My Dad, the one who has been one of our biggest supporters throughout all of this… even when he maybe didn’t understand what on earth his daughter was doing, even when I’m not sure I did… shared this memory on his Facebook page this week. And I was suddenly stopped in my tracks when it showed up in my feed, that this was one year ago.
One year.
A lot can happen in one year.
One year ago, we were working on an amazing project in Nashville, at the Ronald McDonald house with La-Z-Boy.
So I think it’s only suitable that I begin here.
But it’s what was going on behind the scenes that kind of rocks our world a little bit. Because just like any great little story, there are layers and underlying themes and lessons that must be learned… and multiple chapters and even sequels. I don’t know about you with your own story, but I’m really glad ours isn’t over yet.
{PS. Is it really ever? Once upon a time, I said yes. Now, I don’t think I was wording it right. But given my propensity for squirreling out on you, we’ll stay true to the topic.}
Back to the layers part: Let me begin by saying that there are some layers we can’t share just yet. Not in an overly important we’re-so-extra-special way, but because it hasn’t yet played out all the way. It’s been a humbling year. A hopeful year. A year where we’re still honing in on a few of those things to see where the story is taken and tweaked a bit. Clean it up, refine and polish, and give it a new draft. The scary part is, we aren’t the editors. I struggle with this fact, and always will. So we have quite a few layers that only enhance the picture and make it the high-def version, if you will. I can’t wait to come back and sprinkle a few of those in, too. But today, and all metaphors aside, we’re sticking to a certain theme. Enough with the prefacing. Sometimes I do tend to go a little War and Peace on all of you, so I’m backing it up and zooming back in on this moment in the photo above.
Because this is the chapter on how one year ago, we weren’t sure The Handmade Home was going to make it.
If you remember, our home had officially been on the market for about eleven months in Montgomery. It had been exactly two years since Jamin had jumped ship and joined the ranks with me here, and we were flying solo to support our family. But let’s back up even more. In a few circles, we may be considered the black sheep. I mean, what we do isn’t very conventional. We quit a perfectly good {on the surface} job of twelve years in a town that we never really loved and we were ready to finally do something different. We found ourselves entering a new chapter with our family, and knew it was time. We had a revelation where we decided to up and relocate our family.
It was a big risk, but it was a big change for the better. It was going to change the trajectory of our family and business. That meant we were also taking a perfectly good, functional and young business of our own, and starting over in a lot of ways.
Blindly.
Because we weren’t sure how just yet. Or what that would look like. Yes we’d played with ideas but we weren’t sure what the next step was. On the surface, we probably looked like two crazy people. Deep down, {cough: parents} people probably worry a little about us. {It’s their job. We get it.}
In the meantime, we just couldn’t seem to sell our house. That in itself was our biggest pending issue.
I feel like I need to acknowledge this: The irony, right? The home that had been featured in magazines and on TV, that we had made a living off of, couldn’t seem to sell. And underpriced, at that. I say that not to sound like some weird humble brag, because it’s not lost on us that it’s an honor to be featured in publications. It just goes to show that if you’re in the wrong school zone in a bad location with a terrible market, it doesn’t matter if you’re living in the Taj Mahal. It takes time. And I took it personally. It felt a bit like a punch to the gut, if I’m honest.
It stung.
We went through weird showings where because of what we do, people were nosey. We had second showings where people brought their friends just for a look-see. We’d cleaned and labored and perfected it all and took hours off of work and then rounded up three kids and two dogs just so people could come get their decor ideas. One person told us that. No joke, it was a nightmare. It made me stabby.
So in the meantime, Nashville. A brief reprieve where we took a breath of fresh air to do what we love for a great cause.
We were thrilled to have this opportunity to work with La-Z-Boy and all the good things that come together to make you feel like you have a real purpose. To remind us why we do what we do. Jamin is a childhood cancer survivor so it’s something that’s near and dear to our hearts. We prepped and planned, and it all came down to install day. It was amazing. We thought at the time, that Nashville was where we would be living when this all took place. So it was a little bit of a, will-we-ever-get-here-moment.
