“What are you going to do when you put them in school again?”
“I hope you don’t plan to become a home school blog.”
“I hate that you no longer support traditional school. I don’t know why everyone is so down on teachers and the public school system.”
“Are you worried about your kids? I don’t see how isolation is good.”
“Well, it is the ‘trendy’ thing right now.”
“My kids are really smart. They wouldn’t be challenged with home school.”
Today’s post kind of feels like our current bathroom situation. I can scrub those tiles in the shower all I want until they’re sparkling and oh so clean. But when it comes down to it, there’s a busted pipe inside, beyond that tile. The walls have molded, and the drywall has started to rot… and that mold is dangerous. Things might appear fine on the outside, but sometimes it’s important to address what’s really going on. Because mold can make you sick, and your house can eventually rot from the inside, out. Sometimes it’s important to address the root of the issue.
Yes, all of these things have actually been said to me.
If you stop and really read them… even if you think home schooling is completely ridiculous… you have to admit there’s a lot of assumptions in those statements.
People mean well, but sometimes, they don’t even realize what they’re saying. And sometimes, people don’t mean well at all. Sometimes, they’re frustrated because of something in their own lives, and it just… comes out. Sometimes things are just said.
I get it. I really do.
But I can’t help but I feel like I need a shirt that says I’m legit.
I’m still kind of baffled that we’re actually really truly doing this. I’m (to a fault and at the core) a people pleaser. I tend to want to prove myself. Thus the legit shirt would-be wear-age.
When it comes down to it, I’m the only one making myself feel like I owe someone an explanation. That’s ultimately up to me and I am the only one in control of how I feel. In the end, that’s a whole lot of wasted energy.
Hashtag noonereallycares Hashtag stopdefendingmychoices
It’s ironic, really.
Because confession: people who homeschooled, once upon a time, kinda freaked me out a little.
I mean, it wasn’t like I actively sought them out and disliked them. But in general, I had an opinion about it. When a news story popped up about children being home schooled, I kinda rolled my eyes a little if they all wore skirts and played in a family band. Or when someone told me that they home school, I tried to smile awkwardly and nod and change the subject because it made me uncomfortable and I could never do that.
I think that deep down, I saw their decision as different than mine, and because it was different (than the only thing I’d ever known)… I didn’t see how it could be good.
I also didn’t take the time to see.
Shamefully, I assumed a lot, based on stereotypes. And when it comes down to it, their choice seemed like a bit of a threat to my own.
When you disagree with another person’s choice, when you actually feel weird because someone is passionate about something… that’s also a whole lot of wasted energy.
So there are two main lessons I’ve learned, as a parent.
It’s simple, really.
1. Never say never as a parent. Ever.
From the I-will-never-give-them-a-paci and my-child-will-be-potty-trained-by-2 it only gets worse. It’s funny how we tend to think we’ve got it all figured out until life throws us another curve ball.
You will eat crow.
2. Don’t judge someone else just because they’re living their life differently than yours. And if you feel threatened by someone else’s choices, remember that’s on you. Not them.
It doesn’t make them wrong.
It certainly doesn’t make you right.
And vice versa.
Simple. Yet sometimes, it’s hard to remember.
It’s nothing new, but I think our world could use a little more compassion and empathy.
More grace.
It seems like common sense, but how boring would the world be if we were all the same? We’re all fighting on the same side, after all. Just trying to do our best. Sometimes, just trying to survive the day.
I think sometimes, in a moment on Facebook when its easy to hide behind a computer screen, in the grocery store, or at the next girls night when someone is on someone else’s nerves… we forget. I know I do.
So I was once an anti-home school kinda mom. And here I am, on the flip side of the coin, feeling rather passionate about our decision.
It’s irony, at it’s finest. And I’m pretty sure if God smirks, he has a big one for me.
But here’s another truth: As parents, we will always be criticized for the choices we make. That’s life. Someone will always disagree with our views and we can’t control that. In a way, it’s a good thing because it makes you question yourself. It keeps you in check.
