So, school started for us this year. As in, we decided to change things up after three years in the Homeschool route. Otherwise known as the place where I have zero regrets but I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. We said that each year would be different and this year, it was time for the different. We loved Homeschooling. But Our kiddos needed something new this year, and we decided to give it another good old college try in the public education department.
Emphasis on words like try. Combined with college.
As in, attempt to get into.
Wish us luck.
To say that the reemergence has left us feeling a bit like fish out of water, would be an understatement.
I have to say personally, the change was probably the most amazing thing that ever happened to us. But also pretty challenging at times. This is a post where I complain/make fun of myself. So if you’re here to gloat, enjoy. But if you’re here to know you’re not alone, this is really for you.
Because there’s one thing we’ve decided that is just our lot in life.
And it’s that we suck at this.
I hate labels. But if you want to pull some out, there’s the has-it-all-together room mom, the volunteer mom, the ballpark mom, the yoga pants mom, the fashionable mom, and all the other moms in between. I kind of missed the boat on married-to-a-sugar-daddy-mom, but that’s another post.
I’m the perpetual can’t-get-my-crap-together, slacker mom. But it doesn’t stop there. Because we do it together, proudly as a unit. Both parents.
Our children are screwed.
I think that it’s because we’re grown adults and we stopped playing the expectations game. But now that we have, I still feel a little out of sorts because I was raised on expectations and there’s this delicate place of southern guilt that still runs deep in my veins. And by runs in my veins I mean I’m constantly fighting how ridiculous it is. When they collide with all things expectations and the latest thing I’m behind on, it’s like sometimes I hear the church lady’s voice from SNL… and she’s judging me.
She’s in my head. It’s this imaginary combo of the pressure I put on myself to get it right, and the has-her-crap-together-with-a-weekly-scheduled-manicure-mom.
In my head, I suck compared to everyone else.
Some people just can’t get their crap together, and I am that person. In Jamin’s defense, he’s better than me. But we both kind of suck. It’s just how it is. I’ve come to accept it as my truth. We have a history of this.
We have three children, and I don’t know if it’s just the magical number for losing your everlovingmind, and that you finally get to chill at four because you have to and are left with no other rational option than to let it all go… and FYI that makes you look like you have it all together because I know a plethora of moms with multiple children that are absolutely amazing. Or I’m high strung and creative and type-A all at once so that makes me a special struggling snowflake, or something. But the struggle is real. My brain implodes on a daily basis. And from what I hear, it doesn’t get any easier.
I think it’s our weaknesses combined together in the parental department, or with scheduling or something.
I have my lists. He has his. We keep up with all the things. I even designed a planner and stuff to give the illusion that I have it all together. But something always slips by. SOMETHING.
I feel like I need a gigantic command board like the things that show up in the movies a-la mission impossible via high tech hologram. Better yet, I need some kind of creepy Tom Cruise Robot to sit there and manage it all for me on a giant hologram, also just like the movies. That escalated quickly. Maybe minus the Tom Cruise and creepy part. Hello, Rosie a-la the Jetsons. Hurry up and invent her already, scientists. I thought you were smart and stuff.
I really just need five clones of myself. One who’s sole job is to do the laundry and load the dishwasher. Is that too much to ask?
Because with the new introduction of all things schedules and field trips, and practices and ball games, and daddy daughter dances and report cards, we’re awful. Bottom line. Terrible. Like, leave the report card sitting on the table for 1.5 weeks before signing it, and the teacher has to request it back from us, awful.
I guess that the whole home education thing has changed our perspective, because it’s a good day if we remember to check this thing called grades. We don’t pressure our kiddos. Everyone works differently in their own families but honestly, that feels pretty isolating when you’re coming out on the other side of the homeschool perspective. On the bright side, my first grader told me the other day he wants to be a rocket scientist when he grows up. So we’ll see who turns out okay, Sheryl {the-we-don’t-do-B’s-mom}.
