When are you guys moving?
It’s a harmless question I get from a lot of people on a regular basis. I’ve even heard it posed under the guise of now that our rooms are ‘finished’ {note the gigantic imaginary air quotes} it’s time to take flight. I don’t know if it’s our southern locale, or if it’s this way everywhere. But because of the stage of life we’re in, it’s assumed that we’ll be climbing to the next rung. That proverbial ladder of house ownership to the coveted fill-in-the-blank-square-footage-and-amazing-location-here.
I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be asked really personal questions I wouldn’t want to answer, like when-are-you-having-babies and other various whatnots. Because the subject matter of home ownership alone is a complicated one.
Uh, how much time do you have? Is my would-be response. Because there isn’t one easy answer. I can explain to them the direct correlation between impeccable timing, money, savings, the market, our children’s ages, projects on the horizon and website content (yes, it is a factor-though obviously not the biggest one, something we must consider) should I keep going?
And then I stop.
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have now was once among the things you only hoped for – via
Because A. It’s kinda complicated, B. They don’t really care, and C. I think it’s okay if I don’t really have an answer.
Two years ago, we put our house on the market. I announced it brazenly on our blog, and then a few short months later, we changed our minds. It was one of the best choices (though decidedly not so much on purpose and quite humbling at the time) we’ve ever made.
Looking back two years later, here’s a few lessons we’ve learned in staying put.
Less house more home – via
Size: it’s all relative.
Those commercials of a well-known phone company on TV drive me nuts. You know the ones: The guy at a table with a bunch of small kids using ‘clever’ banter to rationalize that “Bigger is Better”. Cue me: fighting the strongest desire to claw my eyeballs out. For starters, they’re using the thoughts of children to try to bring it back around to network coverage (kind of a stretch). And secondly, we use them and I hardly ever have any coverage, so there’s that.
Every time that commercial airs (see: every other possible spot in football season) I kind of want to smash my fist into the screen. I’m level headed like that.
Some people look for a beautiful place. Others make a place beautiful. – via
We tend to buy into that, don’t we? That we need more. We have this insatiable appetite as a society for it. Bigger is not always better. We’re told by everyone around us from commercials to friends, to make the leap, get a home like fill-in-someone’s-name-here or make choices just like so-and-so because we’re “expected to”. It looks good. It’s a symbol of our status. And it’s all about the image, after all… right?
Let me make it clear when I say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with moving. Good grief, heaven help us… you have to do what’s right for you and your family. But there’s a problem when it’s for the wrong reasons. This is what we were playing with in our own lives, two years ago.
I’ve been guilty, in my younger years, of letting everyone else’s expectations intimidate me in the past… buying into the lies that infiltrate our lives. That I must have ‘more’, and I wonder how many other people have felt that “pressure”.
It’s taken me a while to learn that we’re on our own path.
Because it’s the only path to take.
No one is measuring you with a Mary Poppins yardstick.
In the same way, people aren’t judging me as much as I probably think they are. I’m pretty sure no one is really sitting back wondering why we haven’t moved yet, so when they ask the question, it’s just curious conversation. That’s totally fine.
I was surprised by the statistics that the average home in 1950 was around 1,000 sq. feet. In the 2000s the average home was around our size (2300)… People could afford more, and families began doing more. Whereas in the past, family units in general were much closer, now it’s not so much. And now the housing trend is going back to even smaller.
Here I was, complaining about how ‘small’ our home was, and we’re average. (Maybe not for our phase of life. We’re considering empty nesters and young couples with everyone else. So I feel like I should get a medal for staying in the same home for seven years with five people and a giant dog. Want to come to my award ceremony? Feel free to slap me.) But it’s the average in general. And I’m pretty sure that’s not worldwide. We won’t even touch the general concept of wealth and the fact that a majority of America is in the top tenth percentile.
Am I buying into the rat race? I’m not really sure who I’m running it with. Or why I even joined that race in the first place.
First. World. Problems. And it’s a sobering reminder of my own naive entitlement.
I’ve referred to our home as ‘small’, because everyone around me seems to be going bigger. And by everyone around me, I mean the few people I know that have moved to their next house. And by next house, I mean no one really cares.
I can live in an all white minimalist concrete slab in Scandinavia or a McMansion in Texas. When it comes down to it, there is no sizing chart for measuring up. No one is standing next to me with a magical ruler. And if they are, they kind of need to get a life. It’s all about what works for us, and it’s all about our attitude.
