We were in our home for ten years. We moved in when Aiden was just over a year, and he hit double digits last summer. My brother referred to him as a pre-teen the other day, and he was almost form tackled in a Hulk-like rage by yours truly. Unstable mom alert: I just can’t. The process of parenthood and time… truly blows my mind. {See: I still think 1990 was ten years ago}
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times… don’t blink. Just don’t. In the car a few days ago the kids were having a conversation about their futures, talking about getting married one day. This was when Jamin promptly informed me I could very well be a grandmother in fifteen years. My mom became one when I was 25, and I had Aiden. Aiden will be 25 in fifteen years. I mean, what? I started crying. Stop it already… I kind of thought getting older would take longer.
We were thinking about the process we’ve seen ourselves undertake, in making this little last-minute-purchase a place that was truly ours. I say last minute {and kind of sound like an ingrate experiencing buyer’s remorse over a house} in reference to our home because we sold our first house at the height of the market on a whim. With no plan on where to go next. In retrospect {hindsight is always 50/50} we should have waited. But we just had to live somewhere and our friends were moving into the neighborhood… so we purchased this home.
And when we moved in, a few years later when we figured out what we really liked in a home, we realized it didn’t reflect us at all. Not a single thing. So then began our process. And in retrospect this little house is probably the best thing that ever happened to us. We published this post exactly one year ago, and thought it would be fun to revisit a few lessons learned. So here’s a little walk down memory lane.
We didn’t do a spring tour this year {or last} so instead of just showing some purdy photos all in the name of eye candy, we thought would share a little more.
So without further ado, lessons learned in making a house a home.
{In no particular order}
1. There’s no such thing as a dream home.
We’ve said it a million times here. It’s probably the biggest lesson we’ve learned over time, so it had to be no. 1. We don’t believe in the dream home. We believe in real life, instead. Believing in a dream home, is just like believing in the perfect vision of prince charming when in reality, he eats his cereal weird and you kick each other in your sleep – hello reality. Or that dream job from the latest chick flick where she works in a high rise on really important accounts for famous people. Maybe I would just settle for Tom Hanks’ toy making gig in Big. This is the real world, and so we believe in your home. And making it what you love, now.
This kitchen was our catalyst for that. We started out with a builder’s grade kitchen with particle board cabinets, and it was here that motivated us to start trying different things.
It taught us to stop waiting.
It was a challenge, because we had a tiny budget, and it was the first leap we took to be a little fearless. I stopped pining away for that “farmhouse kitchen” because as morbid as that sounds, there may never be another kitchen. So we decided to make some changes, and start loving it now. With a fresh backsplash, some paint, and a little color, we gave it a new lease on life.
No, actually… we brought it to life. And we love it.
The heart of our home became a bit of an inspiration to let the rest of our spaces reflect us.
2. Break the rules. As many as you can.
It’s a good thing we don’t live in the 70s/80s anymore. Because I would have never made it in all my matching curtain/wallpaper pairings.
Once upon a time, I sat around our home and actually worried over what I was “allowed” to do. I worried about what the future home owners/neighbors/friends/sisterinlawscousin might think.
I think there are principles of design, that need to be observed, because they work for a reason. I was formally trained in that, and there are definitely tried and true principles we adhere to in our choices. But I also think there’s a history of silly rules that have been placed in the past, that need to be left in the past. There’s a difference between the two.
Painting our perfectly good cabinets seemed kind of tyrannical in the world of builder’s beige, cookie cutter overload. Pulling down perfectly good mini blinds seemed unnecessary. Taking down the perfectly good doors felt like I was breaking some unwritten homeowner rule and I would be sent to the homeowner penalty box. Gasp. I can’t believe we did that. How dare we?
But we went with no regrets and never looked back. We realized that the more changes we made, the happier we were. And the less we cared about someone else’s opinion that just didn’t matter. We’ve loved it and it’s given our home some real character in the process. Break the rules, and love them.
3. It’s your home. No one else’s.
Not your mom’s. Not the future homeowners. Not the clueless guest who commented on your pillows because she frankly… just doesn’t know any better.
Let go of your imaginary fear, and realize it’s yours now so enjoy it while you can. And then revel in the fact that you can.
