What are we going on now? Day 30? I feel like I’m etching days into the walls with my un-manicured nails like Tom Hanks in Castaway.
Who am I kidding? I never have manicured nails. {Messy artist disclaimer} but my roots are definitely showing.
It’s interesting to me, to see how people have processed this on so many levels, at different stages. I’m not talking about hoarding of the toilet paper, or the people who have something negative to say any time we try to post something positive on social media. And I’m not talking about the incessant need I’m seeing to judge others. The world at large is another beast. I’m talking about ourselves, just observing this process, along with those that we’re close to.
We’ve tried to help others in any way that we can, and stay busy around here, because it’s what we do. I dove into work. Lists and chores are a healthy place for me, when used properly. {Enneagram 4’s go to a 1 in times of growth.} But we can also withdraw and I think this has been to an extreme. I’ve buried myself in yard projects, more work, and self-imposed deadlines. I think I’m okay.
Then something small happens, like forgetting to bring plant babies in from an unexpected cold snap, and I absolutely lose control of my emotions. I think I’m doing okay, and then I’m really confused as to why I’m suddenly not. I’m crying over injured plant babies.
Why am I crying?!
I was kindly reminded by a wise friend yesterday that I’m not allowing myself time to mourn what we have personally lost. I’m dismissive of those things right now. I’ll start to get sad and then try to ‘silver-linings’ myself. “Well, we’re healthy and we have so much to be grateful for.” Which is TRUE so I’m one hundred percent focusing on that.
But it doesn’t diminish my feelings about the other things, if I haven’t given myself time to feel them.
As a citizen of this world, truly wanting to help others.
As someone who probably needs to stop reading the news, because all of this truly breaks my heart.
As a mother, as a friend and daughter.
As a small business owner who has worked really hard and had some things taken away.
In all the tiny little facets I could mention, but I know you’re feeling the same in all your own ways as well.
It’s good to have perspective and it’s good to have goals and focus. But it’s also really good to be still. To be sad for what has been lost for all of us right now, without over explaining or apologizing, without eating or numbing or other distractions…
Give ourselves the space to just… be.
Hear me now with no more addendums or prefaces or disclaimers: It’s okay to mourn what has been lost.
Because I can’t move on and be healthier for those around me, until I’ve allowed myself time to do that.
So I mourn for our world.
I mourn for the people who are sick.
I mourn for the things that have changed and the lost moments and opportunities.
I cry. I’m sad. And that’s more than okay.
Don’t get me wrong. I focus on the good. And lots of it.
But It’s okay to mourn, too.
It’s spring. Easter. A natural time of renewal. Of sadness, and then the joy that really follows.
It feels appropriate to go through the mourning side of this, as I write on a good Friday. To process my emotions and feel them, to be honest and vulnerable in them… to let them be what they are.
So here’s to the permission to cry. And then to know that on the other side of this, you’ll be healthier for those around you, because you did.
We’re thinking of you.
Love and virtual hugs to you all.
Stay safe and well.
Here’s a little bit of what you may have missed this week on The Handmade Home:
• free earth day printables and family activities
• easy marbleized keychains
• the best laid plans with lemons into lemonade
• a colorful spring garland
• how to style a shelf
And a few of our favorite finds on the www:
• strange dreams right now and what they mean – it’s all in how we’re processing it.
• this amazing looking pasta salad
• how happy couples stay in sync even when they’re stressed
• this adorable home tour
• if you’ve seen Tiger King – these reactions made me laugh
• it’s okay to not be okay right now
• work from home tips: add laughter
• fabulous projects you can build with 2 x 4’s
Have an inspired day
Sue says
That was beautiful……Thank You:)
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you Sue. Thank you for dropping by and leaving a comment. Thinking of you.
1960s girl says
Thank you for writing this. I realize I’m not the only one going through this. So, other people do cry too… I try to stay strong when we FaceTime our daughters, because I think that if I break down and cry in front of them, so will they and, since they live alone, that would be bad.
Yesterday was my youngest daughter’s birthday and we had dinner via FaceTime and chatted for over an hour. That was fun.
ashley @ the handmade home says
That’s so sweet! I’m so very glad you got to celebrate on Face Time! I get it. You’re not alone. I almost didn’t post this but I thought maybe someone else was feeling the same way, too. big fat virtual HUGS to you. ;}stay well and safe.
Arli says
Thank you for this. I broke down and cried this morning for the first time when I found out yet one more thing (scheduled for end of August) was canceled. I don’t think I cried about the actual event itself, but the fact that things wont be “back to normal” for a long time, especially here in NYC. I think it was the proverbial straw that finally broke me. And then I felt guilty about being sad when so many have it soooooo much worse. So thanks, again, for writing this today and helping me. Be well.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Awe thank you so much for sharing this, Arli. I am so sorry that you’ve been sad. I have been too. I’m here with you and I totally get all the thought processes we go through, from minimizing to silver linings. You’re definitely not alone. Stay safe + well.