So circa 2003 Jamin and I moved to the city of Montgomery, Alabama. It was a job opportunity for him, and a bit of culture shock to both of us, for many reasons.
I was fresh out of college, and looking for my first Graphic Design gig. Cue the big dewey doe eyes: I dreamed of being featured in CA (the publication of all publications – everyone’s go-to droolfest in design school). I was going to change the design world with the most amazing work that would not only cure world hunger, but make epic statements about Sharpies and Kleenex and Bandaids. And stuff.
After interviewing for a bit, I landed the one job I thought I really wanted. Nine months later, I was miserable and handing in my two weeks notice. One of the hardest things ever- resigning for the first time, is never easy. In my world, I am many things, but never a quitter.
It was a lesson learned in throwing in the towel: When to throw it in and that sometimes, it’s okay to throw in said towel when all you’re ever handed is repeat t-shirt designs at a pathetically underpaid desk job. It just wasn’t the right fit.
In retrospect, I had two choices. I could wallow in regret on the subject matter of nine precious months wasted (which I totally did for a few days, by the way) or pick up and move on with the things I learned in that process.
So, after getting over myself, I decided to make a career change and go back to school. Masters is the new Bachelors in the world of forever students, after all. Back to school for Art Education just made sense at the time. I even ended up being able to take a really fun painting class, and loved the program.
Fast forward to 2004. I was nearly halfway through my master’s and really enjoying the process when… surprise! I was pathetically nauseated, while simultaneously wanting to cram my face with anything I could get my hands on a-la Augustus Gloop. Three repetitively positive prego tests, and a week or two of getting over the initial shock later… I was naively frustrated at the time, and determined to finish school.
But then Aiden arrived (circa 2005) and I just didn’t get so excited about leaving him behind for an internship. I decided to not-so-reluctantly put my Master’s on hold. Something about that sweet baby totally altered my priorities. My passion for finishing my Masters just wasn’t there at the time. It’s different for everyone, but we made some sacrifices to make staying home happen. And while I was doing what needed to be done for our family at the time, in the back of my mind oh-so-secretly, I was a double failure in the world of pursued careers and education.
I found myself apologizing to Jamin for wasted time, energy and most of all, money. I was beating myself up and filled with regret. His response?
An education is never wasted.
With that one statement, he totally altered the way I was thinking.
When I asked you guys your greatest fears and concerns on starting new projects, most of you, in some form or fashion, responded with this:
I prefer the use of naught. It makes me think of fainting couches, chivalry, and Shakespeare.
Whenever you’ve experienced something in your life, whether it’s something you considered a mistake, or not… was it really all wasted time?
No.
Calling something wasted time is often our initial, knee-jerk response. Because in one way or another, when it’s all said and done, we learn and grow from our experiences.
Even the bad ones.
So when you tackle a project… whether you succeed or not… don’t you ultimately learn from it? To change a paint color is inspiring. To alter something you no longer love in your home is motivating. And to use a power tool is empowering.
Isn’t it ultimately some form of education all on its own?
There’s something happening below the surface that is much more than we see. We learn about ourselves. We glean from our failures. We change. We grow. We can’t place a value on our takeaway from any given project… DIY or real life. It’s a process.
So whether it’s a shrunken slipcover, (or this catastrophe) the wrong color for your walls, or even a stencil that takes about ten years to finish… It may take you a moment to calm down, but it’s never wasted. It’s molding who we are.
If this is what life does to us, projects are just another aspect of that.
I never consider time, money and energy wasted. Failure or no, don’t we ultimately grow? Doesn’t it make us better?
It all depends on what you decide to do with that.
So, the rest of the story…
In 2006, with a six month old, I had a new purpose for life, right in front of me. But I was also learning to re-define and accept who I was, and where I was. It may sound a little woe-is-me, first-world-focus-on-myself-problemish, but growing up… and the unexpected tolls of being a mother were isolating.
It’s hard.
Aiden. Age 6 months. Isn’t he adorable?
“So I started this blog,” I found myself mumbling to friends on the phone when they asked what on earth I was up to in the black, unchartered hole of motherhood. I was the first pioneer likened to that of Neil Armstrong when it came to friends and babies. “Just a mom kinda thing where I update stuff every now and then…” I would explain dismissively. It was for fun, after all.
Fast forward a few more years + a few more babies (surprise again!) + climbing out of survival mode… and (circa 2011) I decided to start making our home truly ours. And writing about it. Somehow, I tricked Jamin into doing it with me, and it became this combination of what I loved… It was just for fun, right?
Time. Energy. Resources.
It’s never wasted. These are the things that shape who we are. This is life.
Even if it takes you a while to find your path. Or your style. Or whatever it is you’re working on that truly makes you, you.
