When I was a teenager I really started in on the whole new years resolutions thing.
I’m a list person {big surprise} so lists come naturally to me. I would hide away in my own little headspace, and write them out. And write them again. And then again. Until the order of it, the look of it all, was just right. Even my handwriting had to be pretty, because what’s the use of goals if they’re not written prettily? I was going to gaze at them all year long so gel pens and stickers and cool paper were a practical requirement. Written in the rules of the universe, it was to be that one would write resolutions at the beginning of each year. And naturally, as per the rules of the universe, if you write them you will achieve them… right? {See: nerd alert.}
Every year, I’m all about the auld lang syne. There’s something about the sparkle and the promise and the fresh slate. The freeing awesomeness that is all things new. The disturbing {for a control freak like moi} excitement in the unknown.
But somewhere, between the formative years of teenage-hood and now… I stopped making strict lists of must-have accomplishments. Because that’s what it had become for me.
A few years ago, I found an old list. I’m sad to confess that I never really became all that “ripped” I still haven’t been to Italy {le sigh!}, and Oprah kind of went off the air {But I never wrote that New York Times Best Seller Fiction, anyway}.
Are you laughing yet?
That list kind of made me laugh… and then if I’m being really honest, it kind of made me a little sad.
I’ve been a little busy with what one would refer to as ‘other stuff’.
We just adopted two new puppies and we absolutely adore them.
{If you haven’t met Rigby + Fitz… Here’s an adorable kid/puppy reminder just in case}
They absolutely love peanut butter-filled kong balls. If you’ve ever had a dog, chances are you know there’s nothing better than that peanut butter-filled kong ball. So we’ll prepare them and place one in front of each puppy.
We actually place them on opposite ends of the room so that they enjoy their own treat. But Rigby will get curious, and start sniffing around Fitz. She’s so worried she’s missing out on something, that she didn’t get what Fitz has. She just can’t help herself. She has to saunter over oh-so-not-casually, and check it out.
Guess what? All the while, Rigby is missing out on her own little peanut butter treat. Something that she loves just as much, that makes her just as happy. Curiosity literally kills the cat puppy’s happiness.
Meanwhile, Fitz sits happily, eating. Duh, Rigby. Duh.
This new year, all things social media is saturated with the newness and promises and vows to ourselves. Hashtag all of the hashtags for organization, eating better and just doing better. And while these things are good, and I love motivation {I personally kind of thrive on it} I think it’s easy to toe the line and get caught up in the projected ideal of perfection. All while losing sight of what’s right in front of us. Because if we’re not careful, we’re never enough: We’re never fit enough. We’re never organized enough. We’re not organic enough. We don’t live in a perfectly organized minimalist tiny house and eat gluten free vegan while running ironman triathlons, enough. {Okay for me, that would be at all.}
Yes, with the tiny house thing again. It’s my current obsession.
I truly admire people who do all of that. We each have our talents and passions. It just becomes dangerous when we actually forget that. We miss the difference between the social media projection of perfection, and reality. And we forget to take into account that we can’t be fabulous at everything.
Fill the blank in here with whatever that struggle is, but it’s really easy to get caught up in the peanut butter game.
So at some point, I would have to remember to make resolutions, and then remember to keep them, and at some point, the doldrums of winter would hit, and a mere month later… who has time for the guilt trip? I stopped making resolutions, and I felt like there was something wrong with me, because if you remember, it’s one of the many the rules of the universe. And I’m a rule follower. And lists are my thing. Where was my list?!
Fail. On wednesdays we wear pink.
So I realized some truths a few years ago when I was looking at that old list:
Goals are good. Mental projections and vision… they’re all fantastic, if not essential for accomplishments and motivation. But for a while, I was caught up in the peanut butter game, and completely missing what was right in front of me. The truth is, I’m busy not with “other stuff”, but stuff that’s important to me. The things that truly matter to me.
I haven’t been to Italy, because I’m raising three children. And that’s my dream.
I was busy making plans and lists and resolutions and missing what was right in front of me. I’ve been doing that all my life, and it’s easy to forget what we have. It’s easy to miss the dream. Because sometimes it becomes something we never thought to dream about. Sometimes, it’s much more than we ever thought it would be, if we take the time to nourish the unexpected.
I already have the peanut butter.
And I definitely should enjoy my own.
So I stopped making resolutions intentionally. And I started using this quote as my inspiration for the entire year.
{Some of you guys were asking for a free printable – get the un-watermarked version here! (seeking striving)}
Van Gogh was probably considered crazy by most, with the whole ear thing. I say he was passionate. I also say he was all in.
