A sweet reader Holly wrote us a little note and asked this: “…My partner and I are currently thinking about what is going to happen when we add a third to our little family. We are running out of space fast in our house, with two younger children. Your kids shared spaces for a while, am I correct? We will have the same boy girl boy situation as you did when it comes to birth order, and I guess I just don’t even know where to start. It seems like the unpopular thing to do. I love hearing from moms in another chapter of life. Any advice you can give would be appreciated…”
We’re feeling a little Dear Sally this week on The Handmade Home, and in the very best of ways. Because we’re able to share some fun things this week, letting our awesome readers drive the content. Today is one of my very favorite topics: shared sibling spaces!
So if you’re not familiar with our set up, we found this 1976 fixer upper and made it our home. When you walked inside, this was a tiny foyer that opened up to the rest of the house. We can honestly say we purchased this house for the location {school!} and the yard. Since that day we’ve taken this little house from 1650 square feet, to over 3700.
Pssst… you can see our entire house {at least as cohesive as it currently is} tour here!
I’m giving you a little backstory, because in order to renovate our house, and take it from 3 bedrooms to 4, it meant we had to live through a little bit of the process, first. This was a years-in-the-making process. Now, our kids are all teens, with their own spaces.
But before there was this, {our oldest’s space}
Or this, {Our Middle’s space}
Or even this… {Our youngest’s space}
They shared their spaces. For a really really long time, one might argue. The majority of their current life span. And guess what?
NO ONE DIED.
There were days when we thought that might happen, if we’re being totally honest. Because siblings. But for the most part, and I do mean the majority, they made sweet memories and I know they’d do it all over again.
We took a college tour with the oldest as a day trip on Wednesday. We left the younger two behind. The next day at lunch {when they were taking jabs at each other} I asked them if they came out of their separate rooms to eat and squabble, only to part ways again. “No,” the youngest quickly informed me. “Emerson {our middle} brought me breakfast in bed, and then we hung out together all day.”
This made my week. Because even though they act like a grumpy couple, they actually enjoy each other’s company, STILL. After all this time. And I think it all started with those shared spaces, and the idea of a close family.
So, last summer 2022 was the first time all three children {since probably one year after the youngest was born} did NOT share a space. That means that for twelve years, some combination with some child in some capacity, was a shared room. I can honestly say if you ask my kids if they minded, they do not at all. Were they ready to move out by the time they were able to? They’ll say yes. But did they have a bit of an interesting transition last summer, fully convinced that ghosts were going to get them since they were all split up for the first time with mom and dad on the other side of the house? Also yes.
The photo above is the boys’ first combo space in our last house. We loved building a loft so that they could share.
Then when we moved, {not counting the two bedroom apartment we stayed in for six months where they also all three shared a space} we had the upstairs occupied while we took on the basement renovation. Because we couldn’t spread out at first, that meant all three kids shared this space together. We fondly referred to this as the sleeping room, and it lasted for a few years.
Then the oldest was able to move into the smallest of the three spaces {he doesn’t mind that it’s the smallest, we still say he has the sweetest set up} and gave the other two this one, before it eventually became our youngest’s room. These have been the sweetest memories.
Tips for Shared Sibling Spaces
Every family is different. These are the things that worked for us, because it was a long time for our kids to share a space.
1. Make it special
We gave them plenty of warning that they would be sharing rooms in this new home, and no one seemed to mind since our loft situation in our first home. They complained a little toward the end {the younger two were 14 + 13 when we finally split them up, which is probably older than most kids {we were doing what we could with restrictions and codes trying to build our addition}. We made sure that it was a room that even though shared, reflected them. They helped choose items. They chose colors. It worked when it worked. Let them add their own touches, too. While the below photos included are “photo worthy” you’d better believe there were legos and trophies and posters and all the fun things added over time. It was what it was.
2. Give them their own spaces
Even within the shared space, we think it’s important for them to have their own little areas. We’re not talking about pieces of tape down the middle a-la the Brady Bunch, but we do think having their own little areas have helped. Establishing order and routine is essential for a feeling of security in our home. So it helped to establish “zones” in the area, so that they have their own room, along with common areas that they know are shared. It’s a simple configuration, but it helps them get along.
3. Divide clothing into zones
This kind of goes along with their own space kind of thing, but we do think it’s worth mentioning here. They had certain drawers assigned to them for clothing, along with baskets. It really helps keep their belongings separate and avoids future conflicts. The boys still share a closet today {now that they’ve split up} and while they keep the majority of their clothes in drawers, they do enjoy the shared space with more storage for their room.
4. Have rules
We know that every household is different, but there were essential rules when they shared their spaces. They prevented issues down the line. For instance, if one woke up before the other in the morning, they were to do everything within their power to be very quiet and leave the room. There are no screens allowed, and when friends are over, they knew to respect the other siblings’ side of the room.
5. Have Another Space for Them to Retreat To.
It helped that we had a finished basement {eventually} and then other large communal spaces, in addition to a large yard with the hideaway + eventually the cabana. I think our kids knew we were all working toward a common goal, when they got a little older and it became more of an issue. So they were more patient. This definitely helped when they could split up into their own respective spaces. We saw their rooms as a place to sleep, but one kiddo always ended up dominating, while the other retreated downstairs. It helped to have another space so they weren’t feeling “stuck together” all the time.
In our first home, we had four bedrooms, but no bonus room… which is why the boys shared. Because of that, we were able to give them a common area, and it made things more enjoyable for our whole family.
Embrace where you are
Something above was mentioned about “popular” and it can be hard to go against the grain. If I could give one word of advice, it would be do what works for your family and your house… no one else.
As our family has grown, our home has certainly grown with us. We have loved making this house work for us in each stage. While I realize not everyone intends to build onto their home, sharing spaces are definitely a common theme, and it worked for us. It built character. It made them more flexible as humans. It gave them a sense of empathy and awareness, because they shared. We hope this helps a little and that you are able to create the sweetest memories with your kiddos in this phase.
Because a little of this is bittersweet for me to talk about: It won’t be this way again. It was super rewarding to finally be able to get permission from codes to build our primary suite, and give them their own spaces. Buying this house had been a risk we didn’t even know we were taking at the time. But in the meantime, these are the days we will not get back. Enjoy every moment from the sweet sibling snuggles, to the all out rivalries while they scream at each other to go to bed. {Yep, that happened too.}
Let us know if your kiddos have shared a space. We would love to hear. Have an inspired day!
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