Staying here has been a serious readjustment for me, and it has nothing to do with the size of our house, but what fits right for us, and our family.
Meeting our needs
Staying in our space, we decided to look for solutions in our home. We were under the illusion that we needed more space because we had more things, and when we cut back, it challenged us. We rose to meet that challenge, by purging our home and organizing our spaces to really work for us. We learned more about ourselves than we ever imagined.
It was a lifestyle change, and I’m not sure I would have taken the time to make that happen, had we made the leap to the “next big thing.” I know myself. And I know it would have been all about other stuff. Not cutting back and living with less clutter. It would have been about the acquirement of more.
I simply wasn’t in a place where I was ready, until we reassessed our lives and looked at our goals and vision as a family.
Using it all
Along the same lines…we use our entire home. All of it. All. Of. The. Rooms. It’s a process, and we’re still getting there, but we truly do. From the closets, to the home school room, to the porch that we turned into a studio, to an outdoor space (which truly argues the case of doing that first for the sheer bonus of making your home feel larger and I have no idea why we waited so long).
We probably purged our home of at least 50% of our belongings. And we utilized 3 more spaces (not counting storage, like closets) in the meantime. We’ve learned what it means to use systems that truly work for us… How sad if we’d missed out on that opportunity.
The lessons learned in that are invaluable.
Time
It’s of the essence. And I don’t know where we would be in our life right now if we’d moved two years ago.
But I know where we are right now.
I know that our family was headed down a path I didn’t like… with limited time, lots of stress, and less funds. And we were ready to enter our income into some random mortgage calculator to see what the most home was that we could afford. Looking back, that just doesn’t feel right to me. It never did. We weren’t ready to just… accept that.
Because we didn’t move, we have more freedom to do what we want to do, like take trips and enjoy life a little more as family. Because we didn’t move, I am more grateful and am working hard on instilling that in my children… Because we didn’t move… I can keep going but I won’t bore you.
Again, it’s a completely different situation for everyone.
This is the lifestyle choice we made for us. And we’re just grateful. For every little bit of it.
Memories
Each home comes with its own set of memories. We will make them no matter where we go. But I know that if we’d moved two years ago, maybe I wouldn’t have so much time to spend with my children.
We probably wouldn’t have taken the silly amount of time that we did to decorate the inside of a dollhouse with Emerson. Maybe we wouldn’t play dress up, or build forts or have dance parties and sing at the top of our lungs to Frozen and Wrecking Ball. (Wait… what? Jk. Only alone in the car-guilty pleasure.)
I realize that where we live – our home is not dependent on that. But I know first hand that the memories made here in this home, have been perfect for us, even in the mostly imperfect moments. Life with kids can be crazy. And we will cherish them forever.
And no thing can ever replace it.
So when will we move?
I don’t know. But just like parenting, just like school, just like our phase in life, I know it’s right for where we are, on our own path right now. We’re so grateful for the invaluable lessons learned.
And that’s all that matters.
Anna says
Oh. This. We’ve been thinking of moving and I am not sure it has been for the right reasons. Thank you so much for this post today it gives me a lot to think about.
erin says
love this!
Layla K says
Wow. When I came over to read this morning, I had no idea this is what I would find. I love hearing your thoughts on this one. It’s definitely not the popular route but its what I needed to hear today! Thank you thank you thank you.
Megan says
I love this. I grew up spending a lot of time in a smallish medium home and many, many hours in my grandma’s tiny house. I loved them both and my family is super close. My husband grew up in huge homes and his family isn’t close. He keeps thinking we need a bigger home where bedrooms are football fields instead of small, cozy spaces. I think our house, all 3500-ish square feet, is huge. There are areas that are tight due to the layout, and we hardly ever use some of the areas but our family is growing and I see those rooms being used more in the future. Not to mention our gigantic unfinished basement (counted in the square footage) will be great when my hubby needs a man cave or the kids need a hang out. We are blessed with a great backyard too, making me count down the days until we are done with 20 degree temps. Thanks for the post, I think it’s a great reminder that size doesn’t matter, but that our families do.
