snow days in the south

All I wanted was a snow day. And we FINALLY got one. You may have noted my neurotic insta videos, squealing like a verified boujie ratchet hillbilly atop a sled because I’m basically uncultured swine. But I’m the mom who looks out the window at 6:30 in the morning and silent squeals over the white stuff. For the record, I’ll never tire of anyone’s snow pics. Give me all the sledding, hot chocolate, laughter, snowmen, angels and fun you can possibly throw at me. Until our noses are numb and we can’t feel the tips of our fingers. Why? Because it’s a rare delicacy in the south. It happens like this about once every three years in Nashville. We suffer through the cold, wet, sunless winters with no side benefits. Until IT HAPPENS. I want to wrap up each day with these memories and hold on to them forever. I’m from Alabama, originally, so snow days are as foreign to me as finding a python in a toilet if I relocated to Australia…

Here are a few things I think you should know about snow days in the south.

We panic buy.

I mean, isn’t this what we’re best known for? Think toilet paper morons in ‘Rona, but worse. Bread and milk. It’s everything. I freaked out last week, and purchased some random long johns off of amazon for legit insulation because it was in the predicted weather and WE COULD SEE IT COMING. Even though they’re NEVER RIGHT.

Sleds {if you’re a veteran parent in Nashville, you own them} are officially dusted off with a side of high hopes. We watch the weather trying not to care too much. Kinda like that guy in high school that you thought just might ask you to Homecoming… do you buy the dress ahead of time?! How assumptive of me! I do declare… fetch me my clutching pearls.

But when it happens, it still feels like winning the lottery. Pure magic falling from the sky.

We have conjurings.

Not the scary kind in that sketchy movie with the weird house and daymons. But we do a few silly things in the name of anticipation and fun. We’re not above putting ice in the toilet, white crayons in the windowsills or wearing our pajamas backwards. It’s a thing. We made it a thing. But don’t talk about it too much because that will absolutely jinx it. 

Again, no one said we were rational.

It’s a parade of… interesting.

When it does snow, one could definitely sit on our front porch and watch the way people in our town celebrate. It’s a parade of special. Inventions for enjoying the snow range from adorable to, well, reckless. Yes, I will sit atop a sled and scream like banshee all the way down. We’re all for having a good old time. Safely.

Perhaps it’s not the very best of ideas to pull someone behind you in a truck.
A human.
Without a sled.
Just a rope.
Face first.

What in the hillbilly tarnation Mad Max concoction is this?!
You could die, but okay. It’s all fun and games until someone loses the top of their head. But we’re from the south and we go hard. That means it’s interesting to watch the various inventions people come up with to enjoy the snow.

{Yeah, I’m totally judging. I’m southern. It’s what we do.}

We’re kind of possessive. 

As soon as the snow arrives, we have to wait for the right time to take photos around the house. Just the right amount of snow must have fallen to document our homes. All so we can humble brag to other southerners, on social media. And no one touches our yard until we can take said photos. It must be documented. There are two kinds of photos. The pristine, first-thing-in-the-a.m. photos, and the family photos afterwards in which anything goes. It’s like Christmas morning.

We were sledding down the street yesterday, when one of the sleds got away from us and went right into someone’s yard. I was mortified I would mess up their pretty white blanket of snow, so I carefully retrieved it, backtracking like that kid from the shining whilst he escaped Jack Nicholson. It’s a sin, y’all.

No snowplows allowed.

Everyone knows that southerners are ill-prepared for the ice storm when it hits. Our pipes aren’t properly insulated, the roads can’t handle the process, and we don’t shovel anything or prep the roads with salt. That means that when someone actually does, it’s FREAKING annoying.

Everything shuts down. Everything. So we have no idea why a dump truck the size of our house went through our neighborhood precisely 3.5 times daily as it was snowing. SACRILEGE, I tell you. It just made the snow melt into more ice which made the roads less accessible… duh. 

Leave the roads for the sled! She doesn’t even go here. 

Which brings us to…

Be careful, y’all.

We keep tally of how many wrecks have occurred because remember that everyone losing theireverlovingminds part? It’s the highway scene from The Walking Dead because snow in the south means zombie apocalypse. They probably never knew how to drive anyway, so it definitely kicks the intensity up a notch. It goes a little something like this: Someone asks how the roads are looking on Facebook, and all the locals laugh. Someone else posts a photo of a guy sliding sideways down a hill. Another posts a pile-up. We give the cars passing by our house a proper send off because they might never return again. People be cray.

And last we checked, someone was driving a pick up truck, pulling a living human being behind him so… be careful, y’all.

 

It’s so cold our dogs hate it.

They placed one foot on the ice, and noped right out of there. Because why would they go out, if they don’t have to? Forget about the fact that they’re red heeler / white pyrenees mixes, with the thickest fur ever so they’re basically built for cold farm work. Apparently they’re now spoiled animals who must reside inside at all times. And we’re here for it. 

For the record, any photos found here of said dogs having fun, is from the 2.5 minutes we coaxed them outside to play with us. That is until they placed themselves on the back porch and stared at us like we were all crazy, demanding re-entry into civilized living quarters. 

We love it, but only for so long.

We love the snow and we covet it, beg for it, stare moodily at anyone else who gets snow and posts about it on the socials. But only for a few days. After that, it needs to move on an we’re ready for spring. Give me a Mai Tai poolside, because I’m a complicated houseplant doomed without vitamin D. A warm weather girl through and through. And for the record, everyone from the midwest/northern states laughing at us right now wouldn’t make it in the summertime, where we built an entire cabana in 100 + degree weather and 100% humidity. I was drenched in sweat, painting those striped ceilings, y’all. We’re still surprised the paint dried…

I mean, we are from the south after all. We’re finicky lovers with some major terms and conditions.

Good times were had. Time to move on. I’m ready for the pool.

These are a few observations we’ve made over the years when it comes to snow days in the south.

What are some of your takes on snow days? Anything silly you’ve witnessed southerners do?

We’d love to hear yours.

Have an inspired day!