A sweet reader named Mandy wrote me recently, and she asked:
What happens when you burn out? I’m already to that point and I just got started. My in-laws came by a few weekends ago, and ever since then we haven’t started our purging back up because it’s just one thing after another. The kids have been sick. The laundry is piling up. Bags are still stuck in the corner, there’s school obligations and parties and volunteering and job stuff. You get it. Help. Please.
I still have the desire for an organized home… it’s just not happening right now. I don’t know where to go from here. Any suggestions?
First of all, I get it. So you are very much not alone, Mandy!
Getting started is hard enough. Motivation may come naturally with the new year, but to purge… you have to kind of prep yourself for it. For those one million tiny little choices. For your kids to fight you on it. To get your family on board. To find the energy for it all… and that gusto that it takes to really move forward, full steam ahead can be hard.
One moment, you’re making great progress towards a simpler lifestyle. You’re amazing and you’re on fire and you’re unstoppable. And then… reality tends to set in with all of our new year’s resolutions and we find ourselves feeling a little beat up about it all. It’s usually around mid-February, when it won’t stop snowing/raining/being annoying in general, and you feel like you just need an extra dose of vitamin D. Because everything feels a little harder than it should be and if you step on one more lego, you just might lose your ever loving mind.
We all end up feeling a bit like left over new year’s champagne at some point. We all lose our fizzle. We’re entering the doldrums of winter and it’s practically a rule. So what happens when you just completely fall flat on your face? What next?
Because sometimes, my house looks like this:
The beds (and overwhelming plethora of princess dresses) like this (trust me, this one is the neat version after I asked her to pick up her room.)
(Fine. Most days, the beds look like this.)
And the laundry, like this.
Which… if there’s more than two people in your fam, you know this is a good day. A very good day. To think I once whined (read: wore swimsuit bottoms to avoid doing the laundry) in college. {Shhh}
Here’s a few things I like to remember. {Am I the only one who loves this gif?}
1. This too, shall pass.
Sometimes, the laundry piles up, the kids get strep, and you don’t have time to go knock out a closet or a drawer. And even if you do have the time, maybe you just don’t feel like it. Maybe you want to wear yoga pants and watch a good movie. Maybe there’s been a Barbie Tsunami and you’re drowning in tiny shoes and crowns. Maybe you have a colicky baby. You’re stuck in a tough job that requires all your attention at the moment… if your house is a mess and you’ve hit a rough patch… just remember it won’t always be this way. You won’t be in this stage of life forever.
One day you will miss the legos, one day you will long for laundry (Or not) and one day you will finish that demolished bathroom. (Fingers crossed) Does that mean you’re a hoarder because you let that junk drawer fall by the wayside and you’ll be buried in stuff forever all in the name of temporary survival mode? No.
This too shall pass. So give yourself a little grace.
Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids. – via
2. Live your life.
I’ve found that while having a simplified home may be super rewarding, it’s also super important to take the time and live our life. Life isn’t perfect, and little ones are demanding. Sometimes, it doesn’t really help much to “push through a project” anyway. This can leave you feeling even more resentful in the meantime.
Sometimes it helps my feelings just to hop in the car and turn on some girly music whilst swinging by Starbucks. Even if I go in my pajamas with sunglasses on. Even if my daughter is with me and a song from college days comes on and I make her sing with me. Uh, I mean, that didn’t happen.
The next time you’re feeling frustrated, take a deep breath and realize that a nap is okay, too. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your junk drawers won’t organize themselves over night even if you work through exhaustion.
If it makes you feel better, start withs something little. Take your vision for your family, and write it down on a piece of paper. Tuck it away somewhere. (Preferably not in a junk drawer) Take it out occasionally and remind yourself what you really want, when you’re ready.
But take a nap if you need it. Hop in the car and go meet a friend for dinner. Take a vacation (those don’t happen too often around here, but we embrace them when we can) and start when you get back. Revelation: Living your life is more important than a clean/organized home.
Having it clean and organized can ultimately help you live it, but I’ve found that when I’m miserable, it’s just not worth it. Remember that you’ll get there. Mental breaks are just as important, too.
It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you just don’t stop. – via
3. You’re not alone
News flash: you’re not the only one with junk drawers or unorganized socks. Your kids aren’t the only ones who get strep and you’re not the only one feeling overwhelmed with the potential stress of it all when it just doesn’t feel doable that week. The perfect home doesn’t exist, and no one is putting you in a clean-up bootcamp. Sure, you can dedicate a little time to it when you’re ready, but motivation can come and go, and sometimes, you just have to roll with that wave. I find that reminding myself that, helps a little every now and then when I’m feeling the pressure from my non-progress.
The key is keeping that vision for your family in your mind. And working toward it when you can, whether it’s days, weeks, or months at a time. Keep the small flame of a desire there, and spread it into wildfire when you can.
At the end of the day, your family comes first, and they will thank you for taking the time to breathe. For taking the time to take care of them and yourself. Because when it comes down to it, organized drawers are nice, but grace for yourself and those around you, is even better.
I think that can apply to more than just the junk drawers… how about you?
So that fizzle? It will come and go in the year as you move toward your vision. Just stay with it while you can and remember that the rough patches are just that… rough patches. Hang in there and give yourself a little grace. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.
