halfway there {to emmy, at nine}

When she was nine, we wrote this letter of sorts to her. She’s fifteen today. Time truly goes so fast. These little posts are still some of my very favorites, and chalk it all up to nostalgia, but today, it felt right to share it. 

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One month ago, you turned nine.

Nine years old. Our Emerson Lilly.

There’s something about being a little girl, and all things imaginary role playing. Growing up, I was He-Man. Sometimes I was Florence Nightingale or Rainbow Brite. And sometimes, I played house. When I played house, you were the little girl that I dreamed about.

Along with your brothers, though we’re not sure we knew it at the time, you are all everything we ever hoped for, and we’re still floored that we get to call you ours. Anything after this, is honestly just gravy. Life is short and fleeting and all too temporary. You are what life is about for us. The role of parenting never ends. But for now, on borrowed time, you are in our care. It’s an honor and a heavy burden and the most wonderful adventure of an absolutely agonizing roller coaster… that we could ever hope for.

Unlike your older brother who doesn’t want to grow up, you’re in a tad bit more of a rush. {Your younger brother’s letter can be found here.}

You want to know when you can wear a booby-all {your hilarious word for bra} and makeup just like mommy. But apparently not too much of a rush, because when boys have a crush on you at school, you’ll have none of that, thank you. Take your time, sweet girl. If your daddy has his way, not until you’re thirty-five.

But you’re nine. You’re halfway there. Until you technically move out. Until you’re braving this world “on your own”. We wrote one for your older brother, and now it’s your turn. Here’s a few things we hope you learn.

• You can be absolutely anything that you want to be. They say not to tell your children this, that it sets them up for unrealistic expectations. We say there are way too many parenting ‘experts’ out there. We believe that passions can meet hard work and that you’ll figure it out, and pursue whatever it is that you love. You may stumble a lot until you find that amazing combination of talents and the heart to pursue them. President, mom, doctor, designer, therapist… You name it, sweet girl, and chase after it with all your heart. You can’t go wrong.

• If you are nothing else in this world, always always always be kind. Include those around you. Look for the ones that are left out. Be sensitive to others. You were born with a kind heart. A giving soul. It’s something your teachers and other adults naturally notice about you. It doesn’t ever pay to be a “mean girl” and it will only get harder. Unfortunately, adults never really quite grow up. So be kind. Go against the grain and be unexpected in that arena. It will teach you more about life than you can ever know.

• There’s something about authenticity and honesty that will take you places in life. It opens the door to forge new relationships and the things that really matter. The world can  harden you, so don’t let go of that. Be real. It’s a rarity these days.

• Friendships. They happen in a moment when you both say, Me too! They can be found in unexpected places and can last for a lifetime. Cherish those few and far in between lifetime-lasting relationships. Be a good friend. And don’t be afraid to pick said relationships back up after some time has passed if you grew apart, because they’re the very best.

• A sense of humor is everything. If we’ve taught you one thing, please hold on to that. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re taking life too seriously. Laugh when you’re uncomfortable. Laugh when you’re sad. It will make you feel better. It will make others smile. Your laughter and smile and attitude are absolutely contagious and we can’t wait to see where you take that in life.

• Stay humble and work hard with whatever you do. No one likes a bragger. No one likes a humble bragger, either. You’ll find that those who work quietly without singing their own praises are those who will move mountains. The other is a drain of energy and often, a false front. People love to project. 

• Stay the course. Hard work is underrated. If it’s in your heart and it’s what you want, never be afraid to give it your all. Work past the fear. Never ever ever give up.

• Never ever judge a book by its cover. Don’t treat anyone differently based on their appearances. That’s hard in a world like this. You have a heart full of sensitive compassion and we believe that’s a true gift. Hold on to that. Use it.

• Embrace all your flaws. Every single one of them. Live a life of no regrets. Even the mistakes are what make us who we are. Even when you say you regret things, don’t. This is a life skill. They make us stronger and kinder and more empathetic people. They make us fight harder, too. The important part is that you learn from both your mistakes and your flaws, and then move forward.

• You’re not for everyone. Not everyone will like you. Rejection is hard and there are critics everywhere. It’s impossible to please everyone. Be okay with that and you’ll save yourself lots of wasted time and energy.

• Don’t base your own self-worth on others’ views of you. You’re a beautiful child and you’re here for a purpose. You’re perfect just the way you are, flaws and all. Don’t get so caught up in other peoples’ opinions. It’s a dangerous trap.

