We’re at a point in our lives where we’re making a lot of decisions right now. The real, no fun adult ones that are hard calls.
Deep down, we know ultimately in our gut what the right choice is. But it feels a little like that coin toss at the beginning of an important football game where there’s that epic sound effect of the metal being flicked and every single little tweak you make with it afterwards, can alter the outcome in a big way.
It’s in slow motion, like those dreams where the bad guy is chasing you and all your limbs move as if under water, but it’s also happening fast.
It’s the unknown. And there’s an adventure in the unknown. It’s just all so scary for a control freak like me.
We know we have to make the hard calls. It’s time. So while we may be doing that as a family and as a couple, I’m also at that point in my life where I’ve changed my mind about being an adult and have chosen the route of complete denial. You can find me in the handmade hideaway a-la our back yard, with some crayons, a coloring book, and copious amounts of chocolate.
I’m actually renaming it mommy’s time out world of denial corner.
There will be a space heater and lots of blankets and I’ll be singing Where are You Spring {to the tune of Where are You Christmas}. Maybe I’ll even do my hair in little bobs, and a sparkle fairy will come down and save me because I no longer live in reality, nor do I wish to be an adult. And our neighbors can call the social services people and lead me out with one of those tasers on the end of a stick and a mask like they made that guy wear in that Silence of the Lambs movie, because I bite.
There will probably be mug shots and I’ll be on the news for shaving someone’s cat.
It’s all a scam, because life, real grown up life, is hard.
Nobody warned us. So I want to return to my fifth grade self. The one that stuffed her training bra {that she begged her mom for and certainly didn’t need… because all her friends had one} at slumber parties and lied about boyfriends, but still secretly played with barbies when no one was looking.
Why was I in such a hurry to grow up?!
Parenting. Real grown up parenting can feel impossible. Note I said feel. Not all the way impossible. I vaguely remember my parents jokingly trying to warn me in a sweet way that we were in for a real ride, but I was deluded by paint chips and crib selections and the idea of baby snuggles. Because sleepless nights are only the beginning. Once upon a time, I tricked myself into thinking that things got easier after the colic passed.
Cue the future me, laughing, rolling on the floor. Slapping the floor. Slapping myself.
Eating chocolate.
Eating all the things.
I traded breast pump hysterics and tummy time woes for tough calls on education and making sure they get enough game time in soccer so they get to have fun without all the over the top competitive mess. Note to the world: Chill. They’re nine. I’m sure there’s just more from here, and I can’t even on the whole opposite sex thing. Conniptions are in my future, as I’m sure it’s just the beginning.
We’re just trying to navigate it all for our children. A lot of parenting, life, and the choices we make are just trying to do the right thing. We want to guide them and then slowly letting go is the really hard part. It just makes us wonder if we’re screwing it up. Royally. It’s a fight for the right choices. It’s a hard core, down to the moment, round of punches til the very end. It’s digging in and going hard and trying to enjoy the ride all while making the tough calls.
With lots of prayer for lots of guidance and clarity.
Lots.
It’s like someone has opened the curtains in a dark room and is slowly pulling them back. I’m peeking around while the dust motes dissipate …squinting, really. Because clarity can be a scary thing to pray for. When it comes, it’s so clear it’s blinding.
So at the risk of sounding dismal, or even cryptic, just know we’re having a realist moment. A stay-and-toss-the-coin, dig-in-and-fight-for-the-adventure, or climb-back-into-my-hideaway and curl-into-the-fetal-position-with-my-vintage-plush-care-bear-cousin- collection moment. I’m pretty sure I may find myself in good company there.
And then I remember, those choices we make may be hard, but it’s also worth every single moment.
Because the hard, the hard is what makes it great.
I stumbled across this quote recently from A League of their own.
And decided a poignant little watercolor reminder of what we’re fighting for, would be nice. Because I need that reminder. And I’m the weirdo who paints stuff for therapy. {Get your quote here: watercolor}
All of us are on different paths in our walks of life. No matter what our version is, all of us are working on the hard.
