No one knows what to do for Halloween this year.
For me, every single decision as of late, kind of feels like Ariel when she’s with the sea witch. She’s singing a jaunty tune about poor unfortunate souls, and all you can do is stare at Ursula’s cleavage because you’re like nine, and wondering if your own boobs will get that big. Side rant, Disney set us up for lots of disappointments. But it’s now or NEVER SO SIGN THE DOTTED LINE AND GIVE ME YOUR LIFE.
{Technically it was her voice. Ultimately her life. Stay with me on the metaphors.} Hasn’t all of 2020 felt like this?
I’ve seen way too many feeds filled with questions, and participated in numerous mom convos, to know that no one is quite sure what to do. Some cities shut down completely. Ours has not, and we’re more rural. So on brand with 2020, everyone is confused. We all want our kids to have fun. We all want to be safe.
Don’t forget all this is coming in with a nice side of shame. Right on par with the theme for everything else this year. Why couldn’t I just parent in the 70’s/80’s and neglect my kids letting them roam the streets on the daily unattended, like everyone else? #Twinkiesasafterschoolsnacksworkforme
Remember the days when our biggest concern was the urban legend about glass in chocolate?
Now it’s imminent death. And shame. All the shame.
So here’s how the convo goes. Parent ::whispers:: “Pssst…. Are you going to let your kids trick or treat this year?”
Because you know, trick or treating is the equivalent of taking them to a strip club.
And then people respond with resolute judgement either way, especially if you put it online, because we all know we can’t win this year.
My reply is with all the over-thought prefaces: “I will supply plenty of hand sanitizer and wear gloves and masks outside and we will social distance and also set the candy they collect aside for a few days to make sure that no bacteria or viruses have transferred over to said candy and also fog them down with lysol and sage before they re-enter the house so that they remain healthy.”
I think I’ll also hand out those dinosaur gripper thingies and let them maintain some distance while they grab at the bowl, and pay my doctor friend to administer healthy IV’s three days before hand.
Honestly guys, I feel like 8 hours in school indoors with masks is a bigger risk than an hour of precautionary masked trick or yeeting. Because neighbors can throw the candy.
I can’t win. Whatever I decide, it’ll probably give them a nice bout of anxiety to preside over them for the rest of their remaining days on this earth. Sounds like it’ll match nicely with the other dysfunctions I’ve already handed over, because what’s a well-rounded childhood without a few irreversible issues? It’s basically a trade off. Kind of like that time I watched Salem’s Lot when I was five, and then had recurring nightmares forever.
I’ll never get over that kid tapping on the window.
2020. It’s been hard enough. Can’t we let our kids have one night of well-chaperoned fun? Once a holiday purist, I’m basically throwing up mah trees as soon as Halloween ends, because we need a little Christmas. I have lost my everlovingmind.
It’s fine. Everything’s fine.
I’m going to go ahead and up the rebel ante, by mentioning that my kids are now a little older, and every year I swear this is their last to dress up and go. Our oldest didn’t participate last year, and we get it. He was an 8th grader. But this year, he and his brother picked out some fun matching costumes, and I’m all for it. He’s going to chaperone with us, and we told him he may as well get some candy while he’s at it. I saw some more harsh judgement last year about letting older kids trick or treat online, {you know, because screens are a safe place to let everyone know our opinion even if we’re not a parent}. They also may or may not be dead inside. As long as older kids are being cautious and respectful of little kids, and ours will additionally be supervised by us, we say do it. Let them have a night of fun.
It’s much more believable than that infant in a costume you’re carrying, with a pillowcase for yourself, KAREN.
Jk. More power to Karen. Collect all the freaking candy. ENJOY. IT.
This year, the full moon and daylight savings time and mercury in retrograde is all right on cue. A virgin can climb the tower and light a candle and say the abc’s backwards whilst performing light as a feather stiff as a board. It should ensure that all the portals we opened previously with free standing brooms, opened Egyptian tombs, and the latest Post Malone song, be rightly closed again. I just hope it’s kind of like the closet in poltergeist and sucks in all the people on social media obsessed with rude assumptive political rants with it, before closing the door forever.
So I decided to let our kids participate in trick or yeet. Throw the candy. Keep your social distance. Stay outside with masks and gloves and HAVE A LITTLE FUN. In moderation 2020 style, of course.
Whatever your fun looks like this year, we truly hope you enjoy, and our greatest hope is that for a moment, we forget all the craziness.
Happy Halloween. Trick or yeet.
ps this is where I really plan to be as soon as an hour has passed and they complain about being tired. Scary movies outside with candy for the win.
Have an amazingly happy, safe weekend.
Ashley says
Yes! We need to let our kids be kids for one night and stop the mom shaming. Ugh. Those that don’t want to participate can leave their light off
ashley @ the handmade home says
TOTALLY agree friend! I feel like we’re taking necessary precautions and I also need to let our kids enjoy life a little. ;} Hope you have the happiest of Halloweens.
Deb says
I never understood the prejudice against older kids treat or treating. In fact, they do those of us who overbought candy a favor by coming 15 minutes before the designated end of Halloween. “Here, take the whole bowl!” (while secretly pining for those lost Milk Duds.)
And, just an aside, don’t you think Necco wafers are really Pepto Bismol in disguise?
ashley @ the handmade home says
RIGHT?! As long as they’re courteous, and look out for younger kids – they’re not making any trouble. I don’t get it. It’s just this ridiculous bias because my kid is taller. Oh well. Also with the Necco wafers – DEAD. They’re the candy that we find in the bag later and we’re scared they have the glass in it… or poison. 😀
Anna says
This is so hilarious. Thank you.
Layla K says
A hahahahaha! This made me laugh so hard! I needed that today. I feel ya mama. I would have rocked the 70s 80s too. This year has just been TOO much. But Ursula’s boobs! Dead. Have a happy Halloween!