Melissa @ DaisyMaeBelle says
We too live in a house that is considered “average.” But, we moved here when our youngest was 1 and the other 2 babies were brought home to this house. There are days that I would love “bigger” and that somehow that would be “better.” But, I find that contentment really brings the greatest joy! And, we LOVE the memories that this house holds. Life to the full! Melissa
ashley @ the handmade home says
Us too, Melissa! We purchased this house when Aiden was one. We brought two babies home to it. It makes it super sentimental in a way. They all become sentimental over time but those are memories for sure! ;} I am with you!
Adria says
This is my first comment (breaking out of lurker status). I just wanted to say how much this post resonated with me. Kudos to you for realizing that the goal isn’t always to climb higher but to be happy where we are – something I hope to incorporate in my own life, especially as it applies to my home. Thank you!
danielle says
Great post. I got caught up in the “need” for a bigger house a couple years ago. I really did not mind our house size(1000sqft) but my mom kept saying how small it was and well I felt I needed to upgrade to impress all thos people( that don’t care). A little over a year ago I was introduced to the tiny house movement and my whole way of thinking changed. For one who is going to clean all that house? I hate cleaning đ if anything I would like to move to a smaller house đ it is amazing how little space you actually use!
Sarah{Handbags*and*Pigtails} says
Something else to keep in mind: “keeping up with the Jones-es” has put alot of families in debt over their heads…and just gives you more to dust and clean. No thanks:)
Heidi says
Oh. This is wonderfully perfect. We live in a two bedroom, 1 bath house (1100 sq ft) with two kiddos and a huge dog. We are in an awful school district, but we will figure that part out. I am certainly emotionally attached to our house (bought it in 2006 and got in a bidding war) and have a love/hate relationship with it. However, I do know that despite the fact that I can touch both sides of our kitchen at once and that we sometimes have bathroom spats and that we are always stepping on each other and each other’s stuff, I would miss the closeness. Besides, my kids would want to be on top of me regardless of how much space we have đ People assumed we would move when our daughter was born. Then people assumed we would move when our son was born. We are freaks, basically. But we are happy. Or at least we are when I can stop comparing us to “all” of our friends who have playrooms and guest rooms and more bathrooms than people. Thank you for sharing your story and challenging me to love where I live. Just yesterday, our daughter said she loved our house and that we were happy. I told her that it was people IN our house that made me happy.
Becky says
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my word. We are family of seven in a small farm house getting ready to welcome baby number six in just three short months and literally the child has no place to go so he will sleep in a pack n play in our already tiny room until he realizes he doesn’t have a room of his own (or even to share with a sibling) and then we will face that when the time comes. thank you for this post.
Lynn@Southern Direction says
I share your sentiments. It boggles my mind how folks can so easily give up a home just to get to that next rung. There’s nothing wrong with a move when it is needed or what is best for the family but what happened to satisfaction. Home is so easily replace with house these days. I enjoyed viewing the pics of your home.
Bonnie C says
Excellent post! I think we all need to sit down and examine *why* we feel like we need bigger and “better”… a family of 5 in a 1038sf apartment (Hi! That’s us!)? Yeah, I don’t think anyone would argue we need bigger… and a yard. ;p But we know now we don’t need to go much above 1800sf to meet our needs. Long story short, we went from a 2 income family of 4 in a 2300sf house far from work and family to a 1 income family of 5 in a 1400sf apartment close to work and family to a 1038sf apartment 4 states away from our native lands in the span of roughly 3 years… the reasons are many and varied, but basically: life happens. We learned a LOT about what we had and what we *needed* during the last 3 years, and it turns out we needed a lot less than we could have ever dreamed. We were actually pretty ok in this tiniest space for the first year or so but a bout with the plague the week before xmas (nice timing, no?) with EVERYONE home and sick… yeah. I’m done. LOL. But we have a REALLY good idea of exactly what we need and our eyes and stomachs are more in line than they ever have been before. đ
FWIW – I love those commercials! They crack me up. đ Although, I totally see your point. ;p
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA they ARE kinda funny. The rationale just makes me mad because we never have coverage. ;}
Hallie says
I, too, am coming out of lurker status to comment on this great post. I am in a different demographic than most commenting here. We are empty-nesters that have been saving up to build our second, weekend home. Now when we are almost to the point of starting, we are having second thoughts. Do we want more to take care of? Do we want to have money to travel or spend most on the second place? While I’m sure my husband and I would love the second home and spending time there, I don’t really look forward to the time,expense and upkeep that would be needed. We are still undecided and trying to weigh all of our options. With approximately 6 years until retirement, we still have some time to make the final decision.