Life is a series of tough calls. Of grey areas. Of feeling our way through it, hoping we’re not doing it totally wrong. Then there’s the clarity of knowing that the hard is what makes us grow. And that’s what makes it great.
So we can give up. Run away. Go into the fetal position. Eat all the chocolate.
Jk. I’ll eat all the chocolate anyway.
Or dig in and work through the hard.
We figured we’re not alone in that.
Because together, no matter what your version of hard looks like right now, it makes the process just a little bit easier.
We’re growing. We’re learning. We’re still figuring it all out.
Just know that you’re not alone in your version of the hard.
…Or in the choice to make it truly great.
Oh no … what happened? Is everything ok? Life IS hard and it sucks sometimes … but we gotta keep going. The parents that are usually screwing things up, are not the ones wondering if they are screwing things up. Remember: love covers a multitude of sins. No matter what you do, or how wrong you think you are, I’m pretty sure your children know you love them and that’s what matter. You apologize for the mistakes and soon enough its their turn to be worrying about their own children. It’s gonna be ok!
Hey Juliana! Thanks so much! We are just fine – just making some tough calls right now, and figured other people are in their own version of hard, as well. Very true – thank you for your wisdom! ;}
No wisdom here, just trying to lift you up!
Praying for you…In these times of questioning, seeking, what feels like silence – these are the times where our faith is stretched and grown. It sucks. But, we come out on the other side thinking “I’m glad I went through that, but pray to God I never have to again.” LOL Just remember
The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
Psalm 37:23-24
It does get easier. I remember having all the panicky conversations with my husband about how I was afraid we were totally screwing our son up, yada, yada, yada. Now, he’s 14 and we’re starting to see all those answered prayers. It’s awesome to see the answers to all those prayers coming to fruition and get glimpses of the man he’s becoming.
I didn’t mean to write a novella. But hang in there. God’s got this!
I love novellas and its so good to hear from other moms further down the line – thank you for the sweet reminder! ;}
I don’t know exactly what you’re dealing with but prayers for you. Life is like a roller coaster and sometimes you just want to hop over to the merry go round and not have to do the hard, scary stuff. Have faith, pray about it, talk to someone you trust. The tough times make us really appreciate the good times. You can do it. You got this.
Thank you, Angie! ;}
Amen sister! Being a grown up is HARD. We struggled when our son got to school age about what school he should go to, and if he was ready for full blown Kindergarten… hard choices, now 2 years later we have been blessed 10 fold with our decision. Trust your gut and stick to it! Prayers for you… oh and chocolate is the best therapy there is!
SO true about trusting your gut! Thank you, Susie! LOVE that.
Love!! Thank you
Thank you, Moriah!
I have recently found your blog and can’t tell you how many times I have been blessed by your real and candid responses to life. There have been a number of times over the past weeks that God has been speaking to me about an issue and you have written a post on the same topic! I received this devotion today (another example of being on the same page!) and thought I would share. Joy and peace! http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/i-want-to-quit/
Awe, thank you Stacey! Sweet reminder!
This is so true. So.True. Life is so full of the hard stuff and sometimes I think it would be so nice if it could just not be hard for a little while! But it is what makes us grow, and think, and become more than we thought we could ever be. I don’t know what specifically is being hard at the moment for you guys but it will all work out. You are obviously devoted and caring parents and doing everything you can…so you will figure it out. And painting isn’t weird…that stuff is therepeutic!! 😉 Now if I would just clean out the disaster that is my craft room I could do some painting/creative stuff myself…
Oh the places you still have to go if they’re only 9… juuuussstt wait till 20. Twenty is a REAL joy:) Like the person before me said, those who are screwing it up are not the ones wondering if they are. Coming from someone pretty close to the downhill part of the roller coaster, enjoy this craziness because you are still a part of it. As long as you are involved and your kids know how much you love them, you can get through anything.