I don’t know if it’s because we’re still trying to adjust to the move and managing our own business stuff and balancing all the things, or if we just suck at life. I can use excuses all day long, but I’m also more of an own-up-to-it mom. I’m going with the latter, because to sign a five dollar check and send it to school took a movement of the stars and planets in retrograde combining in the direct correspondence of Mercury and Venus and other Harry Potter magic stuff. It was a good moment and the lights shone down from heaven and there was an angel choir, and I’m pretty sure my head shook in slow mo. My hair was released in a flowing mane like people’s hair from shampoo commercials, all as I signed it. Good vibes and glitter and stuff. I placed it on the table.
And then we forgot to put it in her backpack. For two days.
Expectation:
Reality:
{No worries. This is the neat version.}
You’d think we’d remember that every Tuesday Emerson has cheer practice so we should send a note. So that the office doesn’t have to call us laughing. Scratch that. I’m just the one who chuckles awkwardly on the phone. Or that every Wednesday Aiden has Basketball so I probably shouldn’t schedule a corresponding workout class and then forget about both. Bonus points for working out. Or that they need basic human things like snacks for school and for us to replenish their lunch accounts because lord help us if I had to pack something on a daily basis – which would probs be better for them. Sorry, not sorry.
Oh, and the permission slip for the latest field trip was due, day before yesterday.
I {PROUDLY} sent the remainder of Christmas presents with the kiddos to school this week. They had Christmas tags on them and everything. I probably should have switched to Valentines to cover and make it look like we were ahead of the game, but I’m not clever like that until after the fact. Usually when I’m in the shower mentally retracing my steps after a nice round of old school Celine Dion. We’d covered the teachers earlier in the season but totally bailed on the rest of our list {that was equally important because they’ve been awesome to our kids this year} when it all got crazy with the holidaisical apocalypse and I actually celebrated because I completed the task. That was a big deal for me. High fives and stuff. #specialhighstrungsnowflakeforthewin
Our kiddo came home with a bad grade the other day, and was crying over it. So we gave lots of hugs, baked cookies, and Jamin took them all outside to play basketball, instead. They’re only kids once. And frankly, they put enough pressure on themselves.
I have no idea where they get that from. {Cue the eye rolling}
With homework in the afternoons, its a free for all. With three kiddos and two parental units, it’s whoever gets there first and asks a question. Oh my word the homework. A definite CON to “real” school. {As opposed to ‘fake’? I have no idea why I said real. Mainstream? Apparently, I’m not PC, either} Hold the gloating. Is it bad that we did our child’s Math the other night for him just so that the madness would end after two hours, and that I probably missed some because common core is stupid?
Also, I still count on my fingers so there’s that. Can I admit this in public?
PS. No angry pitchforks, we get why they do common core. And no, we’re not enablers. This was a special occasion. #Ilovedisclaimersontouchytopics
The youngest is banished upstairs to do his reading while we help the other two because it’s a free for all and I say it’s making him more independent and proactive and other things I can’t list right now because I have a limited vocabulary and my brain is fried. I left Jamin behind the other night while he let me go out for a Barre class, and I wished him luck while one child lost their marbles and the other repeatedly asked the same question and Jamin simultaneously cooked dinner. The dogs were barking and I left, hoping that when I came back an hour later, everyone would still be breathing.
I secretly felt kinda bad because this was a preplanned thing, and then realized I married smart because he totally handled it all. #whoneedsasugardaddynow
And let’s not even talk about bedtime. No one warned us about this little parenting factoid.
So yesterday, when we sent them off to school and I got a few extra long hugs… and Jamin recounted a story from a neighbor that morning who commented on how sweet our children are because of a specific story… and I looked back at the last three years and how far we’ve really come…
I realized we are doing some things right. Even if it feels like we fail daily.
It dawned on me that maybe we just have our priorities in the right places for us. And that it truly is all about perspective.
All the other stuff is fluff that we can master later. Much, much later.
Okay. FINE. Never.
I pick my battles, okay?
We’re doing our best, and our kids are happy and kind people… even if mommy and daddy forget that “normal” {real?} people are probably more on top of it than we are. We never said we were normal, after all. And most of the time, we’re just putting that pressure on ourselves.
School is great. And we love being {dys}-functional members of our new amazing community.
Even if we just really suck at this.
