforting and takes a ton of weight off!