If you were married at 20, or single at 50
If you adopted, had natural childbirth, or opted for the epi two seconds out of the gate {and then it failed. me.}
If you work away from the home full time, If you work from home full time, If you stay at home… If you work two jobs at Starbucks and Hobby Lobby and take the night shift at the local newspaper while running a dog walking service
If you are getting a doctorate degree or never went to college
If you send your kids to a public school, or they attend an all-exclusive private school
If they ride the bus or if you drive them everywhere
If your kids have been in travel ball since they were three or you want to scale back on activities
If you put fruit snacks in their lunch because they love them or if they eat all organic…
If you’re a parent
If you love your children
If you’re prayerfully considering what is best for them
If you’re doing the very best that you can
Then that is all that matters.
A little more empathy… a whole lot of grace, and a little more remembering.
It’s the most valuable lesson anyone can learn.
amen.
I teach parenting classes, and have for many many years! This is always my struggle…parents trying to “one up” each other! IT MAKES ME CRAZY!! Like you said, whether it is eating all organic-nonGMO-nonDairy-food or allowing your child to eat hot dogs at every meal, every parent is different! Every child is different and every family is different…and THAT is a beautiful thing! We can learn from each other and boost each other, but WHY must parents put each other down! “I would NEVER homeschool” or breastfeed, or eat sugar, you fill in the blank! It takes a village to raise a child, I firmly believe that! My advise to the parents in my classes, “Choose your village wisely!” They can bring your up and help in the raising of your children, or squash you like a bug on a windshield!! Thanks for the awesome post, I will refer to it when I am in class today!! Have a beautiful Friday!!
I couldn’t agree more, Dana. So true. And there’s a lot of holier-than-thou “bullying” that goes with that. It drives me nuts, too. Amen to villages. I actually have some amazing friends. HUGS.
I love what you said, “Every child is different, and every family is different”! We have one child in private Christian school and one in public school. Every year I plan to look and re-evaluate what is the best plan for each child individually for the following school year. Each one has different needs and functions better in different environments. I get a lot of crazed looks from both sides of school wondering why I don’t do the same thing with the other child. I have to ignore those questioning my judgement, go with my gut, and do what we think is best for our child. It really has made a world of difference to have them in the place that fit them best individually.
We should really all learn that everything we say “oh I’ll never do blah blah…” We’ll end up doing. This coming from the full time work and travel, drive my kids to school, feed them happy meals and bologna, recovering from depression, have a masters in nutrition and I’m always choosing to nap or watch tv/internet rather than exercise mom. Grace. I really never understood this word until recently.
Hurray for bologna and naps! They make the world a better place, don’t they? I think it starts with extending grace to ourselves. We’re hard on ourselves, and then we’re hard on others. ;} And I was just thinking, I have got to start working out! This is pathetic! Ha.
Seriously girl, you never cease to amaze me.
This is perfect. Thank you.
Yes, yes, yes.
My husband said yesterday, “I wish they made a Curious George happy meal; C would really like that.” And I responded with, “Do you know how many things in that sentence we said we’d NEVER do?” lol
Besides the never-say-never, the biggest thing I’ve learned in this parenting game is the giving grace rather than judgment thing. For the most part, we are all doing the best we can–even if we’re doing things differently!
And bonus! That grace-over-judgment is starting to filter out to other areas of my life as well! Thanks for writing this reminder.
This is so true! I had a long list of things I would never do as a parent and things I’d never let my kids do…then I had twins. They’re numbers 4 and 5 and they’ve made me extremely humble!! Definitely, never say never as a parent! 🙂
This was a beautifully written post! “A little more empathy… A whole lot of grace, and a little more remembering.” I got a teary when I read that line! Love it!
amen. and AMEN! you’re doing a great job. you’ve even encouraged me to think a little more seriously about home schooling, i’m not there yet, but maybe, someday. and if not, that’s okay too. you’re so encouraging and so real. a blessing to us all….thank you!
