lessons learned in a first apartment

We were getting ready for a small shoot around here, when I was searching for some long lost pieces, on top of our laundry room cabinets {my secret hiding place for all things natural decor that I can stash out of the way – hello ridiculously long branches}. I was standing on my tippy toes, creeping above the edge, when my hand brushed something – It was one of those giant old scrapbooks, a few I had from wedding gifts when I actually went through this short phase of pretending to scrapbook, borne out of obligatory wedding gifts. Wheeee.

They’re huge, however, so on top of the cabinets they are hidden. Out of the way. So after blowing off a cloud of dust just like they do in the movies, I stood there, transfixed, still standing on top of those laundry room countertops. While I looked through every single page. Thirteen years have passed since these priceless memories, and I couldn’t believe I’d completely forgotten about these little treasure troves.

Where has the time gone?

Because there inside, were some amazing things. Two whole memory books to be exact. Long before these guys were even a figment of our imaginations… a lifelong dream I hoped for one day… that I didn’t even know I longed for… Because we’re living it.

But before that,

There was just us.

We were babies.

In our tiny, newlywed first timers apartment. We were so proud of that apartment.

But let’s rewind, because you’ll notice I cleaned up my act a little from 1998. This was 2002, and we were big time grown ups now. No more pointilism Jesus, ex-boyfriend roses, Anne Geddes posters and colorful christmas lights. I mean, I just thought I was so cool.

We meant business.

We were just two kids with absolutely no responsibilities, playing house. We only thought we were busy. We relished in the word and rolled it around on our tongues like real adults. And never mind that we could barely afford said apartment. This was our first place. It mattered to us.

I mean, our first apartment was actually really nice. It was nicer than our second apartment. It was spacious. I would still live there now. We lucked out on some new get up in Auburn, with lower rates because they were trying to fill them with tenants.

So we proudly decked the walls with some posters from the college bookstore, in some real live plastic frames from walmart. Never mind that they were in just the right spot for a 6 foot tall man at eye level. We were so proud of that space.

Jamin had a friend hook us up with a real live GIANT tv that we were so thrilled to own. It was our only TV for about the first five years of our marriage. And apparently, I was going through a major plants phase. But it was us. It was genuine. It was what we loved, and that was all that mattered. And we learned so much in that first little space of ours.

So today we thought we’d share on looking back: lessons learned in a first apartment. 

1. Your style evolves over time. 

Before our current kitchen, there was the one above. Where we cooked and gathered and literally just played house, and I proudly displayed my new “fancy” china from wedding gifts in a bookcase my dad refinished for me in college. We looked around, and we thought we were so good at decorating.

Who am I kidding, we will probably look back at this current house in thirteen more years and say, we thought we were so good at decorating. But your life changes over time, and your style should reflect that. It should tell a story. And it doesn’t happen over night. It happens slowly but surely, because those are how lives are built.

You learn how to hang those photos not so high. You grow into your own style. And you learn which colors are a lifelong passion and not just a passing craze.

Adjust accordingly and enjoy.

2. Be happy with where you are. Now. 

We had Jamin’s sofa from college covered in a cheap slipcover from Bed Bath and Beyond… that felt like we paid an arm and a leg for. And I got a lantern from the cool trendy store in Downtown Auburn {Behind the Glass, anyone?} Leftover from my single-but-making-out-with-Jamin days. We proudly draped it in the corner. And ‘The Kiss’ was all about our romance and it adorned the walls too. I lit every possible candle imaginable because romance. And ambience. And home. It’s kind of amazing that we didn’t catch the place on fire.

We purchased that gargantuan chair with some wedding moolah and snuggled in for movies. And it was all we could afford. But we were so grateful.

Sometimes we focus so much on where we’re going, we forget to be content in the present. We were content and happy. But I also remember that we worried so much about relocating and our first real jobs. Sometimes we look back and think… man. We could have enjoyed that more. And then I think… we should have sold all of our stuff and moved to Hawaii for a season of our lives. We were so worried about the ‘what’s next’ phase, we forgot about what happens when you have real responsibilities. {Hello surprise baby.}

But you can’t really live in regret, either. You have to live in the present. And that comes from being thankful. 

And isn’t it the same for now? Enjoy where you are now. Appreciate what you have now. Live in the present. Strive for it. Because as morbid as it sounds, this may be your last home.

For us, personally, as much as we would like to relocate, our home isn’t selling right now. And I look around and think, man. We’re so ready for that next phase, but we still love this home. We still love this season. We have appreciated it, and will continue to do so. Because it’s so easy to get bogged down in “what’s next” we forget.

Love it for what it is, and appreciate what you have.

Now.

