I feel like I should preface it here that I might share some feelings. Because sometimes, that’s what I do. You may want to skip this one if you’re allergic to those. You may want to read on if you want to relate. Sometimes, it helps me to feel like I’m not the only one.
The last two years have probably been the most difficult for us, personally and professionally, in the history of all difficult years Jamin and I have navigated as adults together in this life. Yes, that was a long sentence without oversharing. I’ve been preprogrammed all my life to promptly silver-line myself. I guess those are leftovers from a past of brainwashed people-pleasing, good-girl nonsense. Sometimes, I think it’s important to step back and acknowledge the harder times. In fact, I would argue that it’s imperative on multiple levels.
Without getting into the specifics, sometimes it can just feel like bad luck. I think it’s probably a delicate combination of things out of our control in the perfect storm, and where we are at this particular stage of life. It’s everything everywhere all at once, and if I’m not careful, I’m suddenly dealing with an existential crisis, wondering where I chose wrong. Red pill. Blue pill. What if. Regret.
We’re not always the best at letting go and stepping back, taking breaks and deep breaths. Life is equal parts difficult and beautiful. It’s just that we don’t often publicly acknowledge the difficult parts. The older our children have gotten and the more our business has grown, I naturally don’t share so much personal stuff here anymore. I miss that.
I looked up a few months ago and realized that here we are at the precipice of something new. Our oldest is a senior. So, in the middle of this not-so-little, chaotic storm we’ve been experiencing, this chapter has just been layered and complex. I feel like it’s so easy to get caught up in what’s going wrong or what needs to be done. It was just yesterday when our children were these adorable, sometimes insufferable little beings who pitched temper tantrums in the toy aisle and made bedtime exhausting. We were caught up in the everyday.
And suddenly, this is it.
No one is taking away my Mom card. But they’re growing up. That relationship is changing. And parenting, if you’re doing it right and building a real relationship with them, is the hardest job we will ever have.
We’re all just a bunch of people coping with our past, who didn’t really ask to be here. Yet here we are, trying to exist. I think it can be helpful to remember that. It can be easy to slip away into our worries and struggle to live in the present.
And then I see this. The reason I exist.
With so many spinning plates, it can be hard to keep my finger on the pulse of the present day and strike a balance. If I’m not careful, it’s slipping through my fingers.
Our family hasn’t been anywhere together on a vacation-like trip, in a really long time. So last week for fall break, despite crazy schedules and multiple crises, guilt, exhaustion, college application deadlines, sickness, and limited time… we packed up the car, dogs included, and headed last minute to the beach.
When Jamin and I celebrated one of our first anniversaries, we’d rented a charmingly ramshackle-glam little beach house, taken our dog, and headed to a small beach town on the tip of Alabama. Of all the places we’ve been, it still lives in our hearts and memories as one of our very favorites.
So, twenty-something years later, we headed to that same spot again with our three kids and our two dogs. This last week will easily live on as one of our top experiences.
One of my very favorite quotes, which will always be a life-truth for me, is this one: “The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” –
When life feels pretty chaotic beyond our control, there is healing in the simple things.
Over the past few years, there has been a lot of sweat and tears. Those play their own important role. But this time, we tried the sea.
We searched for seashells. Spied dolphins and sting rays. Watched our two dogs experience the ocean for the first time- it did not disappoint when Rigby tried to eat the foam. We took little walks. We felt the sun and breeze on our skin, and the sand in between our toes. We laughed until we couldn’t breathe. We people watched. We hunkered down in a storm and played Mario Kart for hours. We prepared little meals as a family and went out for a sunset dinner. Our kids ordered frozen lemonades and posed for sweet photos while watching for little crabs. We made memories.
It gave us a moment to reconnect. It felt like we pushed pause on an out-of-control, speeding montage of our lives. At the core of it all, I hope our kids will always have these sweet memories we’ve tried to give them. Being an adult is hard, and before we release them into the world, there is so much more we want them to know. These memories are just as important to their foundation as those hard life lessons.
I feel that this last year of his at home, is me just really trying to hold on and savor every moment.
When really, we’re slowly untethering.
Time really is a thief.
We hold our breath, let go, and hope that everything we’ve tried to instill and teach has done something real. That we’ve done our job. We’ve equipped them with what they need when faced with tough decisions. And that, honestly, wise decisions keep them safe while we wait for those prefrontal cortexes to continue to develop. Because that’s a reality, too.
Life is equal parts difficult and hauntingly beautiful. I am forever unafraid to sit in the difficult, but I choose to live in the beautiful.
To stay in the present.
To cultivate thankfulness in the midst of the chaos.
Soak up every single moment.
Last week, I was reminded that there is healing to be found in the simple things.
For that, I am forever grateful.
Here’s to the simple things.
Sara Mincy says
Beautiful! We are all going through it. A good reminder.!! Blessings to you all in this senior year!
Tawana says
Wow, just wow!!! It gets more fun I think. Especially when they pay for your meal or a first class plane ticket 😉.
ashley @ the handmade home says
HAHA! I guess I’ll start looking at it that way. ;}
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much Sara – yes we are. Hugs to you.
Carrie says
This made me cry! My youngest is a senior this year and I’m just not ready to have everyone moved on. I love being a mom and will miss them all being home safe with me and their dad. Thanks for saying it so well.
Cathy says
Thank you for your beautiful, thought provoking words.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I feel this in my core. There is something about having them home and safe. I think that’s the hardest part. Hugs Carrie. It is so helpful to know we’re not alone.
Kim says
We feel like we have had crisis after crisis the past year or so. Exhausted over here. One day at a time is what someone told me this morning. I need something to look forward to so planning a trip of our own with the family over the holidays. No busy rushing around Christmas for me this year we will be on holiday with our own little bubble once the boys are home from college.
ashley @ the handmade home says
I get this Kim. Hugs friend. I hope you have the most wonderful Christmas ever.
Nancy F Lambert says
Being by the water relieves all the stress
Making awesome Family memories.
ashley @ the handmade home says
TRUTH.
Meredith Russell says
Those boys becoming men are such a blessing!
Linda says
Beautifully written….I so enjoy reading your blog and the photos you share. These beach photos are just precious and show what great kids you are raising. This trip will probably be one of their favorites too.
ashley @ the handmade home says
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Linda. We are cherishing every moment.