Also, the entire experience with La-Z-Boy and the Ronald McDonald House was a bit of a learning moment for us. It was a pivotal moment where I think deep down, we realized that beyond great causes and things close to our heart, we wanted to do this. We were ready to take the next step in growing our business. We just weren’t sure how. Or when. I just remember this photo in this moment thinking, this is the next step we need to take. But how? People don’t write manuals on the how-tos for this kind of stuff.
So we went back to Montgomery feeling inspired and excited and hopeful.
Cue more bad home showings. So we sat around for another week and we literally lost our everlovingminds. Jamin called me on his way back from taking the kids to gymnastics, and said, hey I’ve got points. Let’s go to Disney. In four days.
Sometimes, in the middle of two years of a struggle to grow and change and invest in something, you just have to live a little. No regrets. Yolo, y’all. My brother surprised us with his family – they showed up, too. We had an absolute blast.
It was the stuff fairy tales are made of, because while we were there, we sold our house. Like signed the papers, escrow in the hotel that night, sold.
I couldn’t make this stuff up, if I tried. We were holding our breath and it felt unreal.
So we were sitting on Pirates of the Caribbean via our last day of our impromptu vacay, and we realized we needed to find a house. Somewhere to live.
What on earth were we thinking?! The panic set in.
And if you remember this post, we did. We stumbled right over it and fell in love. Like two crazy people, it made no sense.
But here, we pull back more layers. Because we had an inspection on our Montgomery house, and it got rave reviews. The inspector actually said “Home shows pride in craftsmanship.” Duh. Jamin and I had poured our lives into this house like a fourth child. Of course it showed pride in craftsmanship. We’re honest people. We would do whatever it takes to do right by the new owner, and sell this home.
Meanwhile, we had an inspection on the home we’d found in Nashville, and we almost backed out. There was a lot of going back and forth. It was in bad shape and we couldn’t believe the leap we were making from one market to another.
Meanwhile again in Montgomery, after the time had passed for due diligence per the inspection on our current home, the people purchasing our home came back with a laundry list of demands.
Like, trim the tree branches in the back yard, demands. We didn’t mind bowing to some of their wishes {even though, again, their time was up} but some would open up a can of worms for us from the perspective of sale. And we wanted to hold them to their deposit. Financially, they were getting a steal on our home. Financially, we were taking a HUGE hit to leave it behind. Like, as much as we could take, hit. We had to protect ourselves and our own rights as the homeowners. There was a stand-still of wills and without going into the gory details, we didn’t even hear back from them for days. It was truly a bizarre situation, and we were left thinking that after all of this, they were going to back out. With the new house in Nashville, {Franklin} everything was going to fall through.
So here it is, broken down:
Financially, we’d taken a huge loss on our house we’d owned for ten years in Montgomery.
We were paying both closing costs on both houses, per the customary procedures in both states. {AL + TN}. I know. Gross.
Combined with a leap from a horrible market to an amazing one.
And in all that, the final blow, because this is where I break it down transparently on how we run our business: We hit the driest season we’d ever hit in The Handmade Home. After all this time. Yep. Epic timing.
No sales.
Ads stopped.
No design services.
No sponsors to work with.
All of it.
Dried up.
We had been cautious, and saved and despite surface appearances with the whole Disney thing… responsible.
But this was the perfect storm.
There comes a time in one’s life, where you question everything. We were in the process of changing our direction. We’d tried our best to diversify what we do while we grow. We were torn because we’d followed our instincts and our passions and our hearts. We’re privileged and lucky and anything else you want to use as an adjective here to describe what we do, as we’ve met our passion in the form of income to support our family. We hadn’t taken that for granted because we know it’s a great thing.
But was it time to throw in the towel?
And then the more important questions that creep up in the back of your head while you question the rational ones: Why had I done this to my family? Why was I so cocky to think I could accomplish anything with this little business of ours? Had we put all our eggs in one basket? Were we total delusional idiots? What next step were we taking, anyway? Why were we even trying to move? WHY HAD WE LOST OUR MINDS AND GONE TO DISNEY?! {It was on pennies and PB&J’s but still.} We were children. Absolute black sheep children and we had no business doing what we do. All my deep down doubts and fears were coming to a real life fruition. And it was terrifying.