3. That’s not your forever piece. Take your time. 

I always say that there are pieces that will get you through your season, and there are pieces that you can use as investment pieces, that you eventually will find, and probably not ever part with.

But those come with time.

I wanted a table and chairs so badly. But I didn’t think we could afford any. And Jamin surprised me for my graduation/birthday with a table and chairs from Pier One that he saved up for. I’d begged for them. I’d hinted. I’d talked forever about how great that little nook would look with that table and chairs.

I remember him bringing it up the stairs, with my little brother who helped him pick it up. I sat on those heavy iron chairs with my fancy glass tabletop and thought, I’m a real grown up now.

It was our first piece {apart from the giant chair} that we purchased. And I thought, man. this is my forever piece.

Guess what? That was before I knew who I really was or what our style was. That table and chairs floated with us to our next apartment, and then our next home in the kitchen, and then eventually our next home outdoors on the back porch.

And then about nine years later, we gave it to a friend. Because guess what? I’d found my next forever piece. But I fretted over those table and chairs in the beginning because I thought I knew what I wanted. I want to slap my past self and say, “Where’s the fire, hon?”

Those table and chairs still served a purpose. They were great for those years. They were an education, and they held many a conversation. But it wasn’t my forever piece. And I put too much stock in them.

Sometimes in our homes, we spend way too much time and energy freaking out over the “perfect piece” because we think we know what we want. We think we know what we need. And we spend too much money and time trying to figure it out, when in five more years, that piece may not be around anymore.

Save your energy. Save your time. Use a card table and chairs until you know what you really want, in terms of a forever piece. And when you decide to start your search, take your time. It’s on your side, and it won’t be the end of the world if you don’t find it. Because chances are, you just may change your mind for a fresh look, anyway. (If you still live there in the same home where you picked out the perfect piece for your perfect spot. {See point one.})

4. It’s not all about you.

A particle board desk from Jamin’s college days where my Mac sat that I had all through college. I was an apple hipster, y’all. And pieces from childhood furniture and these awesome blinds I had in my college apartment that I thought gave some kind of additional ambience because it was all about the mood. This was our first “study”. Yes, our apartment was big enough that we actually had an extra room for a “study”.

We used what we had, and we were totally happy just being us. The days where my biggest stressor was where he would take his first job, and how I would finish up my Senior Project.

Our first apartment was where we learned to compromise and make things work as a married couple. That I couldn’t always have things just the way I wanted them, because I was sharing a home now.

We had to find a way to make it work.

A home is a shared space, and sometimes we forget that. Even now, our kids have a say. I can’t deck out their spaces in solely what I want, because it’s their room. I think there’s a lot to be said in letting the kiddos {and husbands} take ownership with where they live, too. They get a say.

Living with others is all about the fine art of compromise, and hospitality. Which brings us to…

5. Hospitality. 

One of our favorite things about our first apartment, was literally having people over all the time. We watched movies and cooked dinners and spent time with our college friends because we had time for it.

Things change. You get a full time job. Life hands you its demands based on the choices you make. You grow your family and suddenly you’re surrounded by all of life’s ups and downs, and sometimes you look around and think, man. What happened? Once upon a time, we were social.

It’s something we’ve lost a grip on over the years, and I think it’s normal to go through phases. When our second baby was born, that was a turning point for us. We went from late nights with an easy baby, who grew into an easy toddler put to bed and friends laughing loudly in the living room. He went with the flow. It changed when we had two and real life hit. Said new baby screamed all the time and the other two year old stopped sleeping. Good times.

And now that we’re out of survival mode in that sweet spot with older-young kids, it’s changing again. We’re able to do more with later nights again, and fun time with friends.

My point? Whatever that phase of life looks like for you, don’t forget to take time and make your home hospitable. Maybe it’s hospitable for just your family right now, because it’s all you  have time for. Maybe that means letting them throw all the pillows on the floor to lay on the sofa. Maybe it’s hospitable for your friends when you can have them over, and taking the time to grow relationships and sweet time spent together.

Hospitality is a true art. And it takes on many different forms as your life changes and evolves.

Make time for it. Always have it in some form, in your home. Because that’s what makes a house/apartment/duplex/boat/camper… wherever you’re residing now… a real home. 

{My childhood furniture handed down to me from my parents – Emerson has the dresser now}

Isn’t it funny how your taste grows as you grow? How you figure things out, and in each phase of life, you’re just kinda glad to have what you have when you have it?

Thirteen years have gone by so fast, in a blink. We woke up one day and we were parents. But oh those memories of sweet second hand furniture, saved up for finds, and oddly hung, I-thought-knew-what-I-was-doing art.

These are the sweetest moments to remember. And the lessons carried with us as we grow and change, to last for the rest of a lifetime.