Life is too short to care about what a bunch of other people think. It’s your home. Remember that when you decide to let go and have fun with it. Enjoy your life and your nest you’ve created for yourself.
4. Little spaces in a home can make a big impact.
Our pantry is one of those what-took-us-so-long projects. If you want to keep your groceries {or anything} organized, know thyself. We knew that making this little space attractive would help us keep it organized. And it taught us that even the small spaces, when given the time and effort, can be great little places that serve a big purpose.
5. Don’t be afraid to let go of what you’re not using.
We finally let go of that dining room we used twice a year, and put it to a much better use. The former dining room has become a great area for all things schoolwork, and it no longer dominates the kitchen table 24/7.
Our southern cohorts are collapsing on their mother’s well-oiled dining room furniture. But we actually work in there, too. We used some beams from an old peanut barn that was being torn down, along with some welded metal to provide plenty of storage space in a once empty wall. We brought in a handmade frame to display encouraging quotes that we can change out easily, and a fun sofa for a cozy reading spot. It gives them a lot of options, and space to spread out with their work.
It feels good to let go of what you aren’t using or what you “might use” all in the name of good southern graces, because we can still gather ’round the kitchen table and we don’t really have that many dinner guests.
Instead, this space was put to good, hard use every day of the week. And we love it. We miss it, actually.
So if it’s a piece of furniture you’re feeling guilty about, or a space you think you should have, give yourself permission to let go.
6. Use your ‘canvas’ to inspire.
We try as much as possible to use our spaces to inspire our kids. Whether it’s various quotes or art or color… a place they feel rejuvenated when they’re home and a literal haven for the every day. The world is a tough place, and we want them to feel safe at home. And embrace it.
Whoever dwells in your space, should feel good about living there. Use its contents to inspire and uplift. To reflect goodness and positive things. Let your home be a true haven to reflect who you are. You won’t regret that choice.
7. It pays to wait for what you really want.
Or maybe more aptly named: bereaved planking can teach you so much.
There are bargain finds that make incredible additions to the home, and then there are investment pieces. The ones that are worth the money well spent. And worth waiting for. Listen carefully because it sounds like I’m totally contradicting myself: This is not to be confused with embracing the now. We think there are key pieces if you know you really want them. And those are what you should wait for.
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo
The living room is where we learned that it pays to wait for what you want in those investment-forever-things-you-really-hope-for pieces. Rather than chickening out and spending just as much on a craigslist with gas money, a slipcover, and a heaping amount of general emotional distress. Sometimes adulting is hard.
Our chesterfield is a great anchor for the rest of the living room, and our favorite place for pile-ons with the entire family. It was our investment piece. It’s contrasted with fun vintage {super cheap} finds like our old shipping crate we now use to store our favorite things. We also brought in some handmade elements like our Instagram frame for interchangeable personalized art, and our coffee table, welded with a top that’s easy to switch out when we tire of the colors and want something fresh.
Pieces will come and go, but you’d better believe that you’ll see chesterfield sitting happily in our next home.
Waiting for what you want, a good stable piece you’ll use forever is worth it. So wait. You won’t regret it.
8. Small upgrades are worth the time, too.
Our fireplace finally got a customized look as a beautiful focal point and a great way to easily update our space to something a little different. It’s a realistic, hardworking and durable gathering space.
It’s a simple upgrade that brought a ton of character to our room.
9. Let your art mean something.
From personal photos, to handmade pieces, to items that represent your family… let them have a story to tell.
It personalizes and enriches every space.
10. A personal retreat is always worth it.
And we would go so far as to say it helps your marriage. Yes, I did just write that. You need a romantic retreat for yourself and your spouse. You need a quiet retreat for yourself. You need a retreat no matter where you are in life. It’s a place to recharge and reflect and it’s essential to wellness.
Our favorite little retreat in our home to escape to, was our bedroom/bathroom. We love having a space that’s just for us to bring in a bit of wow. Find something that works just for you. It’s the room we basically saved for the very last, and then wondered why. Even if the kids do join us as often as possible.
11. Catastrophes can be Happy Accidents
“Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure” – Bob Bitchin
Yes, I believe that is his last name. ;}
Because this bathroom, that started out as a leak, that led to mold, that took us nine months to clean up and conquer, was totally worth it in the end.
As are all things claw foot bathtubs.
