Hello. And welcome to the fuwst edition of life truths according to Rigby & Fitz.
We know that the humans like to write stuffs on here, but we thought it was high time we share a lot of our deep thoughts.
Because we know a lot of truths. And they are important. Cue the classical musicks.
You may remember our faces from our internet debut here. Recently, the mom humans was looking kinda tired, so she bribed us with some more tweats to share on heres.
Just kidding. She doesn’t know we’re doing this and we will take the tweats anyway. So let’s begin, shall we?
1. On food.
If you dwop the food, it is going in our mouths.
If you don’t drop the food, it is pwobably still going in our mouths.
We will wait patiently fow it, because one time we got into twouble.
You see, one night the dad humans made something called chicken cassewole for dinnuhs and they didn’t give us nones. We had never had any, but we would like to twy it.
So we waited til they left. And when they left, they also left the cassewoles on the back eye of the oven to cool. We are excellent acwobats, so when they heard the cwash they were very suwpwised.
We ate up a lot of the cassewoles before they got to us. Oh, and apparently we also bwoke the pywex dish. I don’t know why they were mad because the other day we heard them complaining about how they had too many. We were just helping them out by eating the leftover foods and the dish.
But we were sent to our cwates for a time out, so now we wait instead of just going for it.
We are vewy good at the sad puppy eyes.
These are not them. These are our stalker eyes.
2. Pewsonal space.
The humans keep bringing it up, but we don’t really know what that is. This goes back to point one, with the begging. When they see how adorable we are, they shares it.
If I sit real still, he sneaks us the cereals.
I’m sowwies, were you painting here?
I just thought I would come snuggle beside you when you got up from the painting thing to get a refill of that coffee stuffs.
I can haz some of the coffees stuffs?
3. Flowuhs are delicious.
Those colorful things that come out of the ground are just wonduwful.
That fence that they built, because the mama humans loves sunflowers and zinnias, was oh so silly. I jumped over and ate all the flowuhs that were in the way.
I’m basically like that dinosaur lawnmower thing I saw on The Flinstones the other day. Chomp chomp, suckas.
And then I couldn’t get back down, and the daddy humans had to save me.
It must not have been a big deal, because he kept laughing even though he said he was sewious.
Regawdless, I have no regrets. Except that I was caught.
For all they know, flowers are evil, and we must protect the humans from them.
All effowts will be thwarted. They all must die in our bellies.
No flowuhs allowed.
See our capes? We are the flowuh guardians. Sworn into protective service for life, we will destroy all the flowuhs.
Which brings us to….
4. Baths awe ridicuwous.
No, that is not duwt on our noses. Stop using such an accusatory tone. We were busy saving the world, and you’re worried about some duwts?
Baths are so sillies. The mama humans spends way too much time taking them. And she smells funnies when she gets out. It makes us sneeze lots when we try to sniff hew butts.
The other day, Fitz jumped out of the baths, and made it all the way to the kitchens. She is an amazing escape awtist.
Baths are ridicuwous. Stop making us take them. Duwts are cute.
5. Walks awe the best thing evers.
We get to pull the humans and then we stawt coughing. They say we need practice but it is so important to pull so that they know how excited we awe. It doesn’t matter if we can’t bweathe. This is important stuff.
We bawk at everyone. We used to bawk at all the humans but now we got better because we realized they are not scawies.
Squirrels and bugs and frogs and wowms. Poops. and more squirrels.
We tried to chase a squirrel and the mama humans tried to stop us. She almost ended up on her bellies. Silly humans. That’s what happens when you try to walk us both at once.
And also, karma for baths.
Being a puppy is exhawsting business. But we look so cute, we’re even adowable when we naps.
Until next time… #rigbyandfitz