I’m glad you wrote this post. I mean, I love looking at all the blogs I follow and my dream (and my, “I can’t believe you actually put that pic on a blog”)pictures, but as I sit here a year in trying to decide which way to go with the blog I’d like to start, I’m glad you wrote this. I’m disappointed that a heartfelt post that seriously had to touch more than eight people only has eight comments, but a picture of a set dining room table gets 50 plus. Makes no sense to me other than all these other moms regardless of their kids ages, must be in their backyard denial hideouts:)
Want some crazy advice, go take a hot shower and cut your toenails. Trust me:)
Having raised 3 kids, getting them all through college, and married to wonderful Christian spouses, and all the while, working at staying married for 36 years, I agree with you. It was and is hard. It’s the best job I ever had. You are choosing the best way to navigate life: praying for wisdom and discernment! Someday you will look back and see God’s tender guidance all along the way! May your home be marked by joy in the process.
Hello there from a new reader, i love what you write and all what you do.
We have this Arabic proverb : “Sunshine all the time makes a desert” 🙂
So, what i am trying to say is, this is real, this is what life is! Ups and downs, sweet and sour, hard times and easy times… At the end, it will pass. And personally, without hard times i don’t think anyone can appreciate the good times! Smile and trust in God and have a wonderful positive day 🙂
jo
Thank you for this. My son is only 7 months old, but babies are a whole different kind of hard, aren’t they? I already find myself worrying about when I go back to work, when he starts school, when another baby comes along and the hard multiplies exponentially. It really is so worth it though. There’s no way to ever prepare yourself for how emotionally conflicting it is being a parent, but knowing that everyone else goes through it too makes it just a little easier.
Hang in there, sister.
I’m guessing that by the time you carry your chocolate and teddy bear and blanket up to the tree house, you’ll decide that the ‘escape route’ won’t work.
Nothing will change while you’re curled up in the fetal position. Take it from one who knows! : )
So…put on your big-girl pants and make it happen. Drop the kids off at grandma and grandpa’s house. Get out the white board. Sounds like you and Jamin need to have a ‘what-the-hell-are-we-gonna-do-now?’ meeting.
It’s going to be okay. Pushing through the hard stuff makes us better parents. Better husbands and wives. Better people.
All the best,
Michael
I hear you. We’re right there in the midst of tough adult decisions that make me want to curl up in a ball too. Hugs and prayers to you. xo
Heya! How is it that you always blog about the right things at the right time so often? (even if it is just Josh Duhamel with a chihuaha…yeah I remember…)
In all seriousness, I just came out of one of those “hard years,” not that it magically became ponies and sunshine when the calendar clicked over…but it is ok to take days where you do curl up in a tiny ball and spend some time letting your body and mind just absorb all the big decisions, even if you aren’t actively “doing” anything. Make sure you look after yourself too. 🙂 *HUGS!*
Thank you so much for sharing that watercolor, it’s lovely…. I’ve had my hideouts too, for different reasons at different times. If this is about homeschooling… I first began 26 years ago (gasp)… and I support my friends that do and the ones who don’t, each one making the best decision possible for their family. If it’s something else, Ditto. I do have to admit though, my baby having graduated a few years back… there are few things I miss more than homeschooling with my kiddos.
Ohmygoodness…I often come to your blog when I am in the middle of an adult mess/crisis/conundrum and miraculously, you have posted about a similar situation in your life. Isn’t it funny how God speaks through others?! I just find it so normalizing to read about other people’s real life struggles. It helps me to know that I’m not the only one who feels like I’m floating around in the middle of this ocean of life looking for my paddle! Perhaps there’s a support group somewhere…If you find one let me know. I’m in the middle of “the hard” too and my heart aches every day with the tough decisions our family is facing. Thanks for keeping it real and writing about the tough stuff.
Hey there!
I remember a late night conversation a couple of years ago at Haven about the future and big plans and I wish we could sit down and have a 3 hour coffee and blab about all of this hard stuff again. So many decisions, so many choices, and only so many hours in the day. Plus the whole where do we go from here…
But from my faraway perspective you are rocking it out. Good luck with all of the figuring it out….