You’re doing great at this home-school thing! I couldn’t do it…or I could, but my sanity would be hanging by a very thin thread! You know no judgement from all of us at girls’ night! Missed you last time and looking forward to the next!
Ha! Just so you know, I run the constant risk when writing, of people thinking I’m referring to them. 🙂 girls night was a quick reference. Not in particular, ours. #hallowedground
Bwahaha! I didn’t think you were referring to us!! Cause we are perfect! (Note: said with total sarcasm). Seriously, you are doing great! But if your kids start coming to church dressed in strange clothing and speaking their own secret language, we’re gonna have to have a chat.
I am not a parent but this is spot on. Amazing!
Stay strong. Be fierce. Create your life.
My closest friends in high school were home-schoolers. I still see them occasionally. They are some of my favorite people still. I have one child and our public school system locally was bad when I graduated high school. I’ve attended private school and know there can be a world of difference. We are praying what to do for our son. Thanks for this post and the encouragement I find in it.
I can’t even start to say how much I love this post! I’m a former education student (started with no kids and quit when I had 4 and was expected to leave them all to student teach. I couldn’t do it). I never imagined myself as a homeschooling parent, but over the years, as I’ve learned more about it (and so many stereotypes were dispelled… I feel guilty for even believing them), I’ve found myself more and more interested. We attended our first homeschooling conference last year, and that erased every lingering doubt I had. I’m still a little scared and intimidated, but I’m confident that this is the best decision for us. I’m now getting ready to start homeschooling my daughter, and I can’t wait. Unfortunately, no one else I know homeschools so I’m now “strange,” but I can live with that (reading posts like this really help).
Beautiful! All of it. What do I always say? GO WITH YOUR GUT. God put that twinkle of desire in you to homeschool your children and it is perfectly clear that He is guiding your every step. Don’t ever second guess yourself. Your children are well-adjusted, compassionate, and so much fun!!! Beautifully written, as always.
(ps. Are you proud of me for commenting??) 😉
So proud. You made me tear up. Like I said, I have awesome friends. ;}
This has so been on my heart lately, I have a daughter stating school in the fall. Homeschool vs. public school vs. private. I feel like whatever decision I make someone is judging me for something. Every negative comment you listed, at the root of these are lies the enemy uses to divide us and plant seeds of resentment in our hearts. They make us question our heavily weighed and prayerfully considered choices, as if where our kids go to school is somehow a neon sign above there head advertising how much we love and care for them. We as mothers need to stick together and support each other through the hard years of raising young children. Not judge each other for what is such a individual and personal decision.
I think it is great that you are homeschooling! I just told my mom about your family the other day and how much I have loved reading your blog for the past two years. When I told her how awesome I think it is that you started homeschooling, she said, “I wish I had homeschooled you and your brother!” I think you made a great choice and I love the truths in this post 🙂
Perfectly said!!! I had my first 2 babies in a hospital and the next three at home. Supposedly that makes me crazy and a bad parent. I would love to home school if I thought I could do it and do it well. Because I have been judged a lot for my parenting choices I judge much less and encourage others more. It has made me a better person and for that I am grateful. We all do the best we can with the experience we have and the answers we receive from prayer. You said it perfectly. Thanks!!
Very very very well done.
Awesome! I’ll cheer you on. I home-schooled our daughter 25+ years ago. It was really hard then. It was great! And those kids that are home-schooled always test in the upper percentile of all students. So much smarter! Don’t let any comment cut you off at the knees. You are doing what is right for your kids. End of story! More power to you! 😀
I so enjoy reading your posts especially about your homeschool journey. We’ve been homeschooling our children for 9 years. We heard all of those comments (and some you didn’t mention) from friends and sadly, family. We just told them it was a personal choice for our family.
