When I was a kid, I had some of those little Tamagotchi pets. You know, the ones you had to keep “alive”, a video game on a keychain. I was pretty good at it, until they were banned from school and I couldn’t ‘feed’ it during the day. It got kinda puny and I moved on, I guess because I grew up. And because they’re not real. Good story.
Kids can feel a lot like Tamagotchi pets, because I never know what’s for dinner. This last year felt like I was living in a Tamagotchi pet, because we were all just trying to survive.
We’ve leveled up in parenting, with two in braces and one in possession of a driver’s permit. Don’t I get a reward or something for keeping everyone alive? And not just alive, but functioning with straight teeth and able to process their emotions in a safe space? Bonus points. #Imacoolmom
I don’t even know what to think anymore, beyond being perpetually confused over how to use the digital version of a calendar to schedule appointments and who’s supposed to be where, when. If anyone’s wondering at this point in the game, the milestones are coming way too quickly.
Everyone ahead of us in this stage of life, throws out things like “just you wait”, alluding to the fact that it escalates until there’s basically zero point to living anymore, and honestly, that’s just NOT VERY HELPFUL, LINDA and YOU SOUND REALLY BITTER ABOUT IT. It’s the same as telling me to ‘soak it all up’ when I was standing in the store with one eye twitching because my toddler threw himself on the ground when I said ‘no’ to the purchase of a new toy onceuponatime.
Honestly, I’ve learned that I’m allowed to embrace every point in life, with the good AND the bad. Especially the ones where my kids move out and I have a midday martini poolside at the age of 65 in between painting and yoga. YES, LINDA. I WILL WAIT.
Parenthood in a pandemic. We’re torn between soaking it up, and just total survival. And it all depends on the day. It was never for the weak of heart.
In baby books, there is no space for “first day of driver’s permit” or “first day of braces” because no one wants to think about those things when they’re still so little, and also is anyone really that loyal with sticking with the whole baby book thing for that long? While we’re on the topic, do I even know where said baby books actually are? Will my youngest feel less loved because I didn’t fill his in? These are the deep, existential questions that keep me up at night. That, and my hormone imbalance. But I guess that’s what the digital age is for.
According to my limited knowledge of Great Books in college, The Ides of March referred to the first full moon of the given month, which usually fell between the 13th – 15th of March. Ironically, it also signified a new year. It ushered in hope and renewal, yet when represented in culture, and when investigated in history, the heroes and characters usually face a bad omen. Think the demise of Julius Ceasar and Shakespeare’s famous quote.
I think there’s something about this past year that really emphasizes that milestone with kids, thing. This past year made things feel even more poignant. We were perpetually suspended in time with many things, a-la a permanent Mercury in retrograde, which also inadvertently sped things up. It hit me hard with the arrival of March 2021, since this is where it all began to crumble in 2020. I have no idea when I last held them, but I can carry on some awesome conversations, and their blooming sense of humor, intelligence and fluency in sarcasm definitely makes it all worth it.
So this year, the milestones just kinda flew at us, and we were genuinely torn between feeling like we were stuck in groundhog day, keeping them alive, and where has the time gone?
Last year, was when it all started to crumble. Last year, is when the world shut down. I’m so very hopeful on the brink of spring for a fresh start, but it also feels like it just happened. 2020 is the year I battled a lot of demons, and chose to cling to gratefulness. This year, is a year of health and healing, if I dare look optimistically into the future.
This year I see how much stronger we are. I marvel at how much we’ve grown as people. I look at braces and driving and growing out of that next pair of shoes and I try so very hard to grasp at these fleeting moments of laughter and fun.
And we all slowly start to heal the wounds you can’t see.
I’m hopeful. Renewed. Ready.
Here’s to the milestones. A little less insomnia and taking a moment to enjoy where we are. Here’s to the ides of march, and a fresh blank slate, ahead.