This was a great post and really resonated with me and our situation. Thanks.
CJ says
We are still in our “starter” home all 1200 sf of it. We have talked about moving or adding on in the last 27 years but have never done it. Our daughter will graduate HS this year, she has only know this home. We all watch the 1 tv together, cook in the little kitchen, don’t have to waist all our time cleaning and get to take fun trips now and then.
Now when I hear my friends who kept moving up and up complain about high mortgages I have to keep quite about mine almost being paid off!
CJ says
We are still in our “starter” home all 1200 sf of it. We have talked about moving or adding on in the last 27 years but have never done it. Our daughter will graduate HS this year, she has only know this home. We all watch the 1 tv together, cook in the little kitchen, don’t have to waist all our time cleaning and get to take fun trips now and then.
Now when I hear my friends who kept moving up and up complain about high mortgages I have to keep quite about mine almost being paid off!
I do still dream of what I would do to make this house better, but I don’t know if we will ever add on.
annheidel says
Thank you. So well stated and definitely heartfelt. My word for the year is “content” and your post was a succinct reminder of why. đ
Kathee says
Best. Post. Ever.
Ruth says
Being in our 60’s and retired/empty nesters, we feel so free knowing that LESS is MORE. It is freeing to rid yourself of “stuff”. Both sets of our parents had homes that were filled with things that we had no attachment to. When they passed and we had the job of going through everything, itt was so difficult to dispose of items that probably meant something to them, but nothing to us. We frequently say to each other that “less is more” when tempted to buy whatever it might be. We are determined that we will not leave our children with this huge burden. You have a beautiful home and sense of style, and I would take your home any day over a big house that was cookie cutter boring. You are on the right track—be at peace that you have not fallen for the American lie that we have to have it all. God Bless your beautiful family!!
Meghan Riley says
I saw this blog referring traffic to my team’s website (The Cameron Team), and I’m so glad you linked to us. Not just because you’re sending traffic our way, but your post really resonates with me at this point in my life as I try to make choices about buying up or making the most of what we have. Thanks so much!
Mindy says
Yes, yes, yes! It is such a matter of perspective! Our house seemed HUGE when we moved into it 5.5 years ago! Now, two kids later, I’m feeling the post-Christmas pinch. (In my house and my jeans, but let’s not talk about that last one…) I accidentally started homeschooling this year, and that has really changed the function of our house. I am constantly taking inventory of how we use every room, and deciding what is necessary. It is such a temptation to just try to move up, instead of live more purposefully. (By the way, speaking of persepective….I’ve read several posts where you mentioned your “small” house, so I imagined it was like 1400 sq ft. I was shocked to read that yours is actually the same size as mine! Haha!)
Nancy says
When I moved to the South over 30 years ago and moved into my first house, someone asked me what my square footage was and I was like “what”??? I had no idea what that even meant…I lived in a one bedroom apartment, so the 3 bedroom ranch was so large in comparison to what I had that “size” was not a consideration…it was what we could afford. But, that question never went away and I never, ever recalled ever hearing that until I moved to the South…where homes were really, really large in some neighborhoods; got caught up in that (in of all places my church) and thought how small my home really was…so it’s a lesson learned now that I’m older that I’m glad I never got into that – much to do with circumstances but, now that I’m older; raised my 2 boys alone after a divorce; my home is paid off and I’m ready for retirement and very at peace…
Cecilia says
We almost bought bigger too, then right before we took the final step, took a really hard look at why and we ended up staying in our 1850 sq. ft. house. It worked for us…were there times I wanted extra space? Yes, I won’t lie BUT I know I would have just filled it with more stuff I really don’t need. In about three years, we will downsize more. A little scary but at the same time, I’m looking forward to really just having what I truly love around me.
You are so right, it’s about what works for you. Your home is lovely and I’m sure you will always have great memories.
Crystal @My Blissful Space says
Love this post and I totally agree! đ
Sharon says
It sounds wonderful…and something no one could ever explain who hadn’t experienced it! I wish more families would understand your found riches!
Jessica says
Love the home, love the blog, love the journey. I think you all have made the right choice and thank you for sharing your path with us all.