Obligatory disclaimer: I don’t root for one team or the other when it comes to school. I root for whatever educational route you take as a parent. Bringing up the topic of education is dangerous, because people with rabies. We’re all trying our best. Every option= its own sets of challenges, pros and cons. It’s all about perspective and we’re cheering for all of you. I truly hope you enjoyed my sarcastic self-depreciating rant, and that more than anything, you take a deep sigh, and know you’re not alone.
Parenting is hard. But well worth it all.
Julia says
Hilarious, true, all the high fives. You nailed it about parents of more than three. I let it all go at four lol. And I relate to every word, late gifts and all. You are not alone and neither am I. What a great thought to start my day with!
Anna says
Omg. You have no idea how much I needed this. I love you. Thank you for the hysterical laughs this morning
Cindi says
Loved this. I needed it this morning! Thanks so much for sharing. š
Nancy says
Oh, man. I’m a highly-organized big-picture former executive assistant, and we homeschooled for fifteen years. 15. I never in a million years planned that, it wasn’t a philosophical decision, it just worked out that way, partly because subjecting my family to the chaos that I knew would ensue if I had to get them out the door AND deal with what their needs would be if they went to “real school” š would have killed me. Especially in February. I dealt with elderly needy parents four hours away for about a decade of those fifteen years, my husband was in graduate school AND working as a consultant, and we still had cereal for dinner sometimes. Thank goodness for frozen waffles and paper plates. All this to say, don’t be so hard on yourself. All that REALLY matters is the relationships in your home. Really. Your house looks lovely even when it’s a mess and I hope you see that. Slap up some more hooks, yell twice a day about picking up the crap, and just love each other. ps We still have trim to put up and we are approaching the fourth year of our Ikea kitchen reno. 10×10 kitchen, it should be done by now, and we’ve had an empty nest for half of those four years. You’re rock stars, in my book.
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA you just pretty much described my day with the hooks {ordering more as we speak :D} and yelling about picking up things. I’ve trained them to make their beds and even though they’re lumpy assortments it’s a win in my book. ;} HUGS to you and all the moms who do what they do to make it happen!
April says
Having one in school has been a big adjustment for us. My son is in first grade. First grade is really tough! He is doing awesome and meeting all his objectives but it’s just a lot of material to take in each week. I am thankful that he isn’t really into sports yet (he’s only 6). I am so glad that his teacher this year is the most laid-back of all the 4 1st grade teachers. She totally gets that they are expected to learn and cover a lot. She is not a drill sergeant like some of the other ones. The school thing is exhausting and I’m always so ready for a break when they come around. I was celebrating yesterday when I realized we only have 4 months left!
Susan says
I am reminded of these years when I read this, We are parents of teenagers and I promise you will really miss these times. They are innocent and while crazy, they are where lots of good memories come from. You are right that all the stuff is just fluff, it really is. I say fully embrace what you have going on as long as everyone is healthy and generally happy. Just laugh when it gets crazy and give the extra hugs at night. Because one day they won’t be given so freely.
I love this old post that I bet you’ve probably read but, it’s a great indication we are all the same dealing with the same crap. It makes me laugh every. single. time.
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/30/worst-end-of-school-year-mom-ever
Susan says
excuse my bad punctuation…. yikes!
Manette Gutterman says
I completely understand!! I’m pretty much the sole parent because my husband works nightshift in a factory. So I’m definitely the crappy mom who can’t volunteer because I have to pick up the other child from somewhere else. Public school & public school has given my nine year old panic attacks and sleep anxiety I’m actually thinking of homeschooling because we know we can’t afford private school. My dilemma is our house is so tiny we can hear each other breathe and nowhere to put a homeschooling area or even a desk. I’m so overwhelmed and feeling like a failure. So know you’re not the only mom struggling????????
Adrienne says
This sounds exactly like me and my life…except I only have two kids. I can’t even imagine me with three!
ashley @ the handmade home says
No girl. I think it’s just hard. Period. ;} If it’s not hard, you don’t care.