Nine years later and we get comments like…
“I wish my kids wanted to spend time with us. You are so close to each other.”
“Your kids are very sociable. They can talk to “old” people or play with little ones so well.”
OR my personal favorite…
“I thought your kids would not be very smart since you homeschool them, but their vocabulary is better than mine. (This was from the public school evaluator)
Like you said we each are trying our best and eventually others will see the results of the love and labor you have invested in your children.
Thanks so much for your honesty. I have always appreciated that about you. One size does not fit all. We moved our daughter from public to private Christian school in 7th grade because it was what was right for her. I work full time so my options were limited. My daughter knows many homeschooled kids at church and in her class in high school. You have to do what is right for you and your children, not what is right for someone else. When we moved our daughter to private I felt that I needed to defend my decision to my public school teaching friends. But I realized that I did not need to do that. I only need to let people she how our daughter in thriving in the environment she is in. That is what is most important. Keep up the good work!!
What a great post! I taught elementary school for 10 years, and I was adamently opposed to home schooling, and now I am doing some crazy stuff to make sure my oldest gets a Kindergarten spot in a homeschool co-op next year! God is laughing at me, for sure. I was the most awesome parent in the world before I had kids!
“I was the most awesome parent in the world before I had kids!”
Most ACCURATE statement EVAH!! lolol
Ashley, please go read Matt Walsh’s blog post at http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/11/04/i-dont-agree-with-your-parenting-choices-now-let-me-explain-how-you-should-raise-your-own-children/
Love your blog, love this entry and especially love those great pics! For the record, I am 67 and have never home schooled or been home schooled. I am in a book club where some are teachers and think home schooling is the work of the devil. I surprised myself to be brave enough to say that I don’t think it’s a topic you can generalize. I have friends that home school and their kids are doing great. And of course others in public school doing great too. As they say on the knitting forum, there’s a lid for every pot.
My “kids” are 40 and 35. One thing I learned from a wise friend about 39 years ago was “When you point your finger at someone, look at your hand. There are 3 fingers pointing back at you. ” I have cherished those words and always remembered them. And truly, since the beginning of time, 99% of us are just trying to get through the day and do the very best we can for ourselves and the ones we love. We need to focus much more on what WE do ~ and much less on what others are doing.
So very, very well said! 😉
that’s awesome
amen & amen & amen
EXTREMELY well said. I will support your decision to do what you want with your children all the time. My daughter and SIL aren’t doing things the way I would have but they are doing the best they can and what is right for them. I get that now. It took awhile to understand that there could be something different. God Bless You, you are doing a GREAT job.
Very well said. I have found that parenting is on a kid to kid bases. What is good for one kid is not always going to be good for the other. There are some great things about homeschool and some great things about public/charter/whatever school. You, the parent, knows what is best for your child so don’t worry about what others are saying. You will do great.
Bless your heart. I needed this today. Thank you so much. Your words are uplifting and ring with truth and love.
TOTALLY agree! For the longest time, I was never having kids (I now have two and can’t imagine life without them), was never homeschooling (we’re having a ton of fun doing it this, our first, year), would never drive a minivan (most practical car ever!), etc. I had NO idea what I was missing out on and am loving where my life is right now (on the flip side). I get comments too, my kid gets interviewed at the store about how he likes doing school at home, but whatever, this is what’s best for us right now. My choices aren’t best for someone else’s family, but I’m not responsible for someone else’s family…I am for mine.
Thank you for saying all of this so well. Grace and peace to you and yours 🙂
Amen sister. Amen.
Oh yes oh yes oh yes. There are sooo many comments that come along the way, it only gets more interesting I assure you! Now that I have three homeschooled teenagers (16, 15 and 13), people are more measured in their comments, since we’re nearly done with our first child. But still, people are often aghast at the idea of homeschooling high school. Honestly they have no idea what a different kind of life it is and how it can be so fulfilling. I actually wrote a blog post about this same issue, stemming from a comment I got – you might enjoy it and really identify with it: http://fullerbydesign.com/i-said-that-i-homeschool-and-she-turned-away-2/
Never say never is right – it’s all one big journey!