LibbyBoyle says
I lived in the same home for 25 years and loved it. Over that time it went from an unloved rental to a beautiful home, one of the few remaining original homes in the area. I moved the furniture regularly and it felt like a new home each time. Then my partner decided to join the Defence Force so, with him being away so often, it was time to downsize to something I could manage on my own for long periods of time and for us to retire to one day. Then it was time to move to where he was posted (and place his son and new wife in our new, smaller home). We are now in our second Defence Force rental. Moving is stressful. It does force you to reevaluate possessions and provides some wonderful new opportunities to explore new areas and make new friends. But, it takes a long time till the house feels like home. It sounds to me like you made the right choice. Why would you want a larger debt over spending more fun time together?
Maryann C says
Right on. Less is the new more!
Pernille Junge Knudsen says
What a wonderful and truly precise description of what many of us battle each day – also here in Scandinavia. How I recognize the longing for space, more things etc even though I know it will give me nothing really. But your site is a huge inspiration and I am certain “the force” will be with me and my family and give us the strength to get rid of of our clutter… Sometime đ
Pernille Knudsen from Denmark
Alisa says
We just moved from a smallish (1500sq ft) house to a 1000 sq ft townhouse (I got a job in the city). We had a huge yard and now we have none. It’s funny, instead of wishing for more space, I just long for that yard I loved to play with my toddler in. We have been looking for a more permanent home, and instead of worrying about square footage, we’ve been looking at neighborhoods with great yards since we are so fond of spending time together outdoors. This post came at a good time. I needed that reminder.
Tennille Mykula says
You should go back and read some of your posts from a couple of years ago. You’ve come a long way girl. I don’t even really know you and I can see the progress. And I love the ever so slight hint of snarkiness in your post today. It was just a little bit of “get off my back people, I have to answer to God for the way I raise my kids and live my life and steward my finances, not you!” I loved it. People really don’t care, they just don’t know what else to talk about sometimes. It’s like when you’re prego and some random stranger asks how you’re feeling, the same thing everyone else in your life asks you because they just don’t know what else to say. Just so you know, I had the most emotional conversation with a girl friend the other day about having too much stuff, purging and learning to be content with who I am and what I have for right now. These thoughts have been planted for a long time but have definitely been watered by your blog and thought provoking posts. Thanks for that. Keep doing what you’re doing, walking the process through because you really are making in a dent in the stay at home mom’s clubs of North America. (I don’t know if it’s a real club but I’m part of it anyway đ PS on a completely different note, Jamin is kinda hunky in a rough and tough, mountain man kind of way. I think you scored yourself a looker đ hahahahahahaha! have a blessed day!
Pat Champagne says
Good for you. It is so nice to hear a young family making sense. One of my daughters recently made a similar decision. If you were mine, I’d hug you.
Lesley says
I am in the same boat as some of the other people who have commented. We are a family of four, with three dogs, in a 1050 sq. ft. house, which is small. It’s funny because to me 1500 sq. ft. would be like a dream come true. It is hard though when you have friends who have the playrooms, the media rooms, the craft rooms, etc. It is so easy to get caught up with wanting more and more and more. Then I remember things like how our house is paid off and if something happened to my husband’s job we wouldn’t have to worry about the mortgage, and how i have been able to stay at home and take care of my kids while they were little, and how we have been able to put money away in ours kids college savings. Plus we have put so much work into our house to make it our home. We just have to constantly stay on top of things and make adjustments based on current needs. Right now I’m trying to figure out how to make my sons’ shared bedroom more accomodating to friends staying the night.
emna @ {from my little pink couch} says
Beautifully said …
Dee Ann says
Thank you for this post…it came at a very good time for me. Several friends live in much larger homes than ours, and another is moving into a bigger and newer home. This started the “new home” itch in me. However, after reading your post, it has confirmed that we are happy where we live, and need to make the most of it. Home is where your heart is, and mine is in our little home.
Danielle says
I just had to say that I am proud of you… In a weird sort of way… I think you guys are being extremely wise and I am so glad you are not looking just to do the next bigger and better thing. I also agree with a previous comment that I have seen a change in your writing and outlook and I am all for it! You are doing a great job as a mom and becoming your own person!!
Debby C says
He said for the final time, “if we don’t move now, we never will.”
I said, “that’s okay with me.”
