Have you guys noticed the trend? There’a million and one articles out there on things not to say to people: from things not to say to a dietician to things not to say to a new mom to things not to say to nurses, designers, and doctors and garbage men and church clergy – it’s all the rage right now- to the point of open letters and all things potentially offensive overload in a super hyped PC world. Just enter “things not to say to” in your Google and release the Kraken for hours of borderline paranoia fun.
Due to my complete lack of ability to remember, let alone read every article written by disgruntled people, I’m sure somewhere I probably said that one thing. I realize that eventually, despite my best efforts, I will offend someone.
I accept this with grace, and move on.
For the record, I’m this {} close to jumping on the bandwagon and writing one about things not to say to someone when their house isn’t selling. Jk. But I do get the things-not-to-say craze. It’s the open letter version of telling that one person who really hurt your feelings how you truly feel. In vague hopes that they see it.
Likewise, just Google “what to do when your home isn’t selling,” and information overload filled with well meaning advice will eat your brains. From more noticeable listings, to staging, to fixing those problem areas, suggestions abound.
We’re constantly fielding questions and well-meaning advice on a regular basis.
So here’s to anyone out there who may be struggling and feel like they’ve done everything they can. Who maybe can’t stand it if anyone asks any more questions about it all, because you know it will happen when it happens. Instead of writing a list of things not to say, we wanted to reach out to anyone out there who’s house is for sale and has been for some time. {And by some time, we mean beyond your original intended deadline. Because that, my friends, can be super frustrating.}
Consider it a pep talk from us to you: A few things not to do when your house won’t sell.
1. Don’t panic.
We have a pretty home. We’ve kind of made a living off of it. We’ve poured our souls into it. We’ve repaired anything remotely wrong with this wonderful place, and even made upgrades to the point of ridiculousness. Hello hardwoods. Hello custom built ins. Hello carrara marble. Hello clawfoot tub. Hello fire pit. Hello farmhouse sink…
Hello crickets.
This is how we feel, now that it’s been listed for a while.
It’s a generous size. We have a nice yard. Great amenities. Great neighbors. Convenient location. Plenty, and we mean PLENTY of exposure. We’ve knocked down the price to the lowest per square foot in the neighborhood. We’re taking a loss. We’ve sat down and evaluated all of our choices from renting to taking a huge hit… I could go on and on and on… That can be super frustrating when you’ve lived somewhere for ten years, to the point of digressing to complete regret, feeling like your entire chapter there was a total waste of time.
Yes, sometimes I can be a bit dramatic.
And I don’t think one can fully understand until they’ve been in the same situation. It’s like a secret camaraderie with understanding head nods when we’re met with someone who has faced a similar situation… and relief to not be met with a barrage of questions. Or what if’s… or have you tried… Because the answer is YES!
In short, hand me a checklist so I can show you, because it’s also easy to feel a bit defensive about it all. We’ve done absolutely everything right in our situation for us.
But I’m supposed to be magical, use my unicorn designer/writing powers and sell my home with five offers waiting within a week of listing, right? That sounds totally self important so not really. But I’m watching other people who live in other places {read: better markets} do it. They’re lapping us in the world of sell-my-house athons. In truth, we feel kinda stupid.
The irony, once again, isn’t lost on us.
So what’s wrong with us? Something must be wrong, right?
Here’s a fresh perspective: Calm down. Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s the market.
I don’t feel like we’re allowed to say that. It’s certainly not the popular opinion. Again with the googled articles. I find us stuck in a bit of a stigma just because this is taking a while. But when you’ve exhausted suggestion after suggestion, if you find that you’ve literally done absolutely everything right in your world, maybe it’s really not you.
Maybe it’s your market. Maybe it’s different conditions coming into play for the perfect storm. For reasons we won’t get into here, it’s certainly the truth for our area.
It’s just not in the cards for us right now and we find ourselves playing a waiting game.
Every home has a buyer. It will sell, eventually.
I practically whisper these mantras to myself, daily. Our neighbors, friends of ours, and other people near and dear to us {we won’t incriminate in this post} included in our market, are all taking different approaches in their attempts to sell, all doing what is right for them on the real estate check list of life – are all in the very same boat. It’s just going to take some time.
That says something about the market.
It’s not about how beautiful your home is. Or how low you can go. Or what you’ve done to make it perfect. Or what you can check off on that pre-approved checklist by the pros. Sometimes, it’s totally out of your control.