Amen
My husband and I gave a lot of thought to todays post. We were in the ‘trenches’, homeschooling almost 30 years ago. Going through the range of shock, dismay, laughter…. over “can you believe the things people say?” It amazed us, the hostility we sometimes found and with people that our choices would not affect in any way. Over the years, every question, warning and condemnation has been answered by our children themselves. (Now adults, of course.) Intelligence? “Your kids are all so smart and talented.” Socialization, “You raised the nicest people, they can get along with and talk to anyone and everyone.”…. Eventually the comments became fewer especially as some of those became HS themselves and we became inured. What I did learn to say is,”I’m sure that’s a really good choice for your family,” sincerely and directly. It reassured that we weren’t condemning their choices by making different ones for our family, (?!) and many times opened a forum that was mutually encouraging. May your HS journey be blessed. It’s wonderful for families to have others that understand this aspect of HS. It’s said Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief, this type of forum will do that I’m sure for many facing this confusing reality of homeschooling.
I wish more people would remember “if you can’t say anything nice . . . ” in their comments.
Do you know what I usually think when you talk about homeschooling? “how does she take that shot from up above the table?” That’s it! A silly little photography question.
More people need to remember that every family is different. You are doing what you feel is right for your family. End of story.
And good for you for having the courage to do it!
I homeschool my daughter and like you I never saw myself doing this….I am a qualified Teacher and I still get weird looks when I tell people I homeschool, even my doctor was very negative about my decision to do this. I am just doing what I think is right for my daughter and I have to say even with all the challenges we both love our days together learning in our school room. For now this works for us, but who knows what the future brings. We are all in the same boat….trying to be the best parent we can be.
You are handling some very strong comments with much grace and wisdom. I’m struggling to KEEP homeschooling, and part of it is wondering what my homeschool peers will think if I “give up.” I just know I’m TRYING to do my best, as are you, as are most of us. Good things to remember. Thanks for sharing.
Boy, did you take the words right out of my mouth….I agree with all of what you said and I’m not just saying that. I too, back in the day heard about homeschooling and thought people who did that must be from Mars or something. I have also had a really good friend admit that if there was a way to ban homeschooling she would be all for it. I should mention I have been homeschooling our five sons for over 20 years now. I have heard all sorts of things like you obviously have. I totally agree with the way you ended your blog today. We all just need to support each other as mothers and embrace our differences, and know that we must do what is the best for our families. At the end of the day if you know you did your best that’s all you can do. You’re never going to please everyone anyhow so please yourself, your husband and God, that is a great lesson!
Your family is beautiful and you’re doing a great job!! Toodles, Barbi
You go girl! We all need a lot of grace for one another. Homeschool mom of three graduated children now. Took my son and daughter out in grades three and four and the third one never went a day. Love them dearly! Time well spent. Doesn’t mean it was easy, but wouldn’t trade it for anything now.
I’m one of those “skirt” wearing women 🙂
Loved the post. I don’t agree with homeschooling but…both of my kids would have benefited from it. The first child, the 16 year old daughter who is in Middle College, we would have killed each other so she went to public school. And my 8 year old autistic son, who would be better off in home school but is so clingy…he would never ever leave home one day and I would be dead 🙂
Life is hard and making choices is harder when it comes to your children. Good for you for standing by your decisions and doing what you feel is best for your children and family.
I am a teacher turned SAHM/work-from-home/blogger. I too, always thought homeschooling was odd and now I’m 90% of the way there. My son will start school this fall. Something about it just doesn’t sit right for me and my family. Putting him in school would be easy. That is what everyone does, that is the norm. Pushing the norms is hard–especially for a people pleaser like myself.