There is something to be said about siblings sharing a room that prepares each of them for other facets of their future life. On a grand scale, we only need ‘more room’ for a short while and then the once full house is quiet. The secret is to take care of what you have.
Summer Hogan says
I love this post, thanks Ashley! I find myself, especially as a fairly new blogger, getting so caught up in what is trending and what I should be doing or buying or creating and less on what I really love and have the budget for and want to create. I have to give myself a good self slap every couple of days. Trying to get a blog going because you love it and are passionate about design is so hard to balance because you always feel like you will be left behind in the race if you are not constantly up on the newest accessory or original idea. I am always looking for perspective and it’s ironic that I usually find it reading blog posts, like yours. You guys have been a huge inspiration to me and I love your constant raw honesty. Thank you, Summer. http://www.simplestylings.com
Rebecca says
I wish I could have read your posts 15 years ago. It has taken bad choices, driven by my interpretation of the expectations of keeping up with the jones’, to living in a foreign country, to help me realize how size and things do not matter. In the smallest of homes I have learned (with the help of bloggers like you) to make it magical for my family. As we anticipate a move back to the US to, most likely, an even smaller living space, I am not worried about the size, it will only foster our relationships and I know we can mold it, making it just right for us…though I do hope I can hold on to the ‘less is more’ ideals that I have learned. I am nervous about being back in a society that pressures one to have more.
Thank you for your wonderful ideas and inspiration. It is nice to know you are out there!
Heidi @ Decor & More says
Amen and well-said, Ashley!
xo Heidi
Melanie says
Great post on an issue I feel passionate about. Our culture has us striving for “bigger” and “better” when what really adds quality to our lives has little to do with the things one gets with the big home and stainless appliances. Good for you for choosing what is important to you and your family! I am hopeful that as more people express this, our culture may change for the positive.
Stephanie says
I LOVE this post and it hit so close to home! My husband and I live with our two dogs in a 3,000 sq ft home outside of DC that he bought right before we got married. We get “reminded” way too often that we should think about “upgrading” when we have kids because this home won’t be large enough. It drives me nuts! When our home was built 30 years ago this was a family neighborhood and I truly can’t imagine that any kids were suffering from lack of space to play and create and make memories. It makes me so sad to think about how family dynamics have changed so much that once nice family homes are now considered too small if it means that parents and children may actually have to interact and share spaces.
I hope this comment doesn’t sound negative – all this to say, I love your post!
Val says
Love it Ashley! I couldn’t agree more!
Michelle Wilkes says
Thank you for saying it. I needed to hear it. My mom actually read your post and emailed me that I needed to read it. We are also staying in our average home (2435 sq ft) with 5 kids… 7 of us, and I feel right about it. It was so good to hear someone else who made that choice a little bit ahead of us. I actually started making a mental list of pros and cons like: If we get a bigger house, we’ll have more room… if we stay, we can afford braces for the kids, a nice violin for my daughter, a newer car, a trip for our 15 yr. anniversary, nice furnishings for the house, we can be generous and help out other people… or we can have more room…
you get it.
Thanks for putting it all into words better than I could.
Bekah says
This is prob my fave blog post you’ve ever had. So much truth.
Here are my 2 favorite things from it:
#1: “And by next house, I mean no one really cares.” I truly LOL’d at that one! đ
#2: The picture of Jamin playing with Emerson’s hair. I die of complete daddy-daughter sweetness! đ
Love you guys!
Jeanne says
Ashley, thank you. I just turned 40 in December. I work full-time out of the house. I have a wonderful husband who built half the furniture in our home. I am the mother of 3 sweet and exasperating girls (ages 6, 3 and 6 months). We live in a small home built in the late 1890s (about 1,000 sq ft give or take with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom – when daughter #2 came along we added the master bedroom and more space to our living room, creating a new entryway/foyer). I don’t know if it’s the turning 40 part, the fact it’s the middle of winter in the Northeast, or the 3 kiddos, but I’ve been feeling down about our house lately. We have nowhere to go to escape the noise generated by our older daughters. That sounds trite, but I think you can understand what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, they are having a ball, laughing, shrieking, running about like little banshees. They are utilizing every part of our home, which I love. But, (there’s always a “but” isn’t there?!) the “kid-clutter” gets overwhelming (your posts about trying to tame the “consumerism” especially around birthdays and holidays resonated with me) and I am currently trying to figure out a way to stylishly hide it while still allowing easy access for the girls. I’m sorry for the long post, but lately I’ve been scouring blogs and Pintrest looking at rugs and new sofas and flat screen tvs, all in an effort to update, refresh, our living space, me, I don’t know. But, we’re not made of money, and we have some minor debt from the holidays, and I don’t want to accumulate more. I have done some rearranging in our master bedroom, and that’s helping satisfy my desire for creating a calm space. It’s definitely an uphill battle, especially with the increase of blogs and social media, allowing us to be voyeurs. More access means more chances to compare ourselves to “the Jones’s” down the road. I have to find the right balance between style and function. I just wanted to pop in here and thank you again for voicing what I’ve been feeling lately. I think I’ll bookmark this post so I can read it over and over. Cheers!