So I have dreams and goals. I have things I want to do better. I have lifestyle changes. And I prayerfully consider those things. Setting goals and having a vision for your life is one of the most important things you can do.
Just don’t get so caught up in it all, that you miss what you have now… right in front of you. And don’t forget to give what truly matters, your absolute all.
Still one of my favorite quotes, via
And for what it’s worth, don’t beat yourself up if you fall off the organization/whole30/diet/healthy/triathlon bandwagon. Life is imperfect, and things happen. Just get up, dust yourself off, and if you really want it… do it again.
Because sometimes, it may take longer than a year to get there.
It’s more about your attitude, and the fact that you’re in it with all your heart… than those accomplishments you can check off your perfectly hand-written lists.
Because that’s where the real growth, the magic of life, and true transformation happens.
Enjoy your peanut butter.
Poppy says
Hi, Ashley! I enjoyed this post so much as everything you write! You are an inspiration, as always! Come over and check out my blog if you can–just started and freaking out! Thanks!
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thanks, Poppy! Love it! Can’t wait to see more! ;}
cassie says
this so resonated! i wrote my post last week about my word of the year- contentment…. i want to just enjoy what i have because guess what, it’s awesome! i don’t need to have a “bigger” blog, or more notice, or work nonstop towards that lifestyle i think i want when what i want is to enjoy the life i have, and the beautiful, smart, funny, kids i have. i would hate to miss my life by being too busy creating the life i think i want.
ashley @ the handmade home says
So true, Cassie! ;}
Paula says
Beautiful, beautiful post. You are so right. Thanks so much!
Kirsten says
Perfection. In all it’s sticky goodness. That’s what this post is, girl. NAILED IT! 😉 Happy day! (Kiss those puppies for me!)
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thanks, Kirsten! DONE! ;}
Michael @ CraftyDad.com says
Wow. We seem to be on the same wave length.
For the past few months (okay, YEARS) I’ve been on this painful journey of figuring out my ‘life purpose’. I’ve read books, scanned the internet, prayed, thought, asked my wife and kids what they think I’m really good at. And wept over the fact that I just can’t seem to put my finger on what I’m supposed to do with my life.
At 53 I feel like if I don’t get this right pretty soon — it’ll be too late. And that’s a scary thought.
And then, right or wrong, it sort of dawned on me that perhaps I AM fulfilling my life purpose. By being a good husband, father, manager. By smiling at people — all sorts of people — and trying my best to lift people up. {As a side note, I am totally blown away by the number of people (at work and other places) who can’t seem to make eye contact with people and mutter a simple “hello” or “hey” or ANYTHING.)
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m not. : )
So, like you, I’m not doing the new year resolution thing. Instead I’m about 90% finished with my MANIFESTO FOR LIVING. It has statements like “remember that every day is a gift”; “have what you want, but want what you have”; “find beauty in the little things”, etc.
I love the Van Gogh quote. I will have to incorporate that into my MANIFESTO — for sure.
Sorry for blabbering on and on.
Thanks very much for this post. I needed it.
Just want you to know that I’m “all in” too!
ashley @ the handmade home says
You’re doing it, Michael! I think that everyone in some way goes through this, probably at multiple times in their life. You’re totally normal, and I’ve been going through my own version of it, myself. LOVE it and your honesty!
sarah bragg says
love this! written with such freedom & grace!
Rachel says
I have been thinking a lot on this theory that if you don’t love and appreciate yourself already, you won’t even if you accomplish your resolutions. And you likely won’t because you don’t value yourself enough to keep promises to yourself. Then! Then when you “fail”, you are even harder on yourself. You should continuously aim to grow but unless you take care of the soil of yourself and nourishe what exists,it’ll be a pretty dismal growth.
ashley @ the handmade home says
AMEN, Rachel!
Rose L. says
You took on TWO puppies!!!! You must be even more patient than me!!!
Kristy says
Thank you for that post. It really hit home with me today.
xo
elisabeth says
YES! I am pretty sure that my last year was so much better because I started just being more. Letting myself enjoy the moments and figuring out the things I love. It has genuinely made a big difference in many aspects of life. I have a general plan to use and enjoy that which I have and stop always wanting more stuff. (Of course, this fits with my purge theme!) I think even my recent developing relationship (and he is awesome) is somewhat tied to my letting go of the “this is my plan and my goal around love and having a family” as part of a rigid timeline. Anyway, thanks for the wise words. You always seem to hit these things so accurately! If only I lived in Alabama I would totally buy you coffee as a thanks for all these awesome, timely posts! 😉