This was beautiful post! I was visiting Laura at Finding Home and she mentioned your blog so I thought I’d stop by for a visit. I hope I’m not too early for a Saturday morning–I promise I won’t get in your way. I am looking forward to getting to know you. Your words touched my heart. Good thoughts to ponder.
Yes and Amen to all of this.
I can’t tell you how many nevers I’ve had to eat crow over…never having kids (we have 3), never driving a mini van (we’ve had 2), never abandoning a cart in a store with a kid having a meltdown (more than once), never homeschooling (we did it for 8 years)…the list could go on, but I sooo get what you’re saying. 🙂
And most importantly, yes to grace and compassion. The world needs much more of it!
xoxo, Jackie
Well put. I’ve had similar things said to me. It is just as you said…respect each other’s choices. We do not need to all do the same thing in order for it to be right for our children. HSers in today’s world are rarely isolated or unsocial…in fact, the usually socialize with such a variety of ages that they are super well adjusted and polite.
Have you heard the awful sadness that they will miss THE PROM!? Oh no!!! (Tongue/cheek)
i dig this post.
i’ve done public school for 3 years, homeschool for five years and now private school for two years.
my public school friends think i’ve gone off the deep end for homeschooling and they think i’m dumb for paying for private.
my homeschool friends think i’m a trader for sending them to private.
all the opinions have me being less and less of a people pleaser, which is a hard addiction to let go of when you’ve spent a lifetime doing it, but letmejusttellyou, freedom from it tastes DELICIOUS.
homeschool will make you stronger than you ever thought possible. 🙂 you just wait and see.
Thank you for this…I have found myself quite humbled this week by the same things you discuss here. I appreciate the reminder the remember we are on the same team and grace needs to become our default setting.
My girls are 14, 12 and 9. I learned LONG AGO to never EVER say what my children would never do…I ate SO MANY words in the first 2 years of my first child’s life that my stomach still hurts! {It doesn’t help that my husband has been a youth minister for the past 18 years…and we attend a large church…and people assume we know what we’re doing.} I have learned that we are each on a journey. God has a different path for each of us. What is right for one child, might not be right for another. Oh for a world that would be full of grace and love! Thanks for this reminder today! Life to the full! Melissa
I am a new reader of your blog and I’m so sorry people have said those things to you! I was so very encouraged by this post. I am starting to homeschool my 4 year old next month and have encountered similar comments (and from family too!). I have also been discouraged to find out recently that my family choices (to hire a teenage girl to help at the house during the week with my 3 kids, ages 4 and under) have been the subject of much gossip in our church, mostly tinted by the implication that I must not be able to handle my own kids. Sigh. Why do people feel so free to judge others? Anyway, your post today was a great perspective and I appreciate your blog so much. Please don’t stop blogging about homeschool 🙂
Wow..I understand how that feels, judgemental comments both from the family we don’t choose as well as the church family we choose. Hugs to you!
Ashley, I’m so appreciating your gentle feistiness as of late. I just had a mental breakdown of sorts last night, blubbering to my husband about how I’m so sick of the clutter, disorganization, crazy scheduled but not enough structure for my liking chaotic life we live. I’m trying to figure out how to spend more quality time with my kids, get chores done, teach them while making them feel loved and valued at the same time, all while they spend 6-7 hours a day under someone else’s influence. I used to think all home schoolers were crazy, brave, suckers for punishment, a parent I just couldn’t be. Now, I’m not so sure. I still think it’s a lot of work and less convenient than having them go to school but who ever had kids for the convenience?! I don’t know if I could have them all here with me all day every day. I need breaks, free and quiet time and my kids do well at school and seem to be thriving. And maybe being out from under my influence for a few hours isn’t such a bad thing. I haven’t figured it all yet. Glad to here you’ve figured out at least a few things that work for you and yours. Thanks for reminding us not to judge and to focus on our own journey before we poke holes in that of others. You’re rockin’ this whole “making changes for the better” thing. Keep sharing your journey. It helps.