• No one can make you feel like you’re not enough, measuring up, or lacking, without your permission. Remember that when you’re dealing with difficult people.

• Always follow your instincts. Go with your gut. It’s your inner voice and we’re given that for a reason. From your professional life, to your family life, and even encounters with strangers. Don’t be afraid to listen to your inner voice.

• Stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, we live in a world where a woman is criticized for being strong and she can be taken advantage of. We live in a world where it’s good to be kind, but not to your own detriment. Don’t ever dismiss something that makes you uncomfortable. In a world of dishonest people and people that are out to hurt you, this can be confusing. If something doesn’t feel right, always speak up. If something makes you afraid, listen to that fear. Never be afraid of going against the norm or the socially ‘expected’. Stand up for yourself and fight back. Have confidence in your own feelings. It’s important. It could even save your life.

• Be a good friend. You won’t regret it.

• When people are mean, it’s a reflection on them. On their own insecurities. Don’t let harsh moments go to your heart. Take them with a grain of salt.

• Some relationships are toxic. No matter what you do. It’s totally okay to move on and stop blaming yourself. Give yourself permission and let it go. 

• You don’t need anyone else to make you feel good about yourself. Don’t base your own self-worth on the opposite sex’s opinions or actions.

• We’re all on our own path in life. It can be so easy to play the comparison game. You’re a light all on your own. Stay focused on your own journey, and you’ll figure it out.

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Furtick.

• Be happy for others. Be genuinely happy for others’ accomplishments. And support them. Back to that own path thing… if you focus on that and your own endeavors this suddenly becomes easier… even when it’s hard.

• Work hard with your body to be strong. Move it as much as possible to feel good. The world is obsessed with diet culture, and it’s idiotic. You have a strong, healthy body that breathes and works and accomplishes so much. It’s a gift while you’re here and it’s foolish to focus on such shallow things that don’t even matter. Perspective. It can change in an instant, so focus on being strong, eating right, moving… and don’t ever take your living, working body for granted. Take care of it. Forget the obsession with everything else.

• Don’t overshare on social media. Or become overly opinionated on subjects that don’t really concern you because you can hide behind a computer screen. It’s a rampant disease. Keep it as your mantra. It’s also not worth the energy.

• Beauty. It truly radiates in your life, shines outward from within, and that’s what makes a human truly beautiful. Work on the inside, and the outside will take care of itself. It can be easy to get caught up in it all. This world is hard on women. But we’re honestly the hardest on ourselves. We’re expected to be so many silly things and the bar is always set so high for standards that really don’t matter at the end of the day. I’ll tell you this little secret: Only if you allow that standard to influence you. My own mother was right and her mother before her: It comes from the inside.

• Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Life is beautiful in unexpected ways. Look for that beauty in others. Seek it out in the world when it seems dark. You’ll be glad you did.

• Find a way to give back. Use your talents to help others. It’s often in times when we give our all to a cause bigger than ourselves that we discover something new. We learn so much.

• People are struggling with things we can not see. Don’t forget that when you have a tough encounter, because we truly never know another person’s struggles. 

• Always say thank you. Always be grateful for what you have. Remember that what you have in the moment is probably something you only hoped for not that long ago. Don’t take life’s simple gifts for granted.

• Stay present as best as you possibly can. Sometimes the best moments in life are in the little things right in front of us. In deeper conversations. In those a-ha moments. In sweet hugs. In great meals. In a smile that can light up your world. We get caught up looking for the big moments in life. Those are great, too. Just don’t miss the seemingly small, every-day ones.

• You may not always get along with your brothers, and that’s okay. They will be annoying and you will annoy them, even as adults. You’ll all be different. We won’t expect you to always get along, or to be the same, and you’re not perfect. They have already taught you so much that you will carry with you the rest of your life. They are a priceless gift. They are what you have on this imperfect earth, even when you’re mad. So remember to love them, even when you don’t always like them very much.

• Always have a pet. Preferably a rescue dog, because we’re biased. Or two. They’ll shed and chew and make a mess and probably poop on your floor. They’ll help you remember that maybe a house isn’t more important than a life. And they teach us more than we can imagine about life itself. About the things that are important. They’re the best therapy around.

• Don’t allow a person or place or collection of events to make you bitter. That’s in your power, even if it’s a struggle. Shake the dust off your feet and move on. Trust us.

