This last summer, I wrote about the next step. I didn’t realize what was happening then, but looking back, I believe I was beginning what some people may call an existential crisis. I was in a place. A rite of passage for a few of the first-timer, lucky parents of seniors, I guess. Because I just haven’t been ready. I never will be.
“The days are long, but the years are short” is a whole thing for a reason.
When they’re little, you look at them through bleary eyes and you think you have all the time in the world. Those seniors in high school are so old they’re basically adults, and that stage of life is an eternity away for us. This is my life now. It will feel like this forever.
:: laughs in delirium ::
If you’re not quite to this life-stage just yet, think about the first time you left them with someone else for a while, and those tears welled up. You had a knot in your throat. Think about that first day of kindergarten and you felt as though your heart just might explode from a mixture of love and anguish. Because that was just a preview, a little sneak peek of things to come. All those little steps along the way are preparing us to prepare them.
One life truth I have grasped over the last few years is that change is the only guarantee. Right next to death and taxes, it’s going to happen. We have to be ready to pivot and roll with it. Over and over again.
To understand my existential crisis, here’s the why: Our first-born baby will forever be our “trick baby”. So I really blame him. The sweet little bundle of literal joy, the one who let us sleep through the night. The one who made me think I was a good mother. He TRICKED me, you see. I looked around in my absolute naivety and had no idea what these other parents were complaining about or why they were having such a hard time. Little did I know it was because he was easy from the get-go. And then the baby gods decided it was my turn. Because we purposefully had another. {Bless her sweet, colicky-reflux, screaming from sun-down ’til sun-up, heart.} I don’t like labels, but in our family, these are staple truths. The only reason our third exists is because, apparently, we like surprises. She’d just started to sleep at nine months when I found I was expecting again. This youngest child was also good because he knew he had to somehow survive.
So our oldest is still our trick baby, all the way until now at the present day. He’s not perfect, but he’s just made things so easy. We kind of fell for it. He was the one who in the fifth grade, told us he didn’t want to grow up and leave home. The one, who, up until last year, had decided he wanted to stay home and attend school locally.
Take your time, we always thought. Don’t rush this.
We waited because we knew he wasn’t ready to start thinking about all things college. He needed time. He also needed space to figure it out. And then it hit us this summer. We were out of time. If we didn’t start to gently nudge him in this college process, and get him to consider all the options, it just wasn’t going to happen. {Yay under-developed frontal cortexes and age-appropriate behavior!} The next step that we knew deep down was right for him, was the traditional college route.
Parents of high school students read this now: Every child is different and we applaud each individual path. But if you’re going to pursue the college route, I received one piece of sage advice that I’ll share here: Start looking early. I received this message last summer. The summer before his senior year. Cue the pressure. I’d never really freaked out about anything school-wise before. We’ve always bucked the system, refusing to buy into the pressure. But suddenly, it felt like everything mattered if this was the route for him: Road trips, applications, deadlines, resumes, essays, pros and cons. Never-ending possibilities.
Honestly, it’s the most important behind-the-scenes project we’ve been working on in 2023. And it was a lot. Let the great school search commence.
We’re newbies to all of this on the parenting side. Growing up, going to college didn’t seem that competitive or that big of a deal. The landscape has changed, and we’ve all heard those nightmare stories #jail. Back in our day, the majority of everyone just defaulted to their state school of choice. I’d still say a lot of that is true with where we’re from, in the current day. It’s different here, {Nashville} with quite a few routes and options to take. To the point where our family and friends in our home state probably thought we were being extreme. But we believe in due diligence. So we cast a wide net {within reason where he was comfortable}, applied to multiple schools, and then decided which ones to tour. He needed some perspective to make his choice.
As I mentioned at the beginning of said existential crisis, there is no guidance for this process. There are no classes for the first-timers, and buckle up, buttercup, because there’s a major learning curve. Moving seven years ago changed things for us in an unknown landscape of many things to consider. Then to our surprise, {and mixed emotions} our own alma mater just didn’t feel like a good fit for him when we visited.
Aiden+ one of his roomies!
