“Another tooth just fell out,” is the voice I hear, lilting excitedly from the next room. We don’t have many baby teeth left to fall out. It’s midsummer, and this is it. Around this time of year is when I start to get a little sentimental. It feels a little like we captured the magic of fireflies in a jar for a season, and now its time to let them go because here, school starts in just a few weeks.
I’m always stubbornly holding on to those final days in August before pumpkins and spiced lattes host a hostile takeover. I eventually give in, and embrace the fall, too. But long live summer, for holding on to their ages, for ice cream and swim nights with hide and seek, and just being a little more carefree. For the simple reason of enjoying right where we are. Our youngest just celebrated his birthday. The oldest will be 16 soon, and we’re just a few weeks away from our 19th anniversary. Why is it all going so fast!? Weren’t they just toddlers?
Confession: circa 2005 when I started this little gig, our oldest was an infant. I was covered in spit up and awkwardly rocking the nursing bra and binge watching Oprah when I realized I needed an outlet. So a blog was born, {supabloggasuprememama – I’m not ashamed the name was clever y’all} in the days when everyone’s best friends’ moms’ aunt inhabited their little corner of the www on blogspot. Little did I know that my rants about strawberry waffles and the latest fashion fiasco at the Oscars out of a desire to connect, would evolve into a real live business. But my point besides silly beginnings and unexpected turns in life?
Being a mom, is still my very favorite job.
Jamin and I looked around the other day, perpetually confused, and realized we’re now parenting full-fledged teens. Our babies aren’t babies anymore. We’ve even successfully gotten one in and out of braces and started another on her way. High fives all around on both the little things and the milestones of life that we feel we’ve been able to handle. But I do think this stage is beyond wonderful in the most complex ways. Here are a few pros and cons when it comes to parenting teens:
1. Pro: They can clean
Con: They can clean
We’re big believers in kids carrying their weight when it comes to chores and responsibility. It’s great. Who needs to pre-clean and then leave the house for a maid service to clean, when I can knock it out in half the time with my army of children, amirite? Seriously, at this point it’s like a time saving issue when you work from home and have able-bodied children. I think this is why the settlers had like, twenty kids because it just made sense to put them to work, and according to my 5th grade school computer, dysentery was totally a thing on the Oregon trail.
As it turns out, chores are a learning curve.
For instance, we needed to inform our twelve year old that just because you can’t see the dust, doesn’t mean it’s not there. This was after running my hand over a bookshelf for the first time in a few months, and it came back looking like the ashes of Mt. Vesuvius had settled in. Then I realized our Tupperware had all disappeared, only to rediscover them in a fairly impressive homemade slime collection under their beds. I never leave said rooms without collecting plates, bowls and cutlery because it’s super cute to tell them they can’t eat in their room until they’re “just grabbing a snack”.
Should I be worried or excited? Time will tell. In other words, I still have to ‘check their work’.
2. Pro: He’s learning how to drive
Con: He’s learning how to drive
I was chatting it up with another mom a few steps ahead of me in life, in my favorite cardio class when I told her I had an older one learning how to drive. {She totes thought I had babies at home. Maybe it’s because looking twelve in college is finally paying off. Maybe it’s my still-there-2020 food baby. Humble brag / perpetual self deprecation over and out.} She and another mom paused to look me in the eyes, and said: “It’s just beginning.”
I’m terrified. But I also can’t even go there mentally. I think self-awareness is the key to parenting lost on many. Therefore I’m knowing thyself well enough right into realizing I will absolutely traumatize our oldest if I wear the hat of driving instructor. Pushing the imaginary break and freaking out over his ability {inability?} to use turn signals, check for oncoming traffic, you-name-it-here… I’ve had the luxury of defaulting to Jamin as a driving coach, therefore minimizing the extra cost of therapy later. We found a nice used car the other day for him to practice on, and we hope that this is the beginning of well, carpooling. Precious cargo. With potentially positive side effects. Hold me.
I’m seeing visions of Speed Racer, and it’s so bad that our daughter riding in the back to the orthodontist the other day, documented Jamin’s grip evolution on the car handle throughout the trip. At least they all have finely tuned senses of humor, and are well-versed in sarcasm.
3. Pro: She’s into clothes.
Con: She’s into clothes.
Once upon a time when I had a sweet little baby girl. I dressed her up in bonnets and silly monogrammed diaper covers and other ridiculous things ::laughs in southern:: and then she became an opinionated six year old and wouldn’t wear anything anymore. The bigger the bow the closer to God was no longer true, because she ripped them right off her head and did a 360 a-la The Exorcist whilst letting me know her true feelings. And I thought… “well, that was fun while it lasted.”
Then last year, it was as if the great fashionista within her had been reawakened except suddenly Lululemon is a thing and matching scrunchies are all the rage and apparently I’m old because I wear skinny jeans. She actually scoffed at a dress I modeled for her opinion {she’s truthful in a good way}, because “it made me look pregnant”. The worst part? JAMIN responded with “She’s not wrong.”
They’re all dead to me.
So one would think that I could bond with my daughter over shopping. They warned us about the expenses of parenting teenagers. For years, those older than us bemoaned the extra income cost. But between phones and braces and activities and school dances and cars and you name it here, my intentionally childless friends are definitely on the up and up in the income department.
We went shopping, and when she held up a pair of shorts she wanted to try on, I morphed into my mother. When did the outfits become so extra small so that the lady bits just may hang out in odd angles? It’s my job to guide my child to make wise choices, but give me an I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER of AMERICAN EAGLE haircut and fetch me my CLUTCHING PEARLS because once upon a time I used to shop here and NOWI’MOLD. Please and thank you.
So 1. Shopping is fun. 2. In the ever-wise words of T.Swift: You need to calm down.
gorgeous photography by light by iris
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Since I can’t go back to my exhausted Mickey Mouse Clubhouse days, I’ll take deeper conversations, meaningful relationships and a chance to grow with them for 100, Alex. Even if that does mean having a tiny heart attack and dying of dysentery every time my almost-16 year old wants to go somewhere, and if I find slime under the bed one more time, there will be no hot pants purchased at American Eagle. Time slow down. And let’s draw out the slower days of summer, a little longer.
What are your biggest pros and cons of parenting teens? I’d love to hear. Just know, you’re in good company!
This was GREAT! I was laughing and teary all at once. I really AM old- our daughter is 38 now, so my memories of teenage years are only the “good” parts:) Hang in there!!
HAHHAA so what you’re saying is, you block out the rest?! And for the record, you’re still YOUNG! ;}
Beautifully written–I completely relate!!! I raised three boys–the house sounded like thunder 90% of the time, the wet towels, dirty socks, and empty dishes piled up. I questioned if they were really hearing me when I was reminding them to pick up, do their chores, speak with kindness, and help those around them. I was always exhausted and constantly worried if they would turn into men that someone would want to marry someday. But the day has come. Their fiancees have said they are the most respectful men they have ever met, they step up and take care of the things that need to be done, and they still call home. It feels like a hurricane while in the midst, but when you see your children all grown up and thriving, it is all worth it.
This is the sweetest reminder, Jen. So true.
When your 18 year old brings home his first serious girlfriend and he asks if she can sleep over. In his room!😲
So many good times still to come, I promise!
DEAD