Kind of a mid-life crisis get-your-crap-together moment, if we’re honest.
We were waiting to see if the potential buyers were going to walk away over trimmed branches. For days, y’all. We were left wishing they could see what we were walking into for a little perspective. Meanwhile, there was a rudimentary port-a-potty buried in our {new} back yard that we’d uncovered upon inspection, and I thought… we’re idiots.
All businesses hit their highs and lows. Some businesses don’t make it. I write this, knowing that these are first world problems. That there are people with far less. And that we had chosen this path. Disclaimers aside, we’d taken something to try to make it grow and flourish, and this blow, on top of not being able to sell our house, and we were preparing to close our proverbial doors before they’d ever really opened.
At a time when we needed it the most, it was awful timing.
Our funds were suddenly depleted in one swift blow, and we were questioning everything. Like, meals on the table questioning everything.
Meanwhile, things were still unfolding. We went to a big meeting with some sweet people about the future of our business, and we left, feeling like failures. I told Jamin we were phonies as I cried in the car on the way home. I cried myself to sleep. As silly as it sounds, I was facing reality and my heart was broken.
This was where our story was going to end with our little dream in The Handmade Home.
We were so silly to think we could do something that mattered to us.
I still get a lump in my throat writing this. My chest tightens. It can be really easy in your darkest moments to listen to the voices inside your head. We’d tried to make a change for our family, for the better. For our business, for the better. To take a risk and really grow something. I was a failure. Jamin took it even harder. It wasn’t fair. At a time when despite having written on this little corner of the www for years… we were really just beginning. I wasn’t ready to abruptly end the chapter.
There was this waiting period, wondering if both houses would go through, and even then if we would be able to pick up where we left off once we made the move. It was a double blow. How we would carry on? We went into emergency mode, thinking of temporary jobs to hold us up until we found something more stable in Nashville. We whittled everything down in our already-lean budget. What on earth could we do differently? We were discussing something realistic like a Starbucks and freelance Graphic Design until we could find something permanent with insurance, to carry our family. Jamin could take a job under a contractor at a bigger business to hold us for a while. We were scrambling. And we knew that if we took other jobs, The Handmade Home is a demanding gig and it would take a hit. To the point where it wouldn’t survive.
We didn’t sleep. Oh my gosh the sleepless nights. We didn’t eat. We tried to keep our spirits up so the kids didn’t see us panic. I even wondered {stupidly} if we were being punished for something. If there’s something we’re not afraid to do, it’s work, and this is why we couldn’t get past it. This was crushing us. It put a strain on our marriage, but looking back we realized this is all we have.
Why had all of this, two years after making this choice to relocate…. been so hard for us? It was really hard not to be bitter over past choices and hindsight. In fact, I was.
I called my mom in a blubbering mess, in that period of waiting to hear back from the people who were purchasing our home.
I think I half expected her to scold me, not because of who she is, but because of the blame I was placing on myself, and as her daughter. I was waiting for a sensible solution on which job to take while we recovered, as her answer.
But I was met with the most encouraging conversation I’d ever had with her. There are moments with your parents you will never forget, and this was one of them. She reminded me that all businesses have their low points. She reminded me that it was just all bad timing, and that it would all work out. And then she said this, “I believe in you and Jamin. You’ve got this. We’ll figure it out, together.”
And we did.
In the same timespan, I’d also had a conversation with Karianne. Someone who would understand, in her own way, what we were going through.
She surprised me with a gentle laugh. There I was, blubbering in tears, hidden in our closet so the kids wouldn’t hear me, and she laughed. Not in a cruel way, but because I sounded so absurd. I remember stopping mid slobbering heave into the phone. I’d reduced myself to a heap of tears and panic, and she knew that we were more than this. She said that. And then she said “You will look back on this in a year, and laugh. You will look back and say, look how far we’ve come.”
And we are.
The Montgomery house moved forward.
Our Nashville house moved forward.
We moved forward. We whittled our budget and saved and moved a little money and figured it out. We still had the sleepless nights, but we sat down with our moving boxes and found a bit of a love letter to ourselves, reminding us of our original intentions, even if it took us a while to get there. We found little nudges along the way when it got hard, that reminded us that maybe there’s a plan that’s bigger than us. Much bigger.