THANK YOU. I VERY MUCH NEEDED THAT. SOMEHTING TELLS ME YOU NEEDED TO GET THAT OUT AS MUCH AS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT 🙂
Bravo Ashley! Well said! I couldn’t agree more…parenting is tough and to be judged while doing it doesn’t help. More Unity I say and respect for each others choices as parents is needed 🙂
praaaaise.
it’s good to see this.
BRAVO! Standing O to you.
I love this! It always surprises me when one mom questions/bashes/comments on another mom’s choices. We’re all in this challenging, crazy, amazing motherhood boat together.
Blessings and love to you. You are strong and courageous to document all you do. I am thankful to hear your side and your thoughts. Keep writing. Please.
Amen to these powerful words. Grace to you!
I am a behavioral therapist, or more specifically, a board certified behavior analyst. We are the ones that typically help kids build skills, change challenging behaviors, follow directions, potty train, sleep schedule etc…We are perceived as regimented and scientific with very little wiggle room for deviating from a behavior plan to target all sorts of behavior. We rae not considered very developmental in our approach to working with children (although I think that’s a false assumption depending on the type of ABA you do). Anyway, my point is, here I am a sleep trainer, a potty trainer, a problem behavior fixer. Here’s the reality of my life: my 1.5 year old sleeps with me in bed, she still nurses, and I’m not even thinking about potty training. I let her paint on herself and eat dirt, get dirty and say no. She runs around naked, even outside (we live in sunny California) So when my clients ask me to help them with X behavior or sleep training, I let them know that we make a plan that works for the parent, even if it’s not my preference or what I think is the ideal approach. We are all individuals, and what works for one family (like homeschooling) may not work for another. Good for you to not let the nay sayers sway your decision on the best way to educate your children.
You know I get it. I mean, really. You are an incredible mama, and friend, and when you follow God’s calling for your life, it’s tough, but you know deep down this is just right for now. Praying blessings of peace and productivity…and we still have to get them together!!
🙂
shaunna
I have to say, I am appalled that these statements were made to you-such a shame:((. I am just now, after two years of homeschooling, not letting the looks or comments get to me. What has helped me the most getting to that point is your BLOG and posts about people pleasing. Ashley, you contribute so many wonderful things to the world thru this blog. I hope you never let all that crud get you down. You are doing a great job!!! Thank you for this post, feeling similarly lately so it was timely
Hugs,-Brie
Thanks for this encouragement! I’m in the midst of trying to decide if it would be best for us to homeschool our oldest son. Educationally, I’m certain it would be. Socially, he is different than most children and I don’t know if homeschooling would be helpful or harmful in that regard. This parenting gig is no joke!
So needed this reminder…thank you!
(And my stomach dropped when I read the opening qoutes… I’m sorry you have been told/asked those things.)
Well said! If we could just all remember ” it’s not right, it’s not wrong; it’s just different” and quit judging because someone is doing it different from you. Bravo!
Thank you!
Get that shirt printed now! Unfortunately, by opening your life up on a blog, you are opening yourself up to comments like that. Is it fair? No. Is it going to keep happening? Yes.
I’m also a people pleaser so my heart hurts for you just as it would if I was in your shoes. But your family has decided this for reasons that were important to your family. Everybody else can just go eat worms.
Well written words. I envy the homeschooling family. I respect and attended public schools. I send my 4 kids to private school. All are perfect choices. Keep the homeschooling posts coming, us envious moms love to read them. You are inspiring.
