A sweet gal Rachel wrote in recently, and asked this question:
…I’m putting a room together, and I am just lost. I don’t really understand how it should go and where I should start. I’m struggling because we’ve got these pieces we’ve collected over the years, but I feel like they’re with good intentions and that’s where it stops. I’m paralyzed with fear and I have commitment issues. So I was wondering if I could ask you a question. How do you put a space together? Where on earth do you start? I just need someone to simplify it for me, and I know you probably can’t answer this in one email or post. But what is the biggest piece of advice you could give me with putting our home together?
First of all, Rachel’s question is totally relatable. I think no matter where we are in our journey, we’ve all been there before because we all start somewhere.
Sometimes, putting a space together can feel a lot like a giant puzzle. Beyond just finding a good style that suits those who dwell there, it’s about finding the right pieces and literally configuring your space so that it fits wisely. All while ensuring it has a great functionality to it as well.
It can be overwhelming. And we know, because we’ve been there.
So today we thought we’d share one of our very favorite pieces of advice for the home that we feel applies to all things redos and potential in a space. And it all comes down to one word: Intentional.
This is something that has helped us through the years, as spaces are a bit of a learning curve, but we have found this one little truth to hold true with every single situation…
The importance of being intentional.
Once upon a time, spaces were confusing for us. We’d finally ditched the college sofa, and with some cash, taken the dive to purchase what we thought would fit in our space. Oh and ps for the shameless department: we hadn’t been in our space for three weeks. It was burning holes in our pockets, after all. They were leather. And for some reason, purchasing leather pieces meant we were grown up. I know, right? Our bedroom was a hodgepodge of collected items over the years, and well, the rest of the spaces weren’t working so great either. We simply did what we thought we were supposed to do, instead of what we loved.
This was true across the board in all the rooms of our house except these spaces: the children’s rooms.
We realized when we took a step back, that their rooms just had a better flow to them, and they functioned well. And we loved their spaces because they actually made sense to us. They contained elements that meant something to us. And when we really looked at the reason why, we realized it was because their spaces were intentionally planned. We were careful about everything we brought into their space, considered everything and weighed it carefully. There’s something precious about bringing a new baby home, and it brought out the fierce nester in me. I wanted it just right.
But through that learning process, we realized that if we could approach all of our spaces in our home that way, with that sentimental functioning moxie, we would truly love them as well.
So if I could tell my old self a few things, this is what I’ve learned:
1. Have a plan.
Yes, we say that over and over and over again here. Probably because we’re planners. But we realized when it came to our kids, that’s all we did. We planned. We hoped. We waited. We were excited. And we poured every inch of love and concern into their spaces, and made it intentional. It held sentimental elements that were a part of us. We knew we needed every single square inch to function well and work for us.
Something we did in the past, and something we’ve noticed others doing, is that sometimes people scoop up a bargain, or a piece with a pretty color in it, or a piece that seems unique at the flea market simply because they can.
They don’t really give consideration to the final look or plan.
Now hold the phone. We’re not saying you can’t scoop up a cool find when you see it. I mean, where’s the fun in that? But we’ve seen homes filled with “cool this” or “cool that” with no thought as to the overall look of it, and before they realized it, the owners felt lost. Their home contained a lot of good intentions and well meaning projects, without a final pulled together approach.
And even in the big purchases: See us with out bachelor pad leather sofas. What were we thinking? We simply didn’t have a plan or a vision for our home. We had no intention behind what we chose for our space like we did for our children. And there was a big, gaping difference there.
We simply didn’t consider things carefully.
So a note to our younger selves: Just because you have a little money and find something at the flea market doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can purchase the rug, doesn’t mean you should. Unless it fits into your vision for your home and you have a true purpose for it, unless you have a plan for how it relates to the rest of the space, I would garner out the advice that no one else probably wants to hear: wait.
You’ll have a lot less of the buyer’s remorse variety, later.
A lot less of a house filled with little things that don’t really go together, and a lot more of a home that holds intentional spaces, that have a real vision and plan behind them.
Hold on. Does this mean you should wait forever? Because of that’s the case, you may never make a choice. Not at all. We’re just saying that if buying little things like old signs and trinkets and side tables are your thing, while waiting to make the big purchases, great. But make sure that you have a plan for all those little things, and an overall approach to the entire space. Great spaces evolve over time, and everything is not deliberate. Make sure those things aren’t clutter, but you love them, and they’re intentional as a part of your design plan. Make sure they fit well, and aren’t haphazard. And if they’re haphazard. that’s awesome. Make sure you love it.
There’s a balance there. And a learning curve. Thinking through it all, helps.
2. Buy what works for you.
When you have the funds, and when you’re ready, only what works for you.
We’ve talked a lot on here about avoiding buyer’s remorse in the home, and this is a little bit of an extension of that. If you have a plan, think through what you really want, and what will truly work for you.
Not just because it looks great in someone else’s home. And not just because it’s on sale. Think through what you truly want for your space, and why. Then carefully select pieces based on what you truly love from that selection. If you’re careful about what you bring into your home, you won’t feel any regret, later.
Play on photoshop or pic monkey from elements on the internet, or good old fashioned magazine clippings to see how elements work well together. Use pinterest as your biggest tool for pulling a single board together to see how a room will look with all those elements. See how they relate. The simple tweaking of a piece of art, or the right vibe of a pillow could change the entire space. Which brings me to…
3. Scale and proportion – they’re a real thing.
I’m pretty sure I already shared this for something else, but I do love it so. Especially as it pertains to pasta. And carbs. And chocolate… and once upon a time, sofas.
Forget you, size! If you love it, buy it! And I believed this. But I think there’s something to be said for reeling it in, and thinking through what you’re actually doing to your space.
Size really does matter when it comes to your space.