Jessica says
Thank you for a real life post! You’re always so honest and refreshingly real. Thank you.
Erin @ House Envy says
great advice and thanks for sharing your messes! so nice to see others have days like that too!
Anna @ A Good Home says
Good stuff. I’ve been clearing out a bit myself, and it’s so wonderful to see some progress!
Oh, and I absolutely wore bathing suit bottoms to avoid doing laundry in college. Are we twins? We do so many of the same crazy fool things 🙂
Jeanne says
This post came at just the right time Ashley. We’re slogging through our 4th or 5th snow day since the beginning of January, and while my kids are enjoying their grandparents today, I am battling it out at work, while still thinking about all the stuff I want to accomplish at home. It’s a daily struggle to find the balance (which honestly, I don’t think I will EVER find.) There are days when I would love to tackle some little project, but my kids come first. It’s nearly impossible to get anything done when the nearly 7 month old wants to be carried around constantly (I do know that soon enough these days will be over and she’ll be off and running with her older sisters so I have to stop and relish this). You are definitely right about the winter doldrums, man have they hit hard up here in the Northeast! I need me some vitamin D stat! Now to try and forget about the pile of laundry and the overflowing desk at home…
ashley @ the handmade home says
You are NOT alone, Jeanne! We’re on our way home from Disney… and then I remembered that our home is a construction zone. It’s like I completely forgot. I can’t even. NOPE. ;} I need a vacation from my vacation! And here we go… diving back in. Not ready! WAAAHHHH! For the record, you’re my hero… because I wasn’t working when I had a 7 month old. ;} You go, girl!
Elisabeth says
Ohhhh thank you…My living room, which was so tidy and pulled together through the holidays, looks like a tornado hit. There’s been illness (mine), then trying to get over said illness (which took waaaaay longer than I’d have liked!), then crazy mad sewing spread all over….then snowpocolypse Oregon style. Now all I want to do is SLEEP! Thanks for the reminder than others have messy houses, too. It’ll get done eventually! And know that even those of us without children, spouses, or roommates can have bouts of ridiculous messes! ; )
Tennille Mykula says
All great reminders Ashley and I agree with you in every way. We are so stinkin’ hard on ourselves. As I’ve been on this journey for about 4 years now I hope you don’t mind if I share of few things, a little more on the practical side that might help Mandy and other readers as well. First of all, you need a plan. An everyday plan. You need to be able to see when you have to do what, when you’ll be home, when is the best time to clean the bathrooms. Once you have a plan you’ll be able to see the holes or pockets of time in the plan that you might be able to take advantage of to purge and get organized. Usually a plan is half the battle. Secondly, the boxes and bags that you’ve already sorted, just put them in the back of the car and next time you go out drop them off at the thrift store, even if they aren’t full. As long as they are in the hall they are visual clutter creating mental chaos. I find they stick their tongue out and taunt me and remind me of all the things I have yet to deal with. Thirdly, realize that as long as you have growing children the purge is an ongoing process because there is always stuff coming into the house. You’re never really done. There will always be little bits of things that you can purge so don’t get overwhelmed thinking this is the One and Only and you have to get it done and over with. Fourth, take advantage of a few minutes here and there to purge easier items. For example, when you’re putting away your kids laundry, take 5 minutes to re-arrange the clothes in their drawers and pull out anything that is no longer of use. OR if you’re being buried alive by books set a 5 minute timer, grab a box and fill it up with books you’re finished with as quickly as you can and then put the box immediately in the trunk of your car. Have a box like that on the go all the time so that as you come across items that need to go you can just chuck them in the box. Lastly, enlist the help of a friend. This is my favorite one because you get to visit and be productive. When you invite your friend over make sure she knows that you have every intention of using her for free labor and that you will pay her back in free labor on whatever project with which she might need assistance. Purging will happen almost every time if you actually schedule it in and are accountable to someone. Tip: set a 4 hour limit. Your brain and nerves really can’t handle anymore than that especially if you’re dealing with items with which you might have an emotional attachment. I’ve been at this for a while and I actually do EVERY ONE of these and they work. I hope that helps you get kick started again. (Sorry for the long windedness, my dad was a preacher, I guess I come by it honestly)
Marianne L says
Hear, hear! I finished my first (of four) chemo treatment last week and have no energy at all. As a result, all my dishes and all my clothes are dirty and my house is a mess. But I know this condition is temporary so I’m not stressing about it or trying to do more than I should. Ron Weasley (of Harry Potter fame) would be happy to know that I’ve got my priorities sorted!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Wow Marianne – Please keep me updated? I’d seriously love to pray for you. Amen to it only being temporary – what an awesome attitude. I can’t imagine what that must feel like… MAJOR props – I think you deserve a Harry Potter Marathon and some chocolate ice cream while someone else does the dishes (to say the least.)
Mandy says
And THiS is why I love your site so much. Thank you thank you thank you. I know all the things I SHOULD be doing… That’s where all the pressure comes in. This is exactly what I needed today. Your lovely words. A great reminder. Thank you.
Amber says
Ditto! SO needed on this snow day in SC!
~Amber
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thanks, sweet ladies. ;} Hang in there!
Barbi says
Couldn’t of said it any better myself!!
Toodles, Barbi
Christie says
Thanks for this. I am completely in the mid-February slump compounded by pregnancy. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now.