Hey guys! If you’re stopping by from 320 Sycamore, welcome!
We were thrilled to participate in the How to Decorate Series again with the fantastic Home Stories A to Z. So, let’s get started, shall we?
I was thinking about what I’ve learned and value the most over the years from creating a home with our family. This series made me think. If I could hand over some good, old fashioned, valuable advice for the home, what would I tell you?
Two years ago, we made a quick decision, and our home was on the market. We were determined to sell this puppy and move on to something bigger and ‘better’. It was time for the ‘next step’, we told ourselves. We were smitten with a new neighborhood just across the way that some of our closest friends were moving in to, and were obsessed with the awesome promises of our forever home. Then we realized halfway through the process, that maybe we weren’t ready. Maybe we saw something else for our family {even though I’d already doggedly decided upon, and decorated said new home three times over in my head. Yeah. I do that.} Maybe… just maybe our story here wasn’t over yet.
At first it was hard, because I’d already resigned to move on. I just assumed it would happen. Then we had to admit that maybe we were wrong, and maybe we were perfectly good right where we were. When we swallowed our pride, took that “For Sale” sign down in the front yard, and decided to stay here… the strangest thing happened:
We fell in love with our home all over again.
The things we were complaining about… those feelings went away. Some of it immediately, some of it took a very long time… with the practiced, conscious resolve to be content, while we slowly worked on the things we didn’t like.
Living in a home and sticking with it, is a lot like a the daily decision to make a relationship work. It takes a bit of an emotional investment and elbow grease.
Over time, we like to think that relationships work because we grow into them. When Jamin and I were first married, we had no idea what we were in for. But we eventually stumbled into a relationship that works, when we work on it. Whether it’s a marriage or a friendship or our relationships with our children or parents. They work, because over time, we learn how to work on our differences and grow together from them. Does it always come easily? Uh, no. It’s a lot of work. Is it ever perfect? Nope. It’s hard. But it’s always worth it in the end.
Here’s a few things I’ve realized, that are game changers for the home.
1. It’s all about perspective
I was at dinner with a few great friends the other night, when we started discussing the topic of frustrations in our homes.
I was at the table with a trauma nurse. A 3rd grade teacher. A child care advocate who helps place children in their forever homes. They save lives and nurture young ones and influence others with a magnitude that they don’t even realize. They are caring mothers and intelligent women with beautiful families. They cook pancake breakfasts with banana walnut blueberries (or something else I didn’t understand because that’s Jamin’s gig around here) and they live their lives in a beautiful way, every day. They make memories in their homes. They have talents I couldn’t begin to imagine to possess and I respect them for their amazing beauty, inside and out.
Something I realized that night, was that we all fall on a spectrum of emotions in regards to our homes, no matter where we are in life, or where our talents lie. We all have things we don’t like about our dwelling places.
We’re fed up with the perfection that’s portrayed in glimpses…the places that are intended for inspiration. And it’s so saturated in a world that longs for real, that we’re tired. As bloggers, Jamin and I never want to perpetuate the idea of perfection. We’re anything but. We know that good intentions and hard work for inspiration go into publications and shelter mags. But sometimes, its discouraging when we compare it to reality, and get caught up in what we’re not. Because the freeing reality, is that there’s no such thing as a dream home.
Sometimes, we focus on the imperfect. Sometimes, we feel overwhelmed because real life is never-ending and something needs to be added to the honey do list and aintnobodygottimeforthat. We long for change, but have to tackle things when we can. We all have our home-related insecurities that drive us batty. We feel overwhelmed by all. of. the. laundry.
And being happy in our homes, in the now, can sometimes feel unattainable.
We become exasperated out with what our homes are not.
We think that something better must be just around the corner. We can even decorate a space fifty times until we’re blue in the face (and I’m looking at myself here because it’s simply how I express myself creatively) But the truth is, until we make a conscious decision to focus on the good in our homes, we won’t be happy with where we live.
The spirit of discontent is contagious. It spreads like wildfire through your bones and will take over your very being, if you’re not careful. It will affect everything. It’s hard not to focus on the little things that aren’t working, and get lost in that. Maybe we’re missing it.
The nicks and dings and crazy things that happen to an imperfect home over time are there, because we have friends and family and people who live there. The fingerprints everywhere, are because of the beautiful children who reside there. The pee puddle on the floor is also there because of the children because we have a sweet pet we’ve taken care of for years that has brought us wonderful memories, and now she’s aging. There are mysterious bright pink places on the sofa, because our kids love sidewalk chalk. Lego related injuries, because there are memories created in these homes. Pillow forts. And crazy beercanmoldpocalypse bathroom overhauls that have taken six months, because we refuse to let it get in the way of our every day.