Shawna says
Love this post! We moved into our very first house last August. The whole process was very eye-opening. We chose an older house with lots of space (~2300 sf), and lots of work required. It is already completely worth it for the experience of physically making it our home. I wouldn’t a trade it for the world!
Marie says
I love this post. We live in 2800 sf with 7 people and our house is small compared to many in our area. We’ve also thought about moving, but there is such a sense of peace having a smaller mortgage and smaller spaces to maintain. We have two teenagers now and it’s easy to keep tabs on them without being obvious in a smaller house. I can just listen and have a pretty good idea where each person is and what they’re doing.
Ange says
I’ve just found your blog and stumbled upon this post. What an amazing attitude you have towards life! I’m delighted that your personal journey has also resulted in such personal transformation and how you’ve tracked your family’s development along the way- thanks for sharing; your responses to life are refreshing and insightful and you are all so much the richer and wiser as a result!
Love it xx
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you, Agne! ;}
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you Ange!
missy says
Everything about you makes me smile đ You are on the right path!!! Stay there….continue to shine the way!!!
Sassymamiof4 says
What a great article/entry. I just came across this and boy it spoke to me. My husband and I, with our 4 kids and 2 german shepherd kids, were just this past week considering moving from our 3900 sq ft home to a 6000 sq ft home, which would have cost us an additional $1200 per month, plus larger utility and landscaping bills. But something didn’t feel right about thinking of a move. After considering what really mattered to us as a family, we are staying put and purging our stuff. We realized we value time with each other and traveling here and there and having some money left at the end of the month to stash away. The stress of a large mortgage and more bills left than money at the end of the month is not for us. So, we will stop looking for a beautiful place and make our place beautiful:).
ANN W says
Once again – thank you for the post – I read your blog daily – but apparently I missed this one;) This really spoke to my soul today – thank you!!
I have find myself carried away in what everyone else has deemed the “American Dream” – I have bought in to it. I mean hook, line and sinker – and a few years ago – while visiting Africa – I was smacked in the face with the joy, contentment, happiness and peace that flowed from the homes – the mud huts – with leaky roofs – outdoor cooking facilities (even in the rainy season) – no bathroom – let alone 2.5 bathrooms! – and I suddenly realized it is not the house that brings you all those things you seek – but the people who dwell in it!
A house is the shelter for the “home” inside!! The house shape, color, size – doesn’t matter – yes these ladies would carve designs on the dirt floors to make them pretty – and make quilts for the beds and make these beautiful red mud huts “Beautiful” – with their smiles, joy and touches of “home”!
I felt “soul full” being invited in – welcomed – offered what little they had – the only seat in the house – the last bit of food – and ALL the joy, happiness and laughter they had to offer!
WOW – amazing!!! That is when I asked myself – whose American Dream am I living? The person next doors, the marketers for the latest “craze”, the “perfect, soccer mom” across the street?
I want to live my “Jesus Dream” not the “American Dream” – and in that journey – it has been amazing!! A 500 sq foot house – in a barn, 8 acres to take care of, trees to prune and train, bluebirds to marvel at, robins to smile at, meadow larks to watch and listen to – wow amazing how the call of a meadow lark can instantly make you smile, take a deep breath, stop what you are doing and just enjoy the moment! Standing in total and utter freedom, peace and happiness – with my son down at the “pond” finding snails, my husband working up the garden, the smell of earth, the sounds of spring, and life exploding around me!
Now THAT is my “Jesus Dream” that is amazing and beyond what I could have ever thought !!!!!