We made a huge leap financially with faith and with risk and most importantly, with full on gusto. Because at the end of the day, all we had was each other. Our marriage together. Our families – And sweet encouragement from our friends. We couldn’t have done it without them.
To move forward in a big leap of faith, even if we weren’t sure where we would land.
And even though we were ready to tuck The Handmade Home away, because we thought maybe its time had come and we were ready to do whatever it took, we stayed with it. I pictured myself folding it lovingly into some memory chest, and walking away to do what needed to be done. Things got harder in a different way when we got here, and we stayed the course.
We jokingly call this house the Money Pit because of the way it felt at the time, and because I deal with hardships in humor. {See: laughing at inappropriate times} But originally, we called it our little redemption house. At its core, in our hearts, that’s what this house is to us. Such a big metaphor for us in so many ways. Giving ourselves, and this little house… a second chance. A new chapter. Our business is just beginning and we’re honestly just happy to be here. So when I write that frequently here, know that this is why. This is why I woke my children up over a snow day in sheer joy. This is why I am constantly floored by the kindness of people. Why we love every moment of this little community that has fully embraced us, and don’t take it for a granted for a hot second.
Because this move was about so much more.
Lots of people go through this. Many a business has died along the way. On a bigger scale and in a worse way. Make no mistake that we fully acknowledge this. Make no mistake in knowing that we have been down in the filthy trenches with our little business and we more than understand. Never think we’re too big for our britches, because we know what it feels like. We decided to keep pushing and stayed there, even when the times got really scary.
Sometimes it’s true what they say: One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
And that’s not really something that was in our control. We’re just a small part of a bigger story. We’re certainly not the editors in this one.
I haven’t shared this until now {though probably alluded a lot} because even on the other side of the canyon, I still fear that feeling.
When will we let that go? Definitely, never. In a way of reverence, we’ll never forget what that feels like. It’s a good thing that it will never go away. Our highest of highs will never be without that reminder. And in our lowest of lows we will hold close what got us through it.
But we’re more than glad we stayed with it. It changed us in more ways than we realize.
Still a little bit at the beginning. – This statement I have heaved with both excitement and frustration because good things take time, no matter how hard you work.
Still excited to see where it takes us.
Grateful for every single opportunity. And for the hard times, and rejections… too. We’ve had plenty of those. Trust us. Looking back, we’re astounded at where a year has brought us.
So why on earth did I share this train wreck of thoughts and laborious process with you today?
So that you don’t give up. You’ll look back at this on the other side of the canyon, no matter what that canyon looks like to you, and realize your story and the chapter you’re in at the moment isn’t over yet. It is just a chapter, after all. Not the entire novel.
Stay humble. Be kind.
Keep going.
Stay with it.
You’ve got this.
Because you never know what surprises will come your way. And in a year, you can look back and smile.
Amy says
Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I’m so glad The Handmade Home, and your family, made it through!
Jennifer says
Wow this is a great story. I’m so glad you guys stayed the course. We do what we have to do but I can only imagine the good things that will come our way for working hard and taking that risk! I can’t wait to see!!
Layla K says
Well, I for one am so glad y’all are still working hard at this. I know lots of businesses go under and it’s a big deal to stay the course when you have mouths to feed. Lots of people give up for security alone. I hope this transition has been everything you needed and can’t wait to see the next chapter.
April says
Thanks for sharing that really hard time in your life. Sounds like a terrible, perfect storm. I am glad you made it through unscathed and had people in your life that could speak optimism. I am probably a lot like you in that when things don’t go how I want and expect them to, I get down really fast. I start thinking the rain cloud over me is not going away any time soon. I need people (like my husband) who can talk me out from under it.
