Jamin proclaimed that he was ordering more masks for the kids last night, because “Theirs are broken.”
I quickly responded with an indignant and slightly frustrated, “How?! We haven’t taken them {the kids} anywhere!”
It then dawned on me that he was referring to swimming masks for the pool, and I said he’s going to need to differentiate. How about ‘goggles’, JAMIN!?
I was irrationally grumpy over the confusion of the word. Maybe because it’s such a bleak reminder of the fact that I’m working on whittling down the five pounds I’ve gained since eating all my feelings. We had a brief reprieve where things started to feel a little “normal” and now we’ve officially gone right back into it because people are the reason we can’t have nice things.
All I wanted was a snow day.
It was literally last February before the world ended, when we were counting on a fun day of sledding with the kids. It’s a novelty here in Nashville, but it happens. And a good snow day has skipped us now, for two years in a row.
“Maybe we’ll miss school!” they said. “It will be fun,” they said.
How many days are we in, now? If I could travel into the future and look at my Pinterest feed, I would think that a bunch of weirdos thought it was a good idea to design masks. And I’d be totally side eyeing, because who wears masks? Isn’t that like, a SARS thing in another country circa 2003? Outbreaks don’t happen in ‘MURICA. {No, the very reason we’re here isn’t lost on me.}
I go to Pinterest to drown my feelings on all things reality in great home tours and inspiration. Mindless internet exercises are to me, as probably the handmade home is to you. Yet here I am, poking fun at my borderline mental meltdown because I have a tickle in my throat and I’m not sure if I need to take a Claritin or if I have two days to live. But seriously Pinterest, stop putting masks in my feed.
I miss the first quarantine days of Tiger King, and judging people on Facebook… all whilst sharing funny memes. Now ‘irregardless’ is officially a word, and Kanye is running for prezzy. Thanks everyone.
Still judging people on Facebook.
At first, we made it fun. We did family dinners with popcorn and M & M’s while we had a Tom Hanks-athon to celebrate his recovery from the ‘Rona. {See aforementioned five pounds.} Now I can only binge so much Gilmore Girls with our middle kiddo. {Can they draw out the Luke + Lorelai thing a little more?}
I know we’ve been here too long, because Hollywood has officially stopped producing movies but now there’s a new one with Tom Hanks starring green screens and submarines. This movie is probably the one where he caught the covad in the first place. That’s how long we’ve been sitting here. They had time to produce and edit an ENTIRE MOVIE.
Speaking of Tom, he was in the news recently telling people to wear their masks. We’ve screwed up when Tom, America’s sweetheart, is scolding people, y’all. Hanks 2020.
When all of this started and the kids were out of school, I realized I’d actually been preparing for this with our background, for a while now. Because we homeschooled for three years, we were up for that.
We were also pretty good at social distancing in the name of totally using it as an excuse to not talk to people.
Now it’s gone too far because I’m like the crafting version of the Unabomber… and look like him too. This kind of needs to end.
Things felt normal for a few weeks, like a whisper of a promise of summer and enjoying things. And now I’m Jessie from Toy Story because I CAN’T GO BACK IN THE DARK!
It’s my fall capsule wardrobe, y’all. Affiliate links to follow.
**Obligatory disclaimer for angry people with rabies who think all of this is a conspiracy: Thanks so much for stopping by today. Please know that all of this is seasoned nicely with sarcasm, and I hope you find some of these first world problems relatable. We realize no topic is safe anymore, therefore, we no longer care. Just take a moment to smile + Wear your MASK, WANDA** EDIT: I know some Karens who are really nice in real life, so I thought Wanda was safer. Waiting for a nice Wanda to leave a comment so I can change the name again.
I love these posts so much – it’s all just so incredibly true!
Amen 🙌sister!! As I’ve said since March…6 month summer! 😳🙄🤣
HAHA! RIGHT?! Our poor kids are so bored. They’re BEGGING to go back to school. Who knew.
HAHA thanks Amanda. so good to know I’m not alone!
“I have a tickle in my throat and I’m not sure if I need a Claritin or have 2 days to live.” I’m laughing as I remember thinking exactly the same thing in the beginning. This post made me laugh, sadly. I love your writing style. Thank you. Oh and the flamingo pool floatie is as darling as the yellow umbrella.
Awe thanks so much Belinda! And yes. I keep thinking I’m about to die. I can’t decide if I’ve {ironically} just had more allergies this year, or if I’ve never paid attention…
Yes, reading your blog (and like 20 other new blogs I’ve subscribed to since the end of March) is my substitute for the loss of all summer blockbuster movies and now that I’ve watched everything on Netflix. I’m sorry but you need to keep writing and taking pictures and doing projects to entertain me! Ha, Ha!! But seriously, the silver lining is the enormous mountain of accomplished home projects I’m racking up! It’s been my most amazing quarantine ever!!! And the fact that I sewed like 25 face masks and a dozen hair hats for my colleagues at my hospital I work at, was like 6 months ago!
RIGHT?! EVERYTHING is gone! I’m with you. We just discovered Modern Family and it might be my favorite EVER. I miss the days of Avenger movie releases. And bless you for sewing all the face masks and hair hats! So amazing.
Loved this post, all of it is so true. (❤️Eww David)
HAHA thanks so much Mary
I had thought I have stopped asking ‘What more could possibly happen?’ Every week has seemed to bring more bad news, Then last week I saw an article about bunny Ebola in the SW part of the US and thought it again.
I keep thinking this is a terrible nightmare and I will wake up soon. And the word quarantine is being used incorrectly. A quarantine is for sick people we are all under house arrest, which is why we are all planning our escape.
I love it!! The whole thing! I kinda feel the same way. You are always so funny!!
I forwarded this to my sister Wanda. And I know a couple of Karen’s.
I just had a small anxiety attack. ;}
Thank you for this. Right there with you. And that one meme about staring at calls? Yup. My introversion game has really stepped up over these past few months.
Hope you continue to enjoy Gilmore Girls (fond memories of that show, as it was my sit-and-nurse-the-baby-and-watch-Netflix show for my first child years ago).
Awe! I love how we have nursing memories. Mine was Felicity and Oprah HAHA! Stay well!
Oh Goodness Girl, you are so funny. I love these posts. I agree with you on a lot of this. I have too much time on my hands to “Think” of all the going or not goings on in the world around me. I have even started to watch reality TV just for the conversations. As Gloria Gaynor sang, “We Will Survive”
Reality TV! That’s a great suggestion 😀