As is with life, sometimes bad things happen. Those bad things make zero sense, and renovations can make you ragey. But they can also be worth persevering through, for one heck of a happy ending.
This bathroom was quite difficult to say goodbye to.
12. Organization is always worth it.
So is taking the time to figure out systems in your home, so that it serves a real purpose- beyond collecting all the things.
After living with chaos for years, and finally getting around to it, we can tell you first hand… it’s always worth it. Especially when you know where your clothes/car keys/anything you can practically think of here, are.
It doesn’t have to be something over the top like a family closet. Find a system that works for you. Everyone is different.
13. The power of paint
Probably should have been at number one.
But don’t ever under estimate it as your best, easiest asset. Bring colors that you love into your dwelling place, and it can change your world. Or at least your perspective.
14. Let your talents shine through.
Whether it’s your sense of humor, caring for others, or your love for communicating… step back and look at what you’re good at. Find a way to utilize your own natural talents in making your house a home. You’ll find that if you look at them in a different light, changing things about your house to fit you more, isn’t really that overwhelming after all. You’re simply looking at it from the angle of what you’re naturally good at.
Let your personality come through in the decisions you make.
Because I am. I am too sexy for my laundry.
15. Make each space work hard for you.
The playroom has been a great way to corrale the kids and their belongings into one space for everything from board games, to entertainment and reading. We didn’t actually have a bonus room, but by letting our boys share their space, we opened up an additional bedroom to create a retreat just for them.
Unless it’s family night, a constant barrage of Spongebob no longer dominates our choices for entertainment on Friday nights, and they have their own little space to escape to, though we spend just as much time there with them.
We hand built the cubbies and bookshelves, along with knocking out the wall in their closet to provide plenty of much-needed storage for their books, toys, and everything in between. They can actually see what they own, and it really helps cut down on all that excess children’s toys are prone to do… which is breeding while we sleep.
16. Think outside the box.
We’ve thought a little beyond the normal perimeters for our home… from knocking out walls to adding them. It goes back to the whole breaking-the-rules thing, but with a little more moxie. Think about how a space can be better utilized, and how it can serve your family well.
You won’t regret the changes.
17. Real estate is valuable.
Don’t waste it. Any of it.
If there’s an extra shelf that can be added in a closet, do it. A clever way to store toys, think through it. A way to make a shared space feel a lot roomier, go for it.
The boys’ loft gave them twice the space. And we’ve been able to stay in our home longer because of it. They love their bed.
18. Learn how to sew.
No really. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. If I can figure it out, anyone can: If you can sew a straight line, you can sew a pillow. And if you can figure out a pillow, you can sew anything. Get a friend to show you how to thread a bobbin and you’re golden. Trust us.
It’s all about what you consider valuable, but customized projects at a fraction of the price, just like you want, for your home = priceless. Hear the self taught seamstress battle cry: it’s oh so worth it.
If it’s not sewing, learn something that can enhance your home with your own set of skills. Then say ‘skills’ like Napoleon Dynamite. I think that there’s something about investing your time by learning a skill set that helps you better appreciate the space, and you also put your own unique spin on it. The more you can DIY, the more you can make pieces just for your space. The more you make pieces just for your space, the more customized and better it will look. Every home is different and the more you can work with your individual space, the better.
19. A big impact can be made with just a few supplies.
Paint + fabric = Tada! A makeover.
It doesn’t have to be super expensive or super swanky. Or even that extensive.
Easy little changes can give you a custom look in no time.
20. Give them a say.
Let them pick the color. Get their approval from a few fabrics.
Let them help design that dollhouse.
And watch how fun the process can be when you work together to create a home everyone appreciates.
Emerson wanted her pink space. So she got one. With a twist. And it’s one of our favorite spaces in the home, because it expresses her. And she got a say in most of the pieces. She loves it.
I think sometimes, as adults in our own homes, it can be easy to forget about the littlest ones who live there. Let them pick and see how a space can really come to life with their say. It may take a little longer. There may be a little give and take. But the memories that will be made, and the self confidence built… are priceless.
21. Let it go.
The spills. The dog hair. The real life things that happen. It’s important to have rules and boundaries {aka no cheetos on the chesterfield} but roll with it. Because real life is much better than perfection anyway. And magazine-worthy photo shoots are just that – magazine worthy. They’re not real. They’re a shot with a bunch of other crap shoved out of the way. It’s an art form that we’ve learned to accept as normal. Trust us.