I take the ‘pretty pictures’, and in that process, there’s a whole lot of crap shoved out of the way. But let’s not forget the crap. The dust bunnies with unidentifiable insect bits and filthy baseboards and weird toilets. Because to me, these are just as important. They’re real. They’re us. I think that sometimes it takes that reminder that we need to have, as far as perspective is concerned. Changes take time and it’s important to focus on what we do have. What is working. We need to know we’re all in the same boat, trying to do our best. And that other people have messy pantries and laundry piles that just may be the death of them if they don’t finish them soon in the middle of a Parenthood marathon… Because that’s life.
2. This isn’t your grandma’s house.
Or your sister in laws house. Or your mothers’s house. Or your neighbor’s mom’s second cousins house. It’s especially not the future owner’s house.
I’ve said this a bajillion times and I will say it again. This is your house. So love it.
Break every rule you’ve ever thought of.
If it doesn’t make sense to have a dining room, then dump it and use it for something completely crazy/hairbrained/fun. Paint your laminate cabinets because it will make you happy and you hate the color. {Morbid, but you may die and never have that farmhouse kitchen you dream of, so enjoy where you’re at, now.} Paint your refrigerator because chalkboard refrigerators are fun.
Paint the walls again until you’re happy with the color. Paint that dresser you’ve hated for years. Yes it sucks. Yes, you will get it in your hair and your back will hurt and you will hate me. Yes it’s a lot of work. But it’s also kind of cathartic. Your home is a phoenix and it’s back again and you’re in love before you know it.
You may do it at night and on the weekends when you can. Taking your time is fine, because again, you also have to live your life. But if a change makes you happy, if your home can feel a little more you… if it’s your refuge and your resting place and you can come home and put your feet up and feel happy about the little things, do it.
A hole in the wall has never killed anyone. Moving a few things will not cause you to spontaneously combust. Experiment, and love your results.
Push past that fear. Enjoy your home and your life. Don’t waste your days pining away for something better. Just do it.
3. Let your home work for you.
You shouldn’t have to work for your home. We had a real heart check over a year ago, and decided it was time to whip it all into shape, along with changing our lifestyle choices. We were fed up with clutter, and carelessness when it came to what we were bringing into our home. Our habits have changed, and so have our lives.
Have a reboot in the form of clutter busters and simplify. Then, reevaluate your needs.
Your needs are probably different today, than the day you moved in. I know we went from one 18 month old, to three children, who I now homeschool while running a small business. It’s crazy where your life will lead you, and I’m sure our needs will look completely different in just a few years as our children grow.
We even made a family closet to simplify it all, and make it work with our lifestyle. It will be different for everyone, but things had to change. Systems, and deliberate designs rather than shoving everything into a closet and hoping the door closes… Let it grow and evolve with your family. Look for solutions that will make your life easier. As a part of that process, you’ll appreciate it even more.
_________
The memories, learning to grow, and cherishing the important things. These are the elements that make a house a home. Falling in love with it, whether for the first time, or all over again, makes it easier to express yourself creatively …and create a haven for the every day.
Have you guys ever fallen {back} in love with your home?
We hope you guys are enjoying this little series… Pop on over to Southern Hospitality to see what she’s chatting about today!
Pssst… Here’s a fun list of everyone who participated
Day 1:
1. Beth, Home Stories A to Z: How to Find Your Decorating Style
2. Courtney, A Thoughtful Place: 5 Gallery Wall Styles
3. Stacy, Not Just A Housewife: How to Decorate with Plants
4. Myquillyn, Nesting Place: Turning a House into a Home on a Thrift Store Budget
5. Donna, Funky Junk Interiors: How to Turn Worthless Junk into Home Decorating Must Haves
Day 2:
1. Melissa, The Inspired Room: The Secret Ingredient Every Room Needs
2. Jessica, Four Generations One Roof: How to Decorate with Container Plants
3. Traci, Beneath my Heart: How to Style a Coffee Table
4. Cyndy, The Creativity Exchange: Tricks for How to Zone in on the Perfect Paint Color
5. Laura, Finding Home: 5 Ways to Personalize Your Home
Day 3:
1. Emily, Decorchick!: How to Decorate with Cowhide When You Aren’t a Cowboy
2. Myra, MyBlessedLife: How to Decorate with Junk
3. Kim, Sand & Sisal: How to Decorate Coastal (without lookin’ all Margaritaville!)
4. Diane, In My Own Style: How to Decorate so You Feel at Home
5. Melissa, 320 Sycamore: 3 Decorating Truths in any Home
Day 4:
1. Ashley, The Handmade Home: Fall in Love with Your Home
2. Rhoda, Southern Hospitality: Adding Architectural Interest
3. Lindsay, Makely: How to Decorate With Color and Not Feel Like You Live Under the Big Top
4. Jen, Jennifer Rizzo: Easy table top decorating with the display rules of 1-2-3
5. Heather & Vanessa, At the Picket Fence: Blue Home Decor Ideas …I’ve got the blues!
Day 5:
1. Brittany, Pretty Handy Girl: Color Harmony in Decorating
2. Marianne, Songbird: Decorating Tips from a Lazy Decorator
3. Jen, Tatertots & Jello: How to Decorate with Spray Paint
4. Brooke, All Things Thrifty: The Six Best Things About Decorating
5. Wendy, Shabby Nest: Making a Rental (or any space for that matter) Your Own
Kimm at Reinvented says
Typing through tears here, so excuse the misspelled words. đ Ashley, I’ve loved your blog for a loooong time, and I’ve had many favorite posts, but this one is. the. best. ever. I’ve tried to write about what it means to appreciate my house, but I could never match the genuineness in your words. Thank you!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Kimm, thank you so very much. You are too kind with those words. Thank you.
Megan says
Thank you for this. I need it as I question our almost 100 year old home and whether or not things are getting worse (floors, cracked plaster) or because I kinda want a new home so I’m picking apart a great house. I love the quote about comparing highlight reels to behind the scenes, as I now have an almost 6 foot long train table in the middle of the living room, the one room I was trying to keep kid stuff out of…but it’s brought memories since it arrived of my 8 month old chewing on every train piece and my 5 year old playing with trains more than ever. Memories are what matters!!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
I STILL question my home! You’re not alone. ;} Train tables are only a one time thing. ;} You won’t have them there when you’re sixty… oh wait…. maybe you’ll dig it back out for the grand babies! ;} Enjoy the season.
Cheryl @ The Creative Me and My McG says
well said!! We are moving to a home that is “for us” as we enter the next phase of our lives – empty nesters. And while we are not there yet, I am looking forward to making this house work for us, unlike our current home that has many features that we have “lived with” for many years not changing anything because we were always thinking of resale. Congrats an making the decision to make your home work for you!
normaleverydaylife says
This is a great post! We have dark woodwork that lots of people compliment us on, but I’ve never liked it. To me, it’s just too dark. I’d love to get the courage up to paint it. Maybe, just maybe your words will help me to do it! đ
Katy says
I need to read this every single day! Thank you so much for writing it. Really. I have struggled with our new home ever since we purchased it–mostly because I am overwhelmed at the sheer amount of work that it needs and the lack of money that we have to get that work done. I’ve had this magazine vision of renovations stuck in my head and I’m starting to understand that that dream is not realistic and is making me miserable in the meantime. (I’m also guilty of comparing my home to my in-laws huge mansion and my parents perfectly decorated memory-filled home–so silly!) I think it’s so important to create a home for your family now–one that your kids love to come home to, so that’s what I am trying to focus on now. You are such an inspiration, I love reading posts like this and getting a glimpse into your beautiful and well-loved home!
ashley @ the handmade home says
I STILL struggle with this, Katy. You are not alone! ;}
Paige @ Little Nostalgia says
First of all, every time I see that moose head in your closet, I love it more.
But my main point here is to chime in and say that you’re a smart lady. đ Even though I’m also a blogger and I work with real clients in their homes, sometimes I get caught up in the Pinterest tornado and forget that alllllllll of the pretty pictures I see are 100% styled and not a reflection of real life. You’d think I would remember that because I do it, too, but no. My brain skips that part once in a while. Awesome post!
Bailey, T says
#2 is a reminder I constantly need. Some days I’m all about the “I like it and I’m not going to apologize for it” attitude and other days I find myself wondering “what would so-and-so think” when it doesn’t matter what they think. This is our home and I’m happiest when it reflects our interests. I was wondering if you could help explain the types of paint to use for different projects. I once painted a night stand but I can’t stand the dry almost chalky texture of the paint. I’d like to paint my husbands dresser but I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. Any light you can shed on choosing the right paint for the right project would be great! (If you’ve already covered this topic perhaps you could point me in the right direction)
Baileywife @ Irishman Acres says
YES! For the first 2 years of living in our home, I was not in love with it…it was not “us”, but our family was having other personal struggles. After finding HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT with our life, our home magically became our “dream home”. We have since changed every. single. room. and now write a blog about our little farm and home. ~Kim
Baileywife @ Irishman Acres says
YES! For the first 2 years of living in our home, I was not in love with it…it was not “us”, but our family was having other personal struggles. After finding HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT with our life, our home magically became our “dream home”. We have since changed every. single. room. and now write a blog about our little farm and home.
Nancy says
Did you paint the nest with eggs art work in the living room? I love the colors.