Also, our house was on the market 2 different times for a total of a year and it never sold. We only got 1 offer on it and it was too low so we countered and they walked away (we live in a rural area without many good comps). We get that it’s an older home with only 1 full bathroom. There is really no way to add another bath with our floor plan without major renovations. We aren’t ready to do that. The dream is to build a new house on family land just a few miles down the road. The dream is just out of reach because we aren’t going to have 2 mortgages. The funny thing is that now that we’ve decided to stay until we get some long-term financial goals met, I am loving this little house again. I am making it more ours in little ways. I am learning how to be more content and grateful for this home, the only one our kids have ever known. One day it will sell….or we’ll pay it off and rent it. For now I am trying to enjoy the present and not pine away for the future home and all that I want it to be. Sorry to ramble on but I connected with your story of not being able to sell your BEAUTIFUL home because ours was on the market during that time too.
God’s timing is always perfect timing even when we don’t think it is. He is always teaching us (or trying to) to make us better people for Him. Beauty from ashes and all that good stuff! You guys are very talented and I know you will do great in the Nashville area.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I totally get it, April! For what it’s worth, the first time we put the same home on the market, it didn’t sell. So I fell back in love for about three years. It was a great time. We did so much more and appreciated it for what it was. I am so happy for you to be able to do the same. I know how discouraging that must be. Hang in there, because even though it sounds totally cheesy, I truly believe the best possible scenario really will work itself out. HUGS to you!
michele says
I needed this so much today- thank you.
ERICA MONTGOMERY says
Ashley, I love this train wreck of thoughts!!! We will have to meet up someday. We live one street (GVB) over/down! 🙂 I grew up in Franklin. We lived in Mt Juliet for about 10yrs & moved back last June. I’m so glad Jamin posted on the nextdoor site. This is how I found your website. I love it!!! Your cute little house I drive by daily. Watched your progress, wondering what was going on in there. Super jealous that someone was getting and overhaul on their home while I was moving in boxes upon boxes, which still aren’t all unpacked. :-\ We did a little construction in ours before moving in but of course not everything we wanted to do. That’s another story for another time. 🙂 Love reading your stories & I hope Franklin is treating you well!
Tonya says
Aww, that Karianne. She is the best. I often imagine that she and I are dear friends who shop for the perfect red lipstick together or collaborate on something genius using frog tape! I’m so glad you have such wonderful friends and family who are so supportive. I adore your blog. You are an incredibly talented writer and designer and your dogs have stolen my heart! You bring much needed color to my life, so thank you.
Jessica says
These words were a gift beyond price for me today. Thank you.
Lizzi Galland says
This post was so inspiring and so emotionally raw. Thank you for sharing! I love reading your blog and all of the projects that you do. This blog is such an inspiration in so many ways! Thank you for everything that you do.
Tracey Morris says
Thank you. After a really hard year both personally and professionally, this was lovely to read. We are all in this world together and it does get better, different and we move on. You do a fantastic job and I’m so glad you are able to continue. Much love.
Brenda Wegner says
I so needed this tonight as I lay awake in a panic that feels like there’s not enough xanax in the world to make better. Thank you guys. Love to you. Heck, love to us all!
Rachel says
Thank you for sharing…its pretty neat to hear how much your parents were a help/support through it all…yay for good people. glad you guys stuck with it, and may great things come your way for your family and business!
lu says
Congrats on overcoming obstacles… You made a great lemonade!
Bonnie says
Ashley, your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being so transparent and humble. Thank you for not giving up when it would have been so easy to do so. You and Jamin are survivors. I truly believe that your story is going to inspire others. God has been faithful in your lives whenever the bumps came.
Meg says
So glad you guys and your business made it through the tough times. I love your little corner of the internet and all the cheerful/hopeful/awesome things you guys do here.!
Hannah says
I am shocked that I came across this post tonight. This post speaks to me in so many ways, almost like it could be written to us. We are currently in the middle of potentially losing our little business before it even begins, due to a series of crappy and highly unlikely circumstances that have managed to happen at the worst possible time. We are in the waiting game right now, and the state of our little family is completely in the air. Our entire future we had planned we stand to lose and the our entire direction will change if this falls through. It’s a scary place to be and I you described my thoughts of inadequacy better than I ever could. we also refer to ourselves as the “black sheep” and I think it’s those that go against the “norms” are the ones that make big things happen. Thank you for this tonight, I sure hope a year from now I am in a similar place as you are. If we aren’t, I know we will recover, but our lives will change drastically. It gives me hope to see that things can work out if you keep with it. <3