And isn’t that life? So if you find that you’ve exhausted every avenue. That you’ve done everything in your power. That you’ve assessed and reassessed and analyzed until your head hurts: You’ve consulted the pros. You’ve crunched the numbers. You’ve done the research and evaluated all the possibilities. Unless your home is ridiculously over priced, or you have some major mistakes to repair, maybe it really isn’t you.
Maybe it’s just going to take a while. And you have to be okay with that.
2. Don’t update just to sell.
We receive questions often on what to change to help things in the selling department. And then we’re all, Why are you asking us? We can’t sell our home, either. {Cue laughing cry face emoji, suckas.}
What paint color to choose? What cabinets to change? Should I take down my photos?
I can tell you this: buyers would rather have an allowance to change it their way as a little extra incentive, than something changed just for the heck of it.
We touched on this a little last week, but don’t act on your panic.
When things don’t move as quickly as you hoped, don’t do the classic update-just-to-sell change-all-the-things, sink-all-the-money move.
As a buyer looking at other homes, nothing frustrates me more than seeing a perfectly wonderful home online with a “brand new recently updated kitchen!” This is usually code for builder’s grade blah cabinets and fancy countertops that burn my corneas. I would ultimately pay for this unwanted upgrade were I to buy it.
Most buyers would rather have a little allowance to change what they want, if they’re truly interested in the home. And if they don’t like your kitchen, then they’re clearly the wrong fit anyway.
Unless 1. you’ve already made changes in your home just because you wanted them, and 2. to enjoy with your family…Just remember this: don’t act in your panic. Don’t invest money and elbow grease, to change things in hopes to get a return. Don’t update just to sell. Because in the end, nobody wins. You never know what the market will do.
So enjoy your home for the sake of enjoyment. Everything else is gravy.
You can have the home that has literally been featured in magazines. But market, market, market, baby. So keep it simple: do it because you love it. And the rest will take care of itself in the real estate department.
Trust us.
3. Don’t be impatient.
We’re ready for a fresh start for our family. That’s the hardest part.
Relocating our children and starting fresh is something we’ve felt led to do for some time. It’s intimidating and scary and I think when you’re facing the unknown like we are, that makes it really hard. As of writing this post, it has been a 2.5 year process from the time we made a mutual decision to make this happen. Those 2.5 years have also been the hardest of our lives for a lot of different reasons. They’ve made us question everything. It’s like we know where we’re supposed to go, but no one ever said it was going to be easy. We can say that with ease.
But they’ve also been our best years.
This is small potatoes compared to what most people go through. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just where we are. We realize that, and know we have so much to be thankful for. We feel kinda silly even sharing it. It’s just that, well, they’re still our potatoes.
It’s taken a lot of patience. And right now, a great deal of faith.
Because it’s about more than just selling a home. It’s about our family. It’s about wondering where on earth our story is headed. It’s about the things that are completely out of our control. And so much more.
Right now, we’re trusting. Because some things are unexplainable. And the timing isn’t ours.
We write this post not to vent, but in hopes that if anyone else out there feels like this, and is reading, that they feel absolutely normal. Because it’s about more than selling a silly house. And when that silly house doesn’t sell, maybe you need something more than fix-this-hire-that-do-this suggestions. Maybe it’s totally okay to just wait.
I think that quote applies to everyone in some way. If anyone else out there finds themselves in that weird in-between phase, if they’re waiting because they’ve done everything else they can do… take heart.
Because things don’t always move at the speed we want them to. Things don’t always happen the way we wish. And we have to know there’s a bigger picture out there, one that we just can’t see yet.
___________________
The great moments in life, like getting that fresh start you’ve been waiting for, for so long, or fill-in-the-blank-here, will happen when they happen. And we have to be okay with that in-the-meantime part. Embracing it, with everything we have.
So if things aren’t lining up just like you thought they should, take a deep breath, and know you’re not alone. It will happen.
Probably just when you’re least expecting it. In a timing kind of way that you least intended them to… so it can all work out for the best, beyond the things we can see.
And that’s the very best part.
Jenna says
Well said! Seriously love it all. We’ve been there and I can relate- it’s hard- especially when the questions won’t stop. We have friends in the same situation now- passing this In to them. Thank you for your honesty!