Fast forward a few months later. A friend asked me how the search was going, and she read the response in the expression on my face. Without waiting she said, “Yep. They all start to run together in the end, don’t they?” And she was right.
Until… they didn’t.
You know the saying, it’s always in the last place you look? That usually applies to me, searching for my keys or my cup of cold coffee abandoned in the microwave. But in this case, it was his school of choice. The last place we looked. It finally happened in November. We found ourselves defaulting to that big school, resigned to the idea that nothing really feels ‘right’ until you make a place your new home. There is still a lot of truth in that. But I had some hesitations based on where we think he’ll thrive best, and he wasn’t sold. At the end of the day, we want him to have that great experience that we loved so much. No matter what that looks like for him.
Short story long… After six college visits and six acceptance letters {which didn’t make it easier}, it was the last school for us. That final piece of the puzzle. We all realized how absolutely beautiful and charming it is once we set foot on campus. And it checked off all the boxes for him.
The Univeristy of Tennesee at Chatanooga {UTC} is where he’s decided to make his home for the next four years. Go Mocs!
So of course, we had to don our shirts and commemorate the moment with a family photo. Rigby is THRILLED.
We couldn’t be more excited for him. He’s going for a degree in business and considering pre-law. The student life is awesome and the campus is movie-set charming. We were really impressed with the amazing professors we met with, and we’re smitten with Chattanooga and everything it has to offer, from outdoor to city life. For what it’s worth, I would live in their dorms, and that’s saying a lot. He’s rooming with three other sweet young men {I feel like I’m not allowed to say boys anymore} — two he’s known since the fifth grade. It’s funny how things seem to work out in the end. Our friends {Jamin’s roommate from Auburn, ironically} live just off campus. It’s the little things that just make you feel good as a parent. We know things can definitely change. But after all that worrying, this one just feels right.
He’s excited. Happy. At the end of the day, it’s all we really want for our kids.
So, why am I telling you this? Because no one really shares this stage of life or their experiences as much. We don’t disclose a lot about our kids here anymore because they’re growing up. But we’re sharing because we’re not alone, and to know that other parents are in the throes of figuring all this out alongside us, has honestly been the most comforting thing. So we hope reading about this helps someone else.
And just like those first years, when we were worried if they’re grasping or crawling or babbling and meeting all those supposed markers, we had to set aside and filter through, to find the things that were good for him. Remember that. Each kiddo is different, and this has been a process. So hang in there, if you’re where we are. You’re not alone.
We’re grateful. Excited. Proud. Tired. And we’re soaking up each moment of this stage.
Here we go.
Debbie says
I think you ALL will be happy with that choice! We are from just outside the Nashville area and both our Boys decided on UTC! They graduated, got great jobs and stayed in Chatt! And we recently moved here ourselves! And Love it!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Ahhh! Comments like this make my day. It’s so good to know when we keep hearing such amazing things. We are already joking that we’re not long for this world and may eventually end up in Chattanooga ourselves – ha! It’s such a charming city. Thank you so much for your sweet comment and congratulations to your boys!
RR says
Thank you for this! My oldest is in 9th grade and I’m starting to panic, thinking of all the things I haven’t finished teaching him and I want to teach him before he leaves for school in just three short years. Then this week, I had a massive migraine and he cooked dinner for our family…and he knows how to wash his sheets each week. So, yay, I know he can feed himself and can keep his sheets clean! But, college…whew…he has been very resistant to even talking about it let alone looking at plans, options, information. I know in the end, we’ll get there, but how to make the journey fun and less fraught with angst…I’m still working on that! You are SO right, each kid is different and needs different guidance and support from us parents. Right now, I’m tying to balance my own stress with giving him space to be himself and enjoy high school and also plan for the future that he wants to have. Congrats and best wishes to your son and your family, and thank you for sharing your college story for us parents out here who are gearing up for our own.
ashley @ the handmade home says
You’re definitely not alone! I have had plenty of spirals this year. And they will probably continue. It sounds like you’re doing a great job, mama! Keep going. These things truly have a way of working out, despite all our worries. It’s the lesson I’ve had to swallow over and over again in parenthood. Hugs to you!