Whether we have to rise from the proverbial ashes of a bad job experience, a slipcover catastrophe that makes you want to stomp your foot like a four year old (and cry) or unexpectedly stumbling into a hobby that you find oddly therapeutic that you can change into a career of sorts…
It’s always worth the risk, and you never know what you might discover.
So if you ultimately grow from it all, what’s holding you back? Fear and risks… they’re all just choices, after all. Here’s a little video of it all {refresh if it’s not loading} from our Periscope {@handmade_home} the other night. Just thought you may enjoy this little reminder!
An education is never wasted. Just go for it.
cassie says
i love your perspective and totally agree- never regret anything or look at it as wasted time. everything in life is a lesson and we take away something from every experience we have had.
Jenna says
You know, I have never really thought about risks this way, and what it’s like to take them. Thank you for a whole new perspective this morning. It’s food for thought.
Anna says
Wow. Thank you for your honesty this morning. I really needed to hear it because of a place I am at right now. And your graph made me laugh. As usual.
Andrea Worley says
this is such a good post, for life in general. you’re so right. sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about how I am not using my degree that fancy paper that cost so much money to get. but then i remember that i’m really loving life and doing what i love. thanks for sharing your heart!
Cindy says
Oh man, Ashley. This was good for me to read. Thanks for saying this today. I have a smart and sweet husband who can bring things into perspective like that. Lucky us! xo
Amanda @ Serenity Now says
What a thought-provoking post! Thanks for sharing…a great reminder that those trips we take off of our intended path are great learning opportunities.
Krlly says
Love this post! Inspiring. And you know fear is a four letter word too!
Leslie Hoyer says
Very well written.
Leah Powell says
This is amazing. Like spoke straight to my heart, exactly what I’ve been needing to hear for months. If I knew you personally, I’d give you the biggest hug! Thank you!
Holly says
Wow! Thanks for reminding me that nothing is wasted if we learn and grow. Like you and so many other women, I can beat myself up for failures or “wasted” time. It is so encouraging to see these as just lessons along the way. You have encouraged us and by that I mean you have given us courage to do, to try, to risk. Thank you.
Amanda says
Ahhh! Get out of my head!
This actually made me tear up! I am in a hard place right now trying to get things going with doing things I’m passionate about to make money and not just working to make money. The hardest part for me is getting over my pride and making wrong decisions, or just potentially failing altogether.
And, I am working on a stenciled wall in my baby’s nursery (who is 7 months old, and her nursery still isn’t finished… don’t judge), and it is taking me for.ev.er! So, you have NO idea how much you mentioning the stencil made me feel less guilty.
I appreciate you! I am thankful for your choice to share what’s real. It’s very rare to find people who are so open, yet inspirational with their failed attempts at things.
Crystal @My Blissful Space says
RIGHT.THERE.WITH.YA.BABE!!! From the comments looks like you (and I) aren’t the only ones feeling this way! It took me double the time it should have to finish my bachelor’s….in Family Science. Ive been in and out of jobs (not so much careers) and just never felt my (work) life going anywhere. I always felt like what I REALLY wanted to do was out of reach or would mean going BACK to school…overall just unattainable. But gradually over the past few years, things have started taking shape. This year was pivotal as I renamed my blog, started an organizing business of the same name, and started making it all a priority. I love decorating and design and organization…and even if I only ever pursue it in my own home and in blogland, I think I’ll be blissfully happy forever! Thanks for sharing…inspiring!
Angie G says
I LOVED this post! Congrats on finding your way in life and into our hearts! I love your blog and look so forward to each post. Can’t wait to see what lies ahead for you and how you will make it beautiful 🙂
Laura Lima says
Awe….I feel like you are speaking directly at me! I’m a momma to two beautiful young ladies (12 and 17 yrs old), I’ve been a stay at home mother with no regrets. I, like you worked but wasnt happy with my job. But, not because I didnt like it, but because I had too much guilt leaving my first born baby in the care of someone else. I was miserable. I quite my job and loved my new position as a stay at home momma. We had to definetely make many sacrifices with just one income. But, well worth it. Today, I feel like I have no purpose. No real job. I’m still a stay at home to two teenagers. I still have no regrets about being a stay at home momma. But, I want to do something for me and not feel like I’ve wasted time. Thank you for this post! You are right everything has a purpose. I have a purpose!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Absolutely, Laura! Everything you’ve been doing is SO important. Even if you haven’t realized it. Hang in there! You’re amazing! ;}
Chaney says
preach it! I love this post, Ashley. thank you for your amazing, honest words. it’s never easy to take risks, but SO often they’re worth it. completely.