It’s funny when people have an ‘anti’ attitude about something that people did for generations only up until 100years ago, in the grand scheme of things! Just like children sharing bedrooms or God forbid ‘beds’!!! There weren’t such things as ‘bed rooms’ perse until most recently! We are so brainwashed with our attitudes given to us by ‘the system’, television, media etc that we can’t ‘see’ how lost we’ve become! How mixed up in our priorities! For me, giving our children over into the hands of people that don’t have the love and passion for them that we as their parents do, is allowing our children to experience and be exposed to attitudes/beliefs that we do not necessarily share or find acceptable – yet how can we monitor or have influence when our children are out of our hands for 6hrs of the day, at such young, impressionable ages! No wonder the world is ‘pear shaped’ now! We have become so complacent, so ‘caught up’, so blind! If you can home school ‘DO’ – not everyone can, but everyone ‘should’ change their circumstances/priorities to ‘make it happen’! Who ‘designed’ the ‘school system’ anyway! What/whose purpose did it serve!? Before women worked, before the world wars which were the catalyst for women working, daycare and institutionalization! Aaaargh!!!!
I should add that with all of the resources we have at hand now – access to technology, information, knowledge on any topic at our fingertips, libraries, educational games/books/tutorials etc etc I believe the ‘schooling system’ is becoming obsolete! In the two weeks I have been home schooling, I cannot believe the ground we’ve covered and the opportunities for learning that are everywhere and in everything we do! Real ‘hands on’ life experience! It’s truly wonderful!
Gosh, sometimes I read your blog and it is EXACTLY what I have been feeling on a particular day. We could totally be friends! And you make me laugh hysterically. We all want what’s right for our family and our kids and that’s what really matters. Thanks!
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I am a former homeschooler. My kids are now graduated [’13] and a sophomore in public school. To start, and to stop homeschooling — BOTH decisions were the best ones we ever made for our family. I was judged a lot for homeschooling, but you know what’s funny? I’ve been judged just as much since we stopped homeschooling. NOW, friends shake their heads at me as if to say, “So, you finally realized you’d been making a mistake all these years.” Ummmmm, NOT. I don’t regret EITHER of our decisions. We stopped homeschooling our son when we realized that our mother/son relationship was suffering because of the teacher/student relationship… his SOPHOMORE year. It had been great up until then. We put him in school for his JUNIOR/SENIOR years, and he thrived. Our daughter stayed at home one more year, and entered public high school her freshman year. She is also thriving there. I NEVER regret our homeschooling experience, and I KNOW we did the best for our children by letting them experience school, too!
I guess it’s human nature for people (myself included) to be criticial — and you’re right — often as a defense mechanism.
My advice to you is to stand firm in what you believe to be RIGHT for YOUR FAMILY. No one else could POSSIBLY know what THAT is. And… we might as well do what we believe to be best for our family since people will criticize no matter what we do.
Human nature is a tricky thing — and you’re right in saying we need to show more grace to people who do things differently than we do. I wish you all the best in your homeschooling experience!!!
Amen.
Thank you!! We recently put our oldest 3 (all elem. age) in a public charter school after homeschooling for about 5 years. We also have 2 in preschool twice a week. I felt judged by my homeschooling friends AND by my non-homeschooling friends. While I’ve fielded my share of questions/comments, I don’t remember any specific ones during this transition…I’m the one that put all the judgment on myself. We prayed hard and felt led that it was okay to switch things up for a little while if it meant my sanity would be preserved while raising 5 kids ages 3-9. So glad my friend sent me the link to this post. Thank you!!!
I don’t usually leave comments…But , well said. I am a working mom of 2 great kids and your post reminded me to really take stock of the important things in life. Thank you for your honesty.
BRAVO!!!
As a mom to three grown daughters, I finally decided that the words (or thoughts) God hated hearing from me most were, “if that were my child”. Usually before I could complete the thought or sentence, it WAS my child! I applaud your decision to do what you feel is best. What a commitment and a gift to your children!
I only wish I could do some home schooling myself… You’re sooooo right in everything you say from the notion that we’re never prepared to becoming a parent to the idea that criticizing other people’s choice is just …pointless. What is interesting about reading other people’s blog is getting to see some DIFFERENCES and being INSPIRED! So, thank you for the inspiration and get going as long as…. you think it is valuable to your family! XXX