• Don’t go out with a guy who won’t hold the door for you. Don’t give anyone a chance who doesn’t respect you for who you are, right now. PS. He should also offer to pick up the check. But it’s good to pitch in, too, after a few dates- if he’s worth more than one.

• A little patience goes a long way, and can save you from so many bad choices. We’re naturally a little short on patience when it comes to the gene pool, but have been taught a lot about it in the past few years. Take it from us… patience goes a long way.

• You won’t always see eye to eye with everyone. In fact, it’s a rarity. Compromise goes a long way in friendships, and appreciating what makes you different is something to cherish. Don’t ever dismiss someone because they’re different. Learn from them.

• Learn from your disagreements, too. They’ll be hard and people will hurt your feelings and vice versa. Appreciate them as a chance to learn. And grow from that experience.

• Own up to your mistakes. Don’t blame them on others.

• Remember that parents are doing the best they can in an imperfect world. You’ll have your own battle scars from childhood and we’re not so naive as to think differently. You may even write memoirs about us, and we’ll probably deserve it. But learn from our mistakes and do better {hopefully} by your own children. Forgive us for our shortcomings. We’re doing the best that we can with what we have.

• Always remember, you can talk to us. The conversation and our hearts are always open.

• Everyone has their own set of baggage and insecurities. They probably had a rough start just like everyone else, and they’re dealing with their own issues. Life is hard. Remember that when you’re frustrated.

• It’s totally okay to cry. It means that you have feelings and that you care. It does not make you weak. It makes you sensitive and intelligent on a different level.

• Always take the opportunity to encourage others. If you think of a compliment, say it out loud, even to a stranger. Don’t let the opportunity pass to share a nice thought. We’re here for a short time. Use it to the best of your ability.

• Here’s a secret: It doesn’t really matter if you ‘excel’ in school, or get super fabulous grades. People put too much pressure on others and themselves. What matters is that you work your absolute hardest, and try your very best. Never stop learning, no matter what. Because your education and learning will never stop, and often happens best outside the halls of academia. Don’t underestimate the value in constantly learning new things. Or the value of being self-taught.

• Hard work and determination will take you places. Channel your stubbornness. You get it honestly, after all.

• Guilt is cheap and easy to come by. People use it liberally. They’ll put it in context through various ways to suit their own needs based on their interpretations or wishes for you in the moment. Be very wary of this technique. Investigate for yourself. Live by your own convictions, not someone else’s small-sighted manipulations or expectations. Guilt can be exhausting if you give in to its negative energy. Don’t be a people pleaser because someone is skilled in the fine art of guilt{Or shame. Or manipulation}. Call it what it is, and stand firm in your beliefs.

• Grace is rare. We need more grace and less guilt. We need to extend that grace to others, when it can be easy to judge. Always forgive. Even when it’s hard. Life is too short to get caught up in trivial, petty things.

• Being offended by everything is absolutely exhausting and not worth your energy. It’s also a rampant thing these days. Because someone claims that “they’re offended” doesn’t grant them any special rights, nor does it change anything. It just means they disagree and they take life a tad too seriously. This usually correlates with the guilt element when it comes to interactions. There are far more productive things on which to spend your time. Simply be offended that they’re offended, and carry on. Life is too short to act this way, or to keep those people in your circle of influence.

• The world is bigger than where you live. And your worldview should be, too. Don’t stay in one place your entire life. Get out and experience the world. Soak up other cultures. Embrace the good in them. There’s so much to learn in so little time… and so many perspectives. It’s silly to think ours is the only one.

• The world is also very temporary. So remember that, too.

• Boundaries are okay. More than okay. Even with family. Okay fine. Especially with family. As your parents, we promise to respect them. Even when it’s hard for us.

• Learn the value of being content. The grass is only greener on the other side because you aren’t responsible for cutting the grass, or scooping the poop.

• They say you can’t come home again. It’s true that things change, because they need to. But the heart of who you are will always be here with us. There is nothing you can do that will ever change our love for you. You’ll always have our support, no matter what.

Never forget that.

So happy birthday, precious girl. We love your sweet spirt, determination and amazingly clever sense of humor. You’re a giver.

You’re a gift to this world, a light.

We love you so much. And even if we’re “halfway there”, we look forward to the rest of our time here, and cherish it with a deep gratitude, daily.

We’re grateful for the years we’ve had with you. We look forward to watching you for sixty more. Happy Birthday.