Erin says
Thanks for the great reminder! I got my bachelor’s in art ed, and after two years of teaching I called it quits. I just couldn’t see myself doing it for the next 40 (!!!) years, so I figured I might as well be happy now, rather than spend a few more years being miserable while trying to make a profession work. And funny enough, I’m now studying graphic design. So keep your fingers crossed that this is the one for me, since you obviously know how hard and frustrating it is to switch careers again and again!
I always think it’s difficult to slow yourself down and remember that not everyone finds what they love on the first try, and it’s ok to change things up. My parents and certainly didn’t get to where they are in the first few years out of school. It’ll all come eventually! (Can you tell I needed to say that to remind myself? haha)
Les Johnson says
Very well written. I agree with your prospective. I often get asked questions as to why I didn’t finish my “extra” education. I don’t have any regrets. When I started, it was the right thing for me at the time. But as time wore on and kids came into the mix, my interest and priorities changed. I learned a lot, but I am glad that I ended up taking a different route.
Claire says
OK – now I have the Eagles’ “Wasted Time” running through my head. Oh, we thought we had it all figured out listening to that song in high school. But I agree, no education or other experience is ever wasted. I’m still amazed and things from my past that have surfaced years later and turned out to be helpful!
KatieP says
sometimes I think you hear my thoughts.
beautifully written. thank you!
susie says
you have no idea how much this helped me today. thank you so much for your honesty, this motherhood black hole has got me bad, and it’s so good to know that we all get out of it! thank you thank you thank you!!
Mallory says
Wow! Thanks so much for this post and the perspective it brings. It’s especially timely for me as I have been thinking of starting a blog but AFRAID of so many things – making my voice heard (or worse, not heard! :)) failing, or not following through with yet another project I’ve embarked on. After reading this I’m thinking maybe it’s time to take the plunge – what have I got to lose? Thanks again!
Heidi says
Love this! As a teacher and life-long learner, I totally agree that education is never wasted. Besides, it’s the stuff we’re learning while getting said “formal education” that makes us US. Learning from perceived failures and making them work FOR us instead of beating ourselves up is the most important thing you’ll learn anyway. Yay for mistakes!
Abbie (Five days...5 ways) says
Hear hear, Ashley! I’m a mama to 5 littles (including almost year-old twins), and, even though I have no doubt that my place is at home, teaching them, growing them up in the Lord, loving on them…sometimes, it feels like all my other “talents” are “wasted,” and this is the stuff I have to survive to get to the good stuff where I actually make a difference. And, yes, I know that wasn’t exactly your point, but that’s the direction my brain went with it. Such a good reminder that every experience, no matter how insignificant, is a learning/growing experience. EVEN (or is it especially?) when it takes me an hour to finish a few sentences of a blog post and an email because most of that is spent wiping noses and bums.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I am with you Abbie. In a way, it was my point. Maybe this post had a few points. ;} And PROPS to YOU for doing what you do! Amazing.
Amanda :) says
Wonderfully said and always a great reminder that we NEVER “arrive” , life is one step after another, leading us into greater things if we’ll allow them. Our greatest failures CAN sink us if we succumb to them or challenge us to more, strengthen us and grow us in maturity! And if you look at the you that is now, you’d never of believed it then, that greatness was just around the corner! That the whole partnership with your hubby would be transformed during that period and that your lives would forever be altered. Thanks for the encouragement.
Vera says
This is _exactly_ what I needed today. I’m on the verge of trying something new, but I’m paralysed with fear and laziness and confusion…
(Also, a confession: I think, you look like Kristen Bell. I also think that you are the homemaker/mom/entrepreneur Veronica Mars. I’m not sure you know what I’m talking about, but there, I said it. :))
Erin says
I’ve always thought the Kristen Bell thing too! Glad I’m not the only one! 🙂
ashley @ the handmade home says
Bwah! I will take that as a compliment. HA! ;} I actually get that a lot which is funny. ;} I think she’s cute, so thanks! ;}
Vera says
It IS a compliment! 🙂
Aida says
That was an inspirational read! Thank you. I love your blog therefore I believe that all those years have been the journey to this- the greatest achievement of raising 3 beautiful children and your very successful blog congratulations!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe thank you Aida! ;}
Alexandra says
I love this story.
Brie says
This was WONDERFUL Ash, thank YOU so very much for sharing.
Hugs,
B
Penny says
Thanks for this post- it almost made me cry! I just started on a new venture today, and am a little scared, kinda nervous, and very excited!
YHenry says
Thank you! This is what I needed to hear today…
KariAnne says
You. Go. Girl.
Just remember the little people.
Lisa R says
Loved the post and really needed the reassurance this week! I keep telling myself when God closes a door he opens a window… Even though I am not officially using my degree, it made me the person I am. I think of all the people I have been able to unofficially help as a result of it, I know I made a difference.