“JUST 4.5 more days,” I whispered to myself as I hoisted my body from the bed in the early morning light. It was a sad version of a pep talk. My own voice shocked me, because I sounded like that creepy ghost lady from The Ring. I definitely looked like her too. My arm was numb, because now when I sleep, something else always falls asleep. Then my back stopped me in slight pain, mid-stand. I’m always confused if this is just old age or I have some type of nerve damage, because once you pass 40, you’re basically being punished for existing. I have to warm up like a well used crock pot before I can move anymore. Then I realized this is just physical + mental exhaustion.
Okay fine. I’m old too.
before – it just felt appropriate when discussing school… see this space here
But 4.5 more days left of school. Technically, when I publish this, 2.5. We need a parade waiting for us when we hobble across the finish line, where they hand out T-shirts that say things like “You made it” and chocolate cake and wine. And a nice cool hotel room with blackout curtains, a comfy bed and a sound machine where no one bothers me for a week.
If it feels like I’m barely making it… how are the kids?
Because all the dinners and parties and events and field days and projects and testing and exams and meetings and assignments and graduations and award ceremonies and carpooling and gifts and plays and stupid math they’ll never use but they have to teach because the standards are out of touch with reality {yeah, I said it, come at me} can stop already. We’re done.
While we’re at it, stop emailing me about what my child is doing in PE. FORTHELOVEOFGOD It’s PE. I think my middle schoolers can handle kickball. See: me, six months ago, googling how to unsubscribe from my child’s PE teacher. Apparently, sending STOP as a response, doesn’t work like texts do and comes off as a bit weird.
Usually I’ve given up by now. I’m actually quite impressed with my stamina. I’m like a marathon runner who doesn’t know the race is almost over, eyes glossed over, waiting to make it to the end. I’m frothing at the mouth running kinda sideways, and everything. But the kids are actually straggling straight ahead like good little soldiers because they know that in just a few more short days, they’ve reached the promised land. Sleeping in. Endless video games.
We’ll let them have that fantasy for a few days, anyway.
Then they’ll be doing laundry and dishes like all the other plebeians. I mean if people in 1876 had twenty children just to work the land, our three can definitely handle the giant pile of laundry on my bed before I pay their college tuition. Let’s throw in the endless cycle of dishwasher changes while we’re at it. They can call us Maw and Paw and use phrases like “Bertha done did jump that there fence!” to enrich their actual, real-world experience.
Because fast forward a generation, and all this school stuff just preps them for their adulthood, where they’ll be dealing with their own endless laundry piles + dish washer changes. Talk about a vicious cycle.
I couldn’t find the youngest for an hour the other morning, when I realized he’d been buried in a Mt. Vesuvius-inspired laundry avalanche when looking for socks, and stayed there.
Me too, buddy. Me too.
free pool party printables, here!
I don’t have room for anything else on my plate, so the fact that school will be over soon feels like I can finally throw said plate against the wall. Preferably at the head of whomever invented common core math and simultaneously decided to put pressure on our children in the form of shame in a way that shows us how flawed our education system really is. Yes, I’ve gone from “Yay school we love it! Appreciation! Good will to all, here’s an apple”. To, Sitting beside my {green} pool, marg in hand, with the phone off. Maybe I’ll bury myself in a pile of laundry and see if anyone can find me.
And if it feels like the kids barely making it… how are the the teachers?
Because they deserve a spa day at a resort in a tropical country and a parade of their very own. No, the fact that I am eternally grateful despite all my gripes at the end of the school year, is not lost on me. We’re just tired. We’re allowed to be. All of us.
Minus the guy who keeps sending the PE emails. Who hurt you, sir?
Summer has arrived, and it feels like taking a bra off at the end of a long day. Except that bra has been three sizes too small and on ALL YEAR cutting off the circulation to my lady bits. Release the Kraken. We’re on the home stretch of everything. School. Events. Obligations. Projects. Building an entire wing onto our house. This is like Christmas but better, because the end is in sight {longer than two weeks and less obligations} and the weather is much more enjoyable.
I feel like I need the rally cry “For Narnia!!!” as I ride into the final battle that is this last week. Or at least recruit someone to use electrical tape to secure a shield to my hand so I won’t drop it. I’m more like a personification of the dead guy from Weekend at Bernie’s combined with that angry ghost lady from The Ring. Basically dead and useless, with a dose of well-placed resentment. I think I’ll pour myself a marg and go float in the middle of the green pool for three days straight, instead.
Read: No, we can’t finish that book report. I’m going to bed.
So cheers to that perpetual end of the year cycle of performing for everyone else’s sake. Wheeeee! All sarcasm aside {that’s for the lady with rabies who decides to come at me for the math comment} we’re almost there. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be real about it.
Stick a fork in us, we’re {very well with a side of crusty burns} done.
Cheers to the home stretch.
Our last day was Friday. So today I’m still in bed at 9:30, reading, drinking hot tea…life is good! Hang in there!
Ahhh that sounds glorious! Enjoy! Jamin and I were laughing about how we might be useless next week if we get to sleep in past 5:30 am 😀
I’m laughing so hard and we homeschool! But we’re feeling the pain too. Thanks for the laugh 🙂
HAHA! Well we did that for three years, and I was always useless at the end of that, too. Probably more so. Hang in there!
Oh my gosh, I love your humor and you have no idea how much I needed a laugh today. I’m a taught Kindergarten-2nd grade for 26 years and do not miss the crazy! Hang in there, mama- you’ve got more than what it takes!
Kim
ps. Teachers don’t need a tropical country they are quite happy with an invite for a marg beside your pool.😎