Stacy P says
Great post. We aren’t selling our home, but our next door neighbors are trying to sell theirs. TRYING. ( We love our neighbors, but they have a wonderful opportuinty in another city and we want them to be able to start that wonderful opportunity as soon as possible…it’s now been 8 mo with the house on the market and two price drops.) They FEEL ya. We FEEL ya. Know that over here in a town just south of Atlanta, where the market is supposed to be really strong, we are fist bumping you in solidarity. So you go on and preach it. We are over here saying AMEN. 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Bahahaha are you sure your neighbors aren’t us? So encouraging to know we’re in the same boat!
Marcia says
Ya know…we are at the exact same place in our journey! What you said is exactly the point. ” Don’t trade Gods timing for your deadline!”
God can pull a deal together far better than all our efforts. When we try to manipulate God we only mess things up!
ashley @ the handmade home says
So true, Marcia!
Ruth says
Just a quick note from someone who bought recently – the house we bought was painted to sell – almost every room was painted in a sandy colour. Not us at all. But I didn’t care – I’d been renting for years and was desperate to put my own colours on the walls.
So before we’d even moved in, we painted 5 rooms and another 5 within the first 3 months.
The poor sellers were gutted when they found out. They wasted all that money, time and effort, painting to sell and for nothing.
So love your house whilst you are in it and the right person will snap it up and love it too! 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
You speak such truth! Amen.
Alexandra says
Praying for you… may God continue to bring peace and trust in the midst of your wait.
Allison hunter says
So, I would love to buy your house if only for the back yard alone. Can we search it or is it dangerous to put out the mls # with the world a bit crazy these days?
ashley @ the handmade home says
I’m pretty sure it’s not hard to find us if someone wanted to murder us with an axe and we’ve shared it once already and no one has killed us -yet- 🙂 the mls # is 316033 🙂
Lisa says
Hi Ashley, I can relate to waiting! Only ours was trying to find out the problem to fix our home.(.we’re talking major fix). It took years to finally diagnose what the issue was & FINALLY we are moving forward with fixing our home! It was hard in the process but it wasn’t without a purpose as God’s taught us to trust Him! Invaluable lessons indeed! Hang in there, Gods timing is the best:)
Jamie B says
We are so on the same boat! Waving to you from the Bham area. Our house hasn’t been on the market a long time, but in 2 months we’ve only shown it 3 times. Your words were encouraging to me! I feel it’s a market thing too, so we wait for God’s timing and direction. 🙂
Jenna says
We recently went through this as we had ours on the market and the day before our 6 month listing ended, we got an offer. We had already decided we were going to let our listing expire as we didn’t have to move and we were tired of the showings. After we received the offer, which was 12k lower than our listing price and we couldn’t accept, we received another offer! After back and forth, constant phone calls with our realtor, refusing their offer after inspection (and the day we were scheduled for our inspection on the new house), we finally closed this summer! I have no idea how someone hasn’t snatched up your house yet, but the perfect buyers will come along that will love it just as much as your family has. Good luck!
sandy says
We had our Florida home on the market. We had one offer after 12 hrs from going “live” then another 20k over asking the next day. Our appraisal got royally messed up..forgot to add the outdoor kitchen, used short sales for a comp (which is illegal) and we lost our buyers as they couldn’t get financing. So a month later we put it back on the market thinking we were going to have another quick buyer. No such luck…same house, nothing different other than a month later but wasn’t moving. We ended up losing the house we wanted to purchase as it hinged on selling our home.
One of the mom’s at my daughter’s school previewed a home and thought of our family. I am now typing from this home and we just LOVE it. If it wasn’t for the appraisal getting messed up and our house taking much longer to sell the second go around we wouldn’t be here.
I can’t wait for the “now everything makes sense” blog post when you are in your new place. 🙂 The in-between/waiting/questioning time is just the worst though..isn’t it? 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
I love this. I love that even though that had to have been so disappointing- it all worked out so wonderfully. We’ve been through a lot in the past year that I’m literally not even able to share here, both house and un house related but oh my goodness when I can write that post, I can’t wait either! Ha! 🙂 so so so glad it worked out for you guys!
Megan says
My world–exact same position. The blog, the living, the magazines, etc. we just gave up on selling and took it off the market. We accepted it wasn’t our time and we just let go. We decided to wait a bit and try again, but I was over living in limbo. Best of luck!