It’s an important thing to check and then double check your items to make sure they work together in a room, and in the right way. How they relate together. I don’t believe we should feel inhibited by someone’s rules {nothing drives me crazier than magazine articles declaring the perfect proportions of fill-in-your-item-of-doubt-here, because there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule and I stink at math} but really consider what we’re bringing into our space, and why.
A great dining room table can be ruined by a banquet that overwhelms the entire space, and sits on the wrong side, blocking the entire view. A sofa can be too large for your living room and those side tables can be lost beside it if they’re just too small.
Scale and proportion are a real element and one of the most important ones when you’re looking at pieces. Consider them carefully. It doesn’t have to be perfect. But maybe things feel off kilter because they haven’t been considered. It’s something to think about when you’re pulling it all together.
4. Function. Function. Function.
We believe in real spaces, beyond just the pretty magazine shoots. There are actual people who dwell there, and those spaces need a purpose. We believe in making them work.
Using space wisely in a room is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
If there’s empty wall space, and you need function, sometimes it’s well worth the consideration of built ins, vs. a smaller piece. Think about how a piece can serve and work for you, and your family. Utilizing areas to their utmost are the one of the most considerate things you can do.
Your space should work for you. Your pieces should work for you. It should never be the other way around. Functioning nicely isn’t a bonus. It’s equally important.
5. Be fearless in your editing.
The biggest inhibitor we see in editing a space, is the guilt factor.
Whether your mom gave it to you, or you purchased it three years ago, and now you hate it, or if you’re still beating yourself up over money spent… I think we need to step back and have a little perspective when it comes to changing up a space to make it what we love.
Giving your items room to breathe, reconfiguring a few things to make them work, or maybe selling it to receive a few funds to go toward the new purchase is the kindest thing you can do for your home.
And maybe, just maybe, it’s your space. And not your mother’s sister’s grandmother’s second cousin on your step dads side, who bestowed that armoire to you and doesn’t think you should paint it. {Don’t get us started.} Give yourself that permission. It goes a long way.
Elements, spaces and homes change. Mistakes are made. Forgive yourself, and move on.
I think if we all step back, and are a little more fearless in the things that aren’t working… we allow ourselves to step forward with a fresh slate, and make some progress with our spaces.
We’re only doing ourselves a favor when we seriously think through it all.
When it comes down to it, it’s about weighing the reasons why we bring things into our spaces, and what our intentions are with them. Just breaking it down to the basics and our thought processes can mean a lot for our home.
Give yourself permission, and move forward with that no holds barred approach.
You’ll only love your home more, for it.
We hope this helps, Rachel… We know it’s basic in breaking it down, but sometimes the heart of the matter is just thinking through it all. These are definitely the things we would tell ourselves if we could go back in our DeLorean. Michael J Fox say what? We’ve all been there.
What are some things you guys would recommend in the realm of being intentional? We would love to hear how it’s influenced your decisions in your home – fire away!
Have an inspired day!
Anna says
This is just perfect. Such great points – so much to think about! Thank you.
Jeanne says
At present, I am stuck in a rut with our living room. It is oddly shaped and functions as the literal center of our small home. We have 2 focal points (large TV and awkwardly awesome ginormous fireplace that juts out into the room). I am SLOWLY convincing my husband that our 14 year old U shaped sofa as seen better days and it cuts the small living room in half. I have a vision for the space, I am trying to be intentional. Getting the “other half” on board is my Achilles heel right now. Then comes finding the time to shop for a new sofa. I sound like I’m making all sorts of excuses, but this is my reality, as much as I would like to say it isn’t. It’s just frustrating. Giving myself the space to feel annoyed helps, but at some point it’s time to quit the “woe is me” and get on with the “let’s do this” already. At least Spring is on it’s way, which should hopefully create a sense of renewal here in the northeast, perhaps spurring someone into action. Oh, and the room also has to function as the play space for our 3 little girls, while being a grown-up hangout “after hours.” Being intentional. I INTEND to make it so Mr. Sulu!
Kelly says
I don’t usually comment on sites but this one brought me out of stalkerfandom – you just nailed me. Wow. I have been collecting for years with good intentions with no real plan. I have commitment issues. I’m really challenged after reading this to pull that trigger and get rid of a few extras so I can really start to enjoy our house. Thank you for this!
Nick Tedesco says
Pretty thorough analysis of living spaces and proper planning. I’m sure this post will help many homeowners deal with their stuff much more effectively. Thanks.
Jenny B. says
Great post and great answer. I agree, and went through the same things when newly married. I thought I should decorate our house like adults lived there, and I never really loved any of what I chose. Then when it came time to decorate our children’s rooms, I planned and executed every minute detail. Plus, I was just thinking about how I’m so tired of our master bedroom furniture, but that it doesn’t make sense to buy new furniture when what we have works perfectly well… even though my mom bought it for me when I was in high school… 20+ years ago… ANYway… This is a great post. đ
Kelli @ I'm Flying South says
I love this so much! It’s easy to get overwhelmed in a new space – I’ve had 3 “new” homes in the last 9 years and it’s always a struggle for me for the first year or so. But now I know that that time allows me to find what works for our family, how the space will function well, and what stays/goes. Great words of wisdom!! đ
Meg says
Great advice! My experience, now that we’ve lived in our house for 5 years and are finally making some large purchases, is to save up for what you really love. For a long time, I would see all of these cool DIY things: painted furniture, homemade art, etc. and I would think I could not just make do but “make awesome” with what we had. But we had was a hodge podge of hand-me-down furniture. We finally realized the same thing you guys did- sometimes the good stuff is worth the wait. We saved and bought nicer pieces ( that we love!). Still some work to do. Love reading your advise. Wish I had it 6 years ago. Thanks for nothing, Delorean.