It’s been a minute, since I’ve had one of ‘those’ moments.
You know… the ones that leave you wondering if you’re really doing any good in life, let alone if you’re able to move through society as a functioning adult? Like mastered the basics? The kind that leave you with the definite feeling that someone should probably take your kids away, because you’re totally sucking at… everything?
It always happens right when you least expect it. It’s the universe’s way of balancing you out. I’d had a couple of killer days at work, and totally nailed crow pose in yoga. So I was definitely overdue for some reality checks and life knocking me straight again.
We’re slowly adjusting to all things summer schedule. Which means everything is a struggle right now. And working from home is a double struggle when your kids are out of school, and there’s a little bit of an adjustment period.
By adjustment period, I mean keeping everyone alive. And by keeping everyone alive, I mean not murdering anyone. It also makes me question my parenting skills because I know I’m basically all, what one would refer to as “totally lax” in the permissions department with all things summertime.
Want some ice cream after you already had some today? DO it. Want to stay up past ten? Sure. I’m in full blown work mode right now with a couple of deadlines which means my brain is officially mush by dinner after day three of working until 10 pm. Throw in Jamin leaving town for a bit of a family emergency and It’s a total free for all in the screen time department.
We do what we must.
So it was around 6:30 on a Thursday night, when I decided to go above and beyond in the planning department and ask the kids what they wanted for breakfast the next morning. {See: not poptarts.} When they requested pancakes, I actually decided to see if we had all the needed ingredients ahead of time. I have no idea why, because I’m never prepared. But I had romantic visions of sweet family time, and overcompensating for the last three days of being a total slacker mom.
Let something be known here: our family is reversed. Jamin actually handles the grocery shopping and cooking in our family. He’s always rather enjoyed it, so while I assist, I let him do his thing, and clearly I’m not complaining. I have however, struggled with guilt because of pre dispositioned stereotypes. People sometimes react in frustration and repeating the phrase over and over again once learning this. “You mean, you work and he cooks?!” {Actually, we both do both, KAREN.} Let me tell you, living in the south, we have BLOWN PEOPLE’s MINDS with our erratic behavior. And then said people stare at us like we have twenty heads growing out of our nether regions because LORDY HEAVENS FORBID we go against the ridiculous that is all things gender assignments.
Digression. We were out of eggs, so even though it was raining outside, the children and I decided to make a pilgrimage to the store across the street from our neighborhood. Pilgrimage is probably a little bit of a dramatic expression for a location across the street, but after this story, you’ll see why. So into the store we went. And you know how it goes when you’re exhausted and you have three pre-teens with you, begging for food? And it’s summer?
Oh, you don’t? You haven’t really parented, then. Or lived. Because the eggs and milk I set out to purchase, quickly digressed into a package of ice cream, nay, two. Three packages of chips, and an additional carton of chocolate milk.
Yes. It did. No, I’m not even sorry about it. But also, this is why they never go to the store with us. Rookie mistake.
All was going well. We were having a grand old time acting like a normal family with a mother who cooks and can navigate the grocery store with ease, {pssst, if anyone finds out where they keep the coffee can you let me know?} when we arrived at the self checkout. Let’s just pause here. This is the moment where a seemingly simple situation decided to plague all my anxieties at once. Because I entered my pin twice, and the card wouldn’t scan. I entered it again, and it wouldn’t scan. Again. No worky.
Self check out lanes are already a gamble because they scream at you in a robotic voice about everything you suck at. They’re all, PUT THE GROCERIES BACK DOWN! And STOP STEALING! One of them announced that I had a drinking problem once when I tried to buy wine. So people stare at you. In fact, I’m pretty sure that at some point the screen read: LOSER.
Let’s list all my anxieties, shall we?
- Melting ice cream.
- A pin that wouldn’t work.
- A debit card that wouldn’t run as a credit card
- Two cards behaving the same way from the same bank.
- Do I die now, or what?
- No other payment options
- Hangry children
- Rain
- People think I don’t pay my bills.—That last point is me totally projecting, but anxiety, so this is valid.
A little gem for the pre-story: These cards have minds of their own. To the point where I’m ready to switch banks because calm down. They {the bank? A magical leprechaun sitting behind a counter watching our purchases?} think they’ve been stolen. They’re our debit cards, but they act up randomly, despite our calls to said bank. And they’re kind of judgy. We’ll eat out, and the cards are all, NOPE. NOT HAPPENING. THIS PASTA FAR EXCEEDS YOUR CARB INTAKE for the entire MONTH, DEBRA. And the waiter is side eyeing us like he thinks this is going to be a total dine and dash.
Side note: I love working really hard to make the money all so I get to feel weirded out when I try to enjoy myself and spend some of the monies. Wheeeee!
The thing is, these are debit cards, and they shouldn’t have this power over me and my adulting. It’s not like I’m shopping for GUCCI in POLAND. This was Publix, y’all. And both of my payment options decided to act up in this exact moment.
This was really inconvenient since I had a whopping three dollars in cash, a health savings account card, and a Starbucks gift card as my other payment options.
Fast forward to about twenty card scans later, and I’m questioning all my life choices, including my child’s birthday. Like, making sure I have the day and month and year just right because who am I if I can’t get that right?! I couldn’t even buy some proper junk food for my children like the good mother that I am.
Meanwhile, the lady at the self check out station ushered me over to the customer service counter. All the while, I’d called Jamin about twenty times until he picked up. Because I had three children in tow, melting ice cream, and it was raining outside. Did I mention it was raining?
Let all this be added to the record that I now found myself at the counter with a very helpful young guy named Jeff. Aiden, our oldest, later told me that his name was Jeff. I was too busy doing the walk of shame and running like fifty different birthday combos in my head to notice his name tag.