Maggie says
It HAS to be the market where you live!!! Your house is AMAZING! You and your blog are what inspired me to take the bull by the horns and make my home mine. I’m in the middle of painting real wood cupboards white (gasp!) instead of living with the dark stain that is dreary and oppressive to me. They also suck what little natural light we have into a black hole of stained wood. Anyway, thank you for writing some encouragement and good advice to us in the midst of your frustrations. Prayers your house sells soon!!
chelsey says
thanks so much for this post! we’re currently in a holding pattern as well (in a different life arena) and it’s refreshing to hear your honesty and encouragement.
glad we know Someone who is not surprised with the wait, but has a Plan. 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thinking of you, Chelsey!
Abbie says
I totally know what you’re feeling! We’ve been in this boat for over 3 years. YES, 3 YEARS!!! Even to the point of having someone in it for over a year that was going to buy then lost their job contract. ?? Que: Start all over from the beginning!! Every month that I pay another mortgage payment a little part of
me dies inside…but this too shalleventually pass, RIGHT?? {PLEASE LORD, Let it be quick!} ?
ashley @ the handmade home says
Abbie- so sorry – thinking of you!
Adrienne says
20 years ago my husband and I had a house that took almost a year to sell. We have 2 houses up for sale now. One has been on the market for a year and the other for a month. Houses near both houses have been sold but no offers yet on ours. It is discouraging but we remind ourselves that it only takes one buyer. The houses will sell in God’s time. God bless.
Tracey says
Hang in there sister!
Susie says
I’m so in this boat! Paying a rent and a mortgage because that’s what we had to do for the job that popped up. All of the ‘notes’ we’ve been given about the house are physical things that can’t change-house position on the lot, etc. We even got the mythical person who didn’t like the wall color, so wouldn’t put down an offer! We left it in our colors, and are waiting (waiting…waiting…) on God’s timing and the right buyer. This article was amazingly well timed. Stuff just ain’t selling in some areas. It’s a bummer. Hopefully we’ll come out of it ok.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe thinking of you Susie- I know that has to be hard! Hang in there!
Marian@CMShawStudios says
It took us a year to find the right house to buy last time we moved locally. The house we needed just wasn’t ready yet. And it was one of the most exasperating experiences of my life. I bring this up because it might help you to think “Maybe the family that needs our house just isn’t ready yet.” Maybe God is tweaking their life a little (and your life a little). Maybe he’s giving you the gift of developing patience – he spends a lot of time working on this with me. Or letting of of control. It sounds like you guys have got the “trust that it’s on His schedule” down. Well done.
All the best,
The Other Marian
Anna says
This post was so encouraging to read. I’ve been waiting for some things that I didn’t even know would happen at all, and it would mean a lot to me if they did. I waited and waited, and prayed with all my energy. Then one day, I got news that what I hoped was happening. Now there are only six weeks left until we get to do that thing — move back to the US from abroad. Your post is even encouraging to me as I wait for these last six weeks, in which time, also, I am scheduled to have a baby! So about two weeks until the baby and six weeks until it’s our last day here (God willing). In the meantime, I’m refining our bags to just the right weight and dimensions, getting rid of stuff we can’t take with us, and looking forward to that day.
When I was younger (8th grade?), my family tried to sell our house. It didn’t sell. We actually took it off the market (which was the right thing for us at the time, not saying others should do that). It turned out to not be God’s timing at all to sell the house. When we did sell it, years later, it sold in a few months, or even less. I don’t remember exactly how long it took. Anyway, for us, we could see that God was saying simply “no” the first time around, maybe combined with a “not yet”. When it was time, it was a clear “yes, now”. And I’m grateful that He is in charge, not us, because it worked out for the best that we sold it when we did. 🙂
So hang in there! I think your suffering will be encouraging to others who are also going through a hard time. God might want you stay put for just a little longer, and then grant you passage through the next step. When you trust Him, it will be contagious to others and they will be lifted up to do the same. The suffering is what speaks to others as they feel it, and gain hope. I think this is because it is easier to see on the outside that someone is in God’s hands, and that, yes, that person can do it, that person can make it, so it then translates to personal encouragement as the person observing applies those truths to themselves. Hopefully this makes a bit of sense. Your story will give encouragement to others. Hang in there. And thanks for a great blog, and a great planner and other printables!
Anna says
I.e. This:
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV)
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
Heather says
Thank you for saying this out loud. I keep hearing that if we would just drop the price ours would sell too. Ours is in the same general area and it’s just the blasted market there! Sigh. I’ll keep praying for us both to get offers/contracts soon!