And this week it all came together for me – I found out my friend is moving into a HUGE, BEAUTIFUL house – like my “old” dream house – and I could feel TOTAL and UTTER HAPPINESS! Because that is HER Jesus Dream – and I had not one feeling of envy – which to be honest shocked me – and then released me completely to jump up and down with her and love every minute of the house tour! My heat is truly and utterly happy for her and totally and utterly happy with my home!
Thank you so much for your honest – soul sharing posts! They encourage me so often through the week and inspire me to embrace the next “phase” of the dream!
ashley @ the handmade home says
I LOVE this, Ann! This is just so great! ;} Thank you for sharing this. ;}
bridget b. says
i love this. thanks for putting into words exactly how i feel. the more stuff you buy = the longer/harder you have to work to afford it and the more space you need to store it all. i strive to be content with the things that we have and a huge part of that is (as you stated) to stop keeping up with the joneses and what we believe are other people’s expectations of us. it’s an internal battle at times, but it’s so worth it in the end.
Morgan says
I love that you hate those commercials too! I always changed the channel and then we canceled cable (not because of the commercials :), just too much money for too many channels we never watch). Now we just use Roku and I don’t have to see those commecials anymore!
Sandra Graham says
You are a lady after my own heart as was a farm girl my parents didn’t have rches one thing they had was hospitality our home was open to all & family was so important to all of us so now that have been through the too much money too little thrift so appreciare the ability to make my own things & recycle what thought was throw out & to my surprise have so much fun decorating, painting & using my art courses to make my home really me .
Stephanie says
A month ago, my husband and I were getting ready to talk to an architect about creating our perfect, dream home plans (which, ironically, would have been in the 2500-2600 square foot range…size is so very relative, yes?). When we bought our starter home, we only planned to live in its less-than-1300-square-feet for only 5 years or so, but with a low mortgage and some minor work that made it our cozy haven, we’ve overstayed that welcome by almost double. A set of twins and one-on-the-way later, and people have gone so far as to say “you have GOT to have a bigger house,” but we’ve been in no hurry to leave. Lately, something’s been stirring in my heart…something I can’t shake…something to which you can relate…and recently, He stepped in, dared us to take a huge leap of faith, and totally re-wrote our five year plan. Yesterday, we placed a bid on a two-year-old, repo’ed double wide in almost-new condition, and this girl who said she’d never live in a trailer is actually getting excited about the prospect.
You see, I currently bring in significantly more income than my husband, but my heart has been longing to stay home with my children – an impossible dream that I have not even allowed myself to wear for the past two-and-a-half years, but a month ago, God reminded me of Matthew 9:26 and asked me to define “impossible” and better yet determine “impossible for who” in light of that verse. I didn’t have any answers for Him, so I allowed myself to start wearing that dream…and, then, we decided to MAKE IT HAPPEN (with His help, of course).
Doing the impossible started with us majorly cutting expenses. Number 1: determining how to get rid of our mortgage – cue the double wide that we could pay for with cash (that would have been the down payment for our new home). The advantages aside from the obvious lack of debt and the potential that I might get to spend more time at home: we get to go ahead and move on our land and enjoy it now (and if we ever do build the “dream house,” our children will already call the land “home”), over 500 more square feet (!), an actual laundry room, lots more storage, an extra bedroom, a playroom for the kids, and the potential to turn this into an income property if we ever do move (there’s quite a demand for such rentals in our small, southern town). Now, there are a LOT of mental hurdles to get over when comparing ourselves to the Joneses and living in a home on wheels, but we have decided to let all that go…priorities take precedence, and we decided we can’t put a price on spending that extra time with our littles. Home is not the space and certainly not the size of the space. Home is what you make it…it’s where the people are. I am sure there will come a time here and there when I resent our trailer, but I hope I always remember that God used that little house on wheels to show my family how big He is and how much He loves us and wants our dreams to come true…even when we don’t know what they are and even the impossible ones. A month ago, I thought my dream was to have a bigger house…today, I know my true dream was even bigger…to have a bigger faith.
HeidiAnn Geiger says
This is an excellent, well written post. I love your ideas. Thanks for teaching contentment; it is so needed in today’s society. đ Just fyi, for a large family in a small space, you might want to check out David Jill Noyes Rodrigues… with 11 kids and living in a bus… and LOVING it! đ