Cecilia says
Thank you! I really needed this. We have approximately three left in this house that has been home for 23 years…I am so ready to move to the farm, I forget to enjoy where I am right now. Perhaps it’s time to overhaul my thinking and find the solution that works for us at this point in time.
Mary Beth Fleming says
WOW âŚ.. this really hit home! And what great timing. I’m struggling with our house because it’s not a “McMansion” like everyone else with perfectly decorated living rooms, hallways, shelves and even the yard. I NEED to love my home and make it my own. THANK YOU for the inspiration. You are a God-send. đ
Mary Beth
eva scott says
We bought our house from my parents. So I lived in this house for 6ish years before we bought it and now we’ve been in it 8 years. I want to change so much! HA! My house was built in the 30s and the living room has beautiful dark baseboards, crown molding and molding around the windows. We also have built in book shelves that my dad built when they lived here. Do you have any suggestions for a wall color and book shelf color that would look good with the dark molding? It’s currently a dark blue (seriously can’t believe I did that) and obviously it’s SO dark in the room. Thanks!
Cara says
YES. We put our brand new, lived in it almost two years, cute but small, half paid off, nothing fancy house up for sale with the intentions of a bigger, better, farm-housier, nicer side of town, kind of house. We were ready to plunge into the big payments again for the sake of larger bedrooms and a three car garage. I mean, it’s for the kids, right? They NEED bigger bedrooms. Maybe not. We had a change of heart though, like you. Keeping this house, with it’s smaller payment, it’s financial security, and it’s lack of needing anything done to it, is going to allow us to open a second computer shop in a town close by without having to worry so much about finances. We will be able to build a better, more secure future for our kids, and our retirement. After making that choice, and seeing how this house will allow us to pursue some of our dreams, we now see it as a blessing, and it’s shortcomings are no longer glaring. I love your writing, I love the realness, thank you so much! This article just reaffirmed that we made the right choice! Blessings on you and yours!
Jeanne says
Can I come live with you? I’m not a messy person, in fact I’m typically neat. đ Thanks for reminding me that chaos is normal. That things take time. That life happens in the in-between times. Last night I was sprawled on the beat-up sofa in our living room after everyone went to sleep, watching Fixer Upper (in LOVE with Chip and Joanna) when I realized that while the odd shaped 13 year old sofa is the BANE of my existence, it really WAS comfortable last night. All the dents are our dents. All the pink, and green, and purple marks mean that 2 girls have enjoyed countless popsicles on that sofa. It’s so hard to quiet that nagging voice in my head that finds all the “bad” things in our house that I desperately want to fix. I think you’re right, it’s time for me to shift the conversation in my head to the “good” things. Have an amazing weekend! You guys rock!!
Dionne says
Add me to the list of people needing this. My story is a bit like yours. We listed our house almost a month ago, and… Crickets. Nothing. My phone has not rang once. *Sigh! While scurrying so frantically to get my house ready to sell I guess you could say I sort of divorced my attachment to it. It looks great. It is sparkly clean. And I still desperately would love to buy a new house, that next adventure in DIY, but I fear that we’ll be staying here. So, now I ponder, what next project can I undertake to rekindle my love for our home.
Claudia Basinger says
I just love your decorating style. It is fun and whimsical, just like me. “I’m too sexy for my laundry”. How fun!âş Do you mind if I feature your ideas? I am going to replicate some of your ideas this weekend in my home. I am excited!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hey Claudia! Thank you so much for the sweet words! You are too kind. We don’t mind features at all and think it’s so nice, but ask that the features keep it to one photo. Thanks so much! ;}
Carly says
Thank you for this. I recently bought a home from some friends and they unfortunately did not disclose several MAJOR (read: expensive) problems with the house (and my inspector did not catch them either), which is illegal in our state. For various reasons, and against the advice of several people I respect, I’ve decided to let it go and not pursue any legal action. Not to get too dramatic here, but all of this has left me with a broken heart and a lot of bitterness towards this house. I’ve been swinging between feeling apathetic and totally defeated. This line was like a kick in the pants:
“Living in a home and sticking with it, is a lot like a the daily decision to make a relationship work. It takes a bit of an emotional investment and elbow grease.”
Thank you for the reminder that good things take hard work and beauty can come from ashes – in relationships with people and with homes.
Melanie says
Wow! I just stumbled on this through a Pinterest link which led me to another blog post which led me to yours! I really, really needed to read this today. Thank you so much for writing it. I feel recharged and ready to look at my home in a whole new way.
LoveApple says
I love home decoration style: 2. This Is not your grandma’s house.
It uses youthful colorful
Greyson says
Nice and beautiful decoration ideas I get it from your blog post. both of you thank you for sharing.