Jeff: “Hi. Let me scan this” he scanned my already neurotically rejected receipt because apparently the self checkouts document all your rejections, and now the receipt was twenty miles long. It was the receipt of shame.
Jamin on the phone: “It won’t work? Did you try your pin?”
Me: “Yes I tried my pin! It won’t go through! I am not losing my mind. Yes, I’m a capable adult” {he wasn’t asking me this, I just felt super defensive because of the reversed household bit and this kind of crap always happens to me.} “It’s just not working!”
Kids: “Mommy. The ice cream is melting. “
At this point, I have to mention that Jeff is my hero. Because priorities. He quickly took my cold items, and placed them in a secure freezer area. He actually told a lady beside me who was kind of hovering needlessly {probably wondering if I was a scammer with a stolen card}, “she has ice cream. This is a big deal.” I think that’s like code red in the Publix department.
Thank you for getting me, Jeff.
I proceeded to scan my card like twelve more times. Rejected.
Can we just address this for a moment? This was my card. It was a freak thing. Why do I digress to the same person as when I see a cop? I try to tell myself to stay cool. Keep calm. I have nothing to worry about and I have broken zero laws. It was the same with the card and my walk of shame. I didn’t steal it and I have money! I felt as though I should address the entire store on a loud speaker even though we all know no one cares. I’m basically the person who would confess to a crime she didn’t commit after like, thirty minutes of questioning.
Jeff, at this point, scanned his card to try it out. It was also rejected. I’m pretty sure I broke the kiosk.
I was still on the phone, when Jeff gently suggested that I go out to the debit machine outside, and try for cash.
I’m pretty sure I was scaring Jeff.
Meanwhile, I’m still talking to Jamin: “Isn’t there a card you can give them over the phone? Isn’t that how the internet works? Just give them a number. Can I scan my retina or something? How do I pay for this?!” It wasn’t lost on me that I’ve officially been exposed to too much technology {entitlement?} for my own good, but paying for groceries should’t be that hard FORTHELOVEOFJEHOSEPHAT.
I did a double walk of shame when my card thrice rejected me at the ATM, and on this screen it was all, SINNER, and I came back inside to retrieve my children.
“Listen,” Jeff said, “Let me pay for this so you don’t have to stress out about it.”
At this point, I was almost in tears. Because this was stupid and It had been a long day. It was raining outside, and my three bedraggled children just wanted their chips, ice cream, and chocolate milk. Why couldn’t this happen when I was purchasing kale and hummus? #PARENTOFTHEYEAR
God. Bless. Jeff and his precious sweet soul.
NO, I was mortified. “You are so sweet, I’ll be right back,” I said.
Ten minutes later, I was back again with three wet kids and a sopping checkbook.
Once upon a time, I laughed at people who paid with checks.
Look who’s laughing now.
So thank you, Jeff. A little compassion goes a long way. Jeff could have been a total snob about my total inability to make my card magically work. He wasn’t. He was an example to my kids by offering to pay for my LAME JUNK FOOD GROCERIES. {I still get bonus points for the eggs and milk.} You’re an amazing person, Jeff. You’re going places. Thank you for being so sweet.
I didn’t cry over melted ice cream. I did that when I got home. It was a sweet and sharp reminder to look out for others in unexpected ways, when we seem to get caught up in our days and feel stupid. Little things can actually be big ones to someone who needs a little kindness.
It wasn’t all bad… The day ended with a snuggle and a movie and ice cream. A well earned one, at that. And that’s the story of my walk of shame. In the rain. It could always be worse. Three cheers for adulting, and melted ice cream. Three cheers for summer.
Janet says
I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard. Thank you for making my Friday morning!
Anna says
Yes! This happens to me all the time and I do the equal freak out! So funny- You are not alone!
Layla K says
So funny! I love your posts and funny takes!
Sue says
This is so well written that I was right there with you. Thanks for being so real in a world where everyone wants to be perfect. I hope you got your card sorted out 🙂
Amanda Corbet says
Oh my! What an adventure! That kind of situation is why I tear a few checks out of the checkbook and keep them in my wallet. Because who actually carries a checkbook with them all the time anymore???
I totally understand the immediate fear when the machine rejects the card even though you know money is there.
Thank you for this absolutely entertaining story!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHAHA RIGHT?! Lesson learned. NEVER AGAIN! It was truly traumatizing. Stupidly so. ;}
Celeste Bell says
My husband is the primary cook in our home and has been for over 30 years. I also remember the feeling of condemnation for not doing my housewifey duties. I’ve gotten over it, sort of. I clean the kitchen, bathrooms and household laundry, he cooks, mows the lawn, and keeps gas in the cars. It has worked for us for decades and I suspect there are a lot more of us “multi-functional” couples out there that are just afraid of the side eye if they admit it. Keep showing your kids that they can fill lots of roles in the family. You’re doing it exactly right.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I love how we all have our roles we just fall into, and figure out. But earlier on in our marriage, it was NEVER discussed outside, and when I mentioned it, that he cleans and helps with laundry, people legit condemned me a little. I have an aversion to putting gas in the car. I can do it, it’s just that I never do, because he always handles it and if I say it out loud, side eye. 😀 Jamin and I discuss this frequently about our kids. SO true!
Jessica says
I hope you had a glass of wine with that ice cream after all that nonsense!
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA! That ALSO. Rosé please.
Emily Neal says
That was a great story! Thank you for sharing… and way to go, Jeff!
Kim says
Lol literally and my husband does the grocery and cooking too! My kids always ask when he will be back when he travels bc pizza and ice cream is only fun for so long!!! BUT snuggly movies are what memories are made of…at least that’s what I am hanging my mom hat on!!!
ashley @ the handmade home says
This makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER HAHAHAAHAHA! And yes, I was totally the fun mom while he was gone. 😀