We felt like we were overdue for a few confessions today. You know. The kind that keep it real around here. The kind that may make you either A. totally relate to us a little more and say Hey! We would totally be friends and Eat Cadbury Eggs and watch train wreck reality shows together in our pajamas whilst painting our latest project because what else would we do?! or B. cringe a little and never come back again. Shhhh no judging. Because as it turns out, just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean that you ever stop learning or that you could survive the impending zombie apocalypse because all it takes is a little common sense and you’re not so sure you really ever had that. We can’t be good at everything y’all.
So without further ado… {because once upon a time I spelled it adieu until a kind reader told me I was, uh, wrong…}
1. They’re real.
When I was younger, I thought that narwhals weren’t real. And by younger, I mean, five to seven-ish years ago. Probably more like two. Kind of like unicorns, but whales with horns. Except they’re not horns. They’re giant canine teeth and they’re hunted for them which is actually pretty awful. And I still have to say… Really? They’re real? Because they are. And there amazing. Once upon a time, I thought they were all made up and stuff.
Yes, I do homeschool my children. Scary. Makes me question the hard stuff… like what did people do before Google?
And sometimes I have to double check anyway {like when I was writing this post} to make sure I didn’t just believe they’re real. Like snipes at summer camp when they said we were going snipe hunting and we got all excited and broke out our flashlights and followed people around for an hour so the counselors could take a break or make out or something. Except they were real. But in that instance, they weren’t. Why is it so hard?
Or Kind of like the time they made me think that huvr boards were real and it made me cry from sheer joy and I sent it to my brother with the words, “It’s finally happening!” because when he was younger, I told him hover boards were real and we were getting them for Christmas, so I kind of thought it was my chance at redemption to make up for that childhood lie. And we both got excited and started jumping up and down while watching the video over and over on our phones. Except then Jamin asked me why I was so excited so I showed him, and he had to break it to me that it was a hoax and we totally fell for it.
The ensuing disappointment affected me for days. So much wrong. Especially with bringing in Doc. Too far. And Moby. Shame on you, Moby. Because he wrote that one song I really liked that one time.
{Refresh if this video isn’t loading and you want to get your hopes up}
2. High on the hog.
All my life, when someone said “High on the Hog”, I pictured myself riding on a wild boar, through a field of daisies. Dressed up like Nellie a-la Little House on the Prairie. Sometimes I had a picnic basket in my hand, and sometimes I just had a bonnet with ringlets, and you could see me as the wild hog jumped over the daisies. I thought it was something majorly accomplished, to capture a wild boar and ride it. Thus the saying. It always stuck with me, this imaginative childhood image because why not? So I googled it recently, and it really meant this:
3. I’m too old to use my phone
Because pointy finger emoji is not the same as middle finger emoji.
Kind of like the time I had the car full of kids {some of them not mine} driving them {carefully, because precious cargo} to our home, when a man cut me off. So I honked my horn to let out a little frustration and duh he cut me off and I’d almost rear ended him. Only he decided to give me the finger. And hold it there for about, oh, five minutes. In the air. Waving it around. To the point where he slowed down and I thought he may attack us, so I pulled away and took a detour through the Walmart parking lot because calm down. But it was too late. All the children, including the ones who were not mine, could see. It was really fun explaining that one to the kiddos {leaving it vague so their parents could take over later}, and then their parents when they came to pick them up. Wheeeeeeeee!
The thing about emoticons is that a. I should probably reel it in. b. they should probably make them larger and c. I’m too old to be squinting at my phone, wondering if I was really giving them all the finger. Every time a sweet person had a question. Every time. Always. I chose the finger. Until I finally realized it. Winning.
Kind of like when you’re at restaurant and the person who works there tells you to enjoy your meal, and you say, “You too!” and then you walk away staring at the floor because you can never come here again.
Your turn! What are some of your confessions? You’re not alone. Promise.
Jesabes says
That fake hoverboard video is awesome! I went down the rabbit hole reading articles speculating as to why it was made and the apology video and everything.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Wait – there’s an apology video?! I am owed an apology. That’s for sure ???
Jesabes says
It’s a pretty lame apology, but it least it explains it a little – http://paleofuture.gizmodo.com/funny-or-die-confesses-to-terrible-fake-hoverboard-vide-1537277984
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA! Very lame! I need to be compensated for my emotional distress. ;}
Wendy says
I understand. I thought it was “for all intensive purposes” not “for all intents and purposes” until, oh two or so years ago. I’m 42. LOL
ashley @ the handmade home says
I may or may not have been exchanging the way I use the two as well! ;}
Rose L. says
Uhhh, hate to tell you, but snipes are real. It is a bird, which woukd not be out at night.
“A snipe is any of about 25 wading bird species in three genera in the family Scolopacidae. They are characterized by a very long, slender bill and crypsis plumage.”
Just look it up online!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Yes. I know. Included above in my post sans the scientific labels. ;} Thus the confusion.
Brit says
I swore jackalopes were real because I saw a stuffed (fake?) rabbit with antlers on it at a steak restaurant. I still can’t figure out why they put antlers on the thing if jackalopes aren’t real.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I’m dying. You have no idea how happy this makes me.
MomofTwoPreciousGirls says
The line that got me started watching Friends was Joey saying “it’s a moo point, you know the cow’s opinion” ?
And wow, not many people have a CLUE who Moby is! I’m impressed…are you sure Tennessee is where you want to go? My town, Suwanee,GA is one of the top 10 in the country to raise a family…then I could have a friend who knows who Moby is!!
Rachel says
Hilarious…especially the last part because it’s been oh so true for me. I usually come home from public places asking myself why I opened my mouth at all. ; )
“Kind of like when you’re at restaurant and the person who works there tells you to enjoy your meal, and you say, “You too!” and then you walk away staring at the floor because you can never come here again.”
Have “fun” packing….
ashley @ the handmade home says
Hahaha yes I’m SOOOOOOO excited! ;} Glad I’m not alone on that one!