And if my life were a magazine, I think I’d get bored pretty quickly.
Embrace what makes your home uniquely yours. Enjoy the scattered toys and the spilled food from guests and children. I hate it when people pull out the guilt card, but those toys won’t always be there. And those spills mean you probably fostered some great relationships in your home, that were worth those great moments.
Spills will clean up and toys can be put away.
And that puppy hair can be vacuumed.
When I look back in ten years, the only way I’ll recall what their spaces looked like will be with the help of these photos. But I will remember the sweet memories we made and the messes that were worth it.
22. The best spaces happen over time.
They’re curated, and carefully thought through. Then they evolve, with smaller changes, after that. They don’t have to happen all at once, and they don’t have to happen overnight or in a weekend. That’s real life.
If you keep thinking like that, you’ll lose your everlovingmind.
Bring in the pieces that reflect you. Tweak it and let it change and grow with you. Let it have meaning, and you’ll love it even more.
23. Risks are always worth it
What if you fail?
Even if you do, an education is never wasted.
At the very least, you learned something from trying something new in your home.
24. You don’t have to be married to an idea.
Or… Don’t be afraid to change what’s not working.
Whether it’s systems, or pieces in your home that you no longer find relevant, or ideas, change it up if you need to. Sometimes choices just don’t work for your home or lifestyle.
That’s okay. Just change it.
25. Outdoor spaces are always worth it.
{Because who needs a dining room when we have this?} The outdoors are sometimes something {much like our own personal retreats} that we consider last. But they can make a huge difference in the size of our home, and the ways that we entertain and spend time together. If you can, always consider that outdoor space. It’s totally worth it.
The memories you make, will be irreplaceable. Because making a real home is more than tips and tricks for taking risks and making decisions.
It’s about the people who dwell there.
And enjoying the beautiful present, for everything that it is.
What are some of your biggest lessons learned for those of you who have really decided to make a home your own? We’d love to hear!
Denise says
I love every inch of your home! So bright and cheerful! Love your words here too! Thanks for encouraging others to be brave and love their homes. 🙂
Anna says
I love your take on all this!!! The photos and your home are just beautiful. These lessons are so valuable! And I envy the lucky person who gets your home.
Jennifer Creviston says
Oh, thank you for this post! <3
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you for your sweet words and dropping by! ;}
Marianne says
You mean, 1990 wasn’t ten years ago? Guess I blinked. I love what you’ve done with your home and that you weren’t afraid to make it uniquely yours.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I know, right? Seriously. Thank you Marianne! ;}
Kathleen Dunagan says
Your home is so beautiful and so full of love. I adore the little touches of your children throughout and all the time, effort, and dedication it took to make your house a home. It’s stunning! I’m especially envious of the fabulous patio area. Did you paint your concrete?
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much Kathleen! Yes we did – we have a how to here with all the details – hope that helps! ;}
Beth M. says
This is my favorite post in the history of ever. Nail. Head. You hit it spot on.
Lisa says
Thank you for sharing this post. I never comment on blogs but I had to let you know how much this post meant to me today & I thank you for your honest and thoughtful comments. We just moved into our house last year & I am trying my best to turn it into our home while keeping realistic expectations (as a mom of two little ones, messiness is a part of our daily life!) I wish you and your family the best of luck on your next adventure in life!
Lisa
Darrielle Tennenbaum says
Loved reading your post and seeing your beautiful home–good luck on your next journey!
Pamela Smith says
I absolutely love your home! It certainly doesn’t look like every other house on the block anymore! It truly reflects your family and your lifestyle. Thanks for sharing all your inspiration1
Charity says
Loved this post SO, SO much! Definitely learned some “tricks” to help me move forward with making the house I’ve lived in for the past 5 years feel more like me, and feel like home. Thanks for sharing!
Kathy Troup says
I just want to say THANK YOU, Ashley, for this! I NEEDED to read this. It inspires me and reminded me that no matter how many times extended family says “oh, well, THAT’S interesting “, it’s not their space. It’s OURS!
Reading this post just changed my plans for the entire day. THANK YOU, again!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe thanks so much, Kathy. DO IT! ;}