DeeAnna says
I wish there was a magic number that let you chill, I have five kids, haven’t found it yet, and I’m not having anymore just to check. We live in Utah and they have a wonderful program called Utah Compose. Apparently my fifth grader was supposed to write an essay with this program every week. When I found out about it, he was ten essays behind. We also have an early out day, and the wonderful people in charge decided that Monday was the perfect day to mess with our schedule. Perfect for me to forget to pick my kindergartner up twenty minutes early. I’m already dealing with Monday! But in the end, I have five great kids who love me even when I burn dinner a little because I’m trying to coax an essay out of the fifth grader. And I get to eat ice cream after they’ve all gone to bed because I NEED it. Bless all parents, we’re all just doing the best we can!
ashley @ the handmade home says
AMEN! You’re not alone with the forgotten homework melt downs, either! HAHA hang in there!
Bets says
Yes and Amen to the entire post, but this phrase “Iām high strung and creative and type-A all at once so that makes me a special struggling snowflake, or something. But the struggle is real. My brain implodes on a daily basis.” was written for me!!!
Thanks for sharing your life with us…. and for keeping it real! Carry on — #strugglingsnowflakesunite
Bonnie says
I salute you and Jamin that you do so much so very well! Moving to a new community and acclimating to all things new, completely redoing your new home in spite of the bumps you ran into, running your business, being parents, and ??? – I honestly don’t know how you do everything that you do!! Unfortunately, no one is perfect so we have to give ourselves a break when we occasionally drop the ball. As you can see, I’m talking to myself also as I always tend to be my worst critic – HA! All of your kids look very happy and beautiful!
Jen says
You are doing great. GREAT!!! Education comes in many forms–not just in the four walls of a building. And seriously, we all want to be the parents that have it together. But I don’t even pretend anymore. I don’t have anything together. Well, I pretend a little….I’m totally the person who would go to the store to buy something that sorta looks homemade, add a couple of other ingredients to it to make it look even more homemade, buy a container to put said concoction into cause I forgot to bring one from home when I went shopping, oh yeah and buy a spoon to serve it up with cause I forgot that too–and maybe even buy some foil to cover it with cause whoops, didn’t bring that either–then drive to whatever the latest potluck thing is and say ta-da!! And when someone asks for the recipe, I say, oh, you know, I just kinda threw it together….You and Jamin are seriously doing great. 20 years from now….what will matter? What will they remember? You are giving your kids love and memories and a happy family. There isn’t anything better than that.
Karen Simon Peterson says
Thank god my kids are grown. I know exactly what you mean!
Ashley Glover says
This is excellent. We homeschooled for one year and enjoyed it but are so thankful for our laid back, super small town school system. We moved about 18 months ago due to the slower pace of life it offers here. Home school definitely has its pros and very few cons (that we found) and the same goes for public school (or private….just “real” school??). Hang in there! It’s refreshing to realize we aren’t all “fb/instagram” perfect families.
Lynne says
My three kids went to public school. I hated the homework they had- that we couldn’t even figure out! And that was second grade! Surely college educated parents should be able to do second grade work!! We couldn’t afford tons of extra curricular activities, so they got to choose one thing. I’m so glad that it worked out that way because it kept home life fairly routine and simple. School work is important but kindness is what truly matters. The first thing every teacher ever told me about my kids was that they were the kindest children they knew. That happened every year until they graduated. It always made me exceedingly proud. You know what- lots of the things you “suck” at don’t really matter in the big picture, but raising kind humans I
Has an everlasting impact on the world. Be proud of all the good you have done and taught them!
Rachel says
your humor and honesty are so refreshing…thank you. I never wonder with your blog how honest you are being with the struggles you face because of posts like these. ????
Pam M says
I so LOVED this! We’re all screwed in our own special ways. LOL
Jennymu11 says
Lol!!! I love how you keep it realā¤ā¤ I am a happy homeschool mom. I have SO much respect for private &public school moms! No matter what path we take in parenting, the struggle is real!!! No one is perfect and the more we let the pretense of perfection go and own our messy beautiful humanity,the more we can love, support, and celebrate this season of parenthood. Thank you for sharing your life with us in such a funny yet authentic way! You are such an encouragement ā¤
Maribelle Bastin says
Wait, there’s someone else like me who can’t EVER seem to get her act together (happy tears)?! The greatest part of my youngest starting middle school was not having to meet all of the expectations of attending every function, sending in treats, gifts, supplies, etc., which occurred on a daily/weekly basis.
We certainly don’t want to wish those grade-school years away, but some of the parental expectations are/were excessive–and I was a stay-at-home mom!
This too shall pass. Continue to keep it all in perspective and enjoy every messed-up minute!
Mama says
Bring em’ back home. : )
Nicole Reimers says
First, I totally appreciate your honesty and humor in it all. Second, you have to remember you and your husband both work and have three kids. I used to work full time as a teacher but finally got the chance to stay home and work part time from home when my second child was young. When I was working full time out of the house, it was STRESSFUL. The big stuff (like feeding your kids), no problem. It was all the lil, non-routine stuff. Like the random field trip form. Would totally forget about it. And juggling teaching and family, that lil stupid form would be the one to put me over the edge and feel completely overwhelmed. Next school year I’m going back into education, and to be honest, I’m nervous. Because I have been where you are before and know how difficult it is. One of the things I have done the last three years (and am still fine-tuning because kids are always changing), is getting our house/family functioning well. As in cleaning out closests, finding manageable systems for paper, and creating routines in the day for those troubled spots (you know the ones- were either you, your kids or both seem to lose their minds). Its helped life go more smoothly already, so just hoping (fingers crossed) that it will next year as well. I’m blessed to have had this time to be able to focus more on our family. And on a side note, I don’t workout. Also, still have one more Christmas present to send to an out-of-state relative who’s address I got a week after Christmas. So you’re doing better than me there : )
Holly S. says
Someone once told me to give my family a year to settle down in a new house and new area after a move. At the time, I thought that was a lot, but looking back on it she was right (she moved a lot b/c her husband was in the military). Basically you have moved twice in the last year to a new area and managed a full on house renovation while maintaining and growing your business. Things will settle down as you settle into your new life. Give yourself grace (that is what I prayed for when we moved to a new area far from any family and where we literally knew no one) that you will make mistakes, but in the end “it all comes out in the wash” (an expression from my mother-in -law) as long as you love those kids. That is what they will remember.
niki says
I have 3 teenagers now. My head hasn’t exploded yet (although it’s been close more than a few times). I’ve decided that if your kids are happy humans who understand their own value and value and respect others, then you’ve done your job. In the long run, grades and APs and honors classes and ivy leagues aren’t really important (although if that’s what your kid wants, then you go kid!). You only get to be a kid once, you only do junior high and high school once (THANK GOD!!!), so it ought to be fun. Or at least mostly fun, with a few hard parts, because Chemistry. And calculus. And girls (or boys).
So take a deep breath, look at those babies and enjoy every moment (even the sucky parts). Because one day you’ll look at them and realize your baby boy doesn’t look like a boy anymore. Or you’ll notice boys looking at your sweet little girl and realize she’s so darn beautiful (and where did THAT come from?). Time goes SO FAST!!! My oldest will graduate high school this year, and my youngest is in 7th grade. Suddenly I can see that the end of my days of active parenting is approaching. It’s a little scary and a little exciting. And I’m trying not to cry.
Anyway, you absolutely DO NOT SUCK AT THIS!!!!!
Erin says
Well from someone who also sucks at this, I think you guys do pretty well with all the irons in your fire. And yes, I also call it “real” school for some weird reason. And your house is lovely, even all lived-in and mussed up. š
Penny says
This. Is.My.Life!!! This is the second year for our kids to not homeschool, and it is getting a little easier. I love the “we don’t accept B’s.”
I want to say, wha
t would you do if your kids absolutely best is a “D”???
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA love it. AMEN!!!
MINA MILEY says
YOU are amazing and I LOVE your honesty! It IS totally hard. It sucks. It’s gratifying. It makes me want to kill people. It makes me want to hug them tight, too. You are CLEARLY doing a LOT of things right!!! THEY.ARE.STILL.ALIVE. and SMILING!
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Mothers (and Fathers) UNITE!!!
Keep on Keepin’ ON!
*fist pumps*
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